Can I afford to be a SAHM

[maybebabyyes]

Hey

Husband and I have one child. I really don't want to go back to work and leave them in nursery or a childminders and I'm trying to crunch numbers to figure out if it's possible for me to stay home.

Husband earns 80,000 a year but our outgoings are quite high. Rent is 1200, bills are usually 400/500 a month and his travel card is a further 500.

How much do you think one income is enough for the other to stay home? Thanks in advance for any advice

House prices are so extortionate that saving for one almost seems impossible. A two bed near us just went for 500k; to buy a house we are already too big for would cost us 50k in deposit without factoring in stamp duty, fees, moving costs etc. We would like to buy and have some savings but are in our 30s and just don't see it happening too soon which is fine

Surely if you've both been earning I'm guessing £100k+ between you you should have been able to save a substantial deposit? You're in your 30s so have had 10 years to save? Unless you've had a lavish lifestyle?

Even now you should be able to cut back & save some of your OH salary.

Yes prices are crazy around here but everyone is in the same boat. Everyone has to save. We had to on much less income. How long have you been renting? How long do you plan to rent? Do you not think it's better to live in a 2 bed flat that you own rather than burn money in rent?

Getting on the property ladder really should become a priority because you are spending a lot on rent

If you saved £2k a month from now you would soon have a deposit. That's without any of your savings. Presume you are a FTB too so may be able to put down 5 or 10% too. Legals are not massive, £1k max for a purchase. Moving Costs are small if you hire a van & do it yourself. Stamp Duty yes but depends on property price.

Honestly OP don't discard buying. It's really not impossible in your situation.

What is probably impossible is to have one earner, and have 'luxuries' or 'extras' such as eating out, holidays, buying anything you fancy etc AND saving for a deposit

There’s no way I’d give up my job if I didn’t own a house. I’d be saving for a deposit.
I’d also be thinking about my own pension/ability to earn when the kids are older.
And what if your DH lost his job?
Yes you can afford to be a sahm but I think it’s short-sighted

maybebabyyes

Why not enough?
Because we had been living on £150k plus big bonus.

So our lifestyle and commitments were such that £80k would not have been possible.

Well possible.

But would have meant selling up and basically changing how we holiday and live.

@wishing you've hit the nail on the head. It's all relative to incoming & outgoing,how you live OP & what you are used to.

Wishing didn't want to sacrifice this (and that is her right) so the real question is are YOU willing to sacrifice the lifestyle you are accustomed to?

If people are talking about school fees, designer handbags at £2K a go and other such stuff then £80K isn't much. So it is all relative. I don't know how anyone can survive on £20K a year pay a mortgage or rent and have a family.

My DP earns just over half what yours does and our rent is the same. We can cope with me being a sahm and in fact save £250 every month, but some months can be tight and it'll take us forever to save in order to buy (south east yadda yadda). I'm contemplating returning to work when dd starts nursery with the view of allocating my salary for childcare and house deposit.

So he is happy to share his salary with you? Did he actually say that or is that a figure of speech? Does his salary go into a joint account that you both have full access to?

He says I'll be working too looking after baby so all money he earns is our money

It would be better to save for a house deposit.

You really need to think about your future earning potential too if it all goes tits up and your DH cannot work. Or you split up. Have a plan.

I was very grateful that I could remain my financial independence when my marriage broke up. Never thought it would happen to me....

He says I'll be working too looking after baby so all money he earns is our money
And does all the money go into a single account to which you both have equal access?

will you able get back into work when dc is older?
your own (private) pension?

We have a joint account and our own accounts, I have access to everything

We coped fine on 27k with similar rent and higher outgoings!

oh and that was with twin babies!

Depends on your lifestyle, it's hard to ask these sorts of questions on MN becauses there's a lot of jealousy.

Nothing to do with jealousy imo. Many people don't earn anything like that if you think the average wage is about 27k, and manage so of course some one will on 80k.

Omg can you not Budget?!?

Sit down with a bit of paper or on excel. Put down all your current monthly income in one column with what it is next to it. Add it up.

Similarly put all your non optional monthly outgoings in in another column. Includes in this bills rent etc. Add these up. Below that write down all your semi optional outgoings like gym memberships, TV subscriptions etc. Add that up. Look over your receipts for the last month record how much you are actually spending on food (not how much you think you are spending). Do the same with all other spending.

If you can take your outgoings from the total and still have more income than outgoings you can afford it. If you don't you can't or you need to take a serious look at your spending habits to see if you can make it work. If you still have income leftover this tells you you should be saving some.

No one on the internet can tell you because that would be based on their circumstances not yours!

That's because I was made redundant. And while our joint income only went up to about 40 after I found another job, I was so glad to keep my career going for me.

It’s not just about budgeting though. Is all money shared or will you have to ask for money? Will he have to transfer money to you or can you freely access it?

What were you hoping to train as?

If you have a budget you know how much is needed and you make sure it's in the right place for whoever needs it on a weekly or monthly basis. Just like you put aside your right amount for bills etc. There's no need for asking for money because it's all agreed. If the budget is wrong then you need to readjust

Yes, that's enough - even with your relatively high outgoings - to live fairly comfortably.

Would I do it? No. Mainly due to the future cost - I would be worried about picking my career up again, which is why I chose the part-time over SAHM. However, you say you haven't started your career yet. How much do you earn after tax and how much is childcare? It may work out very well to tighten belts a bit and be a SAHM for a while. Long term that sounds like a luxury not worth the sacrifices - I would put a clear plan in place as to your training and future career.

I would think about where you hope/plan to be in 5/10 years time etc with respect to your family and financial security and see if it fits in with that. There are too many questions here - like how are your pensions and savings/your earnings/the training you plan to do/future earning to really answer what I would do in your position.

OP I think you are just looking for confirmation from us. You've already made up your mind clearly. You want us to all say yes £80k is plenty go for it girl!

When in reality we are asking you very serious and sensible questions. You seem to be ignoring because you've already made up your mind.

So, in answer to your question, yes you can afford it if you're happy to have no financial independence & no home for yourself.

Go for it girl!