What would life "feel like" without my income?

[LoveInAColdClimate]

Please don't shout at me over this thread...

DH and I are about to start TTC. We have been discussing what we will do about me returning to work after maternity leave (which I know is counting a few chickens, but we thought best to at least start discussing). If I didn't go back to work, we would obviously lose my income of around £40k and be left with DH's of around £55k (plus possible bonus of somewhere between £2k and £10k, but wouldn't want to rely on that as it's not at all certain and depends on loads of factors, some of which are completely out of his control).

I know £55k is still roughly double the average UK income, but it's still clearly a lot less than we earn now. We live in a nice-ish bit of the West Midlands (we would stay in the same house). We would obviously have the extra costs of a baby, but wouldn't be going out much (I understand!). We would also be happy without holidays abroad for a while (we are lucky that both our parents live in beautiful parts of the UK so they may be getting a lot of visits...). I've done various budgeting exercises to see how far £55k would go, and I'm pretty certain we could live on it quite easily, but I just wondered how other people find living on a similar income with a baby/small child. Do you angst in the supermarket about whether you can afford things (not Veuve Cliquot, obviously, but the Nice Ham end of things)? Do you stress about bills coming in and how you'll pay them? Or is it fine, and any worries will be more than made up for by being at home with my baby?

If I went back part-time (3 days a week), my take-home income (after nursery fees, travel costs, work clothes, work-associated costs etc) would be about £600 pcm. So not a huge amount, but definitely very helpful. But I'm not sure how I will feel about putting my baby in childcare for three days a week if we can manage financially without. Of course, I do appreciate that I may be champing at the bit to get back to work, but do find that hard to imagine!

Any views on living on £55k outside London very gratefully received.

You can't possibly know how you will feel until you have the baby.

Personally, I'd rather tear off my own arms than stay home all day, partic. with a lot less money, but hey, that's just me.

We live on one income whilst the children are preschool, and a much smaller one at that. It is fine for us, but we do have generous family support and no interest in certain things that others might consider essentials. We eat very well, definitely Nice Ham (if we weren't vegetarians) and no worries whatsoever about food or heating, bills, mortgage etc.

I am sure that once you are on maternity leave you will get an idea of how you feel living on a reduced income. You might find that you don't care, or then again you might hate it.

i had a brief spell of being a SAHM when we relocated. one thing i found difficult was that i had a lot more time to fill, and a lot less money to pay for activities and petrol to get there. obviously there's free stuff to do with the dcs, but you do get fed up with park/library/duckpond etc when you're skint.

One question worth considering is how much you have left at the end of the month at the moment and what are you doing with it?

My DW and I have one DS and she now works part time so our combined salary has dipped by about 20% - in practice though the cost of DS and the reduction in income was not that different to what we were putting away in savings each month so its barely had any effect on our day to day finances.

If however, you're finding you don't have money left each month at the moment then I'd guess you will have to take a close look at where its going and make some economies...

Thanks, everyone. Yes, suppose I may find I'm dying to get back to work (which might bring its own problems as my profession and firm is not very family-friendly, but that's for another thread!). Maternity leave will also give us a chance to find out how we cope with a reduced income as work is family-unfriendly to the point of not giving anything over and above statutory materniy pay (which at least means there's nothing to pay back if I didn't return). At least sounds as if we would be able to afford to do and and not feel totally skint if we did decide I would be a SAHM.

We live on about that (without bonas). We are a family of 5.

It is possible but it depends on your lifestlye and if you are prepared to change it.

Can you pay your salary into a saving account for a 6 months to see whether you can live how you want to on just your DH wage.

This can then be used to buy baby bits and a cushion for if you do not go back to work.

That is a brilliant idea, Lizziemun, thank you (although was initially wondering what kind of very expensive cushion I would need for having a baby until I twigged what you meant!). Will discuss with DH but would certainly give us an idea of lifestyle changes needed and give us some more savings.

try it. change where your income is paid into. live on just DHs, using yours only for luxury/ inessential stuff/ savings/ paying OFF totally any debts.

You will probably find its OK on just one income. We made teh change a few years before DS came along, I went self employed and we lived on DHs regular wage with my variable income as holidays and capital projects money.

I do feel for you OP.

I was considering having a baby, I earn a bit more than you do and DP is on about the same as your DH. But i would not want to go back to skintness (relatively speaking). I remember working just to pay the childcare when i had dd. I can't be arsed to going back to being all consumed about money issues again.

DP has been not working for 3 months, he was waiting for a contract to start. We have been fine, he has enough savings and we have just been living quite happily on my salary anyway. But it has made me stop and think about how much you have to consider things more when you only have one salary coming in.

I would not choose to live on just the one salary, of course it can be done but fuck it, I have done my struggling years, and I am quite happy to continue living an easier life. I also work somewhere with minimal maternity benefit and horrible hours culture, and i would not be able to have flexible working etc. So came to the conclusion that i wouldn't have anotehr child.

One thing - consider moving to another company with better benefits and think again after you ahev been there for a while.

Thanks, everyone - my concern about moving firm (other than the fact that I am generally pretty happy where I am, family-friendliness issues aside) is that if I went somewhere that did offer more generous maternity benefits and then decided not to go back, I would be stuck having to repay the benefits over and above statutory pay. This has recently happened to a friend of mine, who is now stuck working long hours four days a week when she would rather be at home with her baby, as she has to repay her maternity pay if she doesn't go back for 9 months. I suppose we could just pay any extra maternity pay into a savings account, though, then repay it if didn't go back...

The other thing about moving firm is that at least the people I work with now have known me for 5 years and know that I'm capable etc - I feel that I might have a better chance of being able to return part time there (even if it's not brilliant) than if I move to another firm (which might not be much more familiy-friendly, whatever its recruitment propaganda says) then promptly get pregnant. Hmmmm....

Will definitely discuss with DH spending 6 months living off just his income and using mine as savings or to over-pay mortgage, to see what it would be like.

The good thing is that if you live off one salary for 6 months, and then decided you can't really do it, you will then have a nest egg on which to go on a great holiday with and

I had NO idea that you had to pay back maternity pay if you don't stay a certain time.

Hahaha, yes, loving the holiday plan if we decide an income drop is quite untenable .

I was also taken aback re paying back maternity pay - I don't know if it applies to all employers, but it's certainly been the case at both firms I've worked for. I'd also previously had a vague idea they probably didn't actually enforce it but it seems from my friend's experience that they do (or at least sometimes do). I suspect it might depend if they actually wanted you back or not - perhaps if they were looking to reduce the team they might be prepared to write it off, but otherwise I suppose everyone would take the extra pay whether or not they planned to go back (I certainly would if there was any available!). I do get a bonus if I go back after something insane like 4 weeks after the baby is born though .

A bonus if you take 4 weeks or less maternity leave?

Is that legal?

Sounds horrible!

I second/third living on one salary for 6 months to see how it feels (and buying a very expensive cushion )

The bonus for going back early is staged (I think you still get something if you leave it as "late" as 12 weeks, although would need to check policy) but I think from memory it does start at 4 weeks! I think you have to have 2 weeks off (i.e. it's actually illegal to go back to work sooner, as I understand it, although you do hear stories of people pretty much going from the delivery room to a meeting, so not sure how that works...). From friends' experiences I fully expect to be leaking from various areas and barely able to walk at four weeks so sadly am likely to miss out on my bonus .

I will start window-shopping for my cushion .

I agree with the living on one salary trial.

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable reducing our overall income by such a large proportion. I know you'd still be on 55k, which is a lot more than average salary, but in a sense, that's not really the issue, because it would be a big drop compared to what you're used to. You wouldn't be on the poverty line, but you might find that you can't afford the little luxuries that make life enjoyable. And also as someone else said, when you're home more, you'll find you'll spend more. It can get seriously depressing having to watch the pennies when you're home all day.

Personally I would look at the 3 day option. Partly because 600 a month more is not to be sniffed at. But more importantly, you're keeping your hand in with your career (which sounds a decent one, you're on a decent income) and paying into your pension etc.

We did it by accident I worked part time after ds1 was born for 6 months as I had to work 26 weeks part time or 13 weeks full time to enable me to keep my maternity pay (I worked for the council)

We then relocated with DH's job, which was over 100 mile away, so we moved house. It was October and DS1 was 16 month and at that time our only child.

My intention was to unpack and sort the house and start back to work in the January in the same job just for a different council.

DS1 did not cope well with the move, became incredibly clingy to me so we put him into a teeny nursery for one day a week to ease him back into childcare. We were then living off DH's slightly higher salary (we made sure that his new salary was his old salary plus my measly take home after childcare costs)

In the end I stayed a SAHM, we realised we could live off that one salary and still have holidays etc. It does come down to lifestyle.

I like the much slower pace of being a SAHM although when the children were younger there were times when I was climbing the wall

Put your salary into the bank for 6 months see how you feel about denying yourself stuff.

I think it very much depends on the size of your mortgage and any other compulsory loans etc., as this will have a big effect on your disposable income.

Certainly when DH were on £55k between us we still had a 'nice' lifestyle, usually 3 holidays abroad each year, a few weekends away in the UK, nice ham (!), occasional swanky meals out and fairly regular pub lunches etc. (which as you say are less likely to happen when you have a baby anyway). Never spent a fortune on clothes, but if I spotted a beautiful bag or pair of shoes, I would probably buy.

During that time our mortgage was about £500 per month and I don't think we had any other loans although have always had a small balance on a credit card.

we felt pretty lucky and pretty well off TBH. We still stressed about 'lumpy' expenses, like e.g. car insurance etc. but this can be managed easier these days by paying monthly etc.

It probably also depends on what you're used to and what you're prepared to compromise on. Obviously you have a pretty comfortable lifestyle, but if you would for example never consider going away unless in a luxury upscale hotel waited on hand & foot etc., then you're probably never going to go away. If however, you're happy to go away in nice self-catering properties (more practical with baby anyway), and eat in some nights and out some nights when away, then you can still do holidays. For exmaple, we always had 2 skiing holidays a year, but we did that by doing it very cheaply, booking DIY to out of the way resorts, self-catering, flying on odd days of the week etc. Our cheapest ski holiday was £250 each all in (and it was amazing), whereas I know there are lots of people who think you can't possibly get a week's skiing for less than £1k (clearly nonsense!). Sorry - I know holidays aren't the be all and end all, I'm just trying to use them as an example of the different manner in which you can still do things.

Interestingly, we're looking at moving house which would result in a similar decrease in disposable, and whilst the thought is a little intimidating, we know we have been much worse off, and still managed to do the things we prioritised.

D

I work 25 hours at the moment and my husband 45 and we make £21.5k. We also make £80 a month child benefit. We live a decent lifestyle to me as we have a holiday every year, we also quite often go on minibreaks to the premier inn as well, we run a car, have a mortgage down south, go out most weeks etc. It is definitely more than doable.

If you really want to stay at home than you'll find a way and make the sacrifices. As others have said you'll only know once you have the baby. We're managing on a lot less than the figure you mention - and making a lot of sacrifices - because we feel it's important for one of us to be at home while the children are little.

I'd love to know how you manage noodle69! We haven't had a holiday in 5 years, never eat out - ever - and struggle to afford the winter heating bills.

No advice I'm afraid OP, but I'm reading this thread with interest. I earn 45k, DH 38k, and I want to be a SAHM desparately. As with you, it's hardly a pittance to live on, but with a southern mortgage, it's going to be quite a shift in lifestyle.

I have about 10k in debt (some is shared with DH but most is mine) so my new year's resolution is to pay it all off, which I've worked out I can do by December.

I'm interested in how the power dynamics will change when he's the sole earner. He wants me to be SAHM too, but it doesn't feel like a joint decision somehow - I'm not enjoying work at the moment, so I think he thinks I'm just being lazy and fancy a few years' holiday I've spent the last few years of highish earnings frittering it away on handbags and holidays, so understandably he's not sure I'm cut out to be SAHM, although I feel sure I am - I've burnt out high-powered career-woman MissHellToe.

I've almost persuaded DH this is the month to start ttc, but he's so worried about money I won't know until the critical time whether or not he's, ahem, up for it. Fingers (not legs) crossed!

OP sounds as if you are a lawyer ( as I used to be) I went back when my sons were 8 weeks old, which meant 12 weeks leave fgor the first and 10 for the second. I loved my job and couldn't countenance giving it up but I did need to have a nanny and a cleaner to be able to cope - I knew nothing about babies or bringing up children at all and found it very difficult first time round ( surprised DS1 survivied at all with no BF, falling asleep with him on sofa etc. etc. ) The point I'm getting round to is that you need to be sure to factor in the cost of everything you will be paying out if you go back to work, which may be a lot more than you think. Also consider how easy/hard it will be to get a job again when you are ready to return to work when the children ( becaue if you decide to be SAHM you will probaby remain one throughout ) are older.

No easy answers.