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Original poster

I don't want to claim benefits illegally but....

34 replies

crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:00

I'm getting incredibly stressed about money. I moved in with DP while DS was on the way. DP gets housing benefit for his place, so I'm living there illegally, and it's not really suitable for a kid. I was self-employed before DS arrived, but have had to stop work to look after him. I'd like to go back to work, although I'd love to be able to be a houswife for another couple of years first. I don't think DP can look after DS if I do go back as he has a seriously bad back following an accident(for which he gets incapacity benefit) and can't pick DS up, and is sometimes laid up in bed for days at a time.

I own a house in another town so my entire income is now £300 per month, from renting out my house plus child benefit.

The relationship between DP and I is shaky for a variety of reasons, but we're trying to make it work and we're actually really happy on one level. DP doesn't want to give up his tenancy and IB claim to move in with me if I buy a house nearby unless I give him a share of the house. Some of the money was inherted from my grandmother and some of it was my graft.

Dp thinks he might be able to do some kind of work, when he's OK, but he's been out of work for a long time and I think it could be hard for him to find anything. But I don't want to hand over a chunk of my house for it all to fall apart. I don't want to break the law by claiming benefits/ tax credits I'm not entitled to. I'm desperately skint, and I feel like I'm living in limbo.

Help! Where do we go from here?

OP posts:
PanicPants · 29/11/2006 15:02

Don't, don't don't give dp a claim to your house.

I speak from bitter experience.

StrawberryMoon · 29/11/2006 15:03

dont know your full story, but id suggest renting something together or living seperatly while you sort yourselves out and dont buy together if you are not happy.
he does need to tell DWP about you being there, but it prob wont make any diff, you may get more because of LO.

hairymclary · 29/11/2006 15:08

your DP won't move in with you because he'll lose out on some money?
sounds like he really loves you.

hairymclary · 29/11/2006 15:10

btw, I am sure you can still get incapacity benefit even if you're living with someone can't you?

Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:19

I wouldn't be able to claim anything I think because I have 'assets' in the form of the house - I think I be held responsible for supporting DP.

Dp isn't that heartless! it's just that he can see the flaws in our relationship too and if gives up his tenancy and I then boot him out, he'd then have about zero chance of being housed again as a single bloke.

OP posts:
Uwila · 29/11/2006 15:25

Live separately whilst you work your relationship. If you think the relationship might not last (and sounds like that may be the case) then you are better off living alone with your son anyway.

Why don't you work?

Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:28

Well, I don't earn a lot of money so I couldn't afford childcare (and there's nobody else I could ask), at the moment I'm bfing non-stop so it's out of the question, but I'm not sure Dp could look after DS as he can't lift him.

OP posts:
Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:30

Living separately is what's been running through my head, but DP freaks out. Maybe that's the right answer.

OP posts:
Uwila · 29/11/2006 15:31

How old is DS? I'm thinking that if you live apart you avoid the potential trauma for your DS if you break up.

Uwila · 29/11/2006 15:34

Well, I certainly wouldn't give any part of my house to a man whom I wasn't married to. No way no how. That would be foolish. So, perhaps he should choose between his council house and a life with you.

Will he ever be able to work again? Does he go to physio? What if you get pregnant again? If I were you I would want some long term plans. And if he can't commit, then I'd go back to my house.

Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:35

6 mo. i hate the idea of separating them though, and I'd miss dp so much too.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/11/2006 15:37

Can you be his landlord?

I mean, like him let out a room in your house for rent?

I don't know how that might work, but it's a thought.

hairymclary · 29/11/2006 15:39

I think at the end of the day you have 2 options

You either live apart (which neither of you wants)
Or else your DP needs to make that jump and move in with you.

His living with you should not be dependant on you saying he can have a cut in the house. If he is that worried about your future together then option one is probably the wisest one.

Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:40

i think he probably could work, but whether he'd get work remains to be seen - he's started looking. i was wondering whether i could somehow give him a share that starts at 0 and increases as he contributes?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/11/2006 15:42

I think giving him ANY share w/o being married to him and/or having a signed agreement drawn up by a solicitor - there's a particular name for it in England but I can't remember it just now - would be very unwise.

He can pay you rent.

I mean, I pay my landlord rent and it doesn't count towards purchase.

what an idea!

He's trying to take you for a ride.

hairymclary · 29/11/2006 15:44

This reply has been deleted

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zippitippitoes · 29/11/2006 15:45

it seems to me that he is not willing to make a commitment but expects that you will

I would suggest he moves in to your home and review things after twelve or twenty four months if you want to consider some sort of equity build up for him in the house

my dp deosn't and wopn't have any share of my hlouse as he refuses to do so despite the fact that he has done a lot of renovation on it

Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 15:52

thanks. your comments are helping to make things a bit clearer in my head. i need to get on and just buy a place and he can live with me if he chooses. if it's all going swimmingly in a while, i might just cut him in, or not.

OP posts:
batters · 29/11/2006 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HowTheFillyjonkStoleChristmas · 29/11/2006 16:08

have only skimmed this but

crimplene, sympathy to you, I think you are in a tricky situation.

however, what he is doing is fradulent. He is actually risking crimial prosecution, tbh, and this is exactly the sort of case (deliberate fraud, a reasonable amount of money involved) where they might prosecute. Tbh, you have a child who you are raising together, your chance of arguing that you are not actually living together are pretty much nil.

If I am correct in saying that you are bringing in around £300 a month then that will def affect his entitlement to housing benefit. It might well wipe his housing benefit out completely, especially if he gets incapacity benefit. So I think they would probably at least push for repayment and possibly a fine. And it'd be quite a bit.

Also-I'm guessing he's similarly being overpaid council tax benefit and (technically) getting the single person's discount when he shouldn't. Another big repayment.

And I'm assuming he doesn't get an income support top up? cos...ditto.

If people know that you are living there with him (and they must do if you are giving it as your address) then there is a good chance someone or something will drop you in it. What are you doing for a tax credits/child benefit address? the revenue does occasionally talk to the housing benefit office.

God I am not trying to scare you or anything...but this is actually potentially serious. btw you are not actually liable here-he is. you are not claiming and so they can't touch you.

its been 18 months since i worked in this area and I'm hoping I've missed something staggeringly obvious...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/11/2006 16:09

Agree with batters.

Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 16:16

yep, that's why i'm not claiming, i know it's serious, but it is his problem, not mine, i'm just desperately skint instead

OP posts:
Original poster
crimplene · 29/11/2006 16:25

and the sad thing is that the way i understand it, unless dp can get a job (which is going to be very tough) I can't afford to support him and pay childcare on the £200 odd p.w. that I normally earn So is there any way we could live together legally if we both move into my house?

OP posts:
littleducks · 29/11/2006 16:32

ok, maybe you should live seperately and ypou can stay three nights at yours and you three nights at his, then you can claim whatever you are entitled to and so can he.

you will also more importantly have somwehere to live at least part of the time that is more suitable for child.

HowTheFillyjonkStoleChristmas · 29/11/2006 16:35

have you done a working tax credits calculation to see how much you'd get?

people are on balance more often better off working IMO. not everyone though, sadly. but results can be suprising.

and does he have any other benefit entitlement eg dla?

would link but bf and typing 1 handed in dark