Can we afford a child?

[TheMD]

DP and I have been together for a couple of years and would love to have a baby at some point in a not too distant future. I'm worried about whether we can afford it without compromising the quality of our life too much, although I do realise that things will have to change.

We have a combined income of £50k at the moment although I would only get the legally required maternity pay from my employer. There are things we could easily cut from the budget (like the £80 per month gym membership and not strictly necessary designer make up) but I'm worried our lives will become an endless struggle to pay for childcare/find the cheapest possible holidays etc.

I do realise that the emotions and joys of being parents can't be measured in monetary terms but at the same time...We will still be the same people who like being financially ok. Not brilliant but ok.

Can we afford to have a child?

I'm just going on my own experience here, as a CM over 50% of my clients bills are covered by vouchers.

I've also run my own businesses and brought in an income (albeit p/t) while looking after little ones, so I suppose I didn't really see it as being a huge sacrifice, but I haven't really had to rely on full-time care so obviously I don't know what I'm talking about!

Anyway, my main point is that if someone really wants DCs then they are prepared to make sacrifices, whether swapping to a cheaper gym membership or buying less expensive clothes and make-up, opting for cheaper more family friendly holidays instead of luxury 5* breaks etc.

If you are still not sure you are willing to 'downgrade' (for want of a better word) your lifestyle OP, then you are probably not ready for children. I know there probably are lots of parents who continue to live a full life of travel and luxury with DCs, but most of us just cut our cloth accordingly and accept that it's not worth having lots of lovely stuff which will only get covered in baby barf.

However, once you're ready for children the joy they bring makes it all worthwhile and other such saccharine nonsense

Hi Lynda- yes but the vouchers represent the amount deducted from the salary, not the amount put in the by the Government so if you get 2*243= £486 in vouchers that looks at lot but is only saving the couple their 20% tax (£97.20 between them) and a bit of NI. So it looks a lot when you see the voucher total but the actual saving is dwarfed by the cost of care.

Agree on the "downgrade" though but it's difficult to see that before the kids arrive. I've seen so many friends stunned by the cost of childcare and stuck in a trap where they need two salaries to pay the mortgage etc but the cost of childcare eats up one of the salaries anyway so there is no way to make ends meet. It's important to look at all of this in a sober way first sadly.

Financially your standard of living will take a huge drop compared to couples without children.
Your lives will change dramatically with children and for many this outweighs the drop in income. I think around 20% of women are child free at age 40 nowadays.
Draw up some detailed budgets OP and don't forget to think about uni costs/ pension provision etc even though it seems a long way away now.

depends really what you find important.

we had a similar income pre DC. we now have 2. one of them is severely disabled and I had to give up my work to become a carer. even now that he is at school (no childcare available for him). me giving up work was never part of the plan.

so life has not worked out as planned. we hardly ever go.out,haven't been on holiday since DC way born. we have a good life but cannot afford any kind of luxuries.

I don't think it's a case of when can anyone afford children because everyone will always find a way, i think it's more a case of do i want to completely change my life to have a baby? If you like a social life, spare money in your pocket, being able to eat out, buy what clothes you like, don't want to camp for a holiday or stay in anything less than 5*, then it will be a HUGE change for you.

You say if you have a baby you want to get a 4 bed as you live in a 3 bed now but can i ask why? Your outgoing's would be about to go down with you going onto Maternity leave eventually, yet you would be increasing your outgoings by a sizeable chunk if you factor bigger mortgage, council tax, utility bills, would it be further from places of work etc.
You would only occupy 2 bed's & you currently have 3 so I would seriously consider the financial implications of making a change you don't really need to do??
There are 4 of us living in a small 3 bed mid terrace, one bedroom being a box room occupied by my 11 year old son who's going to grow into a big teenager...we ummed & ahhhed over moving as we really do need more space but we thought selfishly for my DH & I's own financial future & decided we'd put up with the squash & a squeeze over the next 9-10 years as once they move out, the house is more than comfortable for just the two of us.

The problem with having dcs is that they make everything so much more difficult when life throws in the unexpected ie health issues, redundancy, dcs special needs, economic downturn etc

You have to be aware that even if you do have a plan for dcs that doesn't 'compromise your life' this plan can be shattered by any number of issues.

In your position I would wait until the nursery years have passed before upgrading to a 4 bed house. Try and limit your outgoings during this time is a priority.

Thank you all for the replies. I have obviously been kidding myself when it comes to financial implications of having a child (even one, let alone more) and this thread has brought me crashing down to Earth.

I am aware that things would have to change and we would have to go without luxuries but I find the prospect of one holiday every 5 years, no meals out etc utterly depressing. Not saying it doesn't work for some families, but we would be driving ourselves mad.

The 4 bed idea is, well - we want to buy a family home and the 3 bed we are in atm, is small. Plenty of room for 2 of us and 1 child but certainly no more. Although with the way things are looking, I don't think we will be having any more than that.

Panic station.

If you want more than one dc why dont you plan for a large age gap (I know a lot of people do have accidental pregnancies after their first dc but if you double up on contraception the risk is minimal) then you will reduce the childcare costs and you can stay in your current home for longer.

But the point is, OP, when you have children your priorities change completely naturally. You no longer care about luxuries and find them self indulgent and immature. Your life moves way beyond those things, you become focused on your family's well being and happiness and that's found in small things that money can't buy. Your immediate environment becomes important, not for status, but because it can affect your child's well being. Try it and see .

We eat out frequently,plenty of holidays and trips out, mortgage, and soon to be 3 children. Just shop around and look for bargains. We are on less money than you 2 and have had 3 holidays in the last 12 months.

Children also enjoy camping more than a 4 star hotel.

That's not necessarily true horse I notice material things and luxuries (and going without luxuries) a lot more as a mother as I feel pressure and guilt about not providing for the dc.

Also I think having money for extras and luxuries definitely help to release the pressure that can come with raising a family.

As a single or childless person it seemed a lot easier to do without extras and luxuries that money can buy you.

We havent had to go camping as I personally couldnt think of anything worse. Dcs like whatever but you can continue to go abroad

Sharaluck, the point is that children don't care about luxuries, only adults do. It's you who chooses to fall into that, you can't put the blame on children.

Food and fun is all they want.

See that is another difference. I was very happy to holiday camping or cheap b&bs as a single/childless person whereas as a family we 'need' some degree of luxury and space on a holiday or it doesn't feel like a holiday! I couldn't imagine going camping with my family as it would be so stressful. A holiday needs to remove some of the daily grind not add to a list of chores.

Yes horse but the op is talking about how having a family will affect her lifestyle.

We live on a combined income of £32k and I am currently pregnant with our 4th child. We live in a pretty cheap area so our rent is relatively cheap, we drive a 7 seater car, we don't go abroad often but we go on family camping holidays at least 3 times a year, we manage days out about once a month, we eat out once a month, takeaways once a week. We just budget carefully for clothes, food and any extras.

We don't have any childcare costs at the moment as our elder 3 are all school age and we manage the school drop offs and pick ups between us. Our 4th child wasn't planned at all but when she's here and I go back to work we will have full time nursery to pay for so will have to cut back on the treats for a couple of years but it's a small price to pay and it's only for 3 years until they go to school. It's do-able but budgeting plays a huge part (as does buying baby equipment second hand...)

Children are very expensive. Mainly on loss of earnings/ childcare though. We live in London and couldn't afford children on £50k. We Currently live in a one bed flat and have x2 children. Flat is £20k a year in rent. Childcare for x2 part time costs us £24k a year. So that's £44k a year we can't reduce. We couldn't live off £6k that would remain if on £50k. Need food/ bills/ commuting fees/ etc etc on top

£50k out of London may be a lot but its not in expensive areas. It's sensible of you to actually work out how to afford children before having them. We made sure we had my whole salary saved beforehand, we also both set up own businesses on top of employed to allow us to work for ourselves should the need arise ( we both now do work 50% at home, 50% out). We have enough for a deposit out I London but not inside really, but feel we all have a better life currently central as require less childcare as smaller commute plus our work is London based.

If we had just had children because we wanted we would have been stuck! No way could we afford to live on just maternity salary, so would have lost flat and had to move out to pil meaning away from work also so no jobs.

I also wouldn't want to only eat out every 5 years/ camp once a decade

Sharaluck, and I am telling OP that her priorities will probably change dramatically, at least they should do if you are child focussed, of course not everyone is.

I remember being OTT about health, green and organic in the early days, later it was pressure to organise days out and fun stuff, as teens they just want gadgets but aren't fussy about what. I think birthday parties were probably our biggest expense in primary years. As adults our biggest expense is the house, work needing done etc. We spend very little on ourselves but live very full lives.

You can be child focused without having to go camping.

True, the two are not mutually exclusive.

But dcs tend to prefer the company of other children.

Plenty of overseas holidays have that,and plenty of 4 star hotels have families staying in them

We are child focused but have found we need more extras/luxuries than we did when childless. That is all, just my opinion and I'm sharing it as before I had children I remember people saying what you are about how priorities changed. I found this didn't happen for me. My priorities have changed differently from the way yours have changed.

I have found parenting stressful and having money can help relieve this stress. Parenting when youre struggling with money is very stressful.

DH lost his job just after i conceived DS (DC2). We cut back on everything to the bare bones. We lived on one salary only and some TCC topup but not much due to my income. Luckily we got our property on one salary so had not maxed ourselves out but it was tough and we literally survived. We learnt a lot about what was important to us, what we could live without and what we needed to keep us from sinking into depression (the car with the main thing we didn't want to lose, apart from of course our home. It meant that when DH started working again, we had fine tuned our finances and we are now ok financially, not rich but not broke.

I won't disclose our salary but it's still lower than yours and we have two children.

You can afford it but make sure you streamline your expenditure, right down to how much coffee you drink out, how much lunch you buy out, dinners out/take aways, changing how you holiday, not about the cheapest, but actually your holidays might not work with children anyway, also things like, are you on the best utilities packages, home insurance, car insurance, phone contracts? do you use the tv package you are on or can you change it to a cheaper one/different combination (we got rid of sky/cable as we didn't watch enough of what they offered, we now have free view, Netflix and Google Chrome, linked to the tv, saved us a lot each month and is more streamlined to what we watch). Is your car the most cost effective fuel wise, would it be more economical in terms of fuel, insurance, tax to get a different car? Where do you shop? Can you change that? You could save literally hundreds a month by looking at these things, saving a few pounds here and there and it will add up quickly.