Social Services Query

[confusedandaffraid]

Can you make an anonomous tip off to social serices? Do they have to tell you who made the call? I only asked cause I had a social worker round today because someone had made a report against me regarding the untidiness/cleanliness of my house and I now have 3 days to tidy up or they will consider getting environmental heath involved over a sink of dirty dishes and a mountain of washing.

Yes you can make an anonomous tip off, I'm surprised they could be bothered to come and look at your laundry though, did they offer to help ?

I will find out on Tuesday after they have reinspected on Monday.

I am so disappointed and upset. Instead of offering to help a member of the family has decided to phone and tell them that my house is a tip and that I don't feed the children properly. I suffer from depression was only just comming off AD's for PND. In the worst part when I was at my lowest I couldn't get motivated to do housework but the children were allways fed and wore clean clothes because to the outside world nothing should appear wrong. I was just starting to get things back on track. Yes the house could of been tidier but I work nights DH works days, he does nothing to help around the house and I am expected to do all the child care and run the house when all I want to do is sleep. Public rooms are kept tidy but everything else slides occassionally. Lucky me they came round on an untidy day. I am now off to tidy up.

Well that was helpful of them to report you. So at least you know it's someone who has been inside your house.
How old are the children,could they help tidy their own rooms.
Is your dh aware of how much you have to do. You could always just do yours and the childrens things and let him get on with his own.
At least the sun is shinning and you can get the washing out to dry.
Good luck.

I made a tip off to social services last summer, They did ask for my first name but assured me that this wouldnt be passed on. They did also ask for my telephone number but i declined this.

Is there a local Homestart organisation in your area? I volunteered for homestart and was allocated a family with very similar problems to yours, worth a try as they offer practical help.

confusedandaffraid - Just what you don't need , hope dh will help now. I think it is much more important to look after the kids. I hope they don't think of coming here
Good Luck look after yourself
the kids helping is a great idea

Thanks everyone.

I am outside of the homestart area but they are going to try and get me a volunteer anyway. Lets hope they have more luck than my HV she has been trying for the last 8 months.

eldest is 4 youngest is 8 months. so not much help there.

I don't know your four year old might like helping mummy to clean. Even things like putting washing in the machine and putting wash powder in. Give him/her a duster they really love to help.
Have you spoken to dh about this ?

I hope you get sorted, not great weather for cleaning. If I wa snear I would come and help, we could send a mumsnet army round!

Thanks everyone for the support and encoragement.

Think we can finally see the wood through the trees iyswim.

Mum has been golden and has been here everyday helping me to get moving.

DH has been helping to.

MIL has had the children so that they aren't neglected whilst the work is being done.

Have house to myself this morning as DH still has to go teaching, kids are at granma's so now I have eaten breakfast, unloaded dishwasher and put some clothes in the washing machine I am off to get on with putting all the clean washing from yesterday away and strip the beds.

They wanted a significant improvement I am going to try and give them more than that I am not going to let this malicious s*d beat me.

Have made a list of jobs that still need doing and am crossing them off as they are achieved.

Will post an update on Monday as to how it all went.

Well done you. So do you know who reported you. If so when everything is done invite them round,then tell them to p off and get a life. Or invite yourself to their house and tell them what a crp hole it is.
Well Done.

I am appalled. Is it truly any of social service's business how messy you keep your house. Since when is tidiness a sign of a good parent. My dh's mother kept a spotless house, did lots of cleaning in between dh's father beating her and the kids senseless on a regular basis. Dh's ex keeps a spotless house too, in between dealing drugs to all the local teenagers. Ugh. Really winds me up. How dare they judge you on appearances. Maybe they should inspect the color of your curtains and what flowers you put in your garden...hope you haven't chosen a color that's unpopular this year...might be a sign of your inability to love an cherish your children.

I think you should make a complaint to your local mp. Point out that you have had PND and have been requesting help through the appropriate channels (your hv) for months, and all social services can do is come and tell you to clean your house as if somehow that is the best thing for you and your children. Remind him/her about the nhs' failings when it comes to supporting women with pnd and what a postcode lottery it is and how you and your children have been failed by the system. Bet you get your help AND ss off your back.

I'm sorry that you have had such a hard time of it and that the system has been so little help to you. Being a parent is hard enough without the added burden of hormonal and chemical imbalances to hinder your ability to cope. My thoughts are with you.

Apparently it is their business because if it is untidy it must be dirty and therefore is a hazard to their health. Cheers for that does it mean I am unfit to raise them. No if my parents thought for one moment that there was any risk to the children they would of removed them and made me sort things out before returning them without any intervention from SS.

This is messing with my head no one has been out yet, phoned their offices and although my social worker is out on vbisits they don't know if she is comming here today or not.

I remember one of the social workers in my office telling me that they wouldn't remove children from an untidy house because everyone has different standards - find it very strange unless there are serious environmental health issues ie rats or bluebottles but a few dirty dishes???
As she said it she laughed and said hers was never tidy either!

A better solution would be for them to arrange some help for you - homestart or something similar.

HV has been trying to get me a homestart volunteer for 8 months now but apparently I am out of the area. SW did say that she would refer me to them just hope she has a bit more pulling power iyswim.

I know they won't remove the children there was nothing that bad here. Hell I have seen much worse on how clean is your house and houses behaving badly.

I have no objection to being reffered to debt councelling either. Even though I have payment plans in place and am not badly in arrears with anything atm.

The bit that realy hurt me was the im-plication that I do not feed the children correctly. I would starve myself before seeing the children go without food. I would even ask to borrow money of the parents if god forbid I couldn't afford to buy food myself.

Well I am not putting mylife on hold for them today. I am going to mums and tots this morning and I am taking dd to nursery my self and I shall take her to dance class after school as well.

I will leave an envelope with the SW's name on it selotaped to the porch telling her where we are and giving my mobile number so that she can phone me to arrange to come and see us. The children need to get out of the house and I can't keep asking others to take dd to and from nursery. Besdides which i will go mental if I am stuck in the house all day again today.

I highly recommend going on the offensive and making a complaint to your local mp. Make it a complaint about how you are not getting the support you need from the nhs and social services. Not only might it get you some help, but it might just get ss off your back (they only seem to pick on the helpless).

I can't believe social services would be so petty. You must have really drawn the short straw and got a horrible social worker.

I grew up in complete and utter squalor (much much worse than I'm sure your house has ever been). After I left (and things were even worse) my parents were given custody of two of my nieces. A caring home is much more important than tidyness!

OK they have beeen out this afternoon. This time there were two of them. They looked round the house again and said that they were happy with the level of improvement and that I had proved that I can do it and that I can ask for help when needed as I had my parents in with us doing the grunt work and his parents looking after the children. They have given me a further week to finish the job and will be back out next week to have another look and to discuss coping strategies to help me keep on top of the housework.

They also want to help me structure my week so that I can have some time to myself to do something for myself.

I had a phone call from Homestart this afternoon and they are comming out on Monday to have a chat to see what they can do to support me.

Things are comming together. I have decided tht evry time they tell me to jump I am going to ask how high and then jump higher iyswim.

That sounds like an emminently sensible approach.

I'm afraid I'd be too busy screaming at them about how it was none of their bloody business etc etc, but your approach sounds much more sensible, and more mature to boot.

Jesus. If Social Services came round and said that to me I would tell them to get stuffed (but less politely). And saying you have to both keep the house clean and make time for yourself each week - what next, are they going to take the kids off you for not having your nails done often enough?!?!?! (Sorry, exaggerating for effect but I really can't believe SS). Mind you, if they are offering a free service to show you how to keep on top of housework, perhaps I will tip myself off anonymously to them!

So sorry you have had such a hard time and haven't been getting the support you need. I hope HomeStart can help you - someone from my local group came to see me, but the only thing they could offer was someone to talk to. I'm sure this would be useful to you but I was hoping for something a bit more practical, I can't really justify leaving my ds with my dh for more hours in the week just so I can go off and ramble about myself. However, that's another story.

Best of luck - hope things improve for you, and I DON'T mean the sparkliness of your windows.

Between the children/work/dh and the house I haven't had just an hour to myself to do nothing or go to gym for nearly 4 yrs. SW thinks that I need to have some down time before I burn myself out.

So as I work nights and DH works days, I have to work either Sat or Sun I await with baited breath to see where they are going to magic this one hour a week from. Can't ask my parents to take the kids durring the week as 1) they work full time 2) they have them on Sat so I can go to work, can't ask his parents as they are having a few health/personal problems of their own atm. But if Surestart can come out to the house even for 1 hr a week and play with the kids once we have all built up a suitable raport I may be able to escape upsatirs to catch up on my sleep.

Unfortunately, c-and-a, this is the one thing they can't do, they're not insured to take care of your kids whilst you're not there :( (Although in fairness having someone else take the lead whilst you lurk in the background drinking tea / gin (delete as applicable) can also be good). I'm happy to be corrected by people with more experience of HomeStart than me, but that's the bottom line as they revealed it to me.

SW thinks you need some 'you time' - quite right, but how are SS planning to help constructively? Coming round and telling you to tidy up doesn't really cut it, in my view.

Not expecting them to take care of kids whilst I leave the house but would be nice to get some sleep.

I know - I think this would count as you not being there, but not sure. Let's hope not.