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Original poster

child maintenance is a joke

46 replies

starshaker · 01/08/2015 14:42

Basically my twins are 5 on monday. I have never asked their father for anything. Anyway things have changed and money is a bit tight and I could use a bit of help. I called to find out what I would need to do and I have been told i either need to deal with it myself or pay them £20 and they will contact him but they can't promise he will make payments. Also any payments will start from when he agrees to pay.

On the other side of things my boyfriend is having to pay shitloads of arrears for maintenance for his daughter (that he's not allowed to see) and his ex only applied a couple of years ago but they are back dating it to when the marriage ended.

How is this fair?

OP posts:

Original poster

starshaker · 02/08/2015 11:06

Im concerned about him not seeing his daughter because I see what it does to him every day. I see how heartbroken his mum is too. Why wouldn't this upset and affect me? You have no idea what kind of man he is. My kids are just fine thank you. I concentrate on them plenty. Their father however has never even met them or paid a penny towards them yet you are all happy to jump on my boyfriend who PAYS FOR BOTH HIS CHILDREN and WANTS TOO GET TO KNOW HIS DAUGHTER. He sees his son about 3 times a week.

OP posts:

BettyCatKitten · 02/08/2015 11:24

This is very confusing. He's never met your children, but you 'see what it does to him every day' not seeing his daughter.
If I were you I'd be much more concerned that he is not seeing your children, or paying for them
You express that you think it is important to have 2 parents, but are not concerned about him seeing or having a relationship with your children and yet are over invested in him paying cm for a daughter he doesn't see.
Is this a reverse? I can't help wondering.

Original poster

starshaker · 02/08/2015 11:52

ok have you read the thread?? Its really not that confusing

My boyfriend pays for his children, sees his son and desperately want to see his daughter but his ex won't allow it

My ex has never met the twins had never paid a penny for them. I have never stopped him seeing them

They are 2 different people

OP posts:

bigfam · 02/08/2015 12:30

It's really quite straightforward, op's ex chooses not to see or pay for their children.

Her oh has two children with other people, both of which he pays for. One he sees and the other he doesn't because his ex stops him

BettyCatKitten · 02/08/2015 13:07

Sorry, read opening op wrong
In that case can he go to court for access to her? I know other people who have gone down that route and been successful.

HawkEyeTheNoo · 02/08/2015 13:21

His mum got to see the child? Why didn't he go to his mums when she had the child?

notapizzaeater · 02/08/2015 13:23

My friends DH self represented at court and got access, she did everything possible to stop it but he kept going back to court. He now sees his girl every other week. I'd keep pushing,

I'd pay the £20, if you got the minimum £5 you'd have it back in a month.

Original poster

starshaker · 02/08/2015 13:27

Its too late now. She's 16.

OP posts:

butterflygirl15 · 02/08/2015 13:31

It's not too late at all. Why can't he contact her direct?

Original poster

starshaker · 02/08/2015 13:39

He has. But when you haven't seen somebody for years and have obviously been poisoned against them what else can he do?.

We have no idea what is being said.

OP posts:

minkGrundy · 02/08/2015 13:43

Yes OP I agree it is not fair when the rp stops the nrp from seeing their child. Mostly it is unfair on the child.

However, now she is 16 he can contact her directly as it is now up to her and not her mother. Or he can go to court and represent himself- costs about £200 in court fees I think.

However, maintenance and access are two separate things and rightly so.

As for situation-
Have you contacted your ex directly to ask for maintenance?
Does he work in paid employment? Or is he self employed?
Yes it is worth making a csa claim especially if you think he will agree to pay the amount they set without using pay and collect. I.e. cms sets the amount they think my ex should pay. He pays it directly to me. Cms do not take any of it. However, if he were to stop paying I would have to use p&c and he would be charged extra for that and they would deduct it from his wages. As he is extremely tight he would not like that.

And yes it is unfair they chrge the rp to make a claim but sadly it is what it is. The current regime is not very kindly disposed towards families.

minkGrundy · 02/08/2015 13:45

Xpost. If he has trued then he can wait and see. As kids get older they often realise things are not as black and white as they have been led to believe.
She will see that a) he trued to get in touch b) he always paid maintenance.

Hopefully these things will work in favour of their future rs.

Original poster

starshaker · 02/08/2015 13:46

I have asked him and I have had no reply
I have no idea if he's working
I don't think he will agree to pay anything

OP posts:

GatoradeMeBitch · 02/08/2015 13:50

Actually, it's not too late at 16, maintenance can be sorted out until 18 can't it?

Also at 16 presumably hs dd has some independence, and a court case could at least allow for him to send letters directly to her.

Original poster

starshaker · 02/08/2015 13:53

He has messaged her but gets no response.

OP posts:

Epilepsyhelp · 02/08/2015 14:07

Like the CMS worker said he doesn't need to agree, so you will get your money back if you put the £20 claim in. If you can manage to save up £5 per week you'll have the money in a month.

minkGrundy · 02/08/2015 18:46

If he has messaged her but gets no response then he will have to assume this is her decision not his exes. However, hopefully as she gets older she will respect the fact that he tried and become mature enough to realise that there are two sides to every story.

At least he knows that he is do8ng the right thing by contributing to her upbrinhing financially.

As for cms if you cannot get your x to reply then you have no choice other than to pay the £20 or give up. It isn't fair but that isthe way it is. (I'd give it a go, even if it is through c&p you still stand to gain and he should pay)

HowDdo2You · 03/08/2015 19:33

She could have changed her phone. His attempts are so feeble one can only guess he likes things as they are.

tunnockt3acake · 03/08/2015 22:42

£20 apply for child maintenance

You will never know if you do not try

Original poster

starshaker · 07/08/2015 21:27

HowDdo what do you actually know. You have no idea of all the details and I have no intention in putting them all on here. No he isn't happy with the way things are. He hasn't messaged her on the phone but on Facebook. She has seen it. He has messaged more than once.

I might apply when I have a spare £20 but at the moment pretty much every penny I have is accounted for

OP posts:

CerealEater · 08/08/2015 11:01

It's a service, if you want to use it there should be a charge. It costs money to staff it etc so why should it be free. The only way it could be free at the point of service is if the CM was deducted from benefits claimed therefore saving more than it cost to use.

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