Should we, shouldn't we?

[ConstanlyWorrying]

Hi. I’m a newbie so please be kind! 😟

I’ve been worrying about this for months now, trawling google etc but figured it was best to just ask those that know these things...

Basically my husband and I were married last summer. We are planning on TTC in February. BUT... I’m terrified of the finances.
Between us we bring in about £3500 a month. I’m sure to many this sounds like a lot but when there’s the mortgage, bills, debt repayment etc is quickly goes. We live Paycheck to Paycheck and I genuinely don’t see how we can afford childcare.
I feel really stupid saying that considering our monthly income, and I’m sorry if that annoys anyone, but our debt alone is £600 a month (I didn’t know how bad DH credit card situation was, he was very good at hiding it. I have his cards now and he’s trying to pay them off but as with all things it takes time.) I have a car/honeymoon loan for 4 more years but I got that not realising his situation.

Because of our salaries we are not entitled to any support from the govornment.

I really want a baby (I’m mid 30’s and aware of my increasing age.)
I guess I’m just desperately hoping that someone out there will tell me that we can do this, we both really want it, but I worry that we are just being completely irresponsible to even consider it.

I’m sorry that this post is so long. I guess all my worry is spilling out. Thank you for reading of you have gotten this far, and thank you for your input/advice in advance.

Gratefully,
ConstantlyWorried

£3500 net or gross? That's not an enormous salary for two people in the scheme of things especially if you live in London.

What would you do for childcare, do you have family who would help? have you looked into the cost of nurseries etc in your area, or could you work shifts round each other? Childcare is by far the biggest issue, everything else you can get second hand.

I would have a look and see what you can cut back on. Phone bills, meals out, alcohol etc. See if you can reduce your outgoings. You can buy lots of things second hand for baby - I bought a new travel system and that was a ridiculous expense, a friend bought a neat identical one for £150.

You can. We worked out the shortfall between maternity pay and what I put into bills over the course of the number of months I had off and then saved up that amount of cash before the baby was due ( you don't have to have it before TTC). It just means that you don't have to worry about finances before you're due to go back to work. It doesn't take as long to save up as you think (especially if you're pregnant and not going out!) Good luck.

Thank you both so much for your replies.

We will have no help with childcare. My parents are local but have always said they will not do a regular day a week. They are abroad a lot so it's not really possible.

Full time nursery will cost about £950 a month which we just don't have. DH's boss has told him he can pay him more but as there's no amount or when that would happen we can't really rely on it.

I have to admit, I like my wine, so I'm sure we would reap them monetary benefit of me not drinking whilst TTC or pregnant!

Our friends/family just keep telling us to go for it considering my age (and a few gyne issues in the past) but I just don't see how it's possible.
DH is one of those constantly optimistic folk, probably why he got into so much CC debt in the first place. He just says we will be fine and we will work it out.

I'm just so torn. It's what I would love, but I worry that we are just setting ourselves up to fail.
X

Thank you singingseuss.

The trouble is in the main breadwinner. We did consider DH going part time 3 days a week but his boss has told him he won't be able to do it. My boss won't let me go part time either. It seems like it's all (which we can't afford) or nothing for one of us (which again seems impossible.)

Thank you for your input x

Just a thought on the credit cards - are they being paid at the normal minimum payment rate or have you negotiated with the providers to restructure the payments? Yes it would have an impact on credit score, but if it makes it more affordable it could be worth looking into - contact your local Citizens Advice, the Money Advice Service or Stepchange for further guidance or advice on it to see what your options are and whether it's worth doing.

Thank you for your thoughts.
Once I realised the situation with DH/credit cards I marched him into CAB and made him speak with them. As he is (ever so slightly) paying off more than the minimum each month they said they had no advice for him. It would appear step change etc are only able to help you once you cannot afford the minimum repayments.

He did apply for a consolidation loan in November but was refused. (I would imagine because he is not a registered homeowner. He moved into my house so he's not on the mortgage.) He now has to wait a few months before applying again.

I'm sorry if I sound despondent or negative, I'm trying not to!

X

OP you can get vouchers towards the cost of childcare through most employers. It’s a government scheme and you get about 20% off the cost. So you would save at least £200 off the nursery bill. Also once your child reaches the age of 3 working parents can now get 30 hours per week free childcare during term time. So with these two schemes together you would pay a lot less

Could either of you work compressed hours/ drop to part time so nursery isn't full time and doesn't cost so much? Don't forget you will get child tax credits and childcare vouchers make ( some of the) nursery fee Money tax free. It seems like a massive amount but don't forget your party days will be over and they're not expensive when they're little. You can get almost everything you need second hand at NCT nearly new sales. Maybe tackle the debt first, can you pay more off it to speed it up (or sort it next time you remortgage to remove the stress). Mid thirties isn't old but don't put it off too long. Not in terms of getting pregnant, more just stamina! I had my first in my early thirties and second mid - late thirties and the second pregnancy was so much harder. You sound eminently sensible op, I'm sure you'll make a great mum.

Thank you cowardlycustard2,

Would you suggest I ask work about childcare vouchers before TTC? Or would that be considered a little pre-emptive? They sound rather marvellous to be honest!

X

OP you need to do an accurate Budget of all your outgoings and see how much you can shave off.

Are you willing to stop luxuries (if you have them) such as Gym membership/Sky tv/lunches/coffees/Nights out/wine

You should also work out how much interest these debts are costing, unless they are 0% then every penny should go to paying them off fast starting with the highest.

Whilst l can see your age is making you want to TTC your DH is clearly not responsible with money and you have high debts ....

Babies cost money, progressively more as they grow and you could get into a seriously bad place financially unless you properly address the issue of financial planning now.

It really comes down to how much you want to TTC, is it enough to cut out all unecessary items and quickly pay down debt or not?

A year of this could make a big difference if you are both committed to it together. Also how about an evening/Saturday job for a year to help pay down the debt?

Cross post op! You answered a lot of my questions while I was typing!

Oh singingseuss you've just brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for your kind words.

Maybe I should be more optimistic and trust that 'everything will be ok.'

I think I need to look more in to child care vouchers etc. It all just seems such a mind-field! Thank you again for your advice.
X

Go back to the cab and look at bankruptcy and debt relief orders.

You need to find a way to reduce your debt and cc payments. Until you do you will continue to be living each month to each month. Servicing the balance with minimum payments will not address the problem. Cam you get advice from Cab or Stepchange.

I think a previous poster has got the childcare vouchers thing wrong. It saves on the tax on part of the childcare, not the full amount. I'm on the childcare vouchers scheme with full entitlement and it saves us £50 off our monthly bill of £1000, my dh qualifies too so we save £100. The newer system gives a similar amount but is calculated differently. I know I'm making hardly any sense but I really don't think either system allows anyone to save £200 a month off childcare.

Could you move to a cheaper area?

Hi DragonGirl10, thank you for your input.

When I realised DH's CC situation we both sat down and went through our expenses. SkyTV was cut immediately and he is going to do a utilities comparison this weekend to see if we can reduce that. To be honest there not much else we can cut back on...no gym memberships. I'm hoping that TTC will give us that kick to stop unnecessary daily spending. I've started us on taking out £100 cash each out of our personal accounts on a Monday morning for the week and tried to get him to change his mindset to a competitive 'how much can I have left over at the end of the week' type system.

Part of me feels that he needs to learn his lesson with the CC's so I'm not giving him money towards paying them off, although I do try to take the bulk of food shopping etc as I want him to put as much money towards the cards as possible. I'm encouraging the making of packed lunches etc so that he doesn't buy lunch at work and he's been doing well with that.

As you say I'm sure there is 'silly spending' that we can remove.

Thanks again x

Actually, it is quite good but not quite £200 a month

Don't forget you will get child benefit from birth. Bank it to pay for any extra mat leave you want or the deposit for nursery fees. Babies cost in loss of earnings and childcare. The actual stuff you need, people give you. Except if you use disposable nappies. (And those that take bottles need formula) You can usually get given clothes and prams or buy a bundle from Facebook.

childcare-support.tax.service.gov.uk/par/app/eligibility

I'm still confused by what you actually get as I think it's not as good as it first seems, but I may have got the wrong end of the stick. There are online calculators for it though.

If it helps, I recently worked out that DD (just turned one) costs us approximately £200 a month. £80ish of that is covered by child benefit, which I'm sure you would get.

Otherwise we are managing to buy a bigger house and run 3 ancient but perfectly serviceable cars on DH's 2k a month salary and I got by on stat maternity pay and a made a couple of thousand in self employment last year. I've trimmed out gym membership, alcohol as pregnant again and really don't spend on myself in a big way any more. I don't really miss anything about my old life and would rather spend money and time on DD.

Don't know if it makes any sense, but they really don't cost much when they're little. You might be surprised at how little you can get by on and still be quite comfortable and happy.

Dragongirl is talking sense upthread.

Thank you for your posts,

I absolutely agree DH needs to sort his cards out and he is trying to. He's paid half of one of them off and this month he will gain an extra £250 which he is putting towards them which is positive.

I would honestly rather go interest free on my mortgage than look at bankrupts etc. I feel the long term impact on his credit score would hurt us more at this point. While my parents will not provide childcare they are in the financial position to help us out if things got to that point.

I have looked into earning from a second job, I think my best bet is through babysitting as I have qualifications that support this (I'm a teacher) but weekday evening work is not a realistic option. (I get up at 5:30 and get home just before 7.)

I constantly look at moving house (don't we all want that extra bedroom?!) but realistically with fees etc that's not an option. Would cost us more!

X

Just a thought, but how might childminding work as a career option? If it enabled you to be a sahp? Or your DH if you are the main earner?

Mybabystolemysanity...

Thank you, for giving me a glimmer of hope!

To you all, I really appreciate your input. Honestly. Please don't think I'm being rude but I have to go to bed 🙈.

I will check back tomorrow though.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for responding to my desperation. I know how easy it is to read threads and move on, so taking the time to comment is very generous of you.

Sweet dreams x

Have you looked at the price of childminders locally, mine is about 2/3 the cost of nursery. You can also get tax free childcare so it's 20% less to find.

Look around and see what's available but you might be able to get it down to 6/700. Then go through your budget and see what savings you can make, and if there's any scope for restructuring debt to reduced monthly costs ( this will take longer to pay off so cost more in interest but might be worth it)

Then aim to save the deficit x30 (months between mat leave ending & 3yo funding) eg. If childcare is 650 & you can find 400, you need to save 250 x 30 = 7500

If you can save the 400 now it would take 19 months, you would be pregnant for 9 of those so could TTC in 10

(Just example numbers and time but you could do a similar calculation with your budget)