Miscarriage at 12 weeks - pls do not read if sensitive to TMI

[doggus]

I was 12 weeks pregnant, bleeding slightly for the last three weeks, which turned into a torrent of blood and then I started to miscarry yesterday.

I have to go into the details here because I need some advice. I passed the baby, I know because to our horror we both saw. I then passed a large grey lump about the size of my palm. After lots more blood and clots the bleeding settled.

However today the bleeding and cramps have hugely intensified. I passed a huge lump of grey rope earlier, and more clots. What shall I do - if anything? I phoned the GP who said there was nothing they could do and go to A and E if it got too bad.

Does anyone have a view - I am really reluctant to go to A and E as we are, to make matters worse, struggling with ds who has a vomiting virus and is being sick constantly even on water.

Any help greatly appreciated. I just feel so miserable.

Thank you all so so much - it is comforting to know I am not the only one. I have rung A and E and measured the blood loss and it isn't too much (though it looks it!). I am going to have a scan on Monday to check everything has gone

oops - we have kept lo and are burying him in our plant by the front door so wherever we go we will take him with us.

In between writing to you and calling A and E I have been mopping up ds' sick - life goes on doesn't it?!

whomoved _ I actuallt got dh to buy me Spatone today, thank you. I am fully expecting to go demented (it doesn't take me much!) - but ds does provide a welcome distraction.

Must go - he's puking again.....xx

Doggus I am so sorry

If there is anything I can do...

Take good care xxx

Hey Doggus, I am so sorry.

I'll be around over the weekend if you want to come and check in. Dealing with a miscarriage at home whilst looking after a toddler is a tough call. Hope someone is looking after you, too. x

I'm so sorry, it is a horrible and shocking experience to go through. I had the same thing last year and it was very traumatic.

I would definitely agree with taking iron supplements - I didn't and ended up with very low iron levels (and accompanying exhaustion) for months afterwards. I also had a very bad headache for days after the miscarriage - I wonder whether it might be dehydration or something to do with the blood loss.

Sorry your DS is ill too - if at all possible, can you get your DH to do the cleaning up etc as you really need to rest. I think we can underestimate the impact of m/c, I know I did and tried to carry on as normal, which just meant it took me months to feel properly better.

Please take things as easy as you possibly can, rest, eat and drink lots. Take care of yourself and make sure your family take care of you too. I'm so sorry this has happened.

Doggus, so so sorry about your mc.

I had a similar experience (but in hospital) 9 years ago and I still remember the details - similar to what you posted.

It is very frightening and traumatic. I felt unprepared for what I saw and screamed for the nurse to come into the loo (she did); she was very sensitive and reassuring which helped.

I hope that physically it is all over soon. Obviously emotionally it takes a long time.

Oh doggus . Great big hugs for you right now.

When I had my first mc I passed everthing into the toilet, but couldn't bring myself to look. When DH came home he found me sobbing on the floor with my arms around the loo . He looked and hasn't ever told me what he saw but he was very white faced.

I went to A&E after that, but to be honest they weren't any help. They just did lots of obs, had me wait for a couple of ours and then sent me home telling me to call the EPAU the next morning. And I had to wait for over two hours to be seen as well. Possibly the grimmest night of my life so far so unless you are really worried about the amount of blood you have lost, i'd be inclined to stay where you are until tomorrow, A&E on a Friday night is grim enough without.

I called the EPAU next day and bleeding had settled a bit. They gave me an appointment for the following day and the scan showed an empty sac, which is what we were expecting really. When everything else started to come away that evening the bleeding really stepped up a gear and I was going through a pad every hour or so, but it had calmed down by the afternoon of the following day.

I didn't pass the grey rope like stuff you are describing, but I did pass something sounding uncannily like that after I had a medical termination many many years ago. I had no idea then, or even now, what it was.

Take care lovely

Ds now asleep in dh's arms thank God.

I can't tell you all how lovely you have been, I am welling up as I type.

Thank you for listening - and to those who shared their own grim experiences. My biggest fear was seeing the baby, and we both did, and it was so horrible. The poor lo was defenceless and little and I felt I should help him and I couldn't. I guess we all feel like that. It has put me off getiing preg again tbh though I am sure time will help.

daisy - so sorry you had to go through that, I never realised, and you were a stalwart of our ante-natal thread, I'd have been too nervous.

mrsw - the headache is a killer, thank you for sharing, as you say must be fluid loss.

I agree with what others say, get it checked out at A&E if you are worried. It is good to have a scan to make sure all is well afterwards anyway. So sorry to hear you are going through this.

oh doggus

The Miscarriage Assocition have a good helpline. I spoke to them after MC#1 and the lady I spoke to was just sooo lovely. Well, I say spoke to when in fact it was more a case of wept at!

They also have some leaflets you can download about various things.

I know things are very raw at the minute, but it does get better and the brutality of it passes to a dull ache. We planted some passion flowers in the garden for our two and it's lovely to see them thriving.

When I was pregnant with DD, the knicker checker thread on here got me through it, especially in the early weeks.

Poor DS; I hope he is feeling better soon.
Your DH sounds like he is looking after you both

Take care and I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

daisy - I am off to bed now. I am going to call the Miscarriage Association tomorrow and weep at them. Brutality is a very good word for it. Before this happened I was a bit blase about m/c, I didn't think it was such a big deal, and hey, I'd get over it.

Now I know...I

f I am lucky enough to get pg again I am booking myself in on the knicker checkers thread pronto.

oh doggus

so so sorry to hear things have been so cruel for you, one of the worst parts of MC is seeing the baby.
ive had this twice now, once in a&e, once at home, and both times it was horrendous, i was only 8 weeks or so and i can only imagine what 12 weeks must be like.

all i can offer you is my sympathy sweetheart, and reasurrance that it DOES get better in time, take as long or a little time as u need before ttc again. for me i felt the need to fill the hole straight away, for others it can take weeks or months.

the knicker checkers thread is great btw, as Daisy says, its about the only thing other then our postnatal thread that got me through this pregnancy's early months.

good luck and god bless, we are all thinking of you my love

xxxxxxx

Good morning doggus, hope you had a reasonably restful night and have a simple & straightforward day ahead of you. x

Hi natty and gentle - thank you so much for your kind words. I am bleeding a little less and the cramps are subsiding. I had a really bad night, just cried and cried, but am feeling a bit better this morning. Our lovely lovely nanny appeared (we don't have any family to help) and whisked ds off so we had a rest this morning which really helped.

glad you are feeling a little better

do allow yourself to grieve, just coz you cried last night,doesn;t mean you can;t cry again

take care

Doggus, I have no personal experience of this and can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you.
Glad you have had someone to look after DS today.

Just checking in - glad to see the bleeding is lessening and that you've had good support from your nanny. This is always going to be a throughly crap time but little gestures of support like that do mean a lot don't they?

Keeping your lo with you as you suggest sounds like a lovely idea. I'm quite sure he felt no pain and you looked after him just the very best that you could. If wishing and loving could have kept him with you then you would have.

All the best - just give yourself lots and lots of time. How is your dh doing? It must be very tough on him as well.

Thank you lulu and sputnik. northern - thank you, too, you made me cry (in a good way).

Poor dh, I am sure he is suffering too, we haven't had a proper chance to talk due to ds' illness. He went to Sainsburys today off his own bat and bought a garden fork and spade so we could dig a hole for lo.

The blood loss is definitely slowing but I still have cramps and a few clots. Off to the GP to be examined and possibly scanned on Monday so I guess I will know then if everything has gone.

Everyone in rl has been lovely like you mumsnetters. Apart from two nameless ex friends, one of whom suggested I had overdone it and the other one who told me I should just stick at one child in case it happened again. I am a strong enough person to ignore them but my God what minds people have!

Glad you have had a quieter day Doggus. Sorry that you've received some daft comments already, ignoring it is the best bet - just remember these comments are usually from people who have no idea what it's like.

Hope that you have an uneventful night now. Please continue being extra gentle with yourself, eat well, rest well. x

doggus, just waned to see how you were lovely

I'm glad things have settled down a bit pyshically.

And as lulu says, grieve as much as you need, and take as long as you need before getting back to work or normal. We're all different and need to take it at it's own pace.

sorry for your stupid friends, but sometimes people can be horrible insensitive, although I'm sure they were only tryin g to say the right thing.

Good Luck at the docs on Monday and let us know how you are doing.

oh doggus, what a shame, i'm so sorry. peace and love.

doggus, so sorry to hear you are going thru this I had a similar experience with a mmc 2 years ago and it is one of the most horrific experiences of my life (and i have been thru a lot), MN helped me thru and when i became unexpectedly pregnant with DS3, the knicker checkers were amazing.

I am sorry that you have had negatve comments. We had someone say "oh these things just happen" she is a trainee midwife !!

Take your time and don't have any expectations of yourself. Be gentle on yourself too xx

Hi doggus, just wanted to check in with you.

Have been thinking about you and your family today.

Am really sad for you but glad that the physical side is calming down.

I found saying "fucknugget" under my breath everytime someone said something stupid and insensitive helped.

Hello all of you. alistair - I love fucknugget, thank you, will use it!

Ds is on the mend, thank God, so am getting some rest. I am looking forward to seeing the GP tomorrow, apparently they can palpate your tummy to see if it is back to normal. I passed a load more tissue last night with cramps so I MUST be near the end of it.

Good luck today doggus, hope all goes smoothly.