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Original poster

PLEASE can anyone help with this?

55 replies

NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 22/12/2005 21:25

My brother and sil have one child aged 7 - they are wonderful people

Basic story: SIL lost her stepmum last year and her Dad died yesterday, leaving 2 children aged 12 and 2. My brother and sil would love to take on the two children but simply can't afford to - no need to go into it, they just can't afford to do it so they told social services if they can get £700 a month - sil's earnings - they can, and will happily, take the children. But apparantly it's "not as simple as that" even tho it will cost £300 a week to put the children into foster care.

The children are being collected from my brother's house at the end of next week - they will be devastated to let them go - PLEASE can anyone help or advise?

OP posts:
falalaala · 22/12/2005 21:56

what's the score with your sil's father's will? he may have made provision for them, or their may be some life insurance money all held for his children.
we've just sorted out our wills and guardianship of dd, and have made provision within it to ensure that all of our dosh will be held in trust for dd, and for the guardians to draw down as they need to (and with the OK of the executors of our wills) in order to pay for any expenses associated with looking after dd.
if no will, i think your sil needs to talk to a lawyer.
dreadful situation by the way. really tough.

falalaala · 22/12/2005 21:57

can't they be the foster carers?

Original poster
NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 22/12/2005 22:27

Thanks for your replies falalaala - I very much doubt if sil's dad left a will - he had drink problems. Don't know if they could be foster carers, but I will suggest this to them - their social worker would surely have suggested this if it was an option? But, as I said I will suggest it. As you said, dreadful, bloody awful situation!! Brother and sil are such wonderful people - both work very hard - social worker has said it's the worst situation she's seen in her 15 years doing the job

Just don't know what the bloody hell to do - really wish I could help them

OP posts:
puffoeufnog · 22/12/2005 22:56

Not able to be constructive but just bumping for you

MerryKidMas · 22/12/2005 22:59

They can get paid to take on the children. My friends mum looks after her grand daughter and gets paid for it as her legal guardian. I have no idea how much she gets paid but I know she receives money.
I thought SS usually look for the children to stay within the family before looking at foster carers. I really hope they can manage to sort something out.
Have they tried CAB or anyother organisations that can advise them other than the social worker?

Original poster
NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 22/12/2005 23:00

Thank you

OP posts:
katymacracker · 22/12/2005 23:00

There is a website about fostering (but I can't remeber what - try googling)

If they are related it is easier to foster (I think)

It's a very complicated system

They are being very realistic about the situation as 2 traumatised children will take a lot of looking after

Have they considered how the Tax Credits/Child benefit amounts might help?

seb1 · 22/12/2005 23:04

allowances does this help

Original poster
NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 22/12/2005 23:06

x posts there MerryKid

At this stage I don't think they've looked into very much at all - they've relied on their social worker for advice - but the children's dad only died yesterday so I suppose it's early days yet

Just hope the social worker can come up with something - such a bloody awful situation they really are very hard working, honest people and would love to take on these children

When they left this evening, the 2 year old gave DP and I a big hug - we could have cried for hinm

OP posts:
Original poster
NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 22/12/2005 23:11

Thank you all so much for your replies

Will put forward your suggestions

I too thought it was easier for family to foster/adopt children - poor little mites at tho mo seem so oblivious to it all, which is probably a good thing, but I really could cry for them

We've sent a Christmas present for them - what the bloody hell else can we do

OP posts:
notasheep · 22/12/2005 23:49

I work for Social Services and one of my girlfriends is a Foster Mother,she is coming over for dinner tomorrow night,so hopefully we can give you some more advice too

hercules · 23/12/2005 09:37

bump for morning crowd

thecattleareALOHing · 23/12/2005 09:44

I have read about this - apparently the social services will push them to adopt the kids as then they don't have to pay them - but they can foster them instead and get paid a foster carer's allowance which will help a great deal. They should try to see a family solicitor and apply to have guardianship of the children, I think. Certainly some proper legal advice would be useful right now. I personally would try to keep the children atm while this is sorted out, so the kids don't end up stuck in care.

kelb6180 · 23/12/2005 09:52

This is such a sad story, and I feel so sorry for the children and family. I don't know much about this issue but here is my advice.

If the issue is down to money and affording to take on the responsibility, surley having extra children in the household would entitle them to some goverment benefits??? if one partner is working and the other is having to stay at home then there are benefits like child tax credit, working families tax credit and so on. It may be a bit more complex than that, I don't know how the whole fostering/adoption thing works. Would they need to apply to be a legal guardian of the children? I don't know if the extra money from benifits would cover the amount needed but its something and if it keepthe kids out of care and with family it may be worth it just for now until something more suitable can be arranged.
Either way it could be worth looking into??

geekgrrl · 23/12/2005 09:54

in addition to tax credits & co, do they have other family who can chip in financially on a regular basis? This is a 'family thing' really, it shouldn't just be up to your db and sil if there is other family around.

acnebride · 23/12/2005 10:10

don't know if this charity for bereaved children might be any help as it's local to Oxfordshire but there might be something local to you who could offer advice?

Original poster
NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 23/12/2005 10:41

Thanks again everyone

Going to ring my brother later and pass on all the advice I've had

I'll keep you updated if there's any progress

OP posts:
Sparks · 23/12/2005 11:02

When family members foster, it's known in the jargon as kinship care. Here is link to a leaflet from the Family Rights Group about financial support they may be entitled to . FRG also have a helpline 0800 731 1696. It's probably a good idea if the family get advice from someone else besides the SW.

It's got to be better for the children if they stay with family members, rather than getting fostered by strangers.

nikkie · 23/12/2005 14:14

My friend fosters her niece and is in the process of adopting her. Benefits wise they get paid to look after her but it is less than if they fostered outside the family. they are not entitled to tax credits and I'm not sure about child benefits.They are in the process of adoting which will entitled them to tax credits but will lose allowance.
If they adopted there is 6 months leave (like materrnity ) available if this would help?

charliegirl25 · 23/12/2005 14:38

Message withdrawn

Sparks · 24/12/2005 14:20

My friend is a SW and works in this area. I asked her about this situation and she says there are two routes they might go down. One is special guardianship , where your brother and sil would have legal parental responsibility and would receive an allowance. The other option would be to become friends and family foster carers , which would mean they could get more support from social services and the LA would have parental responsibility. The social workers would need to assess them as foster carers and also have an ongoing monitoring role. The LA should pay friends and family carers at the same rate as other foster carers, but they don't all do this.

My friend was but not surprised to hear that the sw your brother and sil met was not very helpful. She wouldn't mind answering more specific questions if they have any.

Original poster
NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 24/12/2005 21:15

Thanks again everyone

Sparks thank you especially, I will ask them if they want to put any specific questions to you

For now tho it seems the children have to go - they're being collected on Wednesday morning

Obviously they're hoping to get them back - I'll keep you all informed

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
geekgrrl · 25/12/2005 15:23

oh that's so sad - the poor kids.
I hope something gets sorted out soon. Do keep us updated.

WickedWinterWitch · 25/12/2005 18:38

This is so sad, good luck.

tigermoth · 26/12/2005 09:59

so sad, indeed.

I am shocked that your sil and brother did not get more information from their own social worker - who even said it was one of the worst cases she'd seen in 15 years.

Why does it take a question on an internet site to get this information?

My instinct would say, your brother and sil should put off the Wednesday handover till they have seen a lawyer and have formed a plan. Surely they can say the children are too traumatised after christmas to leave them so soon? Or say one of the children has a stomach bug or something - anything!