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Can we have a support thread for people who are massively in debt?

999 replies

Nerfmother · 16/01/2014 18:46

Because you can't talk about it in real life? We owe 44k, reduced from 60k in a year. Not including mortgage.
It's so depressing.
Dh is determined to pay it off and so bankruptcy or plans isn't an option. I do think its doable, just hard hard hard.

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aleC4 · 26/02/2014 07:46

MissAnnersley I'm completely with you re the savings. We have opened a savings account alongside trying to pay more off our debts for exactly the same reasons as you. If we had had savings before we wouldn't have got into this mess in the first place! It is the first time dh and I have ever had savings! There is only £116 in there at the moment but it it a start.
Dh is paying the last payment on a debt to his dad this month and it is a smaller payment as it is the last one. He should have about £60 extra this month as a result. Unfortunately he has £25 charges on his account from last month due to a mistake so that will take part of it. His car is going in for a service today (gulp) and I think it will need some work so I don't think there will be much of it left.

Nerfmother · 26/02/2014 08:08

Miss annersley, that's not weird at all: I have set up a small fund usually at 500 down to 200 but going back up soon, access to real money in an emergency is invaluable.

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puffylovett · 26/02/2014 08:36

I'm failing dismally on the emergency money front, mostly because I'm just desperate to see the cards reduce ASAP.
I'm going to pay another 300 off today.
Our cards are on 0%, so I kind of think, we can use those if we absolutely have to! That's probably the wrong wy to think, isn't it Confused

Thebluedog · 26/02/2014 09:39

Just done some more budgeting and it's looking likely I'll have to take a payment holiday on my loans (I am entitled to this, but i have to pay the interest on it) and we've overpaid by 3 months on the mortgage so may have to do the same with that too .

This is to get us through the last few months of SMP before both of us are back to work full time. I was hoping we wouldn't have to do this, but if we don't, it's likely we won't have enough to pay the bills. Hmm

Once back at work we should be able to start reducing some if the debts, but it's so frustrating that we can't do it now..

Bumbolina · 26/02/2014 10:27

One thing that strikes me on this thread is the amount of people that talk about 'my debt' and 'dh's debt'. I know everyone does things differently - but we very much have 'our debt' at home. Our money is one big pot - though we have individual accounts, and a joint account. It's come in very handy for transferring our credit card debts to the best 0% deal at any 1 time. I can't imagine being this poor and struggling, if my DH wasn't too!

TheMoneyOne · 26/02/2014 10:54

miss From your Aldi list, I've tried ground coffee (the Italian one is good), fruit (great, we get all fruit and veg there) and eggs (also great - free range and RSPCA-certified - as is the free range pork and chicken).

Not been on the thread since the start of the month, but cannot wait until payday to see where we're at. Just hope I do get paid (freelance, and sometimes invoice take a long time to get processed). Plan to pay this month's nursery bill, put next month's nursery bill aside (another joy of unreliable pay), and chuck the rest at the debt. Will either pay off student loan dregs or put it towards this month's credit card bill, which will be a whopper. (We use a tesco clubcard one and use the points for days out with the DC, pizza express, etc). Always pay it off in full, but sometimes this is easier than others!

Possiblyorange · 26/02/2014 11:14

MissAnnersley I think a small emergency fund (I think mortgage free in three woman calls it 'a baby emergency fund') is really good, psychologically speaking, as it means that if there is a drama you don't need to use credit, which means you are never getting further into debt at any stage. I am intending to hammer everything into the credit card for the last 6 months of this year (i.e. when I return to work after maternity leave) but next year I will start a little £30 a month or so DD into an emergency fund. Better than nothing.

Puffy do you not lose the 0% rate if you spend on the cards? I think that is quite common.

Thebluedog I am completely with you on the frustration. I am fully aware that barring a miracle we are going to be significantly more in debt in 3 months time than we are now (maternity leave for me too, although I'm actually only taking 12 weeks off, and even then will be emailing etc - the joys of self employment!). Is it worth going back to work a week or two earlier to minimise the hit while on SMP?

Bumbolina we are very much of the joint debt opinion - I am probably slightly more of an over-spender than DH, but 90% of our issues are from paying living expenses when income didn't cover them, so it would be hard to make that someone's fault. DH came into the relationship with a lot of debt though, and even that very quickly became joint debt in my mind (we paid all of that off, so at least I know we can do it. Getting in the same state again has made me realise we cannot be trusted with any kind of credit - we just don't have the willpower to use it sensibly).

Themoneyone I am waiting for a couple of hundred quid of freelance work to be paid, will be nice when it drops in. Will just go towards living expenses, but will mean a couple of hundred quid that aren't being spent on CC this month.

MissAnnersleyismyhero · 26/02/2014 11:53

bumbolina in my case I only found out about DHs credit cards and OD in January this year - before that I thought we were pretty much debt free, so I suppose I see it as his debt because I had no part in running it up and only discovered it so recently.

But I see the income as "ours" and that's why we are clearing the debt together - we plan to save together to buy a house but there's no point in me saving my salary into one account while he pays off the debts with another!

TalkinPeace · 26/02/2014 13:17

puffylovett
if the cards are 0% then its entirely sane to have your "emergency money" within their credit limits.
Once they are gone then you make a separate emergency money limit
and then never pay interest on cards again.

Nerfmother · 26/02/2014 14:28

In my head we both owe the debt, I say dhs and mine only because they are in separate names. I don't feel any less responsible for helping clear it tbh.

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ellietrying · 26/02/2014 19:02

Found out today "D"P has taken out a very high interest loan. Now the money I had saved is going to get wasted repaying that... I'm not angry but I'm incredibly hurt by it. Ok it could be worse and I could leave him to pay it but realistically that isn't an option. I'm really hurt and trying really hard not to be upset because DD is still awake. I really feel like giving up. What's the point in me trying to fix things when it's one sided and I'm the only one who cares?

ellietrying · 26/02/2014 19:03

It is also not the first time this has happened

Mum2Fergus · 26/02/2014 19:21

Awe Ellie...big hugs.

Did he not think to consult with you? What does he plan to use it for?

ellietrying · 26/02/2014 19:28

Gambling. He's been going through some things lately but I couldn't have been more supportive but now I just don't know how to feel.

MissAnnersleyismyhero · 26/02/2014 19:47

ellie Wine and so sorry to hear this... my situation is a bit different but I too had a big shock recently finding out DH had about £16000 of debt I didn't know about!
I hope you can work through this with him and build up the trust again.

Nerfmother · 26/02/2014 20:16

Ellie ex dh gambled away so much money. In your shoes (and with hindsight) I would make sure any debt in your own name, then joint, then his, is cleared. It's still for the good of the family but it means your efforts are meaningful. Or put the debt repayments away and pay it all in one go?
Sure somebody else might think this is not a good idea, and happy to be wrong, but that's what I would do x

OP posts:
Whatnamenext · 26/02/2014 20:30

Blimey how did you find out? What a nightmare.

ellietrying · 26/02/2014 21:55

He text me to tell me. I feel drained.

ishesingle · 26/02/2014 23:50

Ellie - my ExH and I were awful with money. Awful. Lots of debts.

But, they were never a secret.

To me, the only way you can take this on is if you love HIM (not your ties - kids, family, finance etc), AND you know it's done. No more gambling and a commitment from him to make it right.

Where is your head and your heart!

Possiblyorange · 27/02/2014 06:40

Oh Ellie what a nightmare. Do you know all the facts and figures involved? I hope you've been able to sit down and have a long chat about it all by now.

DH got paid yesterday, but it is (more than) accounted for, so I am not getting terribly excited! It does mean we are temporarily out of the overdraft which stops interest accumulating, but I know we'll be back in them in a couple of weeks (inevitably at the moment with maternity leave).

Need to phone my credit card today and change my address details and sort my online account so I can start checking and reconciling that daily in the same way I do with my current account - I'm sure one of the reasons the CC debt got run up so mindlessly was not being able to constantly see what was being spent on it.

Possiblyorange · 27/02/2014 14:09

Have just done a massive Lidl shop which came to about £85 and another £11 in Sainsburys for things not in Lidl. It did include a couple of packs of newborn nappies (we use cloth but have always used disposables for first fortnight or so) and some restocking of toilet roll/kitchen roll etc, but I am cross that I can't seem to get food (plus cleaning prods etc) below about £95 a week on average. There are four of us but the DCs are 3 and 6. All food is from home (packed lunches etc) for everyone apart from perhaps one meal a week for DH which is on work expenses. What am I missing to make it cheaper?!

Burma · 27/02/2014 17:08

Possiblyorange I think you're doing really well. If it makes you feel any better I was a complete Waitrose devotee and am now converted to Aldi. I would frequently spend almost £200 a week on food (5 of us) but have got that down to just over £100. You're doing well I think.

Those with gambling DH's - must be very hard. I have a friend who's husband had accrued huge (for them) gambling debts and it nearly broke their marriage, they had to remortgage the house and give up all hope of moving to somewhere larger (they lived in a tiny house on a horrible road and still do because of him).

Our debts are our debts, nothing either of us don't know about but we are both as bad as each other unfortunately so one of us needs to take control.

I've been looking at the YNAB spreadsheets which look fantastic but I want to amend the monthly total in the checking box but can't seem to find where to edit it?

I booked a holiday yesterday Blush I cannot believe I did that but it is focusing me and helping me to not spend on other miscellaneous rubbish.

Fail I think that is called Confused.

Mum2Fergus · 27/02/2014 17:22

Are you meal planning Orange?

Nerfmother · 27/02/2014 17:40

Arrrrrgh.
Changed gas and electric supplier. Took effect from 20 feb. New supplier took payment on 21 feb £164
Old supplier just sent bill (duel fuel) for the gap of 200. !

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Mum2Fergus · 27/02/2014 17:43

Nightmare Nerf, I got caught out like that when we moved to this house and dump the then supplier in favour of my own who I had a great fixed price deal with Hmm