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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Ups and downs of grief...

55 replies

deanychip · 29/04/2009 14:44

Are getting on my nerves now.

sigh.

am ok for a moment, then if i think, even jsut a tiny bit about it all, i fill up with floods.

Went to the Docs this morning, and couldnt stop crying. had been ok up till that point.

only needed him to write me a sick note fgs.

No one to talk to about this in rl.

no one interested anyway.

OP posts:
Jules80 · 17/08/2009 22:23

Popsy

Im so sorry to hear that you had to go through all of this, it must have been way more painful than what I went through.

You seem to have been so brave. I dont think anyone really understands till they have been through it, though I do not wish this on anyone.

I hope you find the strengh to get through each day.

and deanychip, whats getting on your nerves dear? i can too say all day I am ok, the just one thought of it all makes me so sad and tearfull. All i can say is - i think it is normal? But then what is normal?

Im just a bloody mess at the moment. Especially when relatives say things without thinking.

Oh well.

Mouette · 18/08/2009 11:13

Hi Popsy
I have no problem with my BIL but my relationship with my SIL is strained, it's not to do with the mc though, it's because she is very competitive, keeps banging on about her own DD all the time, and lectured me on what I should and shouldn't do with my DS (born this April) until I blew my top (oops... but the baby was only 2 months old and I was tired!) It's only when my DS was born that I was able to be comfortable around her and her DD (who is a sweet child). But my SIL was not very understanding after the mc (complained to our MIL that I wasn't visiting her enough to coo over her DD!) and I'm afraid I'm finding it hard to forgive her. It's somewhat difficult but now more about different personalities, attitudes, etc, than about the mc. Though it does leave scars. Glad to hear the visit was OK, these things to be fair are rarely as bad as they seem. But please don't put pressure on yourself - once the baby is there you may not feel like seeing them a lot. Take care of yourself. And Jules: all the best. Yes it's normal to feel very sad and tearful for a surprisingly long time. As my psychiatrist said: "If you did not feel sad, I would worry, because it wouldn't be a normal reaction!" xxx

Mouette · 18/08/2009 11:14

BTW: the mc was last April, so a little over a year ago. My DS was born a year later. xx

popsy1 · 18/08/2009 21:35

Hello. Hows everyones week been so far?
Jules80- I don't think my 'story' is any worse than anyone else's, they are all tragic and desperately sad. I think we all come on here to chat to people who know exactly how we feel and can say what we want without fear of people thinking " how awful" or "isn't it time she got over it by now". As you said unless you've been through it, you have no idea the pain it causes and how it changes everything!
Sunburntats- have you began taking the clomid? I'm on my second month of 100mg-got scan tomorrow so fingers crossed.
Mouette- i completely agree, some things are just too insensitive to forgive.
Big hugs xx

Jules80 · 18/08/2009 22:05

girls girls girls - i dont get all this lingo- -

whts DS (dear son???)

Whats DD?

and the rest can anyone fill me in or am i just as thick as pig poo??

heres something to humour me- - - I am now more worried about my gorilla legs and whether i should bother doing them before my scan on fri???

Should i even be worrying about this?
also..after the scan- - - what then??

On friday when i left the hospital when i had the last of the pills- i felt i was leaveing something behind and that was it- -and almost felt that i diddnt wanna leave./...is this normal- who in thier right mind would want to stay there for gods sake!"!!!1

popsy1 · 19/08/2009 08:30

Jules have a look in abbreviations at top of page. It'll all be in there x x

PolarBear74 · 19/08/2009 08:40

I have my follow up scan this afternoon, feels a bit strange really.

Hope everyone is feeling ok

Jules80 · 19/08/2009 11:26

Polar Bear- Good luck with your scan be strong ( heres me telling you when ive not even been for mine yet!!!) mines on friday.

Please let me know how it goes love.

PolarBear74 · 19/08/2009 11:53

Thanks for the support.

Will definately let you know. Just feels horrible going to a scan with no baby to look at.

popsy1 · 21/08/2009 20:00

Hi ladies. Just to let you know that I hope your scan weren't too unbearable n that I have been thinking of you. X

LongtimeinBrussels · 24/08/2009 08:12

Sorry to hijack. Just wanted to say hello to popsy1. I replied on your last thread and I just wanted to see how you were doing (I've been looking for you).

LongtimeinBrussels · 24/08/2009 08:28

Just read the thread through popsy. Glad you managed to see your friend in the end and it went okay.

Mouette · 24/08/2009 10:29

Dear Polar Bear and Jules: hope the scan went OK. Yes I too remember going for the follow up scan and seeing my empty womb and it was so sad, especially as I had to have the scan in the antenatal clinic surrounded by pregnant women and excited relatives! But it had to be done.
Saw my SIL, BIL and niece yesterday. It was OK. I think I have forgiven my SIL now. You have to take people as they are, and not expect more from them than they can give. The sun was shining, and my son was gurgling, and yet a little over a year ago I felt my life had ended. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and all those who lost a baby. May things get better for you too. May you get your heart's wish. There is always hope. xx

PolarBear74 · 24/08/2009 18:58

Had my ERPC today, feeling a bit down now and tired but hoping that things will now improve.

sunburntats · 24/08/2009 19:07

Not taking clomid yet no. Going for bloods tomorrow.

I need to discuss with a Dr bfore i take any medictaion, not comfortable taking medication after a letter from some one at the hospital.

Also got other reasons for not taking it just yet.

How does it work? Can any one tell me a bit about it please?
thankyou x
Deanychip x

popsy1 · 24/08/2009 21:53

Hi I'm on my second month of clomid (i have PCOS). Clomid acts on the pituitary gland in the brain to increase production of FSH hormone which then stimulates the ovary into producing an egg. (Hope this makes sense). I'm on 100mg at mo and this month have produced an egg and i am going for blood tests to check i have ovulated. If i haven't it will increase to 150mg. I've had a few side effects, mainly headaches nausea and I've put on a few pounds each cycle when taking it.
If you don't mind me asking What are you worried about sunburntats? What letter did you get from the hospital? I googled it and that scared me a little, but fingers crossed it seems to be working for me. Let me know how you get on.
Hi LongtimeinBrussels thank you for your concern. Things seem a little easier, although I'm not sure how much of it is to do with not being at work (i'm a teacher) and how much is that time as healed slightly. Probably a combination of both. I've only seen my friend once so its still early days and i still have moments of resentment and real sadness about our 'situation' and wonder if what i feel is 'normal'? But my husband and one very close friend seem to think I'm on the right track.
How are things with you?

Lots of love to all xxx

sunburntats · 25/08/2009 17:22

well, i went to have bloods taken and took dh's "sample"
They wrote to me to say dhs sample was fine but my blood levels were low.
In actual fact i looked up my blood results and they were very low, progesterone level was 13..should be round about 50 i am told.

They recommeded in the letter that i go to GP and get px for clomid 50mgs.

As i am yet to even meet my consultant, i am reluctant to start medication without him answering some questions for me. Dont want to google as you say, it will terrify me.

TBH, we have booked a huge family holiday next summer. DHs mum has just recovered from cancer,i will be 40 and we have lost 2 babies in the last 12 months (mc). We decided to just bloody book it. This was prior to my letter telling me of treatment. SO (ungrateful i know ) we want to delay starting the mediscation as i dont want to be taking a new baby or at the end of a pregnancy when we go IYSWIM.

We have been trying for baby number 2 for 4 years now, every single month without fail, i am convinced i am pregnant, every single month without fail i am not. (My son is now 6)
We need a holiday, we need to take stock and to enjoy what we have.
Do you see what i mean?

LongtimeinBrussels · 25/08/2009 19:44

Popsy, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you, for all of you in fact.

LongtimeinBrussels · 25/08/2009 19:46

(((Hugs))) to you all.

popsy1 · 26/08/2009 22:35

Sunburntats I completely get what you mean. Ttc & recovering from loosing yr babies completely takes over yr life & thoughts, it's exhausting! I don't blame you booking a big family holiday, you are entitled to one and are doing what you and yr family need. I'm sure you are ready for one. We av put a time limit on ttc as well. If nothing by Christmas. We are off to the travel agents to book a bloody good family holiday in the sun!!!
Re. Clomid, my experience of it varies a little. I took it 9 years ago with very little medical advice or support which left us feeling a little frustrated &confused. However now i have several scans each cycle with blood tests if follicles grow! I was referred to fertility clinic via my gp. I had alot of questions which they answered. Take care n let me know how you get on.
Longtimeinbrussels, thank you for yr support n good wishes. Off to get bloods done tomorrow so fingers crossed it's good news:-) hope you are ok

love n hugs to those that need them xx

JessiLynn · 14/09/2009 05:24

Sorry to hijack... just need to vent today...

3 of my good friends had babies this week, and I want to be happy for them, and on some level, I am, but I'm also really sad and jealous. I did really well at first, was able to congratulate them via phone or email, but completely lost it at work tonight. It's been over a year since my mc, and yet here I am, reduced to sobbing my eyes out when I should be celebrating these new lives. I feel like I don't have any right to feel upset, but that seems to be making it harder to get myself back under control. Really getting sick of emotions creeping up on me.

popsy1 · 14/09/2009 20:09

Vent away jessilynn!
My oldest friend is due any day. I've barely seen her over the last 6months. I completely understant how u feel. One day I'm pleased for them another I do a complete u turn n am insanely jealous. It's a roller coaster of emotions. I hate the way it makes me feel & act. Other people jus don't understand it. Thankfully my husband had been amazing.
Have other people noticed how unmotivated they have become? I've lost my enthusiasm for loads of things. Work, uni, socially.
Take care xx

JessiLynn · 15/09/2009 16:01

Thanks, Popsy. It helps to know that there are ladies here who understand... unfortunately, I don't have anyone in RL who does.

I think the lack of motivation is pretty normal, especially with work when you're a teacher. I know that's how it's been for me. Our students just started back last week, and while I care about them, it's been a struggle to walk through the doors every day, especially the days I know I have lots of little ones. It's gotten a little bit better over time, but I've noticed a definite relapse this week. I guess the important thing is that we keep showing up, right?

How are you doing otherwise?

((((Hugs))))

popsy1 · 16/09/2009 16:56

This has been a bit of a Saviour for me as well. It just helps knowing that what you are feeling is 'normal' and others on MN understand. No one has posted on here for a while so its lovely to have someone to chat to.
I'm having a few really tough days at the moment. What with fertility, going back to work, i start uni again in 2 weeks and i really can't be bothered, my closest friends baby is due and it frightens me a little in how much i have changed.Work is a nightmare at the moment. I'm a bit like you and have to force myself to go every day. I think its a lot to do with knowing i shouldn't be there, i should be on maternity. I see so many kids who's parents really don't care about them and pregnant woman its unbearable.

Sorry to waffle. How is everyone?
xx

waspylady · 16/09/2009 18:27

Hi everyone
I'm having a difficult week....was diagnosed with a mmc 2 weeks ago when I should have been 7+5. Spent 3 hours at hospital yesterday having a scan and consultation with nurse and doctor about options as miscarriage hadn't actually happened.

First ERPC appt is Tues next week which i was booked in for. Then today it has started happening on it's own. So far is just like a normal period........

I know it's good that it's happening, I can avoid the ERPC but I still feel sad.

And distracted. It's hard to concentrate esp as I am meant to be doing a VAT return

I've felt so much in limbo this past 2 weeks that I'm hoping events today will help me to move on a bit........

Big hugs to everyone who is struggling right now, at least we have each other MNers!