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Original poster

Has anyone pre paid for their funeral?

30 replies

triplets · 02/03/2014 22:32

Grim thought I know, but its playing on my mind. Being much much older parents of 16 yr old triplets I worry about finding the money to pay for our funerals. Our three are too young to have the worry of it, and God knows when they will be earning any money anyway! I would rather be putting money away for a lovely holiday, but I do feel its my responsibility to not leave this for other people to worry about. Its such a taboo subject, a lot of my friends say to just enjoy life now. My kids are still young, we are not. Would be interested in your views. We neither of us have life policies, again something I keep meaning to do but haven`t got round to it. My dh also has had cancer for the last 6 years but once again is in remission. Thank you.

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lostinindia · 02/03/2014 22:39

I have thought about this but pension payout will cover funeral costs so I'm not going to pre pay. I have gone as far as telling my sister that the pension will cover costs so she knows.

VivaLeBeaver · 02/03/2014 22:47

I haven't. I own my own house so figure my estate will cover my funeral.

shakinstevenslovechild · 02/03/2014 22:56

I have paid for mine. Although I'm not having a service, just a quick cremation. I paid for it a couple of years ago. I had to get permission for where I want my ashes scattered so that is all organised too. All the paperwork is together, my dh, my brother and my ds all know my wishes and where everything is so I'm pretty much sorted.

Lots of places do payment plans now so you wouldn't have to pay out a lump sum now.

I know I felt a bit of relief to have taken the pressure off my next of kin when I got it all sorted.

Original poster
triplets · 02/03/2014 22:58

We own our house but Id like to think the children will benefit from that when the time comes. As it is I dont know how they will ever be able to buy their own homes, we certainly won`t be able to help them.

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Original poster
triplets · 02/03/2014 22:59

Did you do it through your local funeral director shakin?

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shakinstevenslovechild · 02/03/2014 23:02

It wasn't my local one, it's one from the area I grew up in. They were the ones I went to when my son died so I wanted them to deal with me too.

I know the local ones to me do different payment schemes though.

Original poster
triplets · 02/03/2014 23:05

So sorry you have lost your son, our son died in 94..................so sorry xx

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shakinstevenslovechild · 02/03/2014 23:14

I'm sorry to read that Flowers it's really, really shit isn't it Sad my son died in 1998, arranging his funeral was horrendous which is what spurred me on to arrange mine really, I guess you are thinking along the same lines?

I have some distance to travel so mine cost in the region of £1500 with no service or anything fancy at all. If it wasn't for the travel I think it would have cost about £800ish and I think (off the top of my head with a service etc) it would have been about £2500. That's in the NE of Scotland.

Original poster
triplets · 02/03/2014 23:59

Thank you Shakin, yes we both know such sadness and pain, when Matthew died we didn`t have the money for his funeral and I had to get a loan from my bank, it was awful. That's why we now have our trio so late in life, I was almost 46 when they were born! I have just looked online at a funeral plan widely used locally here, we are in Kent........a long way from you! They offer 3 plans, the middle one apparently being the most popular and that is £3550. It will be a burial as Matthew is there and we bought three plots, I am to be with Matthew, my dh next door, and my parents who both sadly died after Matthew are buried in front of him. I know some people reading this will find it strange that I can talk about this, I find it comforting to know we will all be together.

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expatinscotland · 03/03/2014 00:02

My parents and ILs have. I plan to as soon as have any mo ey, quick cremation and ashes interred in the burial lair where my elder daughter is resting.

shakinstevenslovechild · 03/03/2014 00:19

I know exactly what you mean. My ds was cremated and scattered in a baby garden, I had to seek permission to be scattered in the same place he was but once I had it in writing that I was allowed I felt a strange sort of calm knowing I would be with my boy, that probably sounds silly but I don't know how else to describe it.

I was really young when my ds died and I also had no money, but the funeral directors were really great, just a small family run company, but very lovely and understanding and they were the same when I arranged mine.

I am in absolute awe at you raising triplets, I barely scraped through raising one baby at a time, the mere thought of the lack of sleep with 3 babies is enough to make me want to curl up in a corner and weep.

Original poster
triplets · 03/03/2014 00:20

some Thanks for you too expat, so much sadness xx

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Original poster
triplets · 03/03/2014 00:23

It was so much easier when they were babies than it is now, it wasn`t stressful then! The boys are a lot easier than their sister!

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Scarletohello · 03/03/2014 00:24

My mum's funeral is next week. She had been v ill for a long time so we arranged funeral plans for her and my dad through Age UK some time ago. It did make the process more straightforward and less traumatic for us to deal with. They also said that it makes good sense to get a plan in place now as it won't be affected by inflation and so will be a lot cheaper than in...the future.

Original poster
triplets · 03/03/2014 00:26

Very sorry you have lost your Mum, my mum died in 2012, I miss her very much. xx
Must sleep, school run in 7 hours!
Thank you for the company :)

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chipsandpeas · 03/03/2014 00:35

my parents done it about 20 years ago - picked the coffins, sorted out all the arrangements etc
was a godsend when my dad died, all me and my mum had to do was take the paperwork down to the funeral directors and everything was pretty much sorted
im a only child so pretty glad that when my mum goes its pretty much sorted

specialsubject · 03/03/2014 10:05

as I understand it funeral plans are a rip off for most people. Your estate should have plenty to cover it if you are leaving a house. What does help is to leave instructions about what you want; this makes life much easier for the family at a very difficult time, as there will be no decisions to make.

but having said all that - if that cost is a one-off with no hidden extras then it doesn't sound too bad.

it is not 'grim' to think of it. Same as wills - you are definitely going to die and need to put plans in place. It is also not strange to talk about it. Good for you.

unlucky83 · 03/03/2014 10:56

If I were you I would be making regular payments into a savings account or putting a lump sum in and your DC can use that.
Also maybe look at putting it in their names- so they can access the money immediately if you think they will need to (so not used paying for a care home etc - or for inheritance tax reasons with property prices being what they are but a funeral is an expense to offset inheritance tax anyway.)

Organising a funeral plan with a local company and avoiding inflation might be a good idea (assuming it covered by some sort of insurance if they go bust)...
But I wouldn't do one of those whole of life things.
If you can no longer afford to pay in, you will lose everything you have put in. If you live for a long time you will have put in more than you get back. The people who live for a long time or who can no longer pay in, are paying for the ones who die younger before they have paid in what they get out....so you are gambling that you die young! (And in order for them to be a successful company they must have looked at the odds and more people must do the former than the latter!)

I haven't organised my funeral as such but I have written down what I want...(nearly died in my early 20s, live under the threat of something like that happening again and next time I might not be so lucky- so I really appreciate that life is fragile - and my affairs (even my work) would be easy to understand if I suddenly wasn't here)
I have asked my parents, my mum says she doesn't care and we can throw her over a hedge...and then when I was talking about a memorial plaque - maybe on my dad's side of the family grave- said something about not wanting to go in with my GM (her MIL) Hmm!
My dad has said something about an arboretum nearby ...
I think they both will be cremated (as will I)
I think if you have what you want in place (so no arguments and second guessing) and a savings account to pay for it ...they will be as fine as they can be...although funerals are more for the ones left behind than the person who died.
As a ball park figure - my DU funeral (2 yrs ago) cost about 3.5-4K, a cremation, urn buried (rather than scattered) in family plot and it wasn't a big affair (we are a small family) and a buffet rather than sit down meal but we did have family cars and let the funeral people organise everything...it is possible it could have been cheaper if nec and my dad had the money so didn't need to wait for probate etc...

expatinscotland · 04/03/2014 00:04

'Your estate should have plenty to cover it if you are leaving a house.'

The problem with this is that probate can take months.

I think putting money aside and writing your wishes/will might be a better idea.

FWIW I do not think many plans are a rip off. The ILs want cremation and went with the Co-Op. It's pretty reasonable. Keep in mind full on adult funerals can cost in the region of £5-6K in many minimal instances.

There is also the cost of a headstone if you desire one. We just bought one for DD1, didn't realise there is 20% VAT charged on them!

£1900 and £320 of it VAT. And it not overly huge, etc.

Because our daughter was a child, the funeral director only charged £400 for absolutely everything - collecting her from hospital, treatment, family viewing the day before funeral and internment, cars, services at church and at her lair. The director himself attends childrens' funerals and directs them all for the families.

The greatest cost aside from the stone was the actual lair/plot, which was £1100.

Keep in mind, too, that council plots/lairs will have different rules than Church-owned cemeteries.

It is actually responsible forward planning to really look into this and make some sort of plan or provision in writing.

Nothing 'grim' or morbid about it. Everyone dies.

Silverfoxballs · 04/03/2014 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unlucky83 · 04/03/2014 15:02

Sorry for your losses expat and Silver Flowers
I didn't make that clear - there was room in the family plot for my DU (its full now) so didn't need to buy that and it cost about £500 to get the stone cleaned up and him added on - seems they add another £2k on at least...so £5.5 -6k...
And probate for us (with a solicitor dealing with it) took just over 3 months and that was without needing to sell the house ...
(Not sure if we could have accessed money from the estate before then if we needed to though - I think we could?)

Original poster
triplets · 04/03/2014 22:20

there is so much sadness on here, losing your child is the most painful experience I have ever known, there aren`t words adequate enough to begin to describe it...............
I think the Dignity plan I have looked at seems to be fair, they offer three levels, the middle ne being the most popular. I am going to phone them tomorrow and just get a few more details, it would be a weight off of my mind. Thank you everyone for your help. x

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Ilovecoodomol · 05/03/2014 15:58

I think it is a great idea. They are not that much more expensive if you take into consideration the extra work the funeral parlour has. My dad paid for his funeral upfront on a payment plan. When the inevitible happened we had virtually nothing to do. We informed the funeral home and they followed my dad's instructions for the day - catering was paid for, flowers, casket, plot, gravestone, the works, all we had to do was turn up. Funerals are stressful enough without having to plan everything yourself, not only that there is less chance of a family fallout if everyone knows the day was planned by the deceased and you are just following their wishes.

Badvoc · 05/03/2014 16:26

My mum has an insurance plan that will pay out on her death. It's about £8k I think.
My beloved dad died very suddenly last year and he also had one but for half that amount. It really does help not to have to worry about money at such a stressful and distressing time.
Since my dad died I have written instructions for dh wrt what I want.

Original poster
triplets · 05/03/2014 21:48

It does make sense doesn`t it? As you have all said its awful enough when someone dies, there is so much to do, and this way you get the send of you want!

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