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Original poster

Sahm - no money

29 replies

babycubs · 28/02/2017 22:19

Does anyone know of any websites or have ideas of work from home jobs for stay at home mums?

I've been a sahm mum for 2 years now and even though my dp pays the bills I never have any money to buy anything for myself. I feel awkward asking for money for clothes etc and he doesn't want us to have a joint account.

Thanks

OP posts:
TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 28/02/2017 22:20

Whats he like otherwise?

OneWithTheForce · 28/02/2017 22:21

Well you need to address this issue with your partner. You are entitled to access to the family finances. If you are caring for your shared children then you are contributing to the family just as he is by working outside of the home. It's a really unfair arrangement.

Lessthanaballpark · 28/02/2017 22:23

It's a ridiculously unfair setup. You're facilitating him earning that money by look after your shared children so you should have access to the family money.

Littlefish · 28/02/2017 22:27

You need immediate access to the family finances. Is your dp controlling in other ways too?

WellErrr · 28/02/2017 22:29

He sounds a right twat. Sorry OP Flowers

lazytuesday · 28/02/2017 22:32

you either need to have a joint account or he should be sending you some money for personal items each time he gets paid. What does he expect you to do with no income? How does he expect you to dress and clean yourself?

Unless this is because you are absolutely destitute and he has no money to but personal items either then he is being financially abusive.

Original poster
babycubs · 28/02/2017 22:35

I don't really know how to address it tbh, I feel awkward. I just wish he'd offer! We aren't skint, he makes out we are but can afford to put money away in savings each week.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 28/02/2017 22:36

You should both have equal spending money after all bills etc are paid. Anything less is unacceptable.

Original poster
babycubs · 28/02/2017 22:36

I feel like he thinks it's his money obviously because he's working. Feel so degrading and awkward asking him for money to buy a pair of jeans!

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 28/02/2017 22:38

On what basis does he not want a joint account?

OneWithTheForce · 28/02/2017 22:38

How did this situation happen? Did you work before having children? Do you get child benefit and tax credits?

daffodil10 · 28/02/2017 22:38

This is exactly why I couldn't be a sahm, couldn't bare the thought of having to ask for money and not having my own. A friend of mine has to produce receipts!!!!!

RandomMess · 28/02/2017 22:38

So basically you are an unpaid housekeeper and nanny? Do you have a mortgaged property - if so are you on the deeds?

fluffiphlox · 28/02/2017 22:39

I wouldn't normally comment but your current setup is not on. I've been married 30+ years and it wouldn't have been acceptable in the 80s let alone the 21st century.

Lucked · 28/02/2017 22:39

Personally I think this is financial abuse. I think you need to go back to work! (And make a plan to leave) Remember childcare comes outoif both your earnings so it is not the case that your wages don't cover nursery costs.

Original poster
babycubs · 28/02/2017 22:44

Adora, I don't really know just said he doesn't want one, I mentioned it because he never knows when certain bills need to be paid so if I had access to his money I'd just be able to pay them instead of getting behind.

Theforce, yes I did I actually started a job a couple of months ago but it worked out the money I was earning was basically going on nursery fees. I actually wish I kept at it now. Not entitled to tax credits because of his wage. But I have £20 that goes in my account but ends up getting spent on bills because he's so shit at paying them an I end up getting letters.

Daffodil, I enjoy being a sahm mum, I do wish I was working but i absolutely hate relying financially on a man. Hate it.

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 28/02/2017 22:45

I'm the only earner and my husband is a stay at home dad. Our finances are totally open and transparent between each other. He facilitates me earning the money by looking after our son. It's a partnership- I never question him when he asks for the card. The only reason we don't have a joint account is cos it's too much hassle to change everything now its set up. Major purchases get discussed equally. It's an equal partnership.

OneWithTheForce · 28/02/2017 22:46

it worked out the money I was earning was basically going on nursery fees

So does he not think that childcare bills are half his?

Original poster
babycubs · 28/02/2017 22:46

£20 that is child benefit

OP posts:
pho3be · 28/02/2017 22:50

Ironing. earnt a shed load ironing as a sahm

Lucked · 28/02/2017 23:00

He has to pay childcare!

AdoraBell · 28/02/2017 23:04

It's not his money. You are a family. The money earned is family money.

MrsDustyBusty · 28/02/2017 23:07

If you were to raise this issue, do you think it would be resolved to your satisfaction? You say you don't like to mention it, what do you think would happen?

Lapinlapin · 28/02/2017 23:08

This is awful. You seriously need to sort this out!

How on earth does he think you can live with no money coming in?
You're a family, so the money is family money, not his.

I take it you're not married? You really have very little security with the current set up. Please make sure you take steps to sort it.

LadyPenelopeCantDance · 28/02/2017 23:08

I'm part of a mystery shopping thing. Have never done one, but they always need people to do it and rates of pay seem pretty good.

I used to do Field Agent too. It's an iPhone app which you can find tasks on. Companies use it to check shops are stocking their products, billboards have been changed etc.

There are also sites like Task Rabbit that you can look at odd jobs people need doing.

I am currently paying someone £8 a visit to feed my cat. If you like animals you could do that now and again.

Hope that helps!

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