Struggling today.

[youremindmeofthebabe]

I have a suspect missed miscarriage, discovered at the 12 week scan, at which i was measuring 6 wk 4 days, visible yolk, but no fetal pole.That was last Wednesday. I have to go back a week on Wednesday to have a further scan, but was told in the meantime to expect to miscarry.

I am finding it very difficult as i know that my dates cannot be that wrong, so this is a pointless exercise really, and am really grieving for my baby. However there is still a tiny bit of me that can't give up that miniscule ray of hope, that maybe I am a medical anomoly, and maybe they were wrong, even though i KNOW this is impossible.

I just have the feeling that the second scan will really break me.

YRMOTB I wish I knew what to say to you to give you some comfort/reassurance. I'm in the middle of "dealing" with a MMC. The first time I was scanned two weeks ago it showed twins - two fetal poles but no heartbeats. I remember those I love around me hoping they'd got it wrong - the second scan was the following day and confirmed the first. I asked for a follow up scan the week after and found it strangely reassuring to see them on the screen again. On one hand there's no doubt in my mind that there is not the possibility of a different outcome on the other the fact nothing much is happening "down below" I doubt I'll believe it till it does. I'm sure you are pretty certain of your dates - even so I don't think you'll give up that miniscule ray of hope until you know for sure and I think that's perfectly natural. I'm really sorry you're going through this and sending you strength to get through the days till your next scan. I've everything crossed for you for a positive future regardless of where your journey takes you this time. Try and take care of yourself for now and take some hugs and wishes of support from other MNetters x

Hi youremindmeofthebabe,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is really hard to hear that sort of news at a 12 week scan. It is totally normal to hold onto some hope.

Also MummyMcKT - sorry you are going through this too.

I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you both. If it helps at all, I had a mmc back in January so if after the scan if it is a mmc and you have any questions then please do ask.

I also remember how awful it was waiting for the second scan, I was in bits everyday, dark days. The ladies here on MN gave me lots of support when I had no-one to talk to in RL, they were a lifeline, it was good to hear that this happens to lots of women (that sounds wrong - I mean, it is good to know you are not alone). I hope you find the same.

Thinking of you xxx

Thank you both. Its really lovely to know other people have felt what I'm feeling and it does get better, even though I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

I will let you know how it goes. Really sorry that you're having to deal with this at the moment too, mummyMcKT.

Thanks goodluckbear. I haven't really got much else to say really. Sorry that you've been in this position too. I know really that it's impossible, I just can't shake that silly little bit of hope. Did you do ERPC?

I did some exercise yesterday,and feel slightly better for it, but still meh.

Thank you x

Hiya,

I did have the ERPC - although things had started to happen naturally by that time - but I just wanted to move on so I decided to have it. If it is bad news at the second scan, they'll give you two or three options - the ERPC, medical management (pills to speed it up) or just wait for it to happen (I think they call that "expectant management").

The pros and cons of each are different but they are all equally valid and it would be totally up to you and what you feel is best for you. They might not offer the medical management option though. I think if you do that option, you have to wait a while before you can TTC again.

I felt the ERPC was best for me as I just wanted it to be over so I could start to move on. The op is fine - it is very quick, although there is a lot of waiting around beforehand. It is under general anasthetic but it is honestly really quick and you don't have to stay overnight or anything.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Just keep looking after yourself, take it easy, and it is definitely true that it does get better with time, you just have to give yourself that time.

Will be thinking of you next Wednesday xxx

Hi,

I'm in the same position. I would have been 9 weeks pregnant but two weeks ago I bled a bit and found out that my pregnancy stopped developping at 5 weeks. The waiting game is horrible! Like you I was sure of my dates , I went to the local drop in clinic after 1 week and was rescanned. Just to warn you the gestational sac can continue to grow and I measured 6 weeks but just a tiny yolk sac and no obv fetal pole.
That was enough for me and I booked a termination. I choose the pills as I am a wimp and don't like needles. I had another scan on friday ( nothing) and took the tablets over the weekend. It wasn't bad at all.
I feel now I can finally start to grieve instead of hoping for that miracle that you know is very unlikely.
Up to the last possible moment people kept saying that it was still possible , I found that made it harder.

I wish you both and everybody else lost of support.

I am going through the same thing found had mmc on 6th May going back for second scan tomorrow will prob opt for erpc as although I have been bleeding there is no sign of anything further happening naturally. My baby had a heart beat at 6 weeks but when scanned a week later due to bleeding there was no heart beat. I feel lucky in a way that there was indications that something was wrong must be awful to find out at 12 weeks when u thought everything was fine, feel so sorry for you guys.

I thought I had been coping quite well once I had got over the initial shock but today feel quite tearful prob because of this scan tomorrow.

I'm so sorry I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like.
Hope you get some resolve tomorrow.
It's ok to cry!
I can't look at that bloody John Lewis commercial ( pregnant or miscarried) it gets me going every time I see it.
Take care! ( maybe some chocolates?)

Hello everyone. So sorry to hear all your stories, I hope everyone is as well as can be expected.

I have just been to the bathroom, and (tmi) had some spotting when wiping, and some minor cramping. Which has made me both sad and glad. I don't really know what to do though, I would have preferred an ERPC as toddler ds etc, but what do i do now? Ring for a scan i suppose, or keep my one on weds?? Who knows, shall ring the EPU tomorrow, if this continues.

I am now scared by the prospect of a natural miscarriage! In a way I am glad to have the start of a feeling of closure.

Thank you loopy, as ever, your continued support is a blessing, and i think myself lucky to have found you lovely ladies. Will keep you updated, if you can bear to keep reading!

cramps are kicking in, but no more blood yet

YRMOTB Really hope you're doing as well as you can. Looks like nature also seems to be taking over here too. Been very little over last few days now mostly noticeable when wiping (although feels like it should be a lot more). Isn't presenting itself as anything nearly as heavy as my usual monthly gifts yet but have read lots of tales on here of the experiences of others so am crossing my fingers it continues that way. Scan again on Monday - it would be nice if it was all over by then (highly doutful i know). Anyway wanted you to know you are not alone - mentally alongside all these other fantastic MNetters here and physically alongside a few of us too. I hope you get some rest tonight and that your cramps don't get too bad. Fingers crossed the hospital can give you best advice tomorrrow re going ahead with ERPC or not. Am TOY.

YRMOTB How are you today?
ShazGJ Have been thinking of you at your scan today.
Emrel and Goodluckbear am sorry you both share the same bond with us. Thank you for taking the time to post here - it makes me feel stronger when I read about others who've been through the same.
Loopy I've been thinking of you over the last few days. Am glad the six of you had your time together. I smiled at what your eldest DD wrote about your LO - children always say it as it is which can be hard but I find that very comforting.

TMI alert....Nature is def taking hold here. Have had lots of cramping overnight and have passed quite a bit. Despite this am pretty sure the twins are still to come (although no one seems to be able to say for def what they'd look like) Cramps seem slightly more bearable during daylight (although am sure that's psychological and down to a good supply of hot water bottles) Am almost dreading them kicking in with gusto overnight again Despite reading lots of MN posts on the subject it seems how things go is very individual so who knows what to expect.

Lots of good wishes to those who find themselves reading posts on this subject

Am hopeful and looking forward to a positive future
xx

Hi again,

Hope you guys are doing as well as is possible today, in the circumstances.

I just saw MummyMcKT's post, and I thought I would just come on and post a link to a thread I started when I had my mmc - because one of the things that helped me was knowing that this happens to a lot of people, and they go on to have healthy happy babies. A lot of MNetters came online and told me their positive outcomes. The thread ishere.

I know it doesn't change anything, but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Thanks goodluckbear and mummyMckt.

I seem to have stopped spotting and cramping so

The sun is helping my mood a little, and I am off to read that thread now, thank you.

Sorry to hear that you're getting bad symptoms as well. Take care of yourself.

Had my scan despite lots of bleeding over the last 3 weeks nothing has changed. Was offered medical management but couldn't cope with the thought that at some point in t next 24 hours mc was going to take place, so opted for erpc, booked in on Mon. Was not prepared for all t decisions at t hospital eg Re: burial or cremation etc and med mgmnt or erpc found it all quite upsetting. Feeling a bit better now after talking to a friend who went through it last year and eating chocolate.

Thank you goodluckbear,

It is eerily similar, but very comforting to know that it is so common. Wish it wasn't though for any of us.

Not sure what to say to YRMOTB and MummyMckt hope nature gets on with it gently and swiftly. I was wondering can you use a TENS Machine for the cramps? Mine seem to have eased of but I was wondering.

Sorry ShazGJ wish it was different.
Maybe they should have let you deal with most of the details after a few days instead of jumping you like this.
Good luck on monday.

Take care all of you!

P.S. Do you tell anybody about what has happened? I find it diff to decide who to tell. It is so depressing.

Chocolates

Had a scan today which showed "no evidence of sac or the two foetal poles". Was quite comforted by that but also am quite down that the twins have not come as I hoped they would (they said they could still be sitting in my uterus - TMI). Quite a way to go. Scan again next week although with no clear picture of them there now we might opt for a different route to bring this to a (physical) close. Have just posted on conception board as the sonographer told me today that I have fibroids on my ovaries (4 scans and the first time they mention it!). Is this common in pregnancy as she suggested or am I now justified in panicking that the road to become a mum just got rockier? Am trying to think positively!

Hope you're all well. This site's been my haven throughout this time

Hello all.

Sorry to hear that mummymcKT. I don't know about the fibroids, I'm afraid, but am sure those wise peeps on the conception board will.

Am having brown discharge, sorry tmi, but all other symptoms have disappeared, except a terrible exhaustion, which I think is partly my way of dealing with trauma (i am like a child, I just sleep to switch off). Can't wait til Weds now, closure creeping nearer. Sorry if that sounds bad!

I am off to eat my tea now, am starving. Hope you are all ok today.
xx

Hi ladies, Hope you're all well, andt that the glorious weekend has made an attempt to lift all our spirits somewhat.

less than 48 hours to my next scan, but I think i am coming to terms with everything. No more spotting since then, but all my preg symptoms have disappeared, and i no longer feel pregnant iyswim. So the grim choices of medical, surgical or natural will be mine. I as leaning towards surgical as i have exams for my uni course in two weeks, and am ready to see an end in sight now. I haven't spoken to anyone who has had the medical though, so don't know the pain, blood loss etc.

Love to all, x

YRMOTB - I had the ERPC op today, never had an op before so was petrified but it is fine. Feeling a little bit achy in the abdomon but have been given pain killers to help. I was discharged at dinner time.

I am now glad I chose this option. Pain and blood loss is a lot less than I expected. Also they test the sac to check for molar preg and my hospital get the chaplain to bless the embryo before burying it - which is very respectful.

Hello all - apologies for not name checking everyone but hope whoever's reading this is doing as well as they can right now

I've had lots more physical symptoms over the week-end. All strangely reassuring but at the same time am pretty anxious I won't get the all clear on Friday when they do my follow up scan.

Might start a thread when it's over to describe the entire process - doesn't matter how much I try to get my brain into gear to search for what happens etc I can't find what I want to know (although I suppose the informations not out there anyway as it's an individual experience).

It's my bday tmrw weird timing but then who chooses?!? Big hugs to all xx

Happy Birthday for today mummyMcKT

My scan is tomorrow at 9 am. Got to take ds as nobody to look after him, but will make him and dp wait outside I think. Not ideal, but there we are.