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Original poster

DH wants to retire at 55

65 replies

peppajay · 13/05/2017 09:46

My DH is very money savvy. Too much really as he won't spend it. His dream has always been to retire at 60 but now we have come in to a bit of money he has decided he will retire at 55. We very rarely enjoy a meal out it is only brewers fayre or carvery. He refuses to go to the cinema or theatre as it costs too much. He doesn't enjoy nice things just walking and DIY. His dream when he retires is just to be able to walk, swim and potter about. He says saving for retirement is far more important than squandering it on days out and clothes. I would love to live a little now go to the theatre and see a show followed by a nice meal or take the kids out to a theme park for the day, he has never owned a credit card or had a loan he just lives so carefully. Is he just being sensible or is this really boring???

OP posts:

Mumteadumpty · 13/05/2017 21:59

Well I would find it really boring living like that if there was a choice. Do you have your own money that you can spend OP?

ivykaty44 · 13/05/2017 22:02

Peppajay do you have your own income?

Toooldtobearsed · 13/05/2017 22:04

Agh, you have young children - massive game changer!

We both retired - DH at 60 and me at 55, but our kids are grown and gone. We overpaid on the mortgage and once that was gone, grabbed private pensions with both hands and never looked back.

DH is much more 'careful' shall we say, than I am, but, to be honest, with children so young, i think retirement for your DH is a stretch. We have spent more on ours as they got older, not the reverse.

Can you suggest that this is a break from work, rather than retirement?

I would imgine that his meanness would increase as the money runs low and the demands run high.

Imbroglio · 13/05/2017 22:08

Does he want you to be retired as well?

PunkrockerGirl · 13/05/2017 22:12

My db retired at 55 and had major plans for his retirement. He died from pancreatic cancer just days before his 60th birthday.
We never know what shit is facing us around the corner (I work in palliative care)
If I could afford it, I'd

Original poster

peppajay · 13/05/2017 22:12

I work part time and I have started spending money on myself like having my nails done and buying myself an iPad things he says are hugely extravagant. I love my job and also enjoy the social side of it so would be happy working till 60 or 65.

OP posts:

PunkrockerGirl · 13/05/2017 22:16

Sorry, posted too soon.
If I could afford it I'd retire and volunteer in an animal rescue centre.
It's not going to happen any time soon though

RandomMess · 13/05/2017 22:18

I would try and talk to him about getting the balance right now. If he retires at 55 how long will the money last - he may be okay, mortgage paid off, enough for food & fuel etc.

If you don't want to live like that all you can do is carry on working to pay for the "luxuries" you want - but you need to agree how that is going to pan out, is he expecting you to go 50/50 on everything before he's retired/when he's retired etc.

I think it's sad he doesn't seem to be able to enjoy his life now - although he could be incredibly happy it doesn't come across that way from what you've written?

BIWI · 13/05/2017 22:52

So you have any pension of your own? Are you just expecting to be kept by him?

kath6144 · 13/05/2017 22:57

It sounds like he has some real issues regarding money and health from his parents. 65 is still very young these days, compared to the past, and most people will still be very active into 70s and 80s, my mum was. Some do die young still, a colleague died a few months ago of complications after a heart attack, he was 60 and a few months, so no retirement, but that has made me realise I wont work longer than I have to.

BUT - there has to be a balance, you have to live for today too.

Can you talk to him, come to some compromise regarding his inheritance, or are his problems too deep? Would counselling maybe help him to see he should have a balance?

As I said in my earlier post, we came into money last year, from my mum dying and from a share sell off at my work. My colleague also got the share windfall, but didnt live long enough to enjoy it.

So although a lot of our gain is going into our ISAs, we are also doing things we want to do now - upgrading cars, going to USA in summer, whilst DC (17 & 19) still want to come. Not scrimping on the trip, making sure we have a holiday to remember. We are also generous with DC, helping with uni costs etc. Always up for taking DS out when we visit, or for a supermarket shop. Little things which help him, but which I am guessing your DH would not want to spend money on.

We also like walking, cycling etc, but think nothing of stopping for a nice meal on the way home, having a lunch out if on a bike ride etc. Life is for living, you are a long time dead and you cant take the money with you.

kath6144 · 13/05/2017 23:00

BIWI - whether or not she has a pension, any money they have saved is joint money, so why would she be kept by him? And that really wasnt the point of the thread - the point is that he wont spend on anything now, as he thinks all money has to be saved for the future.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 13/05/2017 23:01

Working PT is the new retirement. It's balance isn't it. You could get run over by a bus tomorrow and never get to 55....

BIWI · 13/05/2017 23:07

The point is, her partner is planning for a retirement, whereas she clearly isn't.

I would love a new kitchen or a nice summer holiday but he says we need that money for the future

Which rather implies she would like him to be funding her.

Of course, hopefully, it's joint money! But if she's not working that much, and she's relying on him for their retirement money, then it's important that he is saving as much as he can.

kath6144 · 14/05/2017 08:49

BIWI - sorry but I dont see how her words imply she wants to be funded by DH.

Surely she is just asking him to spend some of his inheritence as family money, to fund a holiday and some house improvements. That is not being funded by him - it is just wanting to spend money on normal family activities, actually having a life instead of saving every last penny for a future that may never happen.

Just because she works PT, doesnt mean she cant spend money on having her nails done and buying an ipad. It also doesnt mean she expects to be funded, either now or in retirement. Working PT doesnt mean you are funded by your DH - who is to say she doesn't earn as much PT as he earns FT?

I have worked PT for 20yrs, as a professional on a very good PT salary. I can afford to spend on myself, even if my DH took OH's stance. I also have much much better pension provision than my DH.

Maybe OP has a good final salary pension coming when she retires, whereas her DH may be relying on savings and personal pensions (which is our situation, as DH is a Contractor). If anything I will be funding DH in retirement. (But all our money is joint, so not an issue)

It sounds like he has issues around money and is trying to make her spend as little as he does. Why should she, she earns her own money?

BIWI · 14/05/2017 08:53

Of course she can spend her own money if she wants to! But her DH has another 10 years before his pension (I assume, from her posts), so I'm not surprised he's being careful with his money.

NormaSmuff · 14/05/2017 08:55

do you have no days out with your dc at all?
what happens during the long summer holidays?

PovertyPain · 14/05/2017 09:00

What's the possibility of him going part time and you going full time, OP? You could swap rolls and still have a decent income.

ememem84 · 14/05/2017 09:01

Our plan is to aim for mortgage to be paid off by 45 and retire at 55.

We both work in relatively well paid jobs, and work hard. We save but also enjoy our lives.

Mortgage free at 45 (or even 40) would be totally doable if we scrimp (were early 30's now) but we're not prepared to compromise our lifestyle.

So aim for 45, overpay mortgage, grow money into pension pot and investment pot and see how we go.

If we can't retire at 55 it's no big deal. But it's something to aim for.

BIWI · 14/05/2017 09:05

To be honest, OP, I do think he sounds a bit boring, and I get why you might be frustrated by him, but as he's been like this all his life - and you say it's what attracted you to him in the first place - then I can't see why you're surprised he's like this!

ivykaty44 · 14/05/2017 09:13

I'd concentrate on working your own career and make your own plans, if you live your job and will be happy to keep working that's great.

Tbh I can't see retirement with your dh being much fun, sitting in the house or walking and wild swimming would be a bit limited, added to which he'll be watching the pennies even more without an income

ajandjjmum · 14/05/2017 09:16

I'd retire tomorrow, but want to travel (in style!) so need to keep working. I am lucky enough to be able to reduce what I do and hopefully drift into a natural retirement when people stop phoning me!

PacificDogwod · 14/05/2017 09:21

I don't think anybody is being unreasonable here, but clearly your ideas re lifestyle and financial planning are v different and that can of course lead to conflict.

I think you need to sit down together, maybe with an advisor and talk about what compromise may be reached so neither of you feels frustrated with the other. Otherwise this is going to rankle and fester.

NormaSmuff · 14/05/2017 09:34

Actually working keeps people alive. retire early and men in particular just decline in their health.
less money and more time - is not all its cracked up to be

Cantseethewoods · 14/05/2017 09:35

I went to a really interesting seminar the other week where an expert in geriatrics was saying that the issue with retirement is that people may have a long retirement ( average 20 years or 30 if they retire at 55) but they may not be in good enough health to enjoy most of it- the fit and active septuagenarians are the exception not the rule. Even my parents who are the poster children for active aging ( 71 yrs old) are talking about their next long haul trip being their last due to the impact of the flight.

This guy's point was that wannabe retirees are stuck with the choice of retiring at 55 to increase the chances of 15 good years of retirement but requiring a huge pot to see them through to the end or leaving it later but putting those 'good years' at risk.

specialsubject · 14/05/2017 09:43

Not a lot of mutual respect here. I'd find someone who likes clothes shopping and getting nails done boring. Does your husband say you bore him?

Do stuff earlier as you may indeed not be fit enough in your seventies. Walking is one of those things.

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