Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Should I offer to help our neighbours?

37 replies

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 11:24

I know that our neighbours are having real money troubles, we have had bailiffs at our door asking for them and they often come over to ask to borrow a couple of pounds when their electricity meter has run out. We know them fairly well, and know some of the reasons they have gotten into this trouble, although I won't go into it here.
They have two school age children, and this morning she came round looking really upset and asked if they could borrow some milk, and bread and cheese to make the packed lunches.
I was considering offering to do an online shop for them, or to lend them some cash to keep them afloat until payday but I don't want to offend or embarrass them. They have no family to help them and I can't bear to think of them struggling.
DH suggested we drop an umarked envelope with a little money in through their door, do you think this may be a good idea?

OP posts:

KTeepee · 04/09/2006 11:30

I think that would be the best way to do it if you want to help - most people would be too proud to take money if you offerered it directly. Another way to do it would be buy some stuff and say it was a bogof offer and you can't use it all up yourself before the expiry date....

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 11:37

I thought that might be best as I think they would refuse, even though they really need it. Plus it's easier for us to just give them money, rather than 'lend it' in which case they will probably feel pressure to pay us back.
We have done that in the past with food, bought a few extra bits when shopping, or when we end up with a carrier bag load of veg from the market I take half round to them.
I just feel so sad for them, and I know I would appreciate such help if we ever found ourselves in this position, and it really seems they have no one else

OP posts:

SSSandy · 04/09/2006 11:44

Sounds like a long-term problem though. Do you see them getting out of difficulty in the near future?

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 11:54

Yes they are about to at least start getting straight, they had both been off work since february, when their son was hit by a bus on his way to school and killed
At the time she was temping so got no form of compassionate leave or pay, and then fell into depression so she hasn't worked since. Her husband went back to work soon after, then his company went into liquidation so it's been an uphill struggle.They are now just waiting on his back wages being paid, and he started a new job last month.
The thing that makes me furious is, the bailiffs are from a loan they took from 'provident' who I've researched online and they seem like glorified loan sharks, how can this be legal? Especially taking advantage of such vulnerable people!

OP posts:

SSSandy · 04/09/2006 11:57

That's terrible. Can't imagine beginning to cope with that myself. I don't think you'll offend them by offering them money. Any kindness you show will be appreciated, I'm sure of it. Can you maybe make a couple of meals and take them round once a week or something for a bit. That's a bit different to giving money but it's personal and helps and shows you care.

winnie · 04/09/2006 12:00

Avalou, you sound like a lovely friend.
And yes, you are right about Provident.
I am not sure how you go about helping htem out but the fact that you want to is lovely. I can only imagine what they are going through. How tragic

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 12:13

It is terribly sad, and they have only really told us much about it recently, which I guess is understandable.
I think it's an especially hard time now as today would have been their DS's first day at secondary school. Therefore I don't really want to go round there and offer anything, so I think DH may have the best idea.

I also couldn't help but notice their younger DS was dressed for school today in trousers that are far too short for him, which must be an awful feeling for her. Especially given my DH spent £50 on one shirt this weekend, which now seems such a waste. I just want to help but don't want to come on too strong.

OP posts:

Scoobydooooo · 04/09/2006 12:14

Oh this is so sad makes me want to help too

I think your Dh's idea is fantastic of an unmarked envelope to help out but maybe just right something inside about "a little something to help you along"

milward · 04/09/2006 12:18

Take then to the citizen advice bureau so their money probs can be worked through.

SparklyGothKat · 04/09/2006 12:40

How old is her younger son, I have some black and dark grey trousers that Ds has outgrown, in age 4-5 5-6.

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 12:54

Thanks for the offer, that is so kind , he is 9, but their DD is 5 so if they are unisex then that might be a help?

They have been to CAB and exhausted all possibilities, it's just a matter of waiting until they start getting an income again, and they are having their debts dealt with with the help of a local debt advisory service.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 04/09/2006 12:54

yes money in envelope but put it in a BIG envelope and write their names on front so they don't think its junk mail

also think a small note inside telling them that people care about them will help

how extremely sad ..

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 13:26

I think we will put some money through their door, it is a good idea to write something on it too, thanks for that, I hadn't thought how it could be easily mistaken for junk and just thrown away.
I'm going to do that tonight, but have just done an online shop for us and also ordered a few obvious basics and cupboard staples, plus coffee and tea, and some treats to be delivered to them which I will tell her about before it's delivered on wednesday to save any confusion!
I have gotten her a hair conditioner and face mask,and a nice bottle of wine, the small things help sometimes and I know they won't treat themselves.

I really hope they won't mind, but we are in a position to help and I just have to.

OP posts:

mygirllolipop · 04/09/2006 14:15

Message withdrawn

donnie · 04/09/2006 14:28

How awful to lose a son in that way.You are doing the right thing Avalou. Agree that making up some meals for them would be a good idea too.

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 14:34

It doesn't seem right to go over there with a dish I've made for them, I'm not sure why.

OP posts:

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 14:35

Again, thanks for you offers of clothes, I will ask or hint (more likely), before I accept them on their behalf.

OP posts:

domestickler · 04/09/2006 14:43

What a lovely thing to do AvaLou. Restores my faith in human nature!

nutcracker · 04/09/2006 14:46

Can I just say AvaLou that you sound like a lovely neighbour.

Our old neighbour did the same thing for us once and I was so grateful and overwhelmed.

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 14:53

nutcracker - thanks for that, I really hope we won't offend them.
I guess I have an affinity with them as I remember a few times when I was younger our neighbours would leave boxes of veg and eggs and cheese on our doorstep and my mother was so grateful as she was too proud to ask when we needed help.

OP posts:

misdee · 04/09/2006 14:56

yes do it.

soon after my dad fell ill, a man from his work, who was very religious, came round with his wife, the church were delivering food packages, and in they trooped with 20 boxes of food. i was gob smacked. my parents were out at the time, my mum walked in a burst into tears at the sight of it all. it made the next few weeks easier as they stocked our fridge freezer and food cupboards.

NotQuiteCockney · 04/09/2006 14:57

Hmm, I have a neighbour I feed sometimes, just say "oh, I made too much of this, do you want some?" (she isn't short of money, actually, we just have a familial relationship). Baked goods are easy to give away this way, but I'm sure you could do it with savoury stuff too ...

You're a very good neighbour, anything you can do to help is a good idea. Those poor people ...

Original poster

AvaLou · 04/09/2006 15:09

We had a good relationship wih our old neighbours (unusual in london!) and we would just drop round with leftover cake/ lasagne/ excess veg, and bring them back foodie treats from holidays , and they did the same, but as this is more delicate I 'm not sure how to handle it.

OP posts:

BettySpaghetti · 04/09/2006 15:19

Thats so thoughful of you Avalou -you are obviously a lovely neighbour to have.

I go along with the suggestions made here, also how about taking some treats for the children and say something along the lines of having bought them but your children have "gone off them" or they were BOGOF and your children couldn't possibly eat them all etc.

Mirage · 04/09/2006 21:42

Avalou,you sound a lovely,thoughtful person.If only there were more people like you!

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread