Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Lost a significant amount of money, how to come to terms

49 replies

CatsWearingTutus · 09/08/2013 20:14

DH and I are trying to sell our house without much luck. Property prices have dropped drastically in our area with no sign of recovery and we are likely to lose around £25k which is most of our equity and represents the down payment we saved for years to scrape together.

Now it will be difficult for us to buy in our new location. I keep telling myself at least we have each other, our health, and a happy enough life together with enough food to eat. Still I feel myself getting quite depressed over this.

Have you ever lost a significant amount of money due to a poor decision? How did you come to terms with it? Did you bounce back and put it behind you? If so, any tips please?

OP posts:
AnnoyingOrange · 09/08/2013 20:17

Do you have to sell now? Can you just wait it out?

I know a lot of people who lost a lot of money in the early nineties. I was fortunate not to be buying and selling at that time

orangeandemons · 09/08/2013 20:17

Ha, we live in an area where all house prices have gone up £100000 in the last 10 years except ours. We have just sold if for 25k more than we paid for it 11 years ago.

So we have had shit shit luck. But we can't do much about it, so are just resigned to it tbh.

Nomnew · 09/08/2013 20:17

Have you thought about renting out your house (with the rent covering the mortgage and building up some equity for you) until property prices pick up and buying another house in your preferred location? Is this feasible for you. I know people who have done it.

Original poster
CatsWearingTutus · 09/08/2013 20:20

Thanks for the replies. We are seeking advice on what to do and think we have the practical side covered. A hoping on this thread to address the emotional side and just trying to wrap my head around losing this money.

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 09/08/2013 20:59

As you said...you have your health and each other OP. I'd suggest you seek some advice and look at any other options available to you. You don't go into detail on circumstances so apologies if a bit generic...there will be light at the end if your tunnel.

Babyroobs · 09/08/2013 22:52

We stupidly bought our first house abroad, we thought we wanted to stay there forever but then kids ame along and we wanted to come home! We had only had it for a couple of years and the prices fell. We rented it out for a while but the tenants were awful and didn't pay the rent. We then couldn't sell it and it went to auction and we lost all of the original deposit and more. Fortunately familiy helped to bail us out by lending money and helping us to get a new house in the uk but it was still horrible to lose out, especially as the original deposit was almost all my savings . I think you just have to put it behind you and move on, we learnt lessons from it but it sounds like in your situation you have just been unlucky. Our loss was around £7k so not as much as yours, in your situation I would feel gutted too, it is your hard earned money gone and you've every right to feel the way you do.

ravenlocks · 09/08/2013 22:58

How long have you lived there OP? Rather than think of it as money you have lost, maybe think of it as money you have 'spent' on putting your roof over your head.

I have been there, not with property, but with about 50k gone (savings and lost earnings), it was spent getting us out of a bad situation and I used to agonise over what I could have had with that money. Over time I learned to see it as money we spent pulling ourselves out the shit and if I still had the 50k I would still be in the shit and realising which I would prefer.

Read that back and not sure it makes sense, hope you know what I am trying to say.

Original poster
CatsWearingTutus · 10/08/2013 06:30

Aaarrrgh typed out a long response and then accidentally clicked somewhere on the page and lost that, too! I feel like I can't do anything right!

Thanks for all the replies. Ravenlocks, we lived there for two years and they were good years so it does help a lot thinking of it the way you suggest. Plus yes we were ready to leave so that money was a good investment in terms of getting away.

Baby,sounds very similar to us so thank you for your perspective. I know in time the bad feelings (guilt, anxiety, feeling stupid) will fade. But thank you for saying I have a right to feel the way I do. When I know other people have much worse problems I feel guilty being upset about this.

Mum2, thank you, you're right there will be light at the end of the tunnel (unless its a train!) Wink

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 10/08/2013 06:56

My ex ran up debts of 40k against our joint account after we split up (and before I got the account frozen). In addition to not paying me maintenance...

I try not to dwell on it, but it does make me a bit sick. We have yet to agree a financial settlement, but the likelihood is I will end up paying him another 40k to get him off the mortgage (which I've been paying on my own for 3 years).

I tell myself its only money, and I am vastly happier without him than I was for almost all the time I was with him. Which helps, a bit.

DwellsUndertheSink · 10/08/2013 07:05

Property only increases in value at the moment as a long term investment - selling after 2 years and expecting a profit is unrealistic. Plus you will have all the expenses associated with a move - stamp duty, estate agent fees - all dead money. Can you not rent out the property for a couple of years, if you have to move? Can you stay where you are for a while?

alto1 · 10/08/2013 07:18

We had to sell at the bottom of the market in the 2008 crash. We accepted a wincingly low price to avoid letting, because I've been a landlord before and hated it.

I lost a lot of sleep over it all but it was the right decision for our family. We're all much happier, our daughter's in a hugely better school which she loves, we're 5 mins from beautiful places to walk with Ddog.

If we had based the decision on financial criteria we wouldn't have been doing the best for everyone's happiness. It meant we had to rent for a while ourselves but then were in a good position to but because we knew the area.

Good luck

alto1 · 10/08/2013 07:19

To buy.

Steben · 10/08/2013 07:34

We have made some bad decisions over the years and had some bad luck - resulting in us losing about 25k due to a house purchase falling through, buying at the wrong time and various other property related disasters. It really gets me down sometimes, especially now DCs are here because that money could really be helping their lives right now.like you say you have to get on with it and I try not to dwell. It's harder I think because we have no one who can cushion the blow - both sets of parents are not well off (to the point we have to help them out financially occasionally Hmm).

lljkk · 10/08/2013 08:08

Several relatives had their homes repossessed because they couldn't continue paying the loan, 5 or 12 yrs after first buying. One was mightily relieved and other one was devastated but bought again within 6 yrs. I've several aunts with similar worries but so far hanging onto their houses. You do recover.

RedHelenB · 10/08/2013 14:43

Agree with Ravenlock & alto. I sort of view house money as monopoly money really - we lost out on our second move BUT it meant we could live where we wanted to be at that time & so accepted it & tbh i hardly remember that now!

Talkinpeace · 10/08/2013 17:45

At least you are not in negative equity.
I have clients still paying off their mortgage debts from the 1992 crash.

Original poster
CatsWearingTutus · 10/08/2013 18:10

Talkin, I know it, I can't even imagine that situation and feel terrible for people who are in negative equity.

Dwells, not expecting aa profit, just disappointed at the size of the loss. And that's if we can sell at all...

Alto I like your attitude, you're quite right to just concentrate on the positives.

Steben we are in the same position as you with no one to cushion the blow. It does make it more difficult knowing we don't have much of a safety net.

lljkk glad to hear your aunts recovered. It makes me think we will, too, and like with so many things its just a question of time.

Redhelen, Monopoly money, that's a great way of putting it, makes it all seem less real somehow!

Velvet my goodness that must be so difficult but yes sounds like you're well rid!

OP posts:
cakebaby · 11/08/2013 10:24

cats I think it's important to recognize that you have not necessarily made a poor financial decision: you did what was right for you at the time. What came afterwards was bad luck, but many of us are in the same position and we're all a bloody genius with hindsight aren't we?

I put down over £30k on our home, prices crashed, we were in neg equity for a good while and still have very little equity now. Not only have I lost my down payment I'm also getting a very poor interest rate from my lender because of it. We really need to move as dc1 due and need more room but it's impossible. Not helped by financial idiot family members pointing out we don't have enough room and asking why we just don't sell up move!

Try and concentrate on the positives, there are always more than the negatives, you just have to search them out sometimes Smile

Original poster
CatsWearingTutus · 11/08/2013 13:39

Thanks, cake, yes it's very annoying when people in real life give unsolicited advice as if you wouldn't have thought of their ideas yourself! I end up having to explain the same details over and over again and plus seriously how much of an idiot would I have to be not to think of their simple suggestions! Grrrr Hmm. But yes the important think is being grateful for what we've got I stead of kicking ourselves for being only geniuses in hindsight (great phrase!).

OP posts:
Wuldric · 11/08/2013 13:48

When you are trading up, then the money you have theoretically lost is TOTALLY irrelevant. Think of this.

So, say you buy a house for £250k in 2007. Six years later, this same house is worth £200k.

The house of your dreams was going for £500k in 2007. Six years later, this same house is worth £400k.

You are trading up from the house that you have bought to the house of your dreams. You haven't actually lost £50k, you've actually gained £50k.

This only applies if you are trading up in a market in a downturn. The same doubling up thing happens if you are trading down, unfortunately.

Original poster
CatsWearingTutus · 11/08/2013 14:24

Thanks Wuldric. In our case we are desperately trying to sell in an area where prices are going down and have been since we bought and trying to buy in an area where prices have stayed steady are going up, unfortunately.

OP posts:
PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 11/08/2013 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 12/08/2013 15:55

We lost a bit of money on our first house which was not a wise choice. Which was annoying but in the grand scheme of things not that bad. I agree with at least considering the possibility of sitting it out till prices go up. I lost a few hundred pounds on penny shares years ago, when a colleague decided it was a get rich quick scheme and we could all retire in a year or two. DH was not pleased.

countingmyblessings · 12/08/2013 17:39

This is why I am kind of glad we rent.

Do you absolutely HAVE to sell your house?

flumperoo · 12/08/2013 17:48

I agree you should try to think of it as 'rent' spent rather than money lost/wasted. I live in a poxy 2 bed flat and £25,000 is what it costs me in rent for 2 years.