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Original poster

At my wits end

48 replies

Jellymum1 · 16/03/2015 18:21

I just can't cope anymore financially. I'm doing everything I can but I'm so stressed I'm sick of saying no to my daughter and I'm sick of worrying about my baby growing out of her clothes. Me and dh row all the time I feel so stressed he wants a fiver here and there but it kills us. It's ridiculous how can we live like this. We were struggling anyway I worked do in childminder then an unplanned pregnancy and my job wouldn't let me reduce my hours so I had to leave. I cannot afford to put two children with the childminder me and d both minimum wage earners no education or qualifications I'm such a failure I didn't know it'd be this hard we've struggled always but now it's beyond struggling. We're living off the same cheap meals day in day out got rid of the car walk everywhere don't go anywhere that involves getting public transport as dd is 5 now. We don't smoke don't drink dd has had to give up swimming lessons I can't fucking do it anymore. There's no answer. Baby is 10 months so working nights would be impossible dd 1 has medical condition that often meant unpaid carers leave when I did work argh i can't cope at all

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Oodear · 17/03/2015 07:38

Try the MSE budget brain, it really concentrates your mind as to where it's all going and points you in the direction of where things can be saved. Takes a while but well worth it

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 17/03/2015 07:45

Who is your mobiles with? We were with O2 and still managed to switch to a better tariff mid contract

naanaa · 17/03/2015 10:40

Okay you can't receive child tax credits whilst on Universal Credit, but you would be entitled to a child element for your two children, within Universal Credit. If you qualify there's also childcare costs provision. You definitely need to see a welfare rights counsellor or get an appt at CAB. Having just added up your entitlement within Universal Credit and then taking away your earned income, it looks as though you would be better off claiming UC.

How many hours does you OH work? There has to be a reason why you aren't entitled to Working Tax Credit, that you haven't mentioned because as a couple you can earn £18200, if you have children the annual limit is higher, so perhaps it has something to do with the number of hours they work etc.

naanaa · 17/03/2015 10:45

Also DD1 can't afford to be fussy as hell and you still have the extra money ladydeadpool has mentioned. If you don't know where this is going then you really need a much tighter schedule for a couple of months and write down literally everything you buy no matter how small. You may find you are buying more stuff than you realise which unless a priority may have to go.

Original poster

Jellymum1 · 17/03/2015 12:13

Thanks everyone I'm going to write down the sites and tips and check the frugal thread.

Nancy dh works full time. I've been to cab this morning and I've got an appointment tomorrow to do a claim for for housing Ben. I am looking for work just it needs to be minimal childcare needed as we don't have family it really is just us. Thank you all so much I am really down and just wanted to feel less alone. X

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Original poster

Jellymum1 · 17/03/2015 12:14

Nancy.... naanaa even!

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Original poster

Jellymum1 · 17/03/2015 12:14

P am dove we are O2 I will call them!

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MsAspreyDiamonds · 17/03/2015 13:44

Have a look at your local council job pages for vacancies particularly term time or school admin/lunch time supervisor roles. Universities and FE colleges also recruit admin /catering & manual staff so it's worth checking the website of your local one.

Ask at the citizens advice bureau about course funding.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 17/03/2015 13:58

Some banks like Halifax are offering £100+ cash back if you switch your account to them. It might be worth doing that and keep the caskback money in a savings account for emergencies.

Original poster

Jellymum1 · 17/03/2015 14:08

Fab I will certainly follow that up. While dd had a nap I cleared out some clothes and popped them on ebay. Fingers crossed!

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CoffeeToffee · 17/03/2015 15:32

I'm sorry I can't think of anything practical to say but wanted to wish you luck. It sounds very draining. Hopefully it will improve as the kids get older. I know it's difficult but are you trying to save anything. I'd be much happier stashing away a fiver for a rainy day fund than for a work collection.
Also, do you have any family that could help? As long as you give it thought then loans from family can work. My DM has given my very skint brother a gift of a few thousand pounds. It's been knocked off his inheritance so is seen to be 'fair' by everyone. My MIL has done similar with my waster skint BIL.

Have you thought of using one of the budgeting apps. I think you log in every single expenditure - I think some people have found them helpful as they help stop you making wasteful purchases. I don't know what they are called.

spiderbabymum · 17/03/2015 15:39

Where do you live ...just maybe give us a rough idea ?
Would a bunch of washable nappies ......they are good quality used ...be of any use ????
You would nt need a drier if you can hang outside in dry weather

spiderbabymum · 17/03/2015 15:43

I have plenty of girls clothes too mostly aged1-2. Happy to put stuff aside for you

My other thought is diet . Sorry but if you are veggie and maybe not eating properly you may be low in iron , ferritin , B 12
....could be making you feel so much worse

Original poster

Jellymum1 · 17/03/2015 16:27

Hi spiderbaby I'm in South Manchester.

Coffeetoffee we don't have family :( well we do but none that are supportive or helpful to us. My dh brother seems to get all the help from their mum, she has had his children while he and his Mrs worked and has bailed him out of lots of debt so aparently their mum is sick of doing it and doesn't want to do it again (although still does it for him and watches his kids but they are now teenagers so I suppose it is different to having young ones. And my parents are not really very good and I get big lectures from them and basically told to get on with it. In fairness my mum is skint anyway but my dad and step mum have money. I've asked about knocking a loan off my inheritance from them but aparently I'm not getting anything anyway when they die!!!! It's bypassing me and going to my children aparently. They are a pair of weirdos.

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greeneggsandjam · 18/03/2015 18:34

Did I read it right that you are spending £170 a month on food then top ups of £50 a week not including some things? That's quite a lot.

Also, cant you get rid of the pre pay meters for gas and electricity? That sound like a huge amount.

Original poster

Jellymum1 · 19/03/2015 20:53

Yeah greeneggs we bulk buy fish pasta rice tins washing powder on monthly pay day then every Tuesday top up fresh stuff about 30 quid then Saturday another top up 20 quid. I gather it's because we eat A LOT of fresh fruit and veg. We meal plan and often eat left overs. We only have asda( and it's only a small express type one) to shop in (I don't drive). I am going to start a spread sheet in time for next pay day and see what I'm doing wrong.

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Original poster

Jellymum1 · 19/03/2015 20:57

Also... buying separate food. Like the kids need full fat cheese, yoghurt and butter. I have low fat yoghurt and butter (but don't eat cheese at least!) I have to really watch my weight and absolutely have to cook from scratch I have a terrible relationship with food. I'm working on it but I think I'm probably panic buying and over spending now I'm looking a bit closer thanks to this thread I've some good ideas how to track what I'm spending. I did have an eating disorder as a teen, I spent my adult life massively overweight I'm now a healthy weight but very obsessive and have to be very very careful not to trigger a binge it's bloody awfulw

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specialsubject · 19/03/2015 21:13

cooking from scratch is usually cheaper, as well as much better for you. Do it!

remember low-fat means high-sugar. There is only a small calorie difference between full-fat yogurt and low-fat, so eat the good stuff and enjoy. If you mean marge rather than 'low-fat butter' it is all the same so keep a good eye out for the offer of the week. You need calcium too!

can you get online shopping delivered? Tesco do it for £1 if you pick your slots.

also you do need internet - but you don't need mobile internet. When the contracts end, lose the smartphones and go to £10 supermarket simple PAYG talk and text models. And keep chats short!

Hope this helps.

Babyroobs · 19/03/2015 21:45

Perhaps look for a job working around your husband's hours if possible so that you pay minimal childcare. This is what we've always done snce our babies were a few months old. Evening/ weekend work in a supermarket or care home perhaps?

Babyroobs · 19/03/2015 21:47

Also as others have said try shopping in the evening when stuff is reduced. We go to our local Tesco express - yesterday I got a pint of milk (7p), loaf of bread (14p) and 2 nice yoghurts for 10p each. This evening I got a pack of chunky whie fish for a fish pie for 90p and chicken breasts for £1. Like pp we freeze stuff too.

greeneggsandjam · 19/03/2015 23:41

I agree with online shopping so you can delete the things you don't really need and can better stick to a budget, plus you can get good delivery cost options. Maybe if you are eating A LOT of fresh fruit and vegetables its the fancy expensive stuff like blueberries and fruit not in season? I am in a position where I can only spend £45 a week max on everything including toiletries and cleaning products so I don't very often manage to buy fish or much fruit/veg unless its in season and then I tend to get it from the market where its cheaper. Also, are you buying branded products or own label and are you looking out for deals? Again, I find you can do this quite well online as you can type in say, eggs, then do a search for all products priced from low to high.

Rockchick1984 · 20/03/2015 21:06

The benefits you receive sound about right - my DH earns the same and we don't qualify for working tax credits as the cut off is around £16k. You may get a small amount of housing benefit, I think we were eligible for £20 a month but it varies by area.

I spend approx £60 a week on groceries including top ups of milk and bread through the week - that's for 2 adults and 2 kids under 5, and includes nappies, wipes, cleaning stuff etc. I cook mostly from scratch, we buy fresh veg to go with things like roast dinners but I always have a good supply of frozen veg too for casseroles, pasta sauces etc as they are so much cheaper than fresh.

Your gas and electric seems incredibly high. I pay £75 a month combined so I'd really look at trying to switch to direct debit rather than prepay meter. I don't use a tumble dryer - yes it's annoying always having washing drying in the dining room but it saves a fortune so it's worth it.

We manage to have a treat night once a week where we get take away or go out for tea, and we have a small budget for new clothes each month but we are never totally skint and live reasonably well considering we are low income. The only real differences are the utility bills and we don't have a loan (although we have sky TV and run a car so that probably works out to be similar).

I am bloody careful though about not overspending on normal day to day stuff as for me the treats are worth being strict the rest of the time!

Original poster

Jellymum1 · 22/03/2015 16:34

i didnt know that about tesco I'll certainly try it. sounds like im overspending on food so will try to reduce that. i am looking for evening work and have even been to a recruitment fair today. feeling a little more positive x

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