Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Resident person in family home

41 replies

Yukduck · 31/08/2017 20:10

My sister (retired and getting carer's allowance) is living in our family home with my mum who is in her 90's.

If anything happens to my mum how would my other two sisters and I inherit the family home. It has been left equally between us all in mum's will.

Our sister has no other home and moved in to care for mum around 10years ago. We all have a good relationship but just cannot speak to eachother about this as it is too sensitive.

OP posts:
Artisanjam · 31/08/2017 20:13

Would the house sale provide enough money for your sister to be able to buy herself a property with her share?

QuiteLikely5 · 31/08/2017 20:18

Tricky. I'm certain that as it is her home she has rights. You need to look at the will.

She may not agree to selling it?

Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 20:23

No, sadly as any house sale would be split 4 ways. Us other 3 sisters all own our own homes. We do have children who would benefit from help to get on the housing ladder. A cash injection would do that for them.

We don't want to be mean to our live-in sister as she is doing a sterling job but was widowed and in rented at the time so it benefitted everyone and we were all grateful. We are all close but it is sort of the elephant in the room. Our sister could not afford to run the house on her own on the state pension and has no savings despite not paying rent.

OP posts:
Manclife · 31/08/2017 20:26

Either sells the house and 50/50 spit, she buys out your 50% or you let her live there free/with conditions. Or one of you takes the issue to court and it's settled there. This is over simplified of course. You'd need to speak to a solicitor for a more detailed answer.

wheredoesallthetimego · 31/08/2017 20:28

Will may say she can live there for a period of time/until she dies in which case you'd have to suck it up. Otherwise if she can't buy you out she has to move out and can use her quarter to buy something.

Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 20:38

It is her home, her only home now. That is what is upsetting us. We don't want to have to ask her to leave, we actually don't know if legally we could.

None of us could have our sister to live with us and she could not afford to live there on her own.
Our sister is almost 70years old and is the oldest of us and set in her ways.

Mum's will says the house is to be split 4 ways and nothing about our sister living there.

OP posts:
Manclife · 31/08/2017 20:42

Then anyone of the other 3 could insist on her selling/buying out. If she can't afford to live there then perhaps plans could be put in place before the worst happens.

Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 20:48

Our sister could never afford to buy us out. The thing I did not say (but may help to say now) is that she has always been really bad with money and mum subs her for cigarettes, petrol and bingo. She has never earned or saved and had to move back home when widowed as she had no income and was only a year off retirement age and had no job or hope of one. She paid no rent on the grounds she helped mum.
Mum was fine back then and looked after our sister but it has now turned to our sister helping mum. Mum has carers who come in twice a day for washing and commode emptying so even the help our sister gives is minimal but very valued by us all.
She survives really on carer's allowance and pension but it is all gone by the end of the week and mum has to sub her out again. But, as I said, she is doing a sterling job just being there which is something with husbands and grandchildren etc we cannot do.

I would just feel easier if we knew the situation with the house.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 31/08/2017 20:51

Would her paying the appropriate share of the market rent to you and your siblings be a way to go?

sweatylemon · 31/08/2017 20:56

I think you only have a couple of choices
You allow your sister to live in the house, on condition that she gives you her share on her death.

You ask her to leave so all 4 of you can have your 25%

You sell the house and buy her something with 50% of the equity (small flat maybe) you and your other 2 siblings share the other 50%. On your sisters death she leaves you the flat.

There might be other options (not many though)

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/08/2017 21:01

Mum was fine back then and looked after our sister but it has now turned to our sister helping mum. Mum has carers who come in twice a day for washing and commode emptying so even the help our sister gives is minimal but very valued by us all.

Sorry but you do sound quite dismissive of what she does.

I very much doubt what she does is minimal tbh.

PotteringAlong · 31/08/2017 21:05

If your sister wasn't there I imagine there would be no inheritance at all as the house would have been sold for care costs long ago...

Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 21:06

The market rent for our family home would be well over £1,000 per month. It is a 4 bed detached with all the nice things (it is a lovely home).

Our sister is not good with money. She is financially dependent on our mum for everything, even running her car.

Sadly, she would never agree to pay any rent and would get very distressed if we even hinted that she should.

If she would pay rent to stay there we would happily take that option and pass our interest in the family home to our children to inherit. We know she just will never be able to budget for that once mum is no longer with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 21:08

Not true pottering. Mum has a generous pension from a life long career so funds her own care and pays her own bills. She was assessed but had too much income for any state help.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 31/08/2017 21:09

I think you need to accept that you will fall out one way or another. Surely better to let her know now that you will want to sell the house when DM passes. Yes it will be a dreadfully uncomfortable conversation but at least she has a chance to start saving or looking at her housing options.

Avoiding the uncomfortable conversation until everyone is grieving then having to kick her out would be cruel. Suck up the discomfort and spell out the truth to her.

Also, see a solicitor to check the legal position.

Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 21:14

You are right to correct me Pooh. We love our sister for the fact that she is there whilst we are not (and I still work).

We sound like horrible grabby relatives but it is not like that. We are just worried and it is a hard subject to talk about.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 31/08/2017 21:21

Yes, she can fund the card she has now but if your sister wasn't there would she still be at home or in a care home costing thousands per week?

SandSnakeOfDorne · 31/08/2017 21:22

I think unless you are prepared to agree to her remaining in the house, the only way she would be entitled to stay there is through challenging the will. It would be best if you could all agree, as anything else could make it a very long, drawn out process. Surely a quarter of the proceeds of a nice detached 4 bed would buy her a retirement flat?

HeddaGarbled · 31/08/2017 21:23

Would you and your 2 other sisters be prepared to compromise on the division of the inheritance? So you would sell, make sure that your sister has enough for somewhere to live and then divide the remainder between you. Presumably your sister will get state pension so as long as she has a home, she'll be OK. You other 3 will inherit a bit less but you need it less than her and it can be your way of showing gratitude for her caring for your mum.

As sweatylemon suggests, a small flat for your sister would be OK and probably more manageable for her as she gets older herself, anyway.

You don't need to discuss this with your sister now unless she is making remarks that suggest she has other expectations. I suppose it's always possible that your mum will outlive her anyway. That does happen.

QuiteLikely5 · 31/08/2017 21:28

Who is the executor of the will? Does it state the house is to be sold?

Tenants have rights - regardless of wills - I would definitely ask the lawyers

GColdtimer · 31/08/2017 21:30

You could sell up and help her buy somewhere suitable with your share, ensuring you are listed as Co owners.

If she can't afford to stay there then I think that is the only option.

AvoidingCallenetics · 31/08/2017 21:38

I think you need to appreciate the freedom you have to get on with your own lives because your sister is living with your mum.
You would find yourselves with a lot more responsibility and work if she wasn't there. I kind of think she is earning the right to live in the house until she dies, if that's what she wants, because she is taking on the job that none of you want to do.

Are you really willing to force a sale on a woman who will be 70+ years, to free up money that you don't actually need?
Your children might benefit from an inheritance but they don't have a right to your mum's money.
Also the woman isn't dead yet and you are mentally spending her money.

The kindest thing to do is to leave your sister be. Failing that, help her buy a flat (you can get a legal agreement drawn up, returning your extra investment when your sister either sells or dies) and have a smaller initial inheritance.

I honestly can't imagine even caring about money if this was my widowed sister.

Original poster
Yukduck · 31/08/2017 22:01

I do like the idea of buying a small flat, for our sister and whatever is left we can share out equally. I will put that idea forwards as it may be the fairest all round.

None of us 3 sisters want to go down the legal route. Mum would hate that as she is very private and loving to us all.

The matter has been raised by one of our sisters and needs to be discussed but the fear is the falling out really. It happens so often over money and we really do not want it to happen in our family.

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 31/08/2017 22:04

Does your sister have any DC?

Ttbb · 31/08/2017 22:07

How big is the house? Will her share he enough to buy a small flat?