Resident person in family home

[Yukduck]

My sister (retired and getting carer's allowance) is living in our family home with my mum who is in her 90's.

If anything happens to my mum how would my other two sisters and I inherit the family home. It has been left equally between us all in mum's will.

Our sister has no other home and moved in to care for mum around 10years ago. We all have a good relationship but just cannot speak to eachother about this as it is too sensitive.

I like the idea of two of your sisters getting their inheritance, with you and the caring sister buying a small flat together. That way you've got a long term investment.

Where does she live and how much is her part of the inheritance?

Have the conversation now, the falling out will be much worse if you leave it until the conversation becomes necessary.

I gave up my job abroad, (rented) apartment, friends etc etc to return home to care for my mum when she became terminally ill. Between me and 3 siblings I was the only one without a spouse and children of my own, only one without my own mortgage etc, so it made sense. My siblings did appreciate it, though there's been a bit of rewriting afterwards on how they'd gave managed and I didn't need to do it, minimising just how much care mum needed. Anyway, it doesn't matter as I'd never have done it differently.

I stayed in the house for a few years afterwards, I offered rent but my siblings didn't take it. One was far keener to sell (or rather their spouse was) and was about as subtle as a brick about wanting me out. We never quite got to full on falling out point, but things were very strained for a while and haven't quite recovered since.

Ultimately though yes, the house would have to be sold and the proceeds divided up. I feel like you owe it to your sister, and your mum, to have the conversation now about what their wishes are. Putting it off is just storing up trouble.

There is a similar situation with my aunt and Nan

The agreement between my Dad, aunt and siblings is that she will be purchased a small flat to live in, but this will be passed to the remaining siblings on her death

Are you sure that's what your mums will says? There's def nothing in there re resident sister?

For me, if it were between my children getting a nest egg and my sister having no where to live, I'd put off the nest egg till my sister no longer needed a place to live. Life is about more than money.

I would defo have the conversation now because it will be even harder when your mum ultimately passes and emotions will be high. It'll be hard but better now than during a time of grief.

If it's going to all of you she can't really expect to monopolize it, the only fair way is to sell up or she buys you out as others have said.

I think, based on my own experience of organising carers etc for my elderly mother, that you would be surprised at what your sister does. You could always encourage her to take a week off and take her place for that week!

Using a portion of the inheritance to buy a flat for her to live in sounds like the right thing to do. Much better to be considerate, appreciative and generous. And probably what your mother would want done. Much better than a family or legal fight.

I think, based on my own experience of organising carers etc for my elderly mother, that you would be surprised at what your sister does.
Absolutely this. And don't underestimate the headspace/stress it takes up, as well, as she is always there.

I agree with those suggesting a split that allows this sister to have a home.

It would be ridiculous for her to sit on/in the 4 bed home. So it's not treating her unfairly to suggest a retirement flat for her.

And if she needs more than 25% to achieve that, that seems absolutely fair considering the care that she is providing on behalf of the whole family. Don't underestimate what she does. And it doesn't matter tha she gains from it too - how much is peace of mind worth that you don't worry about your mother falling in the evening and lying in pain, fear and dehydrating until the next day carer arrives? Even without dramatic incidents, the company your sister provides is invaluable.

You say you might get £1000 rent for this 4 bed. You're not in London then

It's similar in my area. Here you could get a 4 bed in a nice area (but not the "best") for £300K. And you can get a 1 bed retirement flat for £70K. So if your area is anything like mine, using 25% ish inheritance is realistic.

Personally I would talk about it sooner rather than later.

Thanks to all. I am overwhelmed by how you all seem to understand that it is not about the money or being "grabby" but really about not having to deal with this situation whilst grieving.

Mum is adamant our family home is to be shared equally. I think I would prefer to think of buying a flat for our eldest sister which then passes to our familes after her demise. She is childless.
I suppose her being not so good with money is not the issue. We need to appreciate what she has done for mum and us.

You have all been so kind so thank you.

In my area. 25% of a decent 4 bed detached (£400k) would buy a nice small retirement flat (typically £95-105k). Have you done the sums for your area? She'll have furniture from your mum's house. You can offer to help her with the moving/paperwork etc. It's up to her what she does with her share though.

She has grafted as a carer, I am sure, and it is mentally tough too. Your life sounds so much better than hers, you're very lucky that she's picked up most of the slack and that your mum is able to pay for additional help. However, she can't stay in the big house and make you and your siblings wait for the inheritance that your mum wanted you to have, that's ridiculous. It would get complicated if she outlived one or more of you, for a start.

Just had a thought. Would you have to pay inheritance tax, because that might affect how you proceed.

Ok'd,spanner in the works flying over! I think the idea of the three sisters chipping in a little bit to help to buy a flat for the eldest if necessary is a great idea. But that still means that she has used up all her share on buying a place to live and has no inheritance cash left. I think you remaining three ought to also chip in a little bit extra over and above the cost of the flat to ensure that your sister has a little nest egg to call her own(think of it as thanks for caring for your mum) I know you said she is bad with money, but it makes a huge difference if you know that you have a bit put by to meet unexpected bills, pay for a few days away, contribute to a family meal ,buy a new coat, pay for a car service etc.out etc. if all she has is a basic pension it is a stretch to survive on that let alon enjoy life on it.

My husbands sister never married never had children and she has lived in the same family home for 71 years and during that time se has looked after her father and mother who have since died. There is no way my husband would get her to sell the house which was left o both of them. She is happy there knows all her neighbours has friends there so she will stay there until her demise I expect myself and hubby will look after her in her home if she gets ill in old age. If my hubby suggested to me that he wanted her to sell it...it's a 3 bed semi house ...and say get a flat I would be really angry with him she has lived there all her life and deserves to stay there until she decides otherwise

If your Sister buys a flat, the share of it paid for it that is hers rather than the amount paid for by the rest of you is hers to gift in her will as she chooses.

I'd suggest that you buy a flat for her in shared ownership e.g. She pays 55%, you each 15%

I think the point is not that they want their inheritance but that she can't afford to live there on her own.