Please help me prepare myself for miscarrying and choosing how to manage it

[fairywing]

After a second scan yesterday it has been confirmed that my baby is not developing properly. I should be at least 9 weeks pregnant now, baby currently measures 6+4 with no heartbeat and has only grown by 6 days in 2 weeks. The hard part to accept is that there was no baby there at all late time and this time there is a 7mm fetal pole. I have been told that the pregnancy is not viable and was given the options of how i would like to handle it. I have opted to wait 2 weeks to see if i miscarry naturally before considering any intervention. The hospital have said i can change my mind at any time and go in for either surgical or medical management. I would like to be prepared so that i can make the decision about what option to choose if i have to and also to make sure that the decision i have made is the right one for me. I have all the facts and figures from he hospital but if there is anyone that is prepared to share their story of miscarrying and how you managed it, how you found it, would you do the same again etc i would be very very grateful. Also if anyone can give me an idea of what to expect from a natural miscarriage at my stage of pregnancy that would be very helpful. I realise these are not easy things to share and will be very grateful for any responses i get.

My current decision is based on the fact that i believe my body will let go when it is ready, that i personally will be able to move on better when i have been through the process of miscarrying and that i am not comfortable with hospitals and would rather go through this in the privacy of my own home. The thought of having the tablet and having my blood loss monitored with the use of a commode sounds so undignified and the thought of having my baby sucked out of my body just makes me feel sick but in all honesty is probably my prefered option at the moment.

I have spoken to my little one and thanked them for holding on and trying to grow as i have begged them to do for the last 2 weeks and have explained that it is time for them to leave me now, for now, to grow their wings and be a little angel to someone who needs them.

Just to update before i leave MN for now. I miscarried at home, horrific pain, contractions, just horrid, but it didn't last all that long at that intensity. Then just strong period pain, lots of blood and exhaustion. Went for scan to confirm a few days later but unfortunately there was retained tissue so i was admitted for an ERPC last Thursday. This was fine. Minimal pain, fast recovery very straight forward. Physically i am almost totally recovered. Emotionally it is going to take time.

Thankyou for sharing your stories here and helping me make such a difficult decision.

Fairywing - our experiences were very similar at the end. It definitely takes time - I think I am struggling more emotionally 3 months on than I was over Christmas. Just hold on to the fact that it WILL get better and you will have a LO of your own as soon as you feel ready to try again.

People have recommended counselling and acupuncture to me - I've decided I need some proper help to get over this and am exploring those avenues - perhaps doing the same might help you ?

Come back sometime and let us know how you are getting on - we all understand what you are going through x x x

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories it has really helped me too.

I had my ERPC yesterday, glad to be back at home now. I had to stay over night as my "late morning" operation wasn't done till 8:30pm. Unfortunately I was given the pessaries to dilate my cervix at 11:30am so it wasn't a pleasant experience standing up to go to the loo throughout the day. I can't imagine there was much to remove by the time I got to theatre.

I've had quite heavy bleeding since, I told them at the hospital it was slowing down so I could escape as going quite crazy! Not sure how I got away with that as someone had only changed my bed full of blood shortly before that. I'm much better at home anyway. My husband got back from working away this morning so he is looking after me.

I had been looking at this thread as was in such a state about my missed mc and just didn't know what to do for the best. I lost faith in my ability to cope with what was going to happen and a week after I'd been told I would miscarry (6+3) on 11/2 I asked my EPAU nurse to book an ERPC - but that day I started to have stomach cramps and I miscarried naturally over the following 6 days.

I just wanted to re-assure anyone who is thinking about opting for natural management that it wasn't as scary as I expected. I was feeling v. anxious and although I'm sure people's experience vary hugely (I feel grateful that my mc was at a relatively early stage) - I got through it. Alternating ibuprofen and paracetemol was key, as was a box set of a favourite series to distract me. I came back to work when it was still happening which I would not recommend to anyone but I work in a company of 13 and my assistant was away so..............

Try to ignore all the people who say thoughtless things and focus on the people who have shared the experience and can help get you through it. I feel desperately sad but am trying to be positive and get as healthy as I can - yoga tonight!

Sending much love to anyone else who is having to make this difficult decision at a traumatic time. x