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Original poster

Who will love your children?

33 replies

talcam · 27/10/2006 21:09

Just a thought as eventually I am getting round to writing a will- who do you leave your children to?

Is mum too old she is only 50 and dearly loves them?
MIL and FIL 10 years older and spend half the year in france
Brother and gf just moving in together but prob not ready yet.
BIL and wife live far away and not as close to them.
Friends all starting or have families and would they love mine the same

So just interested to see what other peoples solutions are

OP posts:
ilovecaboose · 27/10/2006 21:10

IN this order - dp, mum, sister. Checked with them when will was drafted. They are happy with this.

scarysuejonez · 27/10/2006 21:10

At 50 I would definitely ask your mum to be guardian in event of your death in your position. At least for another 10 years.

Frizombie · 27/10/2006 21:10

My parents if they're not too old, failing that BIL and SIL, who are praying like crazy that nothing happens to us (or they get their lifestyle shattered by a horde!)

ilovecaboose · 27/10/2006 21:12

meant to say my mum is in her 50s.

xena · 27/10/2006 21:13

my parents - have the same problem that they are 'older' at 56 but secondly my sil and bil (although I have 3 siblings) because they would love them with out putting conditions on anything and that would be what would matter should the worst happen

buktus · 27/10/2006 21:13

my mil is the only person we could put down she is 70 but not your normal 70 yr old thank god, when anything happens we will alter the will but until then it would be her and only her

foundintranslation · 27/10/2006 21:15

ds has 2 couples as godparents and both have agreed to take ds if something happened to both dh and me. We are absolutely confident that they would both love and care for him as one of their own. For different reasons, both my and dh's parents and brothers are out of the question.

DelGhoul · 27/10/2006 21:22

Well my brother will be 50 in April and he and sil (not 50) are dd's guardians should anything happen to me. My will was updated last year when dd was born.

TheBlonde · 27/10/2006 21:42

My folks are late 50s, inlaws are 70s - all are too old imho
I would prefer to keep it in the family so the godparents are out (although I know if the entire clan was wiped out they would step in)
My closest sensible/suitable relative is on the other side of the planet so that rules her out

Which leaves my single twentysomething bro as our chosen guardian

Hideehi · 27/10/2006 21:50

Nightmare, we have nobody, hubby and I try not to travel in the same car without the children. It keeps me awake at night

Hideehi · 27/10/2006 21:50

Nightmare, we have nobody, hubby and I try not to travel in the same car without the children. It keeps me awake at night

Reece · 27/10/2006 21:57

I've been wondering about this as well.
My parents are 60, PIL are 70's, want to keep it in the family rather than non-related god parents.

I live in a different country to my family which makes it more difficult. SIL's both have 3 kids a piece so they are busy busy busy. BIL - don't think so...

This leaves my sister in UK who is divorced and struggles to take care of her own 2 kids. Other sister has 1st baby due soon, brother young and just started first job etc.

This is such a difficult thing to decide but yet a vital one. Think it may be sister with own babay due but would mean uprooting my childen from this country bak to the UK. Doesn't bear thinking about does it.

wheelybug · 27/10/2006 21:58

grandparents in 60's here so too old. BIL v. single and would not have a clue. I have 2 DB's, both married. One is obvious choice in that they have 2 DCs and have asked us to be their guardians but they moan a lot about how difficult life is with children so we don't really want them. my other db and his wife would be smashing but don't have children and don't lead a child friendly life style at the mo but am hoping they will decide to ahve children before I pluck up the courage to ask them !!

PumpkinMilkshake · 27/10/2006 22:11

Dont like to think of this, but althogh we chose 3 sets of God Parents, my husbands aunt, who we are very close to is my first choice. She has no children of her own, and never will. She is her 50's but brilliant with DD. She would be left our house to hold in trus for DD either to live in or rent out until DD is 21.
If not have a best friend, also God Parent who has two DS's and no DD's and DD is very comfy with their family.
Going to stop now as cannot stand thinkning of this another moment.

prettymummified · 27/10/2006 22:20

i can only think of dps mum at the moment! i have no contact with my family so would not want my dc going to them. dps mum been really supportive and loves the kids to bits and i'll be in peace knowing that they're with her.

zippy34 · 28/10/2006 00:02

My parents first (Late 50s/early 60s but in excellent health and more than capable of caring for small children still) and if that wasn't possible db/sil. They're much wealthier than us... but I'd also absolutely trust them to make no distinction between their son and ours as they are very good people.

Dh's family are packed to the brim with neuroses and family feuds so absolutely not.

cat64 · 28/10/2006 00:31

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Message withdrawn

geekgrrl · 28/10/2006 07:07

my parents, they are late 50s/early 60s. Don't have any back-up after them.

inlaws are only slightly (older mid-60s) and live locally, but they're so caught up in enjoying their retirement they'd probably put the kids into foster care.

lunavix · 28/10/2006 10:17

I've been worrying about this

MIL and PIL definately first. But like I said to dh, they're older than us (obviously!)

BIL is very young and carefree, definately not ready to settle down with two kids who arne't his! I know my sis would love them but she only ever wanted two, not four.... and I'm sure she'd struggle financially (plus it would mean a move across the world)

MY parents and other family, no way.

THis leaves godparents, there's a couple I'd trust them with but they're still young too, no kids, and it's a big commitment. Plus what if they split up?

LittleScarer · 28/10/2006 11:01

My ex will get dd if I die, if we are both gone my mum will get her. Tbh I haven't even asked her properly but I know that is what she will expect and want and it is also what I would want.

She is only just 50 and wouldn't have any problems caring for dd. My dad is great too but will live with his girlfriend, who is nice, but there are some very complex issues there and I wouldn't want her to have a bigger part in her upbringing than my mum.

Still, I don't actually have a will though. Yet.

Flamesparrow · 28/10/2006 11:04

In this order for me:

DH... My mum (55 and is very close to them)... Psychomum5 & her DH.

I know my mum would have help from my dad (even though they are seperate), Psycho, and it wouldn't suprise me if my sister moved nearer too.

This is very

glitterfairy · 28/10/2006 11:08

I have left mine to Beetroot in the past when I was married and it was agreed. Now when I die she becomes their guardian in my place. Lucky her having to deal with X! I think that is why she is constantly on about my health. I can think of no better place for my kids with a caring and concerned friend who will bring them up not exactly as I would but in a wonderful place and a great atmosphere. She would respect their relatives and see to it they had a great education. Once again it is not how I would do things but then I think that in an event like the death of both parents the right thing is to make sure the kids also agree with where they go and mine certainly do!

NappiesGalore · 28/10/2006 11:13

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jabberthefriendlyghost · 28/10/2006 11:16

We added guardians to our will when ds was just 2 months old. I have a nephew who is 30 and has a lovely, lovely wife that I just adore. I know they would bring up ds (and soon to be ds2) in the same manner we would. Our attorney specified that we needed a back-up couple so have nephew2 and wife, also wonderful couple. They have different religious views though, hence being our #2 choice, but still I know they would love and care for our kids. It's not something I like to think about, but it is a comfort knowing that it's done. We also established that they would have a trust overseen by a third party - close friend of dh's.

ssd · 28/10/2006 11:33

horrible question to ask - what happens if you've not made a will, are married but both of you are gone? what happens to your kids (can't bear even typing this ). and if your parents are v. elderly and not suitable and your siblings are no use? jesus, it gets worse, don't want to leave the house now.

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