Up to your eyes in debt? Share our glasses and get it into perspective - a does get smaller problem shared

[TalkinPeece]

This new thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Oh God, you must be in total shock! Keep on the board as you will get the best advice. Don't despair. Now that he has opened up, try to get DH to explain. You deserve that much.

We have got ourselves into so much debt if I think about it too much I can't breathe properly. Today I started looking at stepchange. Next I need to sit down with dh and show him the reality of our situation. Then we can work out what to do.
It has got to the point where we have about £300 left after all bills are paid. This has to cover groceries, activities, bus fares, and anything else that comes up.

@Mumoftheark do you not have any idea what the debt could be from? Is it debt with a car finance or perhaps a new sofa? These add up and some people don't necessarily see these as debts but more like their mortgage. If it's all on the credit card/s I would ask for all the statements.
I'd then look to taking control of all the financial issues yourself and force him to work to restraints until it's cleared. Good luck xx

@MurielsBottom sorry to hear that, do you know exactly how much you have to pay off?
You said that you were going to have a sit down with the other half, does he not already know the predicament?
My husband had a general idea but I've forced him to sit down and go through my plan. He now has one card to use and it is only for petrol. We both have spending money for the month for the odd thing I didn't calculate but once that's gone it's gone. He seems to be doing ok with it.

@Dizzywizz Hi, nice to see that someone else is awake and already thinks by about debt .....it's not just me!!

Winston thanks for taking the time to reply. Dh knows we have lots of debt just not how much.
The figure is around £30, 000. It seems such a stupid mess to be in. We do need to plan together to deal with it. I think the very real possibility of dh losing his job has shocked us because we would sink instantly without his wage.

@MurielsBottom Oh bless, I can imagine the stress that must be putting on you. Why is it likely that your partner will lose his job? Is there any way he could be proactive with it, go to the boss to see if there's a possibility of moving to another area of the company or just quickly look for another job and jump before he's pushed?

Is the 30k with car finance etc or is it just credit cards? I ask because that would affect how you could deal with the debt xxx

We are expecting it as dh is unwell and has been for some time. The prognosis is a slow deterioration in his health really. He is going to ask if they will accept him as part time. At the moment trying to work full time is detrimental to his health. We talked about looking for another job but we both think full time work is now too much for him. It is such a shocking thing to think to that my lovely strong dh is struggling to even walk some days now. It is a big thing to accept that but we really need to address our finances as well.

The £30,000 is half credit cards and half loan. A small amount it work expenses which dh needs to claim for but can't at the moment.

Aw poor guy, genuinely feel for you. Perhaps if he approaches the boss first he'll get a little more assistance with it all.

Yeah, the finances suck so I'd just try to slim down where possible. Cut everything non essential, move the credit card onto 0% and speak to the loan company about any help they could give xxx

Thanks winston, it's difficult to get it off your mind isn't it. And I'd been awake since 3.30 with ds2! Plenty of time to think about troubles.

Btw, I've had the post deleted with the actual figures in it as I was worried it would be linked to my user name.

Ah that's ok Hun (though I'm not sure they can track it like that). 3.30 in the morning, just sounds painful lol....half 5 is as early as I can function. Xx

So after doing a lot of reading I think we will go bankrupt. Probably after we hear what is happening with dh's job.
I am scared but also excited about getting rid of the debt and not being able to have anymore (not that I ever want to be in this position again).
Is that wrong to feel like that. I suppose some of it is relief. I do feel guilty that we can't pay them off though. I am all mixed up today.

@WinstonChurchill 10 of it was for his car apparently. He's constantly moving money about and getting loans on a low or 0% interest to pay other things. He always makes it seem really complicated and as it's not something I really understand he's been able to hide it up until now.
I'm not stupid by any means but interest loans credit cards etc just isn't my thing. I live by my means with what I have in my bank account and that's it. We got a 4K loan out only a few months ago, he said 1k of it was for car repairs (again I don't drive so have no idea how much it costs to run and fix a car), then 2k of it was to pay off some bills that had a higher interest and the final one thousand was to pay for an outstanding balance we had from our wedding - that he had said was paid months ago. Then I find out that the wedding still wasn't paid for and he said he ended up spending the majority of the 4K on living costs - which again doesn't add up.

A few days ago we had an invite to a family wedding overseas. Today I've said that I can't afford to go because of our circumstances and he's said he wants to go anyway?!

We've been together 13 years but only married 6 months, have 2 children together - a third on he way and I'm about to walk away from my marriage.

I'm so sorry. It's a tough time to walk away but you sound very different in your attitude to money. It sounds like just living beyond his means constantly has snowballed debt. Be careful. Check that you are not jointly liable for the debt because you are married to him. You need some legal and financial advice. Citizens advice? I wish the OP would post. She has such good suggestions.

Hello there everyone, can i possibly join?
Although I'm not sure my situation is salvagable to be honest and slightly different to others, i feel very embarrassed by the whole thing and haven't slept properly in years.
Long story short i was married and with ex for 18 years, id always suffered bad health after my second dc, we opened a business and i worked endlessly from home for years so i could cope with my illness and autistic dc who needed my support. I also have older dc.
My marriage was very difficult husband changed and became money obsessed nothing was ever enough and he made my life a living hell.
Would torment me and force me to work, unwell until i finally cracked, and told him i was leaving the business.
This ended my marriage really and he tormented me with his sick revenge for a further 3 years whilst maintaining he loved me, my DR tried to explain to him how unwell i was and how i shouldn't be working but it made no difference.
He refused to provide any financial assistance at all as he felt i should be working for him, however my mental heath and general health was at point break i was 6 stone, suffering malnutrition and sever anaemia and exhaustion so i the end i had no choice but to get a credit card whilst i desperately was trying to figure out what to do as i couldn't get benefits due to his income.

I did manage to open a small business selling from home online, whilst living in a very hostile situation but it obviously didn't generate a lot so in-between trying to build that and cope with my personal situation i relied on credit.
I have sold everything i own, and haven't been over the door for years. I finally had him arrested for dv and that spelt divorce shortly after, i had nothing at this point the house had been in his name and unbeknown to me he transferred my shares in the business and the business itself to his brother so on paper he had nothing.
My divorce has cost me £18,000 + and i am now in £50,000 worth of debt.
I didn't do well in court and had to accept less in the end as i had no more money to fight him. I received 70% of the property and had to keep the debt's myself even though he openly admitted to financial abusing us in revenge for my departure from his business.
So now i owe my solicitor and she is forcing and presurizing me to sell to give her the 3k i owe, i am paying off that each month but she is threatening court and ccj as she said it's not enough and demands i sell up.
My head is in bit's, she advised and fought for a court order allowing me to stay in our home till my son was 21 due to his disability, she is now the one telling me i have to sell, so i spent all that money on fee's for effectively a court order i cannot benefit from.

So i am facing having to sell our home, surprisingly i have managed to make regular minimum payments off every debt so i did not default but i am living in the red each month scratching by as i wanted to ensure i didn't default and affect my chances of getting a mortgage,

I have had to wait as i needed 2/3 years books for a mortgage as i am self employed but i had hoped to do this in my own time not to be forced, but i am literally scraping through each month and if i get a ccj from my solicitors all that scraping by would have been for nothing, iv literally lived a miserable 3 years to feed my kids, i haven't bought a thing for myself and haven't as i say been out on a night out or cinema even for over 3 years.

I don't know what to do, do i sell and try to use my collateral to pay debts off but may not get a mortgage, at the min my mortgage payment is £150 a month if i can't get a mortgage i risk having to pay rent of £800+ a month. I am sorry for the rambling story i tried to keep it as short as possible.
Any wise words would be appreciated, tbh it's just nice to get it off my chest as i feel trapped no matter which way i turn.

Ironically a week after our divorce was finalised my poor low earning EXDH bought a brand new flashy apartment and bought himself a brand new 40k car ha! but my solicitor said it's tough we didn't know were he hid our savings and money so there was nothing i can do!

I'm not a financial advisor so please double check. Don't sell your home. You won't easily get a mortgage as a self employed person, speaking as one. £150 for the roof over your head is fantastic. Keep it. What you need is citizens advice to do a statement for you. That involves you agreeing an affordable repayment with your creditors via CA. Then they can't hassle you, even the solicitor (doesn't she sound peachy..) Don't be scared of ccj. They are only relevant if you want to apply for new credit so you will just have to do without that. Having summonsed people who owe us money in business myself, it's incredible how ccjs can be 'set aside' for all sorts of reasons after issue. Do the statement asap to protect yourself. Don't be bullied. Having a son with SN will be an important factor. If companies keep ringing you, get a new mobile PAYG and disconnect the others. There are threads for budgeting within this money matters section that will help you cope. Ignore your solicitor. She is trying to browbeat you. Get the statement via CA.

I think ccjs only last 6 years on your credit file.

@Mumoftheark Oh Hun, I genuinely feel for you. It must be really draining for you to constantly be worrying for the both of you. Xx

Hi aloa thankyoufor your advise I never heard of that tbh, do you mean an Iva thing with the bank?
Is that like the step before bankruptcy?
It's something I really will look into thank you so much.
Peachy my solicitor sadly wasnot absolutly astounds me how there attitudes are iv already paid £16,000 in a very short space of time she knows how bad our situation is and was really understanding until of course the payments slowed down.
But knowing iv paid so much already it grinds on me threatening ccj when I'm paying off it with out fail each month it is horrid.

Iv not made a late payment to date on my debts but it's so stressful I can completly see
What muriels above means when she says it's exciting to think no more debt as its a constant drain on your mind, I really do wish everyone well in getting it sorted out nothing worse.

CA liaise with all your creditors on your behalf and get them to agree to an affordable monthly repayment plan. They did it for my sister. It's very helpful. £16000 is HUGE! Please speak to CA. They are busy but it's good to lean on someone. My sister has toughed it out after mortgage arrears, credit cards, ccj etc. Her credit record is now clear 6 years on and she didn't lose her house. The statement helped. It isn't bankruptcy (IVA). It is an agreement for slow affordable repayment. A lot less than large sums like £16000.

Take a look at this.
www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/information/Pages/default.aspx
Think I mean the debt relief order. Very helpful site anyway.

Or maybe it's IVA. Oh God! Please read the pages. Trying to help but should probably shut up. You don't have to be bullied anyway.

Just bringing this back up to the top of the board for those who are struggling this Christmas

and the words in the Opening Post are especially for @iammeegan