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Child's pension - am i unreasonable!

82 replies

confuseddaddotcom1 · 02/01/2017 19:05

Hi, my wife died 5 years ago and left me 2 children to look after. We managed financially even though I still had a mortgage to pay and the children never went without. The children are receiving a fixed amount (approx £40) from my late wife's pension which she paid into and this goes directly into a bank account for the children. I eventually found someone else and she has 2 children, we eventually moved in together and had an extension built to give all 4 children a bedroom. We have the odd argument but overall things are good. But there is always an underlying issue, which is the money that the children receive each month into their bank account, it causes bad feeling and arguments. My partners children do not receive any money direct into their accounts from either our side of their family or their dads. They do however see this dad every 2 weeks and get taken out for meals, have holidays, receive birthday and Christmas presents, etc. But we still do not receive any maintenance for them. Now my daughter is 16 and has access to her account, she regularly buys herself clothes (once a month) and my son's money is still is in the account. My view is that the money they receive is from their mum, for extra presents, meals and holidays they do not and will never receive, but my partner sees this differently. She feels her children are the ones that are being disadvantaged. Am I just missing the point or is my partner being unreasonable??

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/01/2017 21:14

£40 is scant compensation for the loss of a parent.

I'm surprised your new partner can't see that having a mum/two living parents is preferable to an extra £40 per month.

It wouldn't even occur to me to be jealous of some bereaved children who get an extra £1.35 a day instead of me, their mother.

Does your new partner also spend a lot of time looking in a mirror asking who is the fairest of them all?

woesinwonderland · 02/01/2017 21:20

Bloody hell, this has got to be one of the most shameful cases of money resentment from a step parent I have ever seen on MN Shock

Your dc have lost their dm and she resents £40 a month?!

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 21:22

Your partner should fuck off, how can you even look her in the eye? Your children will miss out on a lifetime of experiences with their mum, and instead have to share a home with a nasty, spiteful, twat of a stepmum. Do you really want to be with a woman who would deny your children a token from their mum?

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 21:24

If money comes out of the family pot for her children, the same has to be provided for yours.

RubyPumps · 02/01/2017 21:28

Please ensure your will reflects appropriate treatment of your DC.

Your new wife sounds frighteningly lacking in empathy and grabby.

If the worst should happen and you die suddenly then you'd want to ensure that DC not at the mercy of your wife's judgement.

I mean that nicely, but can't think of a nicer way to put it, sorry.

famousfour · 02/01/2017 21:42

I struggle to see where your partner is coming from. I would be interested to hear a reasonable interpretation of her perspective because I can't think of it. The only thought experiment I could think of is would your perspective be different if you had a child jointly?

Foodie89 · 02/01/2017 21:44

She's out of order that's money from there mother that is no longer here. I don't even understand why that would be an issue

IhatchedaSnorlax · 02/01/2017 21:50

I'm repeating what others have said - your DPs attitude is disgusting. It's their inheritance from their mother, how on earth can she be annoyed by that?? Their mother is dead whereas her DC have 2 living parents. She & her ex can do what they like for her DCs, but if you contribute anything to them, then you should match it for your own DC.

Please ensure your DC are adequately protected in your will as she sounds very grabby & terrible. Awful.

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 22:15

Ruby you are right, what a scary thought. Op please go make an iron clad will asap, making sure your inheritance goes to your children. This woman you are with cannot be trusted in any way with their best interests. She'd probably give all your assets to her own.

19lottie82 · 02/01/2017 22:29

Wow. I'm shocked and almost speechless.

If I were in your shoes I would be telling your partner that if she even mentioned this again then you would be over. Full stop.

Again, wow.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/01/2017 22:38

Sorry, but you dp doesn't sound trustworthy when it comes to money. As others have said make you and your wife's children are protected.

confuseddaddotcom1 · 02/01/2017 22:40

Wow...Thanks for confirming exactly what I have thought all along. This is their money, it may only be a small amount but it what their mother wanted. Told her earlier that I didn't care what she thought about the children getting the money...It's theirs and would her children want £40 per month or their dad...She gave no reply. Now she states that if and when she gets the child maintenance from her ex she will give it all to her children. Dunno if she is serious or just angry but really making me wonder about her!!!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 02/01/2017 22:42

She sounds a total bitch. Sorry OP, I don't know how else to word it.

Musicaltheatremum · 02/01/2017 22:42

Horrendous. My daughter owns a flat in London. Lots of people really jealous. Shame her dad had to die in order for her to get enough money to put towards it. One of the reasons I don't want to get into another relationship. My son has a lot of money too but not needed to buy a flat yet. It's shit losing your dad when you're a teenager. And loosing your mum must be pretty awful too.

Lunar1 · 02/01/2017 22:43

Please say you have a will sorted?

TaggieRR · 02/01/2017 22:47

She sounds awful OP, I'm sorry.

SallyGinnamon · 02/01/2017 22:48

I was going to say about the will too!

Sweets101 · 02/01/2017 22:50

Please say you have a will sorted?

^^This!!

ALittleMop · 02/01/2017 22:53

Your partner clearly does not have your children's best interests at heart.

I think I would be reconsidering the relationship

DeleteOrDecay · 02/01/2017 23:06

From what you've written op I would be wondering about your relationship and where it's heading too. If she wants to give all the child maintenance to her kids then fine, it is for them after all but the way she is going about it is all wrong, she sounds pretty spiteful and uncaring.

JustSpeakSense · 02/01/2017 23:12

I suggest you show her this thread

AldrinJustice · 02/01/2017 23:19

What the actual fuck? I'm shocked you're actually entertaining this "problem" of hers. She's being so unreasonable, not to mention downright disrespectful. What an absolute piece of work to even think of something like this. That money is rightly your children's and you should in addition treat them the same as the step kids. At least your step kids have 2 biological parents still alive and not had to go through the heartache of losing their mum

AdoraBell · 02/01/2017 23:22

Unbelievably unreasonable.

Your OP seems to imply that you live together but aren't married, is that correct?
If so, do not marry her.

And as suggested make sure your Will reflects your's and your late wife's wishes and protects your children. Also, appoint someone who fully supports your choice as Executor.

Starlight2345 · 02/01/2017 23:28

Shocking..

YANBU..

Hellmouth · 02/01/2017 23:33

Your partner sounds like a horrible person, I'm sorry to say. If she cared about your kids, she would realise that £40 a month is no substitute for a lost parent. I also agree with the comments about the will, make sure your children are protected!