Should we, shouldn't we?

[ConstanlyWorrying]

Hi. I’m a newbie so please be kind! 😟

I’ve been worrying about this for months now, trawling google etc but figured it was best to just ask those that know these things...

Basically my husband and I were married last summer. We are planning on TTC in February. BUT... I’m terrified of the finances.
Between us we bring in about £3500 a month. I’m sure to many this sounds like a lot but when there’s the mortgage, bills, debt repayment etc is quickly goes. We live Paycheck to Paycheck and I genuinely don’t see how we can afford childcare.
I feel really stupid saying that considering our monthly income, and I’m sorry if that annoys anyone, but our debt alone is £600 a month (I didn’t know how bad DH credit card situation was, he was very good at hiding it. I have his cards now and he’s trying to pay them off but as with all things it takes time.) I have a car/honeymoon loan for 4 more years but I got that not realising his situation.

Because of our salaries we are not entitled to any support from the govornment.

I really want a baby (I’m mid 30’s and aware of my increasing age.)
I guess I’m just desperately hoping that someone out there will tell me that we can do this, we both really want it, but I worry that we are just being completely irresponsible to even consider it.

I’m sorry that this post is so long. I guess all my worry is spilling out. Thank you for reading of you have gotten this far, and thank you for your input/advice in advance.

Gratefully,
ConstantlyWorried

You say you take out £100 out a week each.

What does that cover? It’s a lot of “spending money”

Also how long are you paying off the CCs for?

We are on the same salary, as soon as I found out I was pregnant we just saved every penny. I said no to going out, didnt do gifts unless it was for immediate family. We stopped eating out. Just lived like we were skint and we saved. I saved and payed off a loan and overdraft I was permanently in and my other half saved to make sure we had the rent covered. He treated himself to a PlayStation and that kept him busy and not bored (its gone now). We cancelled sky tv and saved £75 a month. Just think poor and watch what you spend plus you might not conceive straight away so if you save now you will have made a chunk out of your fellas cards. Also really don’t worry and stress too much!

You need to pay off those debts and that means major cutbacks. No clothes, Christmas, presents, holidays, takeaways, anything non essential. People get rid of much bigger debt so it can be done.

Baby kit can be all second hand except car seat and mattress. The killer is the loss of earnings.

Sit down and make a plan as a team. No more secrets and no more loans. Good luck.

Just seen you're a teacher, could you find a childminder that will do term time only or maybe charge 50% retainer.

Might not seem much but 13 weeks is 1/4 of a year so if there half price that's an eighth off your annual bill

OP as a teacher could you do private tutoring if you had a child?, you could perhaps work for yourself around childcare, and as a lot would be in the evenings your DH could look after baby whilst you work.

Here tutors charge £35-£40 per hour

The tax free childcare is a little bit more than the vouchers but when you have two kids the tax free childcare is much better as you get 2000 per her per child. Saves us £330 per month.

You're getting solid financial advice in this thread. I just want to say that there is never a perfect time to have a child and you're unlikely to die because of debt. Lots of broke people are great and loving parents. Seize the day. Do what will make you happy even if it will mean sacrifices.

What is the £800 you take out of the bank every month spent on? (£9600 a year)

Is it for petrol & food?

Thank you all so much for your advice.

I have to admit I told DH what I thought this morning. Not in an angry way, in a desperately sad way. It seems to have given him a kick up the bum about sorting it all out and managing it better than he has been.

I have been mulling over remortgaging the house to cover the cost of his debt but I don't think that's the right way forward. He has to do this himself and not get bailed out as it were. Also, I don't think it's wise to lessen our LTV on the mortgage (currently 62%) as we may want to move house in ~5 years time.

In answer to your questions-
Great idea about term time childminders. Thank you! I didn't realise that was an option but will absolutely look into it when (if!) we get to that stage.

Also thank you for all the information about tax credits/ vouchers...is it just me who finds that all an absolute mindfield?! I wish there was someone you could just sit down with and discuss it!

Tutoring while on mat leave is definitely an option. I've also looked into marking SATS papers which adds pennies to the pounds.

The £800 a month... I don't know exactly what he does with His but he doesn't seem to come home with new golf clubs every month so it's obviously being frittered away somewhere. Something to investigate! Of 'my' £400 a month almost £200 goes on petrol to get to work. (Nearly 40 miles a day commute.) the rest on food, toiletries etc. I used to allow myself one big spend a month (eg a new handbag but the first in 3 years) but that has stopped since I first found out about this.

I told him today that we have 2 issues- 1 being paying back his Credit Cards and the other being saving for a baby/ to cover my maternity leave and lack of salary. We are going to look at exactly what he will be needing to cover during Mat leave at the weekend and try to cut back everywhere we can. I've told him I think he needs to be giving himself £50 a week from now on and that he has to throw every penny possible at these cards.
Also, when his credit score has recovered after his unsuccessful loan application (currently at 995) he is going to transfer his highest interest balance to a 0% card.

Thank you again for you input and advice. I really do appreciate it.

Gratefully,
ConstantlyWorrying

Maternity pay for teachers is very generous - have you looked at the policy? If you are very lucky you may be able to time going on leave with school hols so you are paid for longer. (Although you have to be very lucky on that one!) Working while on Mat Leave is not allowed other than KIT days for your existing employer. If you start working for another employer they should stop your SMP. So up to you but would have to be cash in hand and not declared.

Childcare vouchers are being discontinued from April 2018 so only option for you would be tax free childcare, which is a 20% saving - the government tops up money you put in with an extra 20%.

I think you just need to change your habits with money, save more, try Ebaying or Facebaying anything of value that you don't need. Use online cash back sites (this is zero effort really, you just click through another site before purchasing anything, saves anything from 1-10% usually with extra good deals on things like utilities, insurance etc where you can get hundreds of £s cash back.)

I thin it sounds totally doable but you both need to put a lot of effort into sorting your finances out.

Try and save six months salary, that will give you a fantastic cushion for mat leave. It does sound as though DH has had a wake-up call and is trying to get that debt gone- wait a little and see he's still serious about that, then go for it.
Don't worry about bigger house yet, baby will take 9 months to arrive, and then be in with you for another 6 (or more!)

Get the cc in order and start trying for a baby now. You will have at least nine months to save and prepare probably much longer most probably.
Your parents may not be able to assist with childcare but could perhaps buy the essentials as a gift. Babies in reality do not cost much when they are young, you can buy very well priced baby clothes and things, birthdays and Christmases can be celebrated in a very modest way - babies do not care for expensive gifts! The real cost begins as they get older, by which time you will be working much more.
The tutor and/or child minding jobs or both are good ideas. It is also helpful that you only need help term time.
You will always regret not having a baby reading your post, and getting yourself in the best position possible now will set you up for a settled future - good luck

So, it's not the most ideal situation but, OP, even if you had millions in the bank, you'd still spend it all on your baby and need more because no matter how much you have.. it will never be enough. You'd spend your last penny in your baby because they deserve it.

What I'm trying to say... You don't have to wait until you can afford a baby because not matter how much you earn, you will never afford a baby. Am I making sense? I don't think I am!!

What ever happens and whatever you decide. I wish you all the best of luck x

Maybe I should be more optimistic and trust that 'everything will be ok.'

I would strongly advise you not to do that. Raising a baby when you are both working FT is very hard, doing so stressing about debts and money very difficult to manage by even the most organised and well-spirited people. If one of you cut down your hours to avoid childcare fees, you will still find yourself unable to repay your debts and potentially adding to them.

The most sensible thing to do is to do absolutely everything to reduce these debts asap before having a baby. If I were you, I would downsize to the maximum on a temporary basis to pay the less rent possible (as this is usually where you can make the best saving). Sell your car(s) if you have one, and take on extra shift evenings and week-ends.

Keep a spreadsheet of everything and review weekly, together, and set yourself a goal by which you will start ttc (ie. reduced by 75%, or at least 50%). Once you get going, it's amazing how you can get into it and get what seemed insurmountably debts down quickly.

You will be much better parents knowing without the weight of debts on your shoulders, and your fertility is not going to crash waiting another 12 months.

You don't have to wait until you can afford a baby because not matter how much you earn, you will never afford a baby. Am I making sense?
You do make sense and it is true to some extent, but there is a big difference with starting with 0 money at the end of the month and realising that you are still at 0 after you have the baby, and starting at - 50 and realising that each month you add -10 to it after the baby is born.

Many couple separate because of the stress of work and bringing up children, which is hard enough. Add building debts to this and few families make it without serious impact on themselves and their children.

Thank you again for all of your advice and input. I really do appreciate your thoughts.

Now that the weekend is here we are going to sit down and go through everything, where we are now, where we want to be and what we need to do to get there. We did the 'where we are now' part a few months ago when I first learned about his CCs but to move forward I think we need a more accountable plan than 'save and pay off debt.'

I think to keep him motivated and me from panicking we will need to set short term goals which we can 'tick off' once achieved.

I've managed to save a few hundred this month (Although I need to book my car in for a service 🙈) so that will go straight into 'baby fund' and that's given me a little boost. It's small, but it's a start. With the 2 issues (CCs and baby) it might work for DH to focus on CCs and me to do the saving. I'll discuss that with him. Or do you think I should help pay off the cards then we both save together?

Thank you again.
Gratefully,

ConstantlyWorrying

Ps. Anyone want to buy a top of the range exercise bike?! Barely used...😂😂 (joke!)

I think to keep him motivated and me from panicking we will need to set short term goals which we can 'tick off' once achieved
Totally agree with this. Getting rid of debts is like losing weight, it's painful, you face highs and lows, but as the £££ go down like the lbs, you start feeling much much better and that generates motivation. Small goals really helps, and like the end goal to wear that gorgeous dress you've bought some time ago that you've never been able to wear yet, you being able to start ttc will be the ultimate reward.

I thought the exact same and are in a very similar position.

The way I see it is, you have to survive on £560 a month maternity allowance (luckily I only have 3 months of that!) so anything you earn when you go back to work is extra, regardless of nursery fees.

Plus there's child benefit and like others have said, childcare vouchers.

We weren't TTC per se but it's happened now and we couldn't be happier and therefore the worry has been taken away from us.

Loads of great advice on here 👍🏼

With the 2 issues (CCs and baby) it might work for DH to focus on CCs and me to do the saving. I'll discuss that with him. Or do you think I should help pay off the cards then we both save together?

You’re a married team, right? Make a joint budget, and go from there.

How are your accounts set up? For instance, it sounds as if you have separate accounts, if you are covering more if the food/saving etc. I would strongly advise you to look at making things more joint at this point - if you trust your DH.

We do:

One joint account for bills
One personal account each
One joint cashback credit card for spending.
Savings

Salaries into personal accounts, all transferred into joint account minus agreed personal spending money (wine, clothes, magazines, coffee & lunch at work, nights out at the pub). Equal amount for each of us.

All bills from joint account on direct debit. Move all debt repayments here too, regardless of whose name they’re in. Don’t draw cash on this account.

All joint everyday spending (food, petrol, household items) on joint credit card. Also joint irregular expenses e.g. presents, car services etc. Pay off IN FULL every month from joint bills account.

That way it’s really clear to you the debts are getting paid off, you’re working as a team (but not “paying it off fir him) and everything is transparent.

Good luck. You both need to absolutely be on the same page fir the long haul.

Good as MumsNet is, I'd recommend getting yourself over to the MoneySavingExpert website for more information and ideas on how to reduce your outgoings. There's lots of information about how to compare utilities prices, insurance costs, credit card details; plus the options available if you really cannot manage. The members of the "debtfreewannabe" section of their forum are particularly good at looking your income & expenditure, and making suggestions where you can save money: forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4895819

Second moneysavingexpert.
Start living on your 'maternity pay' levels now to see if it's possible or your 'post baby and nursery fees pay' whichever is lower.

Could you take in a lodger for a year or so to clear the debts? That is take free income and could be substantial.

Good luck

Actually OP, selling your exercise bike (and other things) isn’t a bad idea. Do a couple of boot sales etc and put the money in your baby fund. Good luck.

Thank you so much everyone for your ideas and advice.

We had a big 'discussion' the other night but that seemed to have helped move things forward. DH has started looking for advice, and moved his highest interest card over to a 0% balance for 33 months.

There is still a long way to go, and we both need to work on it together, but I have told him that until I see him being responsible for this debt then I won't be contributing. (That's not to mean literally- I will be saving hard and when he shows me he is I will put my saved funds towards his debt too. He understands why I feel that way and agrees with it.)

He has done a new budget and realises he throws money away, so hopefully that will stop.

Thank you again for every bit of advice/support you've shared on this thread. I was absolutely at my lowest. I'm starting to see there's a silver lining. (The scariest thing was the stress made my period late and that absolutely freaked me out!)

Thank you again, I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Still worried, still grateful, but at least I've smiled and not cried today xx

Can you try to renegotiate your debt and consolidate it into a manageable monthly payment. It might take longer to pay off but would free up some money each month.
Also try to find a way to earn extra money. Your husband could take on a second job or perhaps you have room for a lodger.
Debt is a bitch and getting rid of it can really hurt but it'll be worth it.