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Original poster

child maintenance is a joke

46 replies

starshaker · 01/08/2015 14:42

Basically my twins are 5 on monday. I have never asked their father for anything. Anyway things have changed and money is a bit tight and I could use a bit of help. I called to find out what I would need to do and I have been told i either need to deal with it myself or pay them £20 and they will contact him but they can't promise he will make payments. Also any payments will start from when he agrees to pay.

On the other side of things my boyfriend is having to pay shitloads of arrears for maintenance for his daughter (that he's not allowed to see) and his ex only applied a couple of years ago but they are back dating it to when the marriage ended.

How is this fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
starshaker · 01/08/2015 14:46

not only that but if I did receive anything I have to pay a fee to receive it

OP posts:
Trapper · 01/08/2015 14:48

Do you believe your claim will be treated any differently to the claim your partners ex made?

Original poster
starshaker · 01/08/2015 14:51

I know it will. Mine won't be back dated and mine will require a processing fee and weekly fee for collection and payment

OP posts:
FuckitFay · 01/08/2015 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckOffPeppa · 01/08/2015 14:54

It's changed/is changing from a couple of years ago. It will make it incredibly easy for the nrp to refuse payments. You have my sympathy.

Re your boyfriend, why wasn't he paying for his child from as soon as the marriage ended anyway?! Has he taken his ex to court to get access to his daughter?

Bubblesinthesummer · 01/08/2015 15:00

his ex only applied a couple of years ago but they are back dating it to when the marriage ended.

I thought they could only back date to when it was first applied for?

HowDdo2You · 01/08/2015 15:07

Your ex and new partner are very alike. Sad

Original poster
starshaker · 01/08/2015 15:21

No my new partner is nothing like my ex.

His ex refuses to let him see his daughter. He wants nothing more than to get to know her. My ex hasn't even spoken to me since i told him I was pregnant with twins.

Yes he should have made the effort to pay but he should also be allowed access to see his daughter. He didn't have the money for a legal battle.

OP posts:
FuckOffPeppa · 01/08/2015 15:36

I don't think I could be with a man who didn't pay towards his child, regardless of whether he saw them or not, especially if I had an ex who didn't pay towards my children!

Original poster
starshaker · 01/08/2015 15:55

I think its disgusting when the RP stops the other parent seeing their child and yes I don't think he should have to because she is stopping him seeing her. But he is paying. He is paying a lot and he also pays for his son (second marriage).

OP posts:
butterflygirl15 · 01/08/2015 16:07

He should take her to court for access then? It isn't as simple as a mother stopping him seeing their child.

And they only date the claim from when it is made. And you pay £20 to open a case, but only get charged for payments if they are made via collect & pay. It is the same rules for everyone.

FuckOffPeppa · 01/08/2015 16:07

You don't think he should pay because he can't see her? Really?

If he's going through the csa then he will be paying what the children are entitled to, and no more, unless he makes voluntary payments on top (unlikely, I feel).

Child maintenance needs to be paid regardless of whether the parent has contact. It's about the child not your boyfriend

butterflygirl15 · 01/08/2015 16:18

and children are not pay per view....

ghostspirit · 01/08/2015 16:27

i contacted csa a good few weeks back. i was told if he did not pay they would take it out of his wages. at first he had refused to pay for his son. but when csa got in contact her agreed to pay be direct. csa have told me if he stops paying that i should contact them and payments will be done via them for a year. and then after the year they will give him the chance to pay me direct again. i had to pay 20 pounds fee as well. but it did get sorted

lacksdirection · 01/08/2015 18:13

starshaker

In all honesty, how do you know for sure your DP's ex refuses to let him see his DD?

Also, Is it possible that your XP tells anyone who will listen that you won't allow him to see his DC and this is why he refuses to pay maintenance??

Original poster
starshaker · 01/08/2015 19:21

I know because I have seen the messages. I know because his ex is now stopping his mum from seeing her.

I think if a parent chooses to stop the other parent from seeing their child then they should accept full responsibility since that is clearly what they want. There are times when it's different like when violence or abuse is involved but when it's just out of spite and maliciousness then yes I think the other parent shouldn't need to pay.

What part of he doesn't have the money for a legal battle don't you get?

The csa didn't used to charge to open a claim. And again he does pay for his children. He has a personal agreement with his second wife where he does pay more than he's required to but he has a relationship with his son

OP posts:
butterflygirl15 · 01/08/2015 20:03

Why is his ex stopping him? He has to try surely.

starlight2007 · 01/08/2015 20:20

Two partners not seeing their fathers the one you are currently with shouldn't pay pay the one who doesn't see yours should..See the hypocrisy...

If he truly wants to see child..He can go to court and self represent..Many do esp since legal aid has stopped.

I haven't seen any improvements for anyone since the CMS took over though

redannie118 · 01/08/2015 20:37

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

Original poster
starshaker · 01/08/2015 23:18

So let me get something straight. You feel it is ok for him to be kept from seeing his daughter.

The difference is that I am not stopping my ex from seeing the twins. He is more than welcome to get to know them but he chooses not to. They are nearly 5 and I have never asked him for anything and I really don't think its worth it now. I don't have a spare £20 that I can throw away on the off chance he pays. I don't even know if he's even working.

OP posts:
FuckOffPeppa · 02/08/2015 08:35

Have you read the replies, OP? No-one said it was ok. Most people said it's not ok for a man to refuse to pay for his own children. And that if he wanted to see them he would have moved mountains to make that happen. And that making a child suffer because of animosity with the ex is a really fucking terrible thing to do.

starlight2007 · 02/08/2015 10:32

redannie can I just ask as I am yet to speak to anyone who might no anything des the CMS have more powers over the self employed as so often I read on here how Self employed are avoiding paying by declaring a low amount, people been paid big bonus's and low wages..

Star if he isn't working you should still recieve £5 a week..I think it may be £8 with CMS.. your £20 would still come back.

I think with your current partner , there is more to this story .. He won't go to court, he has backdated payments which do mean he hasn't been paying. In short I am yet to here any parent say..I don't pay because I don't care enough to pay or I don't have contact because I continually let my child down, can't be arsed with the hassle of going to court.. My own ex will be saying he found court to stressful however he won't be saying he found it too much effort to turn up for contact regularly for 2 hours a fortnight

Original poster
starshaker · 02/08/2015 10:36

And did you read where I said he DOES pay for his children. He tried to see his daughter but his ex wouldn't let him. She has now stopped his mum from seeing her too. His daughter doesn't suffer whatsoever. She is in a family where money is no object. Again before you jump on it, he still pays for his daughter.

And that making a child suffer because of animosity with the ex is a really fucking terrible thing to do

I think a child needs 2 parents more than cash. Basically she wants his money but wants her daughter all to herself. This is wrong. Its all well and good saying he should have moved mountains to see her but without disposable income or the know how to self represent (I know i wouldn't have a clue) then what was he meant to do?

OP posts:
BettyCatKitten · 02/08/2015 10:43

I would try and get maintenance from him now. Next year tax credits are going to be a lot less (sadly particularly more for lone parents) and you need to start getting money in now.
Why are you so concerned about whether he sees his daughter or not? You need to concentrate on your kids. He hardly sounds father of the year Confused

AndNowItsSeven · 02/08/2015 10:50

Op you just don't get it. Your dp should have paid maintenance from day one. The money is to support his child. It is not money for his ex wife.
What kind of father would not provide for his child because the child's mother is not allowing access?
What kind of father would not self represent in court to see their child if the can't afford legal fees?