Can we have a nice, kind supportive gowd we are in so much debt type thread?

[grumpypants]

One where we can just be noice and not scathing? I am just always doing little sums in my head, about when things will be cleared, etc. We have sooo much debt. Interest only mortgage, can't afford repayment at the mo. Credit card - bought rubbish house, paid for work with 'real' money, living expenses on cards. Loan, car loan, overdraft etc. It's about £35k unsecured. We pay 1,000 each month in debt. I am so shocked by how this happened, but there are no expensive shoes peeking out the wardrobe; it's a combo of poor choice, me giving up work due to ill child, and the house falling apart just after we moved in...anyone else? I am trying so hard to cut down, and to pay stuff off - one day I really want to enjoy the money dh and I earn.

'nice' obviously - no idea what 'noice' would look like!

I'll try to join you! I'm in a similar boat, very similar. I'm rubbish at keeping up with fast moving threads though as I often don't get on here daily so please don't think I've abandoned you if it's just us!

Next weekend we are sitting down, writing it all down and deciding how to move forward. We may have to opt for a for a dmp as at the moment we're paying more each month in bills and repayments than we earn.

Also got no shoes, an old banger car and haven't been on a hot holiday for 5 years.

Rubbish!

Brilliant - thank you. I'm thinking i'd like to tell someone if i achieve anyhting, and obv RL isn't always appropriate...plus I am working more hours now, so quite happy to pop in once a week. We did the Money Saving Expert budget thing, and as we were just keeping on top, it said to keep going. I don't know how long for tho.
Yes, car is on last legs too.
Thank you - and good luck writing it down. It does help if a bit scary.

Gatecrasher - I can't join in, but just wanted to wish you luck and recommend the mse debt forums - but I see you've already used moneysavingexpert. Hope all goes well :)

I also use mse and have got the spreadsheets downloaded ready. Thanks for the best wishes Mrs cog!

We've been here for a while but the only change we've made so far is to stop using the credit cards for anything. We last used one in May but this month a payment for something else is going to bounce as I paid real money for Christmas, not credit like every other year.

I know it's our fault, but just feel like we've worked all our lives and still haven't got anywhere. Or have anything to show for the debt!

Same here. Divorce for me, plus lone parent stint (no child support). Obviously some of it is not taking control sooner, but a lot is just how it is. Just suddenly it seems we have quite a lot coming in, but none of it is actually available. It's a bit depressing.

Things will get better I'm sure, it's just we both seem to be right in the middle of it. Similar story to you grumpy, both worked full time, fell pregnant, husbands job moved just when I fell pregnant the second time and I had to give up work to move. This coincided with dh job having a pay decrease. Credit cards were used every single month as we'd run out of real money 2 weeks after pay day. Ended up paying mortgage on old house before we sold it and rent in new one. Rubbish, just rubbish. Have had a dd unpaid today for a cc payment. Things have come to a head here.

hello.

Have just consolidated our credit cards. 15,000. Again no nice shoes, clothes etc.

Losing my job in April as well...

W are on a dmp already . About £30k now. A combination of living on ssp for me for a couple of months 5 years ago and dh having his hours cut (was supposed to be temporary so we relied on cc thinking it was 6 months but it's become permanent ) and we've never got back on an even keel

Dear Grumpypants

Don't lose hope. We were there several years ago (pregnant with DS at just the wrong point in time etc), but things are now better. I still don't have any expensive shoes, clothes etc. and 'holiday' = a week staying with my parents, but the bills get paid and there is a tiny bit of money left over each month. It was a long, hard slog and it seemed like we'd be paying off the debt forever, but we did get there in the end.

Hi. Rumpled what a sad story, it seems that a lot of people don't have back up savings for when things go wrong, like us. Amazing abd blushing, thank you for joining in - maybe if we all keep popping in we can share some cheery news and get a bit of moral support. Oubliette - you are the first bit of cheery news on the thread!

Hi all in similar boat!

Had a bonus on Friday the 13th, got a cheque from inland revenue I wasn't expecting so that's sorted the unpaid dd and related charges. Also just about to cancel sky following advise on another thread.

Good to read a positive story Oubli

I can hardly bear to write it - but I felt so relieved reading you post that I had to respond and say yes, us too.

Poor choices, two years of unemployment for dh when our income was £200 short each month before we'd even eaten.

We have been rubbish - well, mostly me. So I regard it as my job to get us back on the straight and narrow. When I get down I spend lots of time here and on MSE, just getting reassured by others' posts.

Lots of love to you all xx

oh yes me too please!
No nice shoes/holidays/nights out etc

Its quite shocking to realise that both dh and I are now bringing in more income every month than we ever have before and are no better off

Its a combination of badly planned childrenx3 ( no planning tbh) and a drop in hours for dh at the same time as my ml. A sick child for several years meant childcare was just not feasible, lived on cc for about 3/4 years as just didnt earn enough to get by and were constantly robbing peter to pay paul. I know we are "getting there" but actually just feel like we're treading water.

I dont want to admit in RL that we owe £35K unsecuredand have no home of our own (renting since we moved 5 years ago to self build). Not a chance of getting a mortgage to build our house cos of the debt we have so in cycle of renting etc.
BUT i love my dh and our dc are our life - so i suppose we're lucky really. would just like to be debt free too

And why is it every month something else happens to claim the little bit you were going to use to overpay something!

October was the washing machine, November the exhaust, december - obv christmas. This month is a family funeral that we both need a day off for and travel 300miles and really really need to buy DH black shoes and trousers, and i need a skirt obv dont grudge the expense as for lovely great aunt who was really good to us and couldnt not go to funeral.
What will february bring?!

I don't know sunshine :(

What I do notice is that in threads where people talk about what they spend, people spend a lot less than us and they account for it. We don't at all. So this month I'm going to be really mean with our pocket money and hopefully put by something each month incase of emergencies. I'll report back on this, obviously!

Dh mentioned toothache last night and I was 'Nooooooo!'

Dh had a mother are card when I was pg with ds (10 yrs ago) and it going to put a ppi claim and I'm going to approach our old bank (we changed when we started the dmp) to try again to reclaim bank charges under the financial hardship rule".........hopefully we can get something and make a lump sum against the debt. The way we are going it will take us another 20 odd years to be debt free

Same boat - combination of poor choices, dh spending months on ssp, not paying off debts when we should have - no expensive shoes or holidays either.

Owe about £10K unsecured I think - and we rent. I was starting to pay it off, but have taken my eye off the ball over the last few months, Christmas and all that. This Christmas was the first time I didn't put presents onto ccards though - so must be a step in the right direction - did go up to the top of our overdraft facility, but at least that is cheap debt. We pay about £500 a month to service it - so depressing.

I'm dragging my sorry arse onto this thread to come and hold hands with you all.

I had a bit of a frank discussion with my brother who was very judgmental about our money and lifestyle. I woke up an hour ago and couldn't get back to sleep.

Things will be much easier in September once our childcare costs are reduced, but in the meantime it's just a big slog.

We have 11k of debt. 1k on overdraft, 10k on 0% credit card. So many mistakes with our finances. Same old story as everyone else.

yup - it seems to be the same old living to the edge of your means, not saving, and then something tipping over. Not wardrobes of designer gear. I just wish that dh and I hadnt had separate finances, and we'd seen the bigger picture earlier. This month I am due a bonus, and was going to pay off my credit car (not the huge ones, just a small amount. Instead: electrician as lights went off upstairs and we were in darkness (120) car (170 - unexpected fault) and doors broken off hinges (wear and tear/ 3 boys £60) Now the car has to go back - argh!
Really worried about losing CB as well - ned to find a way of replacing it.
Money must be the one thing that causes tension - not enough to do things with as it is all bills and debt.
Sort of glad to be on the thread with others tho!

I have made a list of over 40 items that can be sold as we don't NEED them. It is 'things' that we've acquired in richer times that need to go now.

I set up a credit union account for all the insurances that come out and split the costs up into 52 so I could save a bit week to week

also save with the credit union for xmas

even a fiver a week helps and as the credit union isnt close to me i leave the money in it and it slowly builds up

can recommend saving this way, helps a little bit

I've just contacted some 'bid assistant' type services on Ebay to try and shift some stuff. I feel it'd be less painful to just get rid ASAP allin one go rather than having to list each item one by one then go through all the posting/questions/non-payer type dramas...

god yes smack - i hate ebay one by one etc.
what i am finding really hard to come to terms with is that we have about £4,000 come in, and of that £1200 goes on the mortgage, £1200 on debt, £1000 on council tax, utilities, and we have £600 for food and fuel. But dh spends about £500 on fuel. Aaaargh. I know that I am going to look back and think WHY didn't we save/ what did we do with all that money? But the truth is we can't save, because we have spent too much in the past. I am so cross, and worried, and fed up.
I have gone over the bills so many times, and there is nothing left to cut.
I feel like we are getting older (late 40s) and running out of time to ever enjoy this huge amount dh is earning. And then we will be skint as pensioners.

Yes we have roughly £600 after bills, rent etc paid. Sounds like loads but I spend alot on fuel too.