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Original poster

PLEASE can anyone help with this?

55 replies

NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 22/12/2005 21:25

My brother and sil have one child aged 7 - they are wonderful people

Basic story: SIL lost her stepmum last year and her Dad died yesterday, leaving 2 children aged 12 and 2. My brother and sil would love to take on the two children but simply can't afford to - no need to go into it, they just can't afford to do it so they told social services if they can get £700 a month - sil's earnings - they can, and will happily, take the children. But apparantly it's "not as simple as that" even tho it will cost £300 a week to put the children into foster care.

The children are being collected from my brother's house at the end of next week - they will be devastated to let them go - PLEASE can anyone help or advise?

OP posts:

tigermoth · 26/12/2005 10:05

thinking about this more... did the social worker not explain in detail the situation and all the options to your sil and brother?

If this is the case, IMO that's good reason in itself to stall everything.

thecattleareALOHing · 26/12/2005 11:54

If they honestly want to keep the children, I wouldn't hand them over on Wednesday if this is at all possible (they don't belong to social services!). I think it's always harder to get them back than keep them - esp from social services. I'm sure their work would grant some compassionate leave given the circumstances.

tatt · 26/12/2005 12:01

This government website looks like it would be useful www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/socialcare/lookedafterchildren/familyandfriendscarers/legal/

and it has a link to guardian's allowance which is £12.20 per child per week and doesn't affect tax credits

according to this website www.fostering.org.uk/information/page28.htm
the Childrens Act requires that family fostering is considered before other fostering. Government website above has a link to the Children's Act if they want to try and make sense of it.

Obviously there would need to be police checks and the like but they should have a good chance of getting the children back. Can't understand why they are being removed so quickly unless the family have to go back to work. Maybe sil could try for a bit of compasionate leave to sort this out?

tigermoth · 02/01/2006 10:13

any news, Notactuallyamotherchristmas? I've been thinking out these children and hoping your SIL and brother have managed to stall things.

NotActuallyAMum · 03/01/2006 08:29

Hello folks

Sorry for not coming back earlier - not had internet access for a while

They had to give the children up on Wednesday

They've gone to temporary foster parents - and by sheer coincidence my brother knows them, he works with him, so they've been able to keep in touch

In the long term it's still very uncertain for everyone, they're with the foster parents till the end of the month but my db and sil are still hoping to get them back. Another problem is that because the children's grandparents (their mum's parents) are still alive they are the next of kin so my db and sil don't get any proper say about anything. Apparantly the kids grandparents want db and sil to have the kids too but are burying their heads in the sand and "hoping something will come up" (!?!)

tigermoth · 03/01/2006 10:10

thanks for the update. As you say, what luck your db knows the foster parents.
The grandparents' reaction really surprises me - what a time to decide to bury your head in the sand! Not wanting to pry, but IMO it seems there could be more to their reaction than meets the eye.

I hope your SIL and brother can find out more facts about their options asap.

Most of all, I hope the two children are settling in with their foster parents.

The 12 year old girl must have some idea of what she wants and what would be the best for her and her brother. Has she actually said she wants to stay with your brother and SIL?

NotActuallyAMum · 03/01/2006 10:23

tigermoth the children are both boys - I actually got their ages a bit wrong in my original post, they're 13 and 3 not 12 and 2

Yes the older one has said to everyone concerned that he wants to stay with db and sil but apprantly his say-so doesn't mean very much - so much for always having the childrens' best interests at heart

The night before the children went my db had to sit up with him till 3am cos he was so upset - db said he's so very frightened about what's going to happen to him - poor, poor kid

tigermoth · 03/01/2006 10:26

oh, that sounds terrible. Poor boy! I am shocked that he feels so powerless and so desperately upset. Does the social worker realise this?

NotActuallyAMum · 03/01/2006 10:27

And yes I'm shocked at their grandparents' reaction too - I may be out of order here, and I've never even met them, but I can't help wondering if they're thinking along the lines of "we don't mind what happens to them as long as we don't have to have them"

NotActuallyAMum · 03/01/2006 10:29

They must surely realise - I don't like to question my db too much but I'm certain he would have told the social services all of this when the children were picked up

tigermoth · 03/01/2006 11:02

yes, I can see what you mean about the grandparents' reaction. I hadn't thought of it in that way. How sad if true.

I hope your brother and SIL make some headway soon - I assume they are not going to stop looking at fostering options.

NotActuallyAMum · 03/01/2006 16:19

They've been told that becoming foster parents themselves won't help them because no payment is made for fostering your own family - which goes against what some people have said on here

But they're certainly not giving up yet

Sparks · 04/01/2006 11:22

Very to read all this NAM. It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that the kids are frightened.

I have to say that the ss in your brother and sil's area sound completely rubbish. I really hope they are getting some good advice from elsewhere. Do you know if they have contacted the Family Rights Group or spoken to a solitcitor yet? It shouldn't be down to "sheer coincidence" that they are able to keep in touch with the children, ss should be arranging contact.

NotActuallyAMum · 05/01/2006 13:21

Sparks I'm not sure what their next step is but I'll see them at the weekend and find out

Think you're right, ss do seem useless around here! This is the first time any of our family have ever had any contact with them. I'm fairly certain tho that they wouldn't have arranged any contact for db and sil so if db didn't know him I doubt they'd have spoken to the children

Squirrel3 · 05/01/2006 14:59

I'm sorry NAAM, no advice but how heart breaking for everyone concerned.

Squirrel3 · 10/01/2006 11:47

How are things NAAM?

NotActuallyAMum · 16/01/2006 11:58

UPDATE

The social worker was supposed to go to DB and SIL house last Tuesday at 4:30 but she phoned up at 4:28 to say she couldn't make the appointment! They're having the kids to stay this coming weekend but until the SW does finally visit they don't know what's going to happen to them long-term

Squirrel3 · 16/01/2006 12:15

It must be so hard for the kids, your DB and SIL (mostly for the kids), I hope they pull their finger out and sort it out soon.

NotActuallyAMum · 22/04/2007 17:35

RESULT

The boys are moving in with my DB and SIL on 25th May

Yes I know it's been absolutely ages! But that's how long it's taken social services to get their backsides into gear and sort things out!! All 5 of them (2 boys, DB, SIL and my niece) have really been through it these last 16 months, it's been such an horrendous story which I won't bore you with - so much red tape, so many unnecessary obstructions, so much heartache for them all, but mostly for the 2 poor orphan boys

But of course the most important thing is that it's all sorted now

Last but not least, a HUGE thank you to everyone who gave me advice on here

madoldcatlady · 22/04/2007 18:02

That's fantastic news for everyone!!

I only just found this thread but it was such a sad story. I'm so happy for the boys and you DB&SIL&DN.

YAY A HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jura · 22/04/2007 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotActuallyAMum · 22/04/2007 19:22

Yes Jura they have, the same ones, who my DB and SIL know

The foster parents actually put in a complaint to social services just after Christmas - when they'd had them for a year - that they'd been "in limbo" for far too long and it wasn't fair to the boys. If they hadn't done that I doubt it'd be sorted yet

Eddas · 22/04/2007 22:02

What a great ending, so pleased for them all. Bloody ridiculous that it takes so long to sort out though But at least the boys will have a home of their own soon

emsiewill · 22/04/2007 22:19

What a lovely ending to the story. Pity it couldn't get sorted out much quicker.

Anyway am v for all your family.

Hulababy · 22/04/2007 22:22

Glad this has a happy ending.

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