At my wits end

[Jellymum1]

I just can't cope anymore financially. I'm doing everything I can but I'm so stressed I'm sick of saying no to my daughter and I'm sick of worrying about my baby growing out of her clothes. Me and dh row all the time I feel so stressed he wants a fiver here and there but it kills us. It's ridiculous how can we live like this. We were struggling anyway I worked do in childminder then an unplanned pregnancy and my job wouldn't let me reduce my hours so I had to leave. I cannot afford to put two children with the childminder me and d both minimum wage earners no education or qualifications I'm such a failure I didn't know it'd be this hard we've struggled always but now it's beyond struggling. We're living off the same cheap meals day in day out got rid of the car walk everywhere don't go anywhere that involves getting public transport as dd is 5 now. We don't smoke don't drink dd has had to give up swimming lessons I can't fucking do it anymore. There's no answer. Baby is 10 months so working nights would be impossible dd 1 has medical condition that often meant unpaid carers leave when I did work argh i can't cope at all

Could you give a breakdown of your income and expenses. Are you claiming dla for dd1 that would also lead to extra tax credits and carers allowance ( if middle rate).

Dd 1 condition isn't eligible for disability it's called cyclic vomiting syndrome. She vomits for three days every six weeks basically. Because she is completely well between episodes it doesn't count as a disability. But when I did work taking 3 days off every 6 weeks didn't go down to we'll and those days would also (understandably) be unpaid. I will try and do a breakdown

Income.
Dh wage 1100 per calender month (this is with overtime and after tax)
130 childben 4 weekly
90 child tax cred weekly

Out
Loan 110 (can't get it down I have tried)
Rent 420 per month
C tax 98 per month
Broadband 21 per month
mobiles 70 for both (35 each and both tied contracts)
The school always has something going on so I put 10 aside for that
10 a month for dd 1 multi sports class
4 a week baby groups
80 a month gas
80 electric
Then baby milk/nappies /wipes 30 a week

That's off the top of my head with kids up I will check my bills book later

Sorry about all the spelling and weird auto correct dh is around me in a huff too because I had a melt down over him needing a fiver for a work collection I over reacted but I'm so stressed

The child benefit is most often used for any birthdays coming up and any bits needed by two growing girls like this month it will be used on baby grown as baby growing out of her 9 to 12 now dd 1 needs new school shoes and we have dd 1 invited to 3 birthday parties all of which require travel on the tram gift and card so that's at least a tenner for each. It's ridiculous I sound ridiculous I realise I'm just so fed up

1590 monthly

And the above is £930 ish a month. So £660 a month left over.

How much do you spend on food?

How are you spending so much on gas and electric? Do your mobile contracts end soon? That's a lot of money too. does your broadband include phone calls and line rental?

I'm sorry you're struggling, we're on a very tight budget ourselves. I just wanted to say that I can send you some good quality girl's hand me downs 12 months. I was going to give them to the charity shop tomorrow as have nobody to pass them to. Every little helps and all that

12 a month tv I've missed off and 50 a month water rates

Food we spend 170 a month on tons of tins frozen fish and frozen veg big bags pasta rice lentils then not including baby milk nappies etc around 50 a week on fresh bread milk fruit and salad stock ups. We meal plan. Unfortunately dd 1 is fussy as he'll and has a separate meal plan

The broadband includes line rental yes. The phone contracts run out in sept .We renewed before pregnancy happened. The gas and electricity is pre pay? I think that makes it more. We have smart meters. I'm hoping now spring is near they will reduce a bit. Drying is a huge expense on the electric but I'd never get school uniform work clothes and baby stuff dry around the house my piles of washing are too big.

Shattered that is very kind of you thank you

Where do you do your food shop?. Do you meal plan & stock check?. Organised home website does tick sheets so you can see what you've used, and make a shopping list from that.

Could you switch to a water meter? My water board will let you try one & switch back if it's not cheaper. Eg our old house was £40 a month, this ones metered and is £21 a month.

Could you pay the council tax over 12 months? It lowers your monthly payment, we used to fritter the two "free months" so I swapped to 12 payments. It would knock the payment down to £81 assuming a yearly bill of £980.

You can still swap providers if you are pre-pay. Moneysavingexperts energy club will tell you how. Does the landlord allow credit meters? If you've been good tenants they should at least consider it for you.

When the mobiles end look on www.e2save.co.uk, I got a sim only deal for £9 a month, I send my bills in & they refund me £21 every two months, this makes it free. They do similar deals all the time. They rely on you forgetting to send the bills back to make money, I imagine some people do.

Going by that you have £290 a month left over divided by 4 that's £72ish a week. Could you maybe give your husband £50 and you take £50 for personal spends each month it leaves £190.

Baby clothes - buy bundles on eBay they quite often go very cheap and I've kitted out my 2 year old every 6 months for £30 max like this even did the same for my 12 year old 6 tops, 4 jeans 2 leggings a hood and a onside for about £20.

Food - eat veggie food, shop reductions and follow feed your family for about £20 a week on Facebook. If you live near Farmfoods you can get meat and fish frozen but good quality very cheaply and there are always 10% off coupons for it. Bulk buy stuff when a good offer comes up.

What nappies are you using? Morriston and Tesco both do 2 large packs for £10 and one pack would last us a week.

It's a shifty sort of life I know I'm disabled so we are stuck on benefits but if you work really hard (at least we have the time right? :)) you can find the money for a few treats here and there. I think you need to double check you're in receipt of everything you can get though as it seems too low.

I was going to suggest ebay bundles. In addition, sell Ebay bundles to make some money.

Try to shop in th evenings for discounts. Pelople would think DP and I eat grand meals as we have lamb and salmon but we buy it reduced and freeze it.

Buy whole chickens. We get three/four meals out of it (albeit we are a couple).

Could you perhaps train as a childminder? I don't think that career is a walk in the park but it may make you a bit of money and you can do it from home.

some great tips thanks guys. we do have a farmfoods nearby but i tend to use uceland because they deliver and it saves me taxi-ing the shopping home with a buggy and baby. however i will give it a go the taxi would be minimum 2.90 fare so if i save more than that thats fab. its also only once a month i stock up freezer anyway. we are vegetarian so i dont buy meat which is a huge saving i dont know how wed manage if we eat meat! i do buy quorn on offers too.

only an asda nearby for us i tend to do my tuesday stock up shop for fresh stuff there. i wish we had an aldi! but again i stick to offers. seems to be a bit left over when you write it down where the frig does it go!!!? thanks for your replies i was feeling over tired and overwhelmed and needed to vent. i just feel like i was terrible for having mt second baby its upset the family dynamics hugely and i wasnt expecting it to be this hard. i will definately contact council tax to pay over 12 months

luna training as a childminder sounds like the answer but id need some money to start up with and pay for the course and my house is teeny.

Apparently Aldi nappies are the dogs nuts

Have you switched energy supplier? Water meter will most likely save you money and if it doesn't you can switch back.

Have you checked if you qualify for tax credits?

Would you or your dh qualify for free / discounted training or evening courses so you can gain some qualifications to help you earn more in the long run?

Also, somebody mentioned tax credits. Do check if you are eligible for tax credits, there is a calculator on the HMRC website. Can you claim a carers allowance on behalf of your dc as you have given up work to care for her. CVS is a debilitating condition and I would seek advice from the CAN about reapplying for it.

As others have advised, sell out grown baby clothes/equipment to pay for new stuff.

You could register with top cash back & get money back for your grocery shopping. Also check on there for deals to switch phones & utilities to another provider & get cash back on that.

Your dh needs to understand that you are not in the position to pay out for work collections. He needs to get a better paid job of he wants to waste money on unnecessary spends each week.

CAB (citizens advice bureau) not CAN

Have just put some rough details about your situation in the "entitled to" calculator obviously not accurate but have taken it from the info you have given above. Don't know anything about whether you had Maternity Pay etc.

According to that you should be getting both Working Tax Credits and Child Tax Credits. Housing Benefit help too. So the best be would actually go to the Entitled to Site or the Turn2 Us site and check you are getting all the help you can.
entitledto.co.uk/
www.turn2us.org.uk/

naanaa i did a turntous calculation too but when i spoke to housing benefit they said i am in a universal credit postcode and to apply for that. i did and they said we weren't entitled to claim uc because we get child tax credit?

dh does not get working tax credit i rang in january to double chexk they had our circumstances down correct and infact at that point they dropped out child tax credit from 103 a week to 90 a week so im scared to bloody contact them again! but our award letter definately has on the correct income for dh and we definately dont get working tax although friends seem quite sure we should. i dont understand it at all?

i never thought about maybe being able to get help with course costs I'll look into that tomorrow! what a great idea. i dont mind working i really dont but it would be at. loss to pay for childcare unless it was flexible. i worked in admin in the nhs for 12 years i was absolutely devestated when they would not let me reduce my hourw

and thanks aspreydiamonds i will definately look into topcashback. the water company said a meter would be more expensive because i have two children when we did an estimate.

why not come and join us onthe money saving /frugal thread? are all working to live with what we have and reduce our debts. We are all friendly and supportive and have lots of good ideas..

March frugaleers

God I remember what it's like to live like that. When money is short it just follows you everywhere, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Would some sort of care work suit you? I work as a nurse so I do long days 3/4 a week if full time. That means usually 3/4 days off a week and when I was a carer in a care home it was the same. That way if you can predict the vomiting every 6 weeks you could try to have those 3 days off without losing money. I appreciate it's not everyone's cup of tea and not everyone has childcare options available though but just a thought.

Sorry just realising you have just had a baby, I'm sure 13hr shifts are the last thing on your mind!

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