Should I feel richer than I do with a family income of nearly 100k?

[longestlurkerever]

Very conscious that this could come across very badly but I'm prepared for frank responses. I realise I'm very fortunate. Dh and I both have good jobs and are able to afford a house and all our bills comfortably. I definitely do not take that for granted.

I am just trying to make some decisions that hasve financial implicationsx and I'm trying to get a feel for what kind of lifestyle is realistic on our salaries. I used to feel quite well off really, but both our pay has been frozen for years now (public sector) and our expenses have gone up.

We earn just under 100k between us, roughly evenly split. Our mortgage is 1500 a month (London) and childcare is about 650 per month, with extra in the holidays (but will go up to about 750 a month soon when I run out of the excess annual leave I am using at the moment). Commuting is about 200 per month. I have no savings as I just spent them on building works but would generally aim to have 5-10k.

My instinct is I can afford to upgrade the car to a slightly newer and greener but not fancy one - like a ford focus 3 years old, but not a brand new one, that i can afford one European plus one UK holiday a year, but not skiing or long haul, that I can afford 2 hours cleaning a week but not a nanny, that I can afford music and swimming lessons but not private school.

Does that sound about right or must I be frittering my money away somewhere not to have more left over? I don't feel I do, except on nice food and wine. I don't buy expensive clothes for me or the DC, for example, and generally favour second hand. Most people I went to uni with seem to afford these things easily and have bigger mortgages than me, but I assume they earn a lot more in the private sector and i know they get significant bonuses every year.

I'm not moaning. I like my job and deliberately turned my back on a more lucrative career path, but I feel like I've been beating myself up a bit that my life seems more chaotic than theirs, and my house and general appearance much scruffier and am trying to work out if I could afford more help, or if actually i am comparing my life with people weith considerably more disposable income than me.

No idea if this makes any sense but all comments welcome.

It's an interesting issue because I believe the mortgage form you sign, both of you, involves a confirmation all the facts (not just your own) are accurate on the form so if you signed whilst the husband income part was blank you probably were unwise and possibly breaching the mortgage rules as you have to sign to certify the entire form is accurate and should double check that the figure he put down for his dividends from the business is correct. If he has a limited company you can get the accounts free on companies house beta and see a good few facts about the limited company's profits. I would do that if I were you. I even do it of potential dates, never mind husband material as the world is full of liars and people who hide their income and assets.

Yes, you might be right. I trust my husband's accountant and the mortgage broker sufficiently. I am well aware that the accounts of his company are on companies' house website. I feel no need to look at them, but than you for thoughtful suggestion.

• thank you

Sorry, I am only just catching up with the end of this thread - I thought it had gone dead. I've decided my problem is the chaos, really and I am more or less happy enough with the amount of money I have. A few things I am going to do:

1. Sort out drains which I now think are causing the pest problem. This is easier said than done as 2 engineers have left stumped, but I think this could really help.

2. Talk to cleaner about prioritising certain things each week.

3. Get a mentor at work to talk about how to regain some job satisfaction while balancing family life.

4. Talk to MIL about a moratorium on stuff and get rid of a pile of stuff. (Dd2 is about to grow out of a huge pile of clothes and bedding and I cannot wait to get shot - no sentimentality here!)

5. Grit teeth and get through the next few weeks of building chaos then tackle dust etc.

6. Encourage dd1 to take more responsibility for herself.

7. Get spreadsheet and work out proper budget. Make proper plan re what to do about hours/childcare when annual leave runs out. More hours would give us slightly more cash - but maybe what I need is more time, rather than more cash.

Stop beating yourself up.

You've said yourself you are in your most expensive years. You haven't borrowed to do work and are living within your means.

We are meant to be one of the worlds richest countries. Yet we are made imo as a society to feel bad for spending money we earn to enjoy life.

What's with all this I could stop drinking wine, having my hair done, going on holiday? We aren't post war Britain anymore - we aren't rationed!

You earn the money and should enjoy spending within your means.

Savings are important imo if you can afford it but they aren't the be all or end all.

I say all this as a LP with a disabled Ds who is on a low income.

Aw thanks youarenotkiddingme! I have to say I felt a bit discombobulated by all the posts saying I should save more when what I'd originally asked was whether I could afford to spend more to give myself an easier life!

I do strongly feel that financial security is important but beyond having enough money to cover unexpected expenses I am not interested in saving at the moment. When childcare eases up I might well feel much better off and will reassess then.

When childcare ceases you can save £750 a month - that's a large amount a year!

As long as you are spending within your means to have an easier life what is the problem!

Don't compare yourselves to others - live your life to your comforts.

I don't go out, buy clothes often, drink, get my hair done etc - I could afford these things in reason. But I like a week away each summer holiday so I prioritise that.
I'd have no qualms about having both if I could