I'm a shopaholic, please help

[afterthought]

Just that really, I'm a shopaholic and I can't stop. It has left me in debt which I feel like I'm desperate to get out of, yet even that isn't enough for me to stop.

I shop because I feel useless and worthless 99.9% of the time, having things makes me feel a 'success'. I had counselling but it made it worse.

I need to stop but I don't know how.

Please help :(

I can't believe it has been 3 months since I started this thread. I felt like I was getting somewhere but its been two steps forward, five steps back. I don't know what has happened the last 2-3 weeks but it hasn't been good. I feel constantly anxious (to the point of having a tight chest) but I'm not sure what is causing what - I don't know if I've spent more because of the anxiety, or I'm anxious because of the spending. I don't quite know where to turn at the moment but have given myself a deadline of December 31st - if I've not overcome the urges to spend by then I'm leaving DP as it isn't fair on him.

afterthought Being honest: you really don't sound very kind to yourself! Being a shopaholic is an illness, you can't help it.

"if I've not overcome the urges to spend by then I'm leaving DP as it isn't fair on him." - Shouldn't that be his decision- maybe he'll want to help you as he loves you?

Please go to your GP and seek some help! You deserve it and don't go it alone- you deserve support!

The fact you're trying to sort things is the main point. Sorry if someone's said this, but for me when I was trying to stop spending I got a massive piece of paper (wall paper roll) and got a marker pen, then stuck it to the kitchen wall and wrote down everything I spent, plus the date and this helped me work out where everything went, plus I couldn't hide it as it was staring me (and visitors) in the face

As the op said pls see your gp about your feelings you must start feeling good again

Thanks for the replies. A month has passed and things are much more positive. I decided to change my approach and rather than have a weekly budget for food, petrol, spends etc, I decided to add things like food and petrol to my monthly budget and just have a weekly 'spends' budget. I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner as I don't have a problem with spending too much on food etc - I just get what is needed.

It has really worked as my 'spends' money is guilt free. I got the idea from some relationship threads. I decided I would draw my money on a Monday and it had to last. Instantly I started thinking about stuff more. I haven't drawn this weeks money out as I'm still on last weeks. I'm going to set up a separate savings account. I already put some into an account for essentials like car service, Christmas etc but I'm going to have an extra one for splurges. Anything left from my weekly spends will go into the splurges account which I can guilt free buy coats and shoes from. Guilt about buying always caused me anxiety, then I shopped to reduce anxiety. Not only have I not bought anything, but I don't even think about it at the moment.

My whole mindset seems to have changed. I've started going to the gym everyday - I don't do anything major, just enough to make me feel better and it seems to have really affected my mood. Work is going well too and was recently graded outstanding again in my latest lesson observation. I need to start believing in myself. Every time I've got outstanding I just can't understand why they think that and wonder when they'll start seeing how crap I really am. Maybe they're right and I'm wrong.

I think they might be right, gold star for you!. Well done.

20 days and the only thing I've bought is a pack of festive socks (£3.50 from the supermarket). Quite a turnaround from the hundreds I was spending each month. I've barely touched the 'pocket money' I'd set aside for myself.

You're putting me to shame. I keep thinking of my January tax bill to keep me on the straight and narrow.

afterthought
I just reread the whole of your thread

If I did not have your posts highlighted in my settings it would seem to be a different person typing.

And yes, the outstanding grade at work shows you ARE outstanding.

Thanks. It was your diet analogy that really helped me and I had never really thought about it in that way. It has taken me a long time to get to this place but I'm hoping that because it has been so gradual it will be long term.

The other massive thing I've changed is compartmentalising my life. I used to have old clothes for home, work clothes, nice casual clothes for home, gym clothes. I tended to stick to the old stuff and keep the nice casual stuff just in my wardrobe. I gave the old stuff to charity, I wear the nice stuff at the weekend which makes me feel better anyway, and then keep it out of the wash to wear to the gym during the week.

The other thing that has helped has been my 'pocket money' being a reasonable amount. I debated just setting it at £5 each week, after all I don't need to be buying stuff and I could just pay extra off my loan. I decided instead to have it high enough that if I went out for dinner for example, it could come out of the 'pocket money'. Otherwise, if I had a small budget, things like that would end up on the credit card.

I thought this would be a much better long term situation. It will take me longer to clear the debt, but it is more of a lifestyle change - I would hate to deprive myself of everything for ages, then when I finish making payments start overspending again.

Thanks for the ideas, but I've given up on ebay now. There are far too many people who want things for nothing - I know that the point of it is to get bargains, but there are bargains and then just taking the mickey. I don't think you really get decent prices these days, especially once the fees are factored in. It was far too stressful trying to get to the post office, for making a pittance - I'd sooner give it to charity.

I don't give money to charity. I agree that charity makes you feel good but I refuse to give money when I don't know where it is going. I do a lot of voluntary work, and donate all my old clothes to charity so I'm not completely heartless!

I haven't red the full thread so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but I wanted to suggest a different angle which might be helpful to you.

Unless you live in a mansion, your house is likely crammed full of all your purchases, taking up space and making it hard to see what you've got.
I decluttered my wardrobe ( and much of the rest of my house) ruthlessly and only keep the clothes which I wore, loved, was in good nick and fit me well. I probably only have about 10% of what I had before, but it's easier to chose clothes because I love everything that's in there.

And because I love my wardrobe, I'm much more descerning about what I buy- I won't buy something on a whim, when my black work trousers wear out, I replace them. If I need a jumper, I'll buy one but I won't buy 10 from primark like i used to. And because I'm not shopping all the time, I can spend more on the individual pieces I love.

I've adopted a very minimalist style which has all come from starting with my wardrobe first.

I appriciate it might not work for everyone, but thought id share! ;)

Haven't read through all the replies but would point you in the direction of:

Paul McKenna's I can make you rich - may help with self esteem issues and what being rich really means. I rate all the Paul McKenna books and CDs - they are great.

moneysavingexpert.com - some really good advice on that website