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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Recurrent miscarriage - please can anyone give me any hope after 5 miscarriages??

36 replies

choccyqueenx · 15/04/2010 10:46

Sadly I've had 5 miscarriages in the last 2 and a half years, and have tried everything I can think of to break this pattern and achieve a healthy full term pregnancy and baby (acupuncture, all the tests at RMC St Marys) and now I just feel so worn out emotionally with it all. I don't have the emotional energy to just keep on hoping the next conception (if I'm lucky enough to conceive again!) will be 'the one'. Does anyone else feel like this?
I don't want to give up but I need to get on with my life too. The only thing I can say that keeps me sane is that I do have a goregeous healthy 3 year old daughter to keep me busy - but she keeps asking when she's going to have a brother or sister like all her friends - and that pressure is unbearable when I look at her little face!

Is there hope after 5 miscarriages ? Does anyone have a similar story with a happy ending??
I know I'm so lucky to have my daughter but how do you deal with this repeated loss and trauma of miscarriages??

Thank you to anyone who can give me hope!

OP posts:
Julezboo · 15/04/2010 12:09

Hey Choccy

I am sorry you have gone through 5 mc's.

I was in a similar position to you when my youngest was 3 years old. We went through 5 mc's, I was in the middle of tests when I fell pregnant again, we took fragmin as a last chance attempt thing and DS2 was born at 38 weeks

Did they find anything at your tests?

I have now had a total of 7 mc's, one being a twin pregnancy and going through tests again now. I have factor V leiden and they have only just now found I have a Septate Uterus! I still have a few weeks till i go back for all the results and discuss a plan of action so will update again then.

If you have it in you keep going. There is hope! xxxxx

jojomo · 16/04/2010 17:39

I know a mum who has had 5 m/c but has now got a second healthy dd. Investigations found that there was a chromosome problem that has led them to believe that the babies they lost were boys. They feel very blessed to have their two dd's and I hope their story gives you some hope. I have just had a m/c myself and am so sorry for your losses. It's hard isn't it. Good luck!

rainbowdays · 16/04/2010 21:26

I don't have a happy ending story, but just wanted to say I can empathise with you. I am currently trying to decide if I can go through another m/c. I have had 6 m/c since my last ds, and one just before I was pregnant with him.

I have had all the tests too, and have tried asprin and progesterone supplimentation and acupuncture. But to no avail.

So I am currently wondering if I have the strength to not test if I miss my period, and wait til I get passed 8 weeks passed my last period before testing and then at least if I lose it early I can just tell myself it was a wonky cycle and not that I was pregnant. But having been pregnant so often in the last couple of years, I think I would know anyway.

So although I can be of no help or encouragement for you, I hope that might help to know you are not alone in not being sure if you have the emotional strength to try again.

On the positive side, there are plenty of women who have recurrent m/c's who do go on to have a full-term pregnancy. I think that is the only thing that makes me even contemplate risking going through it again.

mermaidspurse · 17/04/2010 06:25

choccy I had my 5mc at Christmas and felt I couldn't go through that again. Our lives seem to have changed beyond recognition in the last 4 years. A constant cycle of hope, despseration fleeting happiness and dreadful depression.

I suddenly find myself unexpectedly - mainly cos we are increasingly too scared to go near each other - 6 weeks pregnant. As I write this I don't know obviously if things will be different this time and I am filled with absolute terror. But I am attempting to be positive.

rainbow I also emphasise and am sorry for your losses. I gained a week of blissful unawareness with this one and am so pleased I have missed a week of fear so I identify with how you are feeling.

As to dealing with repeated trauma well I am having councilling sessions presently, I think I do have an element of depression. It has helped to talk to someone neutral. society pushes mc aside so easily.

Good luck with your investigations julezboo

jojomo · 17/04/2010 22:26

Any updates ladies? I'm feeling for you all...Jo x

kissmummy · 18/04/2010 20:02

hi choccy - i don't have a positive story yet, but just wanted to empathise. I've had four MCs since my DS was born. he's almost three. I had no history of MC before he came along and nobody can find what's wrong. we've thrown everything at trying to identify the problem, having every test under the sun through private clinics etc.
I've gathered the strength to try again but it does fill me with very mixed feelings. If you live in London there are a couple of us who meet up occasionally for mutual support - please join us sometime if you feel like it.
mermaids i totally relate to what you say about life changing beyond all recognition. I've had two years of failed pregnancies, blood tests, appointments with experts, hopes raised, hopes dashed, and all the rest of it. My marriage has suffered. I feel enormously lucky to have one child but always planned on having three. All this started when I was 34, so it's not like i left it really really late to try and have a family.
I've worked out it takes me about four months to recover from each miscarriage. then i'm strong enough to try again.

lovechoc · 18/04/2010 20:22

sorry to hear of your misfortune.

but...there is some hope out there because I know someone who had 6 m/c in succession and fell pg last year, carried to full term - she has just recently given birth to her DS. Her first DC is 4yo. Please don't give up hope

Unfortunately the NHS were not very supportive or helpful to this woman I know, she was just told 'it happens' Not exactly helping is it when someone gives you that kind of advice.

Anyway fingers crossed you fall pg soon

wrinklyraisin · 18/04/2010 20:33

A previous employer of mine had at least 15 MC over 5 years. She would get to between 5 and 10 weeks and then lose the baby. No cause was ever found. She and her hubby decided to try ivf just once then move on with their lives sans children if it didn't work. Well it worked, and now they have gorgeous twins. So never give up hope, and try every avenue even just once. You never know if that last try will be the one.

mumatron · 18/04/2010 20:43

my mum had 13 mc. she had my brother, then 6 mc then me then 7 more mc.

never a reason found.

i have 2 dc and had 4 mc in a row. all my tests are clear. just found out and am pg for the 7th time, so feeling very nervous right now.

choccyqueenx · 19/04/2010 22:19

Thanks so much for all the responses and support ! If nothing else it does make me realise I am not alone in going through this and so much empathise with eveyone elses sadness and losses - at least it seems there are quite a few happy endings out there too!
And good luck everyone

OP posts:
susitwoshoes · 22/04/2010 22:55

Dear Choccy, I also had 5 miscarriages, was tested at the RMC at Kings after 3rd, tests all came back fine, then offered nothing after 4th and 5th so we referred ourselves to St Marys where, after additional tests (also all fine) I was prescribed progesterone for next pregnancy. I had also left work and was working freelance at home so far more relaxed - either way, after all the heartache I gave birth to our beautiful DD in December 2009. We are thinking about if/when to try for a 2nd baby (I'm 38 now so tempus is fugitting) and I don't know how I would feel if it all happened again - but we would still have our gorgeous girl who feels like such a blessing. Fingers crossed for you.

meatntattypie · 25/04/2010 19:35

me too. 2 mcs, then had my ds (6) had 3 more mcs in the last 2 years.
tests show no problems.

we are trying again, just taking a couple of months off so i can recover.
last mc, was dec just gone.

am fed up, and not sure it will ever happe for us yet cant keep going through it.

IssyStark · 25/04/2010 21:13

choccy no personal stories of hope. I've had five loses since my 3yo son (and two before him) and had my last D&C this Friday gone, so I can empathise.

I always told myself well at least we get pregnant quickly, usually within a couple of cycles of trying. However on Friday while I was in theatre, Spouse came across this report in the New Scientist Miscarriage blamed on non-fussy uterus

This fits us completely because all the tests we had done at the RMC at the Princess Anne in Southampton came back clear, we were told it was 'just bad luck'.

But the article seems to suggest it isn't bad luck but due to my 'super-fertility'. New research which seems to suggest that there are three times as many 'super-fertile' (i.e. conceive within 2 cycles) women in the recurrent mc community than in the fertile population as a whole, and that the reason they are super-fertile is also the reson they miscarry: they have non-fussy wombs so non-viable embryoes implant that non-RMC women's wombs would have rejected at implantation. Unfortunately a cure is years away as this is just the initial research.

The research paper the report is based on is freely available at:
Natural Selection of Human Embryos: Impaired Decidualization of Endometrium Disables Embryo-Maternal Interactions and Causes Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Given you've been pregnant 5 times in 30 months, I don't know if it would apply to you but you might find it reassuring even if it isn't because at least it is something else you can discount?

I'm 39 this June, I've been pregnant, miscarrying or breastfeeding for most of the past 5 years. I know ds wants a baby sibling as he keeps asking for a baby sister, and god so do I, but I don't know if I can keep going through two months of feeling like shit and constantly worrying to only miscarry again three times every year until the menopause hits. The older I get the more likely i am to miscarry anyway.

I honestly don't know how I'll cope but the insomnia I seems to have developed since last week has got to be dealt with because dark thoughts in the small hours are not good.

I really wish I could wave a wand and make everything better for you or, failing that, at least give you some advice rather than more of the same

meatntattypie · 26/04/2010 16:29

kinda validates the term that "every thing happens for a reason" doesnt it Issy.

I believe that if we were to fast forward 10-20 years miscarriage may be a controlled thing of the past, shame that i am nearing my 40th year now and have had the misfortune to suffer 5 mcs.

But why has this happened to me? I am a good person, i look after my body, make special effort when ttc, dont drink, am careful what i eat and drink....yet still i am unable to sustain a normal full term pregnancy.
Strangely, it is all of these things that comfort me when i do have a loss. I console myself with the fact that it is nothing that i have done to cause the mcs. It removes the guilt and lets me think that it jsut wasnt right, or some such thing iyswim.

Agree about the night time thoughts, they are not healthy and are not helpful to you mental health.
Thanks Issy for the articles, it helps me to read and to research, to try to gain some insight and some reasons why.
Quite like the thought of my uterus bieng fussy an not settling for anything but perfection, it strengthens my beleif that me and my internal organs are indeed special...not in a weird way you understand

Dozer · 30/04/2010 14:26

Hi ladies,

I have a lovely two-year-old daughter, since having her I have had four early losses in just over a year and am now 20 weeks pregnant, further than have got since my daughter, still anxious but hopeful.

Was seen at St Mary's, who found a couple of oddities with my ovaries, but no obvious reason for the problems, was on progesterone for first 12 weeks of this pregnancy and am still on daily low does of clexane.

Have always conceived within a couple of months, and the Dr did mention hyper-fertility, so am really interested in the links Izzy, thank you.

I have found counselling really helpful at different times and am still having the odd session now. Has been good to talk to someone about stuff, though obviously doesn't take the difficulties away.

Best wishes to all you brave ladies.

rainbowdays · 01/05/2010 13:09

Just wanted to say that whilst it is reassuring to find I am not alone in my suffering, it makes me sad to read so many of us with the same problem. But I was pleased to read Dozer that you seem to be doing well with you current pregnancy. Perhaps there is hope for us all?

kissmummy · 07/05/2010 17:52

hi dozer am interested that you were prescribed progesterone. Was that at St Mary's? Lesley Regan rubbishes progesterone supplements in her book, saying that low progesterone is a symptom of impending miscarriage, not a cause - has she changed her mind?
I'm also interested in counselling - are you having this in London, and if so can you recommend anyone? i had a good session through Zita West but it is over £100 an hour (!!) and at that amount i reckon i will have to counsel myself.

phoebebouffet · 11/05/2010 11:30

Have you seen my latest post? I've just seen it on this morning and apparently there is a connection between coeliac disease and recurrent miscarriage, because if you have coeliac disease you might not be absorbing enough nutrients. It's worth a try!

rxgirl · 29/04/2011 04:17

I am so angry and confused. Just had my 4th miscarriage....well I am waiting for nature to take its course. I'm not trying to say my life has been harder than anyone else's but it seems that there is never a break. I keep waiting for one thing in my life to be "normal" or easy. I was diagnosed with end-stage-renal-disease when I was 8 years old (even though my kidneys started failing when I was 6). Until I was 15 years old I was on a restricted cheese (pizza) or potatoes (french fries). And of course there was also the high dose prednisone which has given me osteoporosis and no cartilage in my knees--bone-on-bone action. Renal transplant at 15. Never menstruated until I was 22. Met my husband at 22 and got married pretty soon. Soon discovered that sex + UTI's, BV, and allergic reactions to DH's semen. (I was not sexually active before him...had actually never had a boyfriend or gone to a dance)
I have never used my illness and complications as an excuse...completed Pharmacy school only 1 year behind due to a resistant UTI that required hospitalization + severe anemia that required outpatient Venofer therapy for 1 week (worst thing I have ever had to do....burns like crazy,had to change IV due to clotting and phlebitis-FYI if you ever have phlebitis apply heat not cold). Never even thought I could get pregnant but it happened and I was amazed...we lost it almost immediately. With this new found hope that I may actually be able to have children, I got "baby-fever." After 2 more missed miscarriages and subsequent D&C's, I decided I needed a break. However, the same month AF was late and got my BFP. I had an appointment with my new nephrologist who is awesome and he decided to test for coagulopathies......while at my 1st U/S he called and let use know I was + for coagulopathies. Finally there was a reason! Started on LD ASA and Lovenox. My belly looks like a soccer ball but I didn't care. Was trying not to get too excited because I thought if I didn't care as much, it wouldn't hurt as much if we lost our baby....I was wrong. My mom had gone with me to my 9 week appointment (the furthest we would have ever gotten). Immediately I knew there was no little flutter. My OBGYN confirmed and he gave me > 50 tissues before I said I had enough....He replied, "I can't do anything else but this," as he continued to give me more tissues. My mom had exited to the restroom, as she is not one to show emotions in public. My nurse came in a held out her arms to comfort me. I thought I was doing okay emoionally until I got home and saw the baby names book and previous is too weird that 2 nights ago DH and I were sitting in bed making a list of potential baby names. I really thought if I "didn't want" this baby, I would get to keep it...seems so many others don't want kids and have dozens. I hear people complain about lack of sleep and giving up their lives for their kids,etc, but all I can think is I would give almost anything for the honor to be woken up every hour by a precious baby. I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through another miscarriage. I don't know if I'm strong enough not to keep hoping and trying. My husband is burned out. We married under the pretense that I didn't want children...which I proclaimed because if I didn't want them it wouldn't matter that I couldn't have them. With the 1st pregnancy, he got on board with the idea of being a dad. Now, he is emotionally drained. No one seems to understand how I feel....I feel cheated, like it is a really mean joke. When I found out my husband's friend got some random one-night stand pregnant and that she is now past her 1st trimester, I got so angry. Our friends got pregnant and they didn't want kids now....we have been hoping and praying for years. It is soo difficult to be happy. My last miscarriage (before the one I am waiting to expel but will probably have to do a D&C), my 45 year old boss got pregnant and has had no problems. Already has 2 children that don't live with her. Everytime others get pregnant it's all happiness and congratulations. With us, it's anxiety and keep it a secret just in case it turns out badly AGAIN! I never question God's existence...He is the reason I am still alive and have been blessed with so much. I don't understand why He won't take this desire for children away, keep me from getting pregnant, or let me maintain one of these pregnancies to the end. My mom would give anything to let it be her that had the kidney failure and constant medications and blood work and doctors and infections and sexual intimacy problems and now miscarriages. I know it is difficult for her when she never had any problems ever. My husband would trade places in a second. I wouldn't ask that of them. I am strong, I just wish I didn't have to be. I love the quote from Mother Theresa: "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa.

Good luck to everyone.

HorseyGirl1 · 29/04/2011 05:29

Hi RXgirl
Just a line to say that I wish you and your husband kindness. xx

couldthisbeit · 29/04/2011 10:21

Hi ladies
I am sorry to find you all here, but wanted to shine a little hope as I have been where you are too but my 'bad luck' has turned.
I have had 4 miscarriages with first 4 pregnancies, over the past 4 years.
We had early stage tests which found no problems and somehow found the strength to give it one more go. I am now 35, nearly 36, and 32 weeks pregnant with a very wriggly little one who has stuck with us and mended our fragile hearts.
I hope you will all have your lucky turn soon x

missedith01 · 29/04/2011 10:28

I don't know how people carry on after so many miscarriages. Am completely in awe at people's strength and determination. Sad I hope things work out for you, Choccy.

mumatron · 29/04/2011 19:47

gosh this is an old thread!

i posted early on saying i had just found out i was pg after 4 rmc. my dd is now 16 weeks old, so there is hope.

another 2 of the posters who have posted on this thread have gone on to have babies in the last few months.

if your still around op i hope your doing ok.

rxgirl · 01/05/2011 04:52

It's only been 3.5 days since I found out our baby did not have a heartbeat anymore. Luckily, I was able to keep it together for awhile since I had a job interview the morning after the bad news. Went in Friday to schedule the D&C and had to sit out in the waiting room with all the happy preggers. The couple next to me "had put off arguing over names until they found out the sex that very day." It is weird how one day changes everything. Tuesday night, DH and I had finished going through the girl names and had a list of about 30 names to narrow down over the next 7.5 months. Sometimes I feel so alone in this since DH doesn't grieve outwardly. I asked him and he said he just doesn't think about it. I, however, was constantly aware of the precious cargo and thought about it all the time. About to lift something up...stop...let someone else do it. Reach for a cookie....stop....maybe fruit would be better. Take a shot morning and night, stop taking one of my immunosuppressants...wonder if my renal function was holding up. Urine a little dark....should I make an appointment with my nephrologist. Constant worrying. How many times can I go through this? Wondering whether one of us should get fixed so I don't have to go through the pain of shots and future miscarriages. Realizing that maybe the reason I got pregnant this time is to prevent me from going on hormonal BC and possibly getting a DVT or PE. Is it the clotting disorder that is causing the miscarriages or will I continue to have losses despite treatment? I hate that others have had to go through this, but I am also greatful to have others who understand.

aMuminwaiting · 26/05/2011 21:07

Just found this thread and a lot of what you all say means a lot to me. I lost my third baby on Saturday and I'm hoping today was the last of the tissue coming out because I've been in more pain than with my other two. This pregnancy only got to 7wks, the second was 11wks and my first was a premature labour at 21wks. So I'm going backwards not forwards and unsure what to do now. I'm hoping to be referred to a recurrent miscarriage centre but I know it all takes time and my desperation for a baby is not weakening with all this pain.
I agree with rxgirl that all I hear is people complaining about loss of social life, lack of sleep etc because of their kids. I would give anything to have what they take for granted. My sleepless nights and lack of social life comes from a constant cycle of temp charting, opks, pregnancy tests, being pregnant, doctor visits, frantic trips to the hospital and inevitable loss and grief. All the tests I've had so far have come back fine so I'm hoping (slight understatement) that I get more specialist testing this time. I too feel like I can't keep going on blindly hoping that next time will be different. I love my DH so much but it's dragging us down and changing our relationship. I did say I'd give anything to have our baby but actually nothing that would destroy what we have together.

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