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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Late miscarriage - 17 weeks. Please help xxx

48 replies

MummyWilliams · 26/04/2010 20:57

Have just found out our baby died a couple of days ago, i'm 17+1 today. Have had previous mmc at 15weeks, baby had died 11+6 (so they say). Any experience or advice very welcome. xxx

OP posts:
mumatron · 26/04/2010 21:02

very sorry to hear that mummy

i have had 3 mmc myself, but not that far along.

dont really have any advice, but am here if you need some hand holding, or if you want to vent a bit.

do you have good support in rl?

x

jennycomelately · 26/04/2010 22:15

Really sorry to hear this - I had a mc at 18+3 a month ago. The first I knew about it was when I started to mc though, it sounds like you must have had a scan? Have you been told what your options are?

jennycomelately · 26/04/2010 22:38

OK I just saw your other thread and you're going to be induced....trying to think what I can tell you from my experience which might help.

I was given Misoprostol as I was bleeding too much, and they offered morphine which I later wished I'd accepted earlier. The baby was much smaller than I'd expected which was a shock. I had to have an ERPC as the placenta wouldn't come out, which apparently is quite common at that stage, so be prepared for that possibility. I had to stay in for 3 days because I needed a blood transfusion. We took the baby home to bury ourselves. They're testing the placenta to see if there are any answers to why it happened, but I'm not expecting any really.

Everyone at the hospital was very kind which made the whole thing more bearable, I hope some of this helps and that things go as well as possible for you. xx

cece · 26/04/2010 22:42

I too was induced. Baby had died but no sign of bleeding prior to induction.

I had a lot of morphine for the labour. It helped with the emotional pain. The labour pains weren't too bad. You don't have to dilate to 10cm as the baby will be small enough to hold in one hand.

I have some very precious photos of her, so you might want to take your camera with you.

My hopsital organised a funeral for her, which we attended.

SeaShellsOnTheSeaShore · 27/04/2010 07:00

Thinking of you today MW, I hope you managed to get some rest last night.

AbFabT · 27/04/2010 09:41

Thinking of you too. So upset for you. xxx

Original poster
MummyWilliams · 27/04/2010 10:11

Thank you for replying. I had a few drinks last night which helped me to get some sleep.

DP and I couldn't 'have that chat' at the hospital yesterday because my DC were with us. They briefly said that I have to go in at some point today to have some tablets, then they will book me in for induced labour within 48 hours.

However, I have woken this morning with very very mild cramps, not sure if its because I am so upset or if it is the 'starting of things'.

I am so scared of having to go through all the pain. When I had the MMC at 15 weeks last year, I had an ERPC, but they didn't do a good job, because the day after I had contractions as they had left some products behind, I was readmitted until I passed the huge clots, which took about 18 hours to pass. That was comlete agony in itself, had gas and air and also morphine.

I am dreading it

We will have a private cremation, as we did last time. I have a name for the baby, George for a boy (named after his daddy) and Lottie for a girl.

I think i'm gonna try and get some sleep now, before DP comes home from work to take me to the hospital.

Will keep you updated.

xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyWilliams · 27/04/2010 10:17

Forgot to say, I went to the midwife yesterday, as I have been suffering with carpal tunnel, which I have had in my previous pregnancies. And also the iron tablets they had put me on were disagreeing with me. So she routinely checked the heartbeat, nothing there, so she sent us straight to the Maternity Day Assessment unit for a scan - this confirmed the baby died a few days ago.

In my heart, I kind of knew something wasn't right, because I hadn't felt the baby moving as much, since Friday. But it was my sons birthday on the Friday and I just put it down to the fact that I was so busy organising his party etc, that I hadn't rested enough to feel the baby.

So baby must have died Friday as I had definate movement on Thursday.

Sorry for my ramblings, but it does help me by putting it all down on here.

xxx

OP posts:
AbFabT · 27/04/2010 11:35

I know I already posted and don't really have anything new to add, just that your update really made me feel for you.
Ramble as much as you need, I hope it helps.
xxx

Lutyens · 27/04/2010 11:54

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. I lost a baby at 17 weeks last November, and tbh felt very let down by the medical profession. I felt something was wrong a week before the mc, but not one person listened to me, they just passed me from one department to another. Finally I just turned up at the hospital demanding a scan. They made me wait for 75 minutes and probably would have made me wait longer, but my waters broke in the waiting room. That was when they took me seriously and rushed me into the delivery suite. I have still not got over how callously they treated me

Hope your experience is better (not that "better" is an appropriate term in a mc). My thoughts are with you and your family

Owlingate · 27/04/2010 13:19

Sorry to hear this. I lost a baby at 18 weeks last year. The labour was quite painful, I had oral morphine but was given the option of a patient controlled drip. Do make sure you ask for pain relief and take as much as they'll let you. If you do not feel up to seeing or holding your baby then ask the MW to take pictures and hold them on file, you may want to see them later.

If possible ask if you can deliver in the gynae ward or, if they have one, the SANDS / bereavement room - I asked and was allowed to deliver in gynae because I didn't want to hear a newborn crying.

I felt a lot better after I had delivered the baby - it was bitter-sweet in a way because I knew she was dead and this would be my last chance for my body to do something for her. It was almost a relief to get it over with and a lot better than I'd been dreading.

Do get in touch with SANDS or the miscarriage association, ask if there is a bereavement midwife or women's health counsellor at your hospital.

I am so sorry you have to go through this, it is really really unfair, I will be thinking of you.

Tyson86 · 27/04/2010 13:28

I am really sorry this is happening to you mummywilliams xxx

Magic8ballhastheanswers · 27/04/2010 13:52

Mummywilliams I am so sorry to hear your news. I have written and deleted this post a few times now and I can't offer you any platitudes, I know how terrible it is........

I lost dd2 at 21 weeks last May after my waters broke at 17 weeks. I was very lucky to have such a fantastic team with me and I am eternally grateful to those midwives. Take all the pain relief you can get your hands on and ask to be in a room away from the delivery suite. It is good that you have already made arrangements for your DC xxxxxx

As Owlingate said - contact SANDS or the Miscarriage Association and ask about counselling if you feel you need, your hospital should have a bereavement midwife. My counsellor who has been a real lifeline for me referred me to my now obs/gyn consultant who specialises in late miscarriages so I will be in safe hands next time.

Owlingate I remember you from posting on my threads last year.xx

pixiestix · 27/04/2010 14:03

Oh god, I am so so sorry that you are having to go through this Mummywilliams

snowwombat · 27/04/2010 16:15

mummywilliams am so very sorry .
DS1 was born,lived for 15mins and died at 20+3 following premature rupture of membranes. I am afraid I can't offer you any experience of an induction as I went into labour spontaneously. We were given as much time as we needed with our little boy. The midwives took lots of photos and hand and foot prints too. We had a funeral for him (legal requirement in the country he was born, as he was born alive and over 20 weeks). Access to these things seem to vary across the UK.
DH and I had counselling for some time afterwards. I understand SANDS are fantastic, but as DS1 was born overseas, I haven't used them.

It is just so unfair. Thinking of you and your family

SeaShellsOnTheSeaShore · 28/04/2010 07:05

Good morning MW, I hope you are being looked after well today. Thinking of you.

Original poster
MummyWilliams · 28/04/2010 08:57

Hello! Just thought I would update...

We went to hospital for 'that chat' yesterday. Was given a tablet which from what I can remember slows the hormones down. We were given another scan just so that we could obtain some more pics of baby which the new consultant (a lady) did, she was very very nice as were the two midwives.

We're booked in for tomorrow morning for induction. They will firstly take some bloods from me to see if they can see any reason for the miscarriage from that. We have agreed, as much as I really don't want the baby interfered with, to a post mortem. We just need answers as to why this has happened again. We were told that 75% of cases never get an answer, it is just simply unknown and sheer bad luck. But both DP and I feel that the 25% chance of finding out, is something we must do. Is it just that I am too old (will be 39 in June)?

Although we will be on the Labour Ward, we will be in a special bereavement room, away from the first cries of the newborns. Induction will then start by firstly, a vaginal pessary, then oral tablets until contractions are progressing. Apparently baby is about 16cm.

The midwives will prepare a Memory album, taking pictures of baby, hand & footprints etc.

Was coping well yesterday, but today i'm falling to pieces. Crying as I type.

I felt so sure that because I had got passed the 15 weeks (which was when we lost the last baby), that this baby was here to stay. I even allowed myself to investigate prams and other equipment. On the Monday (during the day), before our midwife appointment, I even cleared out my wardrobe & drawers of all my pre-pregnancy clothes and hung up all my maternity clothes.

Dreading tomorrow, dreading the pain of it all. Scared, scared, scared.

xxx

OP posts:
cece · 28/04/2010 09:38

The hospital sound like they are doing everything to help you.

I hope it goes as well as it can do for you. It is all totally heartbreaking.

I think I cried for about 6 weeks afterwards.

Magic8ballhastheanswers · 28/04/2010 13:22

Ahh hun big hugs (((())) xx

I will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Owlingate · 28/04/2010 13:33

Mummywilliams you are coping, you are typing on here and listening to what the midwives have said. I'm so glad the hospital are looking after you and going to help you remember the baby. The labour will be not be as bad as you are dreading, once that is over you must look after yourself. Stay in bed, you don't have to talk to anyone, you don't have to get dressed - do not worry about how anyone else is feeling. Get family or friends to help you in the house if you want.Ask someone to clear out all the maternity clothes and put away free bounty stuff etc, there is a service which will unsubscribe you to any baby newsletters you have signed up to - sands will have details of this.

I will be thinking of you, type any questions or concerns you have on here. Some of the things I felt after I lost the baby were terrifying - e.g. I resented existing DC for getting in the way of my grieving. The pain you feel now will be less intense in time but do you need to mourn your loss - it is devastating.

snowwombat · 28/04/2010 14:36

mummywilliams I hope you are getting some good RL support too. Keep posting if you need to, we are here for you.

Am glad the hospital staff are being sensitive. There are no wrong things to do,do what feels right and do not put any pressure on yourself to 'cope'. There is nothing wrong with crying and you are going to need to be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to get through. Am so so sorry

Will be thinking of you.

AbFabT · 28/04/2010 19:55

Hi, MummyWilliams. Your update had me in tears. Just so upset for you. Will be thinking of you tomorrow too.
And I don't think 39 is too old to try again - ladies have babies in their forties. Please take some time to recover, and try again. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

x

Tyson86 · 28/04/2010 19:58

Thinking of you for tomorrow. x

SeaShellsOnTheSeaShore · 28/04/2010 21:09

Thinking of you, gentle ((hug)), glad you've got family around.

Lutyens · 29/04/2010 19:46

MummyWilliams, just wanted to say I was thinking about you today and hope you are over the worst - physically at least, emotionally is a different matter. I hope you find lots of real-life support for the grieving process

Also, friends have had babies in their mid-40s, so there may still be a chance for you. Give yourself a chance to recover then you can try again.

Fingers crossed for you