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Original poster

Lost a significant amount of money, how to come to terms

49 replies

CatsWearingTutus · 09/08/2013 20:14

DH and I are trying to sell our house without much luck. Property prices have dropped drastically in our area with no sign of recovery and we are likely to lose around £25k which is most of our equity and represents the down payment we saved for years to scrape together.

Now it will be difficult for us to buy in our new location. I keep telling myself at least we have each other, our health, and a happy enough life together with enough food to eat. Still I feel myself getting quite depressed over this.

Have you ever lost a significant amount of money due to a poor decision? How did you come to terms with it? Did you bounce back and put it behind you? If so, any tips please?

OP posts:

Original poster

CatsWearingTutus · 12/08/2013 18:42

PAs, at least you're on your way up so that's something but it sounds really tough being stuck. Very true that its not that important in the grand scheme of things. I doubt this money will be on my mind on my deathbed, for example!

Vivien and Counting yes we absolutely have to sell and prices in our old area are heading down and will be for the foreseeable future unfortunately.

Flump it helps a lot thinking of it that way.

Thanks again for the answers, all.

OP posts:

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 13/08/2013 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

celticclan · 13/08/2013 09:17

We should be mortgage free now but because of bad decisions we still have a massive mortgage and won't be free of it until well into our 60s.

I try not to think about it. We were only in our teens when we got on the property ladder and in our 20s when we decided to sell up. We didn't have a clue and we didn't have any advice from anyone. With hindsight we should have been more sensible but at the time we were too young and inexperienced to know any better.

I have bigger regrets than financial decisions. Life is a learning curve we don't always get it right.

Merguez · 13/08/2013 17:10

I wonder how old you are? I am nearly 50 and have made many poor financial decisions in my life. But at the end of the day, it is only money. As you say you have enough to eat and your health, and presumably one or both of you are employed and have an income. You will put this behind you and move on, and time will show that it isn't really that big a deal.

KidleysDiddleye · 13/08/2013 17:13

Wuldric, I love your explanation.
It all hinges on the fact that the money is notional. Sure, you could have had it, but you'd have spent it on another house, and that would be worth less now as well. At least, that's what most of us do. Not many people make £££££ on houses and take the money out to do something fabulous with.

Maverick66 · 13/08/2013 17:31

CatsWearingTutus What can I say. This happened to us a proprty deal at the height of the property boom netted us £60,000.00 buoyed by this windfall we made another property investment putting the £60,000.00 nest egg plus remortgage of another property, subsequently proprerty bubble burst we lost our £60,000.00 plus have negative equity of £80,000.00..this happened 3 years ago and we have STRUGGLED! The financial burden is one thing but emotionally we have been through the mill my husband and I were childhood sweethearts and have been married 28 years. I love him dearly but there has been a real blame game and "if only" game but it is what it is we just get through it and are still living hand to mouth but we are strong as a couple and I will not allow bad judgment to split us up, after all, had the recession not have happened we would be millionaires by now and we would have smugly congratulated ourselves . You will come out of this you will be older, you will be wiser, you will be poorer than some but richer than others so stay strong and fight for your relationship. :)

cambridge44 · 13/08/2013 17:36

If you count selling a house and giving belongings away and then investing in a con that stole our life savings as typical stupid error of judgement then we qualify as making a HUGE mistake. We have nothing left and we have been living day to day since. Ive cried more tears and made myself so sick. This was in2005 and it is now that Im beginning to forgive myself for being so gullible. It didnt help that it shipwrecked any faith I had in a Godas it was to an american missionary!!

Time does help. and so does forgiving myself for such an error on a daily basis!

Hugs.....

MrsOnslow · 13/08/2013 17:42

I really feel for you. I have never exactly lost money but my husband and I managed to rack up over 100k worth of debt. We just kept spending and spending until the credit ran out. It was very difficult to get our heads round - the feelings of shame and stupidity were overwhelming at times- especially when so many of our friends were making a fortune on their properties. I found financial self help books were the answer- read as many as I could get my hands on. lt helps to focus on positive action to improve your finances. They will get better. Don't waste your energy wishing things were different - they aren't so just get on with things as best you can. I found India Knights The Thrift Book enormously inspiring.

MrsOnslow · 13/08/2013 17:56

By the way we have just recently paid off every last penny of our debt. It feels great but not as amazing as I thought it would. I am much happier about the fact we are still both together ( amazingly after ten years of no holidays, meals out ) and that we are healthy and happy. Money is not the be all and all of life. I'm never having a credit card again mind you!

Mehrida · 13/08/2013 18:04

We're in almost the exact samee situ as you, right down to the amount of money.

My dad explained it all to me like Wuldric did above and that's what I try to cling to. We're going to rent this place out because it's valued higher than I know we'd manage to sell it for iyswim.

No real answers I'm afraid, just the consolation (?) that you're not alone :/

Maverick66 · 13/08/2013 18:30

My husband and I have lost A £60,000.00 nest egg ( we have been together 30 years and married 27) . We have £80,000.00 negative equity on a rental property and a mortgage with £ 30,000.00 equity in our family home with three grown cihildren still living at home ( another story lol )
We have been to hell and back and are now managing ( just) but I love him more now than when we first married and whilst I am guilty of playing the " blame game and the if only game " I will not allow a bad judgement ( my husband's,) to split what is a very very loving relationship and a happy family. My husband did what he did to improve our lives ( He just didn't reckon on the recession!) but I married him "for richer and poorer" and had things worked out we would now be very comfortably off. He also lost the business he had spent 20 years building;( ;( ;( but hey ho you pick yourself up dust yourself down remind yourself you love the man not his stupidity ( lol) . Like me you will work your way through this , you will be older but wiser and will learn to appreciate more what you do have . There will be days when you will scream at the world and howl at the moon but then you'll remember "This too will pass" Lots of luck to you keep buying the lottery ticket and don't loose sight of the love you have for one another :) :).

Maverick66 · 13/08/2013 18:33

Sorry I thought my first message hadn't posted but see now it did doh!

wilkos · 13/08/2013 18:42

I have just spent 25k on legal fees trying and failing to secure a divorce from my emotionally abusive, financially suspect, arse of a husband. It should have cost a fraction but I have had to pay vast amounts to find out that we have no money as he has refused to disclose any assets. It makes me feel sick that had he just told me the truth I would have had that to put towards getting me and DC out of rental and into our own home.

I choose to just not think about how he may well have lied on purpose in order to inadvertently destroy any assets I had from my late father, knowing full well that as a SAHM (presently) I will never see it again

kiwi999 · 13/08/2013 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kn1ttedWaffle · 13/08/2013 19:21

My ex (when I was about 26) ran up £35k of debts in my name and I've only just come out the other side of it.

My DC's dad lost about £70k on the stock market, then lost his job and used up pretty much all of the remainder.

He had over £100k!

sparkle9 · 13/08/2013 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Talkinpeace · 13/08/2013 20:31

Your best bet is to demand from your MP that

support for house sales is abolished in its entirety
renewal of planning permission for new build houses is abolished (build it or let somebody else build it)
council tax on second and expat homes is trebled above band F
council tax on all houses owned by companies is trebled above band F
rate relief on empty homes is abolished completely (see above)

that way smaller and cheaper houses throughout the country will become affordable to those who want to actually live in them

Doearwigsmakechutney · 13/08/2013 21:44

I lost somewhere between £15k and £50k a few years ago. It's hard to quantify, as the larger sum is what I think I'd have made had I stayed put in the house I shared with exDP and stretched myself to buy him out. I definitely lost £15k as I sold my subsequent flat at auction after my neighbour turned out to be a frightening loon. Five years on, I still feel annoyed about it at times, but I've made other financial decisions that turned out surprisingly well.

If you can afford to wait it out, OP, I'd be inclined to explore that as an option. House prices are much less steady than they can sometimes seem, and your sale price could be very different 12 or even six months down the line.

Talkinpeace · 13/08/2013 22:11

You cannot lose money you never had.

The house you lived in was theoretically valued at a number when you lived in it.
you never "had" that money. You had the house instead.

Houses that one used to own are nothing to do with money you have or do not have after other people's names are on the deed.

Properjob · 13/08/2013 22:50

Hey Cats. After our first purchase in 1988 we were left holding the baby - and 20% loss on our unsuitable flat. We were able to get a 120% mortgage on our next flat which was in the more expensive and desirable area that we should have gone for in the first place. We have never looked back as prices in that area have consistently risen above average. Hang in there and remember that if u had been renting ALL of your money wiuld have gone down the drain. In the long term in a good area you will gain.At least u have a good credit rating out of it too? Best of luck.

sammisatt · 14/08/2013 08:09

Oh I feel your pain. I lost a significant amount of money (the whole equity) when trying to sell my shared ownership property. It stood empty for nearly two years when I was on maternity leave costing me £900 a month.

This made me feel totally sick but then had hippy thoughts about how life is full of gains and losses and how it all usually balances out in the end. Totally over it now one year later.

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 15/08/2013 12:49

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newlifeforme · 15/08/2013 15:28

We maybe in a similar situation as we bought a house a few years ago and may need to sell but we will lose money.I have been full of regret and there has been a blame/game as Dh and I have really struggled with the decision.What is helping is time...you really do get used to the idea. I also realised that when I'm older the money won't feel that signifant.If the move will make you happier then its a sensible investment.

Lots of people lose money when they buy a new car but they choose to have the experience rather than money in the bank.This is the same for you, you are choosing to move, for a better life experience.

Do however consider rental, we will look at this at our selling costs will be high.

Original poster

CatsWearingTutus · 15/08/2013 18:41

So many stories... Thank you so much to everyone who shared theirs. My heart goes out to all of you and you've all helped me get some perspective.

In terms of the effect it can have on relationships, I can see how it could be devastating and I agree its hugely important to keep in mind what matters most. Maverick, your post really hit home for me on that score so thank you very much.

One thing that doesn't help most of those that have lost money (or at leat me) is being lectured about things like writing to our mp or being upset over money we never had. Believe me most of us go through phases of feeling stupid enough already! Talkinpeace I'm sure you didn't mean to sound like you were talking down to me but in my overly sensitive state at the moment I must admit it felt that way. Thank you for trying to help, though.

I don't have time at the moment to respond to everyone but just wanted to say thank you and I feel the stories have helped me come to terms. Cambridge44 congrats on getting away and recovering from what must have been a horrible situation. What a shame that the con artist stole your faith as well. MrsOnslow congrats on being debt free, a massive achievement.

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