DH wants to retire at 55

[peppajay]

My DH is very money savvy. Too much really as he won't spend it. His dream has always been to retire at 60 but now we have come in to a bit of money he has decided he will retire at 55. We very rarely enjoy a meal out it is only brewers fayre or carvery. He refuses to go to the cinema or theatre as it costs too much. He doesn't enjoy nice things just walking and DIY. His dream when he retires is just to be able to walk, swim and potter about. He says saving for retirement is far more important than squandering it on days out and clothes. I would love to live a little now go to the theatre and see a show followed by a nice meal or take the kids out to a theme park for the day, he has never owned a credit card or had a loan he just lives so carefully. Is he just being sensible or is this really boring???

Maybe having two school age children will take the shine off the new-found 'free time' in a year or two. He may well find he gets himself back to work after a nibble of the greener grass.

Gosh my grandfather was still travelling long haul at 82 & his trips were to Africa, Australia & NZ and this was back in the 1970s & 80s

I was thinking nowhere days I could go on the same, if money allowed not ageing.

Does the expert in geriatrics not usually see the failing cases rather than the prospering cases who don't visit?

Our vague early retirement age is 60 so that we can support our youngest DC through uni. Youngest DC(10) will be 22 by then. I agree that updating a kitchen would enhance your lifestyle now. Even having a nicer holiday than normal would be a great treat. How much inheritance are we talking about?

My parents are off to Cuba next year, my mum will be 70 and my step-dad 78. They very much have a philosophy of 'enjoy life whilst you can' - my step-dad was diagnosed with cancer about 10 years ago and they recognise that they may not be able to travel like this for too much longer (whilst still claiming to be too young to do a river cruise through Europe, for example!)

I can understand why your DH wants to have 10 good years of retirement, based on his life experiences to date. I do agree with other posters that downshifting his career at 55 is a better idea than full-on retirement. I've just been contacted by an ex-colleague who retired at Christmas and is already bored She wants to dabble now with maybe one project a year and the rest of the time to herself. This feels like a good compromise to me.

Your kids deserve to have some good holidays now - needn't be anything hugely flash, but I feel he's swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction from his parents, and I can see your kids splurging recklessly when they get older to make up for his parsimony. (Who knows if his own parents' behaviour was a response to similar behaviour in theirs).

55 is young to retire, unless you can afford to - (really crunch the numbers) He also has a family to support

Nobody knows how long we have to live, so I think that we should do things that we enjoy if we can

I agree if you wish to spend more money (days out, meals) can you change to working full time ?

I know people who have worked beyond 65, to sadly only have one year of retirement due to poor health

Can you talk to him about having one family treat per month ?

There is being careful with money versus being miserley !

I am a strong believer, that when you are gone people will remember you for the things that you did, said and how you made people feel. I am thinking things like; family holidays, days out, picnics, laughter

I do understand where your DH is coming from, having seen my DF retire early at 55, then die at 59 from a hereditary illness. One of the few things I gained comfort from when he died so young and so suddenly was that at least he had enjoyed a few years of his time being his own. He simply loved pottering around at home, gardening, walking, birdwatching and other simple hobbies.

There is a whole movement based on the aspiration of early retirement/financial independence at a young age believe it or not. Just a quick Google will show numerous forums of people worldwide aiming for just this.

I do agree that your DH is a bit too extreme though, especially given that you have a young family and it's a shame not to make memories of family days out, holidays etc while they are young and want to spend time with you. As a PP suggested, maybe research discounts on days out and use Tesco vouchers so it's cheaper, then he may be more keen. We could afford to do more expensive holidays e.g. Florida but just do cheap ones in the U.K. For now and will have a special one when they are a bit older and will appreciate it more.

I think you need to have some long, honest talks, try to compromise and agree your long term plan together.

Does the expert in geriatrics not usually see the failing cases rather than the prospering cases who don't visit?

He's not a doctor, he's an academic expert in global demographic trends and their impact on public services. But to be honest, you dont need a PhD to know that old people are less physically robust than younger people. There are always exceptions (your gf being one) but that doesnt reflect the general trend. With my mother, she herniated a disc in her back 2 years ago. The operation was v successful (exceptionally so for someone on her age, which the consultant attributed to her very good level of physical fitness) but she finds that 12 hours longhaul really aggravates it, hence the decision to stop. To be honest, they've been pretty much everywhere anyway- so the retire at 55 decision worked out for them.

I guess my view is that too many people these days are falling on the wrong side of the quality vs quantity equation when it comes to longevity. If I could be guaranteed good health to 75 and then a massive heart attack in my sleep I would absolutely take it.

It the active people that exercise and move that seem to keep going well into their 80s, those middle age people who don't do anything seem to be the people that age badly. Ops dh walks and swims so is more likely to keep going

Not really - life expectancy in UK is 81, and if you look at life expectancy at age 65 (which is probably more helpful as takes out the skews- i.e. people who die in childhood or young adulthood, usually of non-lifestyle related factors), expectancy is another 18-20 years. So the bog standard person who gets to 65 can now reasonably expect to get to 85. Those aren't all healthy ones. Those are ones that are going to get their hips done, their knees done, undergo cancer treatment, be on a cocktail for their hearts and blood pressure and diabetes, probably going to get dementia.

I probably do see the bleaker side of it as I work in the NGO sector/ see the statistics on the healthcare burden of an ageing population, but I just don't see a huge quality of life in many people over, say, 80, although of course there are exceptions, and maybe I'll be one (I definitely try to stay as healthy as possible- don't smoke, don't drink too much, keep my weight down etc) but it's not like its a talisman. I know I'd probably never be able to actually top myself, so I kind of hope I just die before I get sick. Wouldn't want to spend 10 years in a chair not recognising my relatives like DH's DGF.

I guess I feel that as a society we need to have a discussion around ageing and whether increasing longevity is really a good "goal".

Anyway, sorry OP, I know I'm derailing your thread. It's just something I give a lot of thought to.

A cheap phone and a cheap car that gets from a to b.

What else is a car for? If the phone makes and receives calls, what else is a phone for?

Sounds like vastly differing ideas on what is interesting in life. Neither is wrong, but clearly a big compatibility issue that needs adult discussion?

That was my husbands plan, he worked really hard to get to that point. Then he died suddenly at 45 so never got to do any of the things he had planned. You need to live in the present a bit

We have paid into good pensions since 19 and 20, mortgage paid off last year at 50 now 51. We could retire at 55 with a considerable drop in standard of living but ...Hell, I would rather work until I am 61 and have several holidays a year and nice cars and a better pension than spend the next 3 years pottering about on not much money.

I am dying of boredom thinking about it.

Money is only good for what it can provide for you. It's all very well him having grand plans about retirement (and fair play to wanting to retire at 55 if that's feasible), but I would get him to sit down with you and show you where his financial planning is going to leave you - I.e are your finances such that he's just trying to put you where you are now but retired? Or is he planning so that there's plenty of money to go on long haul holidays, etc, at the point at which you stop work?

Ideally it would be a happy medium - i.e., enough for some treats now and some in retirement, plus some accessible savings in order to do any big ticket items (kitchen upgrade, newish car when required for example). It sounds like he's being parsimonious for parsimony's sake which isn't much fun.

Incidentally, DH and I have individual 'spends' each month which are budgeted for and we can fritter to our heart's content. It works quite well.

Your DH sounds great and I don't think it's dull. He gets pleasure from making and doing rather than spending and consuming. It's an admirable value to hold and we'd all.be better off if we were happy with what we have eg a crappy old phone rather than always aspiring to get a new kitchen or go on holiday. I'm not meaning any insult to you, I'm guilty of consumerism too but I would love to be more like your DH. Remember thats what attracted you to him in the first place and it's a great value to teach your children.

I like his plan. I'd rather enjoy my days walking and swimming than working an extra 10 years so I could get my nails done and go shopping (which I would never do for fun no matter how much money I had as I do not consider either to be fun). I think the problem is that you are interested in different things and get pleasure for different experiences. This is actually more of a problem than just having different financial goals.