Can I afford to be a SAHM

[maybebabyyes]

Hey

Husband and I have one child. I really don't want to go back to work and leave them in nursery or a childminders and I'm trying to crunch numbers to figure out if it's possible for me to stay home.

Husband earns 80,000 a year but our outgoings are quite high. Rent is 1200, bills are usually 400/500 a month and his travel card is a further 500.

How much do you think one income is enough for the other to stay home? Thanks in advance for any advice

Oh, and the fact you & your OH aren't 'keen' on nurseries or child minders. Do you know that a large number of children are in child care & turn out fine?

Are you not keen on schools either?

Everyone has tried to be constructive & help you but you've already decided

I really haven't ignored everything you've said, I'm thinking it all through and answered the questions that were easy and quick to answer.

I know there are lots of things to consider, not least my financial security and long term position. We are married and have been together a very long time, I know couples break up but I feel as 'safe' as I could.

I know childcare provision can be excellent. I always intended to use it and go back to work. When I fell pregnant I was earning 18,000 and my husband was earning 60,000. He has since been promoted so is earning more on his own than we were combined which is why the whole discussion of me staying home started, that and the fact that I feel very strongly that I couldn't leave my baby to work yet. They just seem so small and baby like and I couldn't bear it!

I do need to consider my future, we are keen for more children so part of me thinks being a SAHM until our family is complete makes sense, rather than dipping in and out of work . I strongly believe that my work around the house and with our child has allowed my husband to succeed as he is able to concentrate fully on work. He agrees with this and says that the work I do at home is valuable and as important as his.

Answered your own question then OP, good luck.

I haven't decided. I'm scared of making such a big decision and just feel confused about it all. Relying on him financially feels very hard as I've always worked but I do think that domestic labour is important and that I'm contributing to the family and house in vital ways.

Regarding a house, we do want to buy. It has been hard as we lived in a very expensive city until a few years ago so no chance of saving at all, and he wasn't earning that much until recently. We have since started saving and built up a little pot. We also have some inheritance coming our way from my family which we plan on putting into savings towards home ownership. It can seem impossible at times when houses are so very expensive but we are trying.

It feels like I'm talking myself into it to be honest

Why don't you just go back for a few months and see how you feel? You might love it.

There’s no way I’d give up my job if I didn’t own a house. I’d be saving for a deposit.
I’d also be thinking about my own pension/ability to earn when the kids are older.
And what if your DH lost his job?
Yes you can afford to be a sahm but I think it’s short-sighted

Exactly this - think carefully before becoming a sahm. People will be able to do it on less than what your DH earns but I wouldn’t want to personally.

How old is your LO? When have you got to decide by? Do you handle the finances, or your OH, or jointly?

I don't mean to sound blunt, rude or whatever but some really valid points have been made. Really serious points, in your best interests as a mother. But it's coming across that you don't want to hear them or that you don't see them as important. Apologies if I am wrong it's just how I'm reading it.

Why don't you have a think about it now you have lots to consider? You don't need to decide tonight? Talk to your OH too in depth.

@Sunisshining12 I'm really not dismissing anything. Everything people have raised are my worries too. I don't have a burning passion career wise, don't have a job to go back to etc so it is 'easy' to be a SAHM if that makes sense? I just carry on iyswim. It is terrifying to think that I don't have a pension or anything but I also think that I'll never get this time with baby again. I just feel very confused tbh

I am becoming a sahm and my dp earns a quarter of that

I don’t think that’s exactly a strong argument! Sounds like a very vulnerable to put yourself in.

OP- I think giving up work would be short-sighted given that you can’t currently afford to own a home. I’d prioritise getting a deposit together, and securing a mortgage.

So if you split (50 percent probability) they're be no marital home for you to take half of, whilst he'd retain his high income.

You'd be a mug to put yourself in that position

I really would love to hear how anyone can be an SAHM and pay rent or mortgage on £20K a year unless relying on benefits.

It is terrifying to think that I don't have a pension or anything

Well get a pension. Self invested pension. You and your dh should invest in annually whilst you are a sahm

That’s what we did

Dh earns half that. I am becoming a SAHM as I too can't face leaving dd at nursery. We just have to cut our cloth accordingly. The only questions that matter are: 1 on just his salary are bills all paid with a little to put by for emergancy type situations. 2 are you both happy reducing household income and therefore cutting back on the extras etc. 3 is he happy to support the family himself. Is he happy having you be a SAHM and him continuing to work full time. If it's yes to all then definitely go for it.

They are only this age once, it's time you will never get back. It's better I feel to cut back on all the fun extras and get to spend quality time with baby and be there for all the firsts etc than to have extra money but miss out all on that one to one time mother and baby.

OP, as somebody who works I can tell
You that that little baby that you don’t want to leave at a childminders will soon be desperate to go off and have fun at nursery without you. Honestly, they get to age 2.5 and they are wanting more stimulation. They also love playing with other kids and I personally believe my dc have benefitted enormously from having other adults care for them. They are so chatty and confident! I know how it feels to leave a baby but it’s just a few short months before they are onto the next stage.
If you think there’s no way your DH would lose his job, if you’re confident you can pick up work again on the future, if you are on track to buying a house (which is a massive investment in your children’s future) then fine, go for it.
I think we’re just urging you to think carefully about all those things

OP, I think in your shoes I would SAHP. The early years will be hard but enjoyable, probably. You will have a clear and valued role, and will be available and not juggling everything. The difficult times are when you decide, in 3 years or 1O years that you want to return to work, but feel you have lost skills, confidence and value - your dh may still be flying high, hopefully, and you will be looking for part time flexible hours and you might really enjoy that or you might feel resentful and used up.

Yes I think you will just about scrape by

What about working part-time?

I know it's a thread from last month and not sure if you've made your decision but...

Yes, you can afford to live on one income. However, it doesn't seem savvy at all. If you're keen to be with your baby a lot, then you could consider going to work for 2-3 days a week. It would enable you to save into a pension and mean that you get maternity pay when you have the next baby. And you'd probably have a bit of money left after childcare costs.

I'm not sure what aspirations/plans you have for the future but it does seem a bit pathetic to be on that level of income and unable to afford a deposit or have no pension. In your position, I'd move from whatever expensive commuter town you live in to somewhere more affordable with cheaper commuting costs to enable you to save for a deposit, get your own health me and a good pension.