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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Please help me i think i am MC i cant get my DH

138 replies

ScorpiowithabigS · 09/02/2009 12:21

5+3 since LMP

I dont know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
ScorpiowithabigS · 12/02/2009 15:22

I am up on my feet a little today, first day alone since, a nice mum from school is sorting ds1 out and taking him to school disco later.

Thankyou for words re BF; i am still very upset but i know Mimi is happy. It was all such a shock and i never thought it would compromise my BF too, but it has. I never wanted to BF, but tried it and fell in love with it. I wanted to tandem feed

Physically i am doing ok.

Chipmonkey i think shopping is nessecary. May buy a nice piece of forever jewellery to mark the baby.

Most of my RL friends are noticably absent, apart from a friend who has literally just had a baby (a day ago!) and is taking time to care about me, messaging me, etc. She is understanding that i cannot visit her too. If she has time to care i dont know why others don't. mayeb worried about upsetting me.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 12/02/2009 15:45

Please do take care of yourself x

HeinzSight · 12/02/2009 15:58

Scorpio I'm really sorry to hear most of your rl friends aren't rallying round , that's a shame, you could have done with some support. Can I offer you some virtual support and a hug x x

Soph73 · 12/02/2009 16:47

Scorpio - wish I could be there to support you sweetheart. I will virtually look after you & give you big hugs & run round after you if that's OK. Have to go now but will be around tomorrow. Take care, love, Soph xxxxxxxx

amelied · 12/02/2009 16:48

Hi Scorpio

Just want to say I am sorry for your loss, I had my 3rd miscarriage three weeks ago and your comment about RL friends struck a cord.

They way I am looking at it, in my experience, is they dont know what to say to you so they say nothing at all.

I had a friend, that with my second miscarriage, who in fairness, sent a text, but I didnt see her for 6 months as she didnt want to upset me (???) We went out for lunch and I explained that women who experience miscarriage feel low, helpless, some feel that it was something they had done/didnt do and when friends dont make the effort to be there it makes them feel worse, to be just a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen is all they want.

She explained she didnt know what to say and didnt want to upset me.

Ironically, my third miscarriage, I got one text and havent heard from her since - so there you go!

Look after yourself. x

Original poster
ScorpiowithabigS · 13/02/2009 09:48

DH & I have decided to buy a lovely ornament to mark our lost baby; we are crap at gardening otherwise would have got a tree.

He was supposed to go away this weekend, thai boxing fighting, for olympic try outs. I feel shit he can't go, he keeps apologising to his thai boxing friends, I don't feel sorry about it, I guess he doesn't want to let people down but why is he sorry?

I'm feeling physically fine; bleeding has nearly stopped but mentally still poorly. Finding it hard to talk to people and be normal. Think i might go out for a walk today.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScorpiowithabigS · 13/02/2009 15:24

Today is the first day Mimi has not latched on my breast or had any breastmilk, since the day she was born

Yesterday morning we tried again, but nothing.

OP posts:
ladylush · 13/02/2009 16:15

Sorry to hear that your RL friends haven't been supportive. I think they panic, thinking they might say the wrong thing, so just use avoidance. On the other hand some work colleagues have said stupid things to me like "Maybe it was stress that caused your mc" (because I happened to mention that I was worried I'd m/c due to past m/cs) and "well maybe it's for the best, maybe there was something wrong with the baby".

chipmonkey · 13/02/2009 23:01

Scorpio, your dh is probably "sorry" he's letting his friends/colleagues down by not being there for them but it doesn't necessarily mean he's sorry about being there for you, just that he can't be there for everyone. I think blokes can have this attitude that they should soldier on in work regardless of what's happening in their personal lives because sadly there are some men who do put work before family and would happily leave their poor wives in the lurch if they were having a MC if it meant that they didn't miss a deadline. The good 'uns have to compete against them unfortunately.
My dh has a colleague who works very, very long hours and spends a lot of time away from his family. My dh works hard but refuses to spend too many hours away from the boys because he knows they will suffer. But guess who is golden boy in work?

Original poster
ScorpiowithabigS · 14/02/2009 10:51

thats what he says, chipmonkey, but his facebook status is all about the sorry; i overheard him last night on the phone saying he is gutted he can't be there, and it feels like he is resentful of me for it and wishes he was there instead of stuck looking after me. He seems to be more sorry about that than anything else. I'm not sorry.

OP posts:
ladylush · 15/02/2009 12:59

How are you today Scorpio? Hope you and dh are getting along ok - you will need each other's support now more than ever.

Original poster
ScorpiowithabigS · 15/02/2009 13:40

He wrote me a beautiful card. and

OP posts:
ladylush · 15/02/2009 19:42

That's lovely Scorpio I can understand your mixed emotions.

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