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Original poster

I'm screwed. I've been an ostrich and now there's no where else to hide

77 replies

Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 11/07/2016 18:01

Tomorrow morning at 11am my family and I will be evicted, unless I can miracle up £2500. I've buried my head in a hell of a lot of sand and now it's too late. I'll lose my home, my family, my husband. All because I have no clue how to handle money. I could blame dh, because he likes to spend, I could blame my parents for never teaching me how to budget. But the truth is I could have learnt how to do these things myself instead of expecting people to bail me out.

I am bereft and I do not know which way to turn now. I'm waiting to get the DC to bed and dh off to work to ring my parents and let them know. I don't expect they will be able to help me with so little notice. But at least I can have a good cry.

Clearly the DC can feel my stress as they are all acting up. But I shall have to face the reality somehow. Finally I cannot walk away.

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Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 11/07/2016 22:57

Oh yeah, and def no mortgage holiday. This started when they agreed to reduce the payment to interest only when I left employment. Plus I don't really want to be not paying anything at all even if they do agree it.

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cozietoesie · 11/07/2016 23:07

Go have a lie down. Your brain is probably buzzing like a bluebottle on something but at least if you can have a cup of something hot and have a rest...........?

cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 07:21

Good luck this morning. Smile

sashh · 12/07/2016 07:35

Good luck this morning. And don't send your children to school - check this first - I know bailiffs cannot come in to your house to take goods if there is a 'vulnerable' person there and children, elderly and disabled people all count as vulnerable.

I was 5 days away so I know exactly how you feel- mental health issues mean I often don't open post.

lovelyupnorth · 12/07/2016 07:39

Good news on your parents help. But I do think you need to start planning and budgeting properly now. So you don't get into this mess in the future. Would recommend visiting the debt free wannabe board on moneysavingexpert.com

Both you and oh need to sit down and be open and honest about your budget.

Good luck today and for the future.

Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 08:32

Thank you. Am keeping everything tightly crossed. Bloody mortgage office isn't open yet! Or aren't answering their phone.

Elder dc going to school as normal but younger would be home anyway so we will have them at home.

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Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 09:25

Waiting for my mum so we can go to the bank. Am absolutely bricking it.

Bloody preschool caught me to ask if I wanted the dc's learning journal (at £5 a copy) and their graduation photos, £5 each. They're lovely photos. I've just said I have no cash on me at present rather than an outright no. I'm not ready to reveal all to the whole world. Dh, my parents and on here is quite sufficient at the moment.

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cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 09:27

You're doing OK - especially given how much you have on your plate.

Did you get through to the mortgage people?

Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 10:25

I have got through to the mortgage people. They confirmed they have received the payment although it won't clear until tomorrow. They have cancelled the eviction - although I will still be on tenterhooks until past 11am. I have told them I am worried they won't get through in time but they have assured me not to worry.

We have a new direct debit set up.

So that's the immediate issue sorted. I've now to dress the small dc (I dashed out straight from school run), tidy and dig out lots and lots of paperwork to get all our figures in order.

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ineedamoreadultieradult · 12/07/2016 10:29

Well done, if anyone turns up at 11 just tell them about your conversation with the mortgage people and they will ring and check so don't worry about that. Money advice service has a budgeting tool which I found very helpful. Make sure DH who likes to spend is on board as well.

cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 10:32

Well done - and you'll have some calls to make this afternoon as well?

How were your parents? And DH?

Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 10:39

Yes. CAB and step change. I looked on the internet last night and I'll need all my figures for them so it makes sense to get them all out first.

My parents are ok - they want to kill me. But they are being kind about it.

Dh... Understandably is a lot more pissed off. We haven't rowed, we've cried. We've said we've both been foolish. Dh has agreed he shouldn't let me carry this burden alone.

I've told him I need every minute detail of his spending, right from fuel for the car to a bar of chocolate from the work tuck shop.

We've also agreed we need to show the dc how to manage money so we are going to set something up so we are all looking at this as a family. They are good and they don't generally demand for things when we are out. But we've also got into the habit of saying 'yes' sometimes without thinking of the consequence to our lack of budget.

Dh and I are going to sit down with my parents at some point in the not to distant future.

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cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 10:51

Good luck then. Somebody upthread linked to another thread on this board - just below this one at the moment, I think - and it might be useful for you to dip into that one regularly. You're absolutely not alone in this. Smile

Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 11:02
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lovelyupnorth · 12/07/2016 11:04

Thinking off you hope you've not had a knock on the door.

please sit down with DH and both be open and honest cause the last thing you want is to be here again in 12 months or 2 years time

All the best

cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 11:21

Yes. You need to be on the same page on this one - you may have staved off today's eviction but the next few years are likely to be tiring and boring. You'll need to face up to that together.

Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 11:51

Cozie - you are right. It is just a sticking plaster on a gaping wound to have staved off eviction today.

The next few years are going to be rough, until we've got our head well and truly above the water. But as long as we do this together we will be fine.

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Camembertie · 12/07/2016 13:00

If it's any consolation we were in a similar but not quite as last minute situation as you are in 6 years ago, and when totted up discovered we had racked up approx £63k in debt.

It felt absolutely and utterly hopeless - but we spoke to Payplan who helped us budget and negotiated with our creditors.

6 years on we have approx £12k to pay off and in 8 more months will be debt free - I never, EVER thought we would get to this point.

The initial shock of adapting to the 'real' budget is hard, and planning is KEY - as well as talking with your kids to make sure they have realistic expectations. Switched gas/electric/insurance providers etc also made life cheaper as well as one off cashback payments we could squirrel away.

Facing up to the true extent is the worst, now you have done that you can have a plan, and once there's a plan it's much, much easier.

Well done, and best of luck

cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 13:15

You've done extraordinarily well there. Has your lifestyle changed permanently do you think?

Camembertie · 12/07/2016 13:29

In some things, yes. I HATE throwing away food and cook really bizarre meals to use up bits and bobs, and freezer full of all sorts I again couldn't bring myself to chuck away.

The absolute hardest bit is trying to persuade people that being skint doesn't mean going for family meal to pizza express rather than cote (for example), it means having £20 left to feed family of 5 for 10 days (totally doable but obviously nothing spare). Even now after spelling it out family, and to a lesser extent friends, don't realise that if we don't know about something before the months' money has come in it's all been accounted for and it's a problem to just pop out for a dinner for no reason.

I have a spreadsheet that has all outgoings on and tall as and when each comes out the bank account, which I check daily. I find it really reassuring, both that we still have some money left, and to realise I am in control.

My mental health improved in direct proportion to the control of our finances, I still have those panicky completely floored and hopeless moments but they are moments not all the time.

tribpot · 12/07/2016 13:34

Key thing now is to budget, budget, budget. And in doing so, remember all your irregular or infrequent spends - insurance if you pay it yearly, car repairs, birthdays, Christmas. Start building an emergency fund - may seem counter-intuitive when you need to pay off debt, but if you have no cushion at all you will end up having to put the completely unavoidable spend on your credit cards.

I would run 'open book accounting' with your DH and your parents to keep you (and DH) feeling accountable and be clear that there has to be, even in the most stringent of budgets, a little bit of room for 'fun money', otherwise it just becomes too punishing to keep up.

I would talk honestly with DH about how both of your behaviours allowed this situation to develop. Both in amassing the debt and in not dealing with it.

cozietoesie · 12/07/2016 14:13

That's inspiring, Camembertie. It shows that it can be done. Smile

AdoraBell · 12/07/2016 20:55

OP glad to see you have the immediate problem sorted, well done to you parents helping and well done you for calling them tonight.

In addition to that thread in Money Matters there is a Frugaleers thread running in Credit Crunch, lots of friendly MNers on there with good ideas for cutting bills ect.

Thanks onwards and upwards.

AdoraBell · 12/07/2016 21:59

Last night, well done for calling your parents last night.

Original poster
Completelyfinanciallyscrewed · 12/07/2016 22:41

I shall pop over adorabell. I used to print vouchers and all sorts for shopping, but I seem to have lost that habit somewhere along the line.

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