Anyone had a miscarriage and want to get the whole experience off their chest... I do if anyone wants to hear it??

[wickedwitchofwestburymount]

I miscarried yesterday at 11 weeks, and it was honestly the most horrible experience that I have ever gone through.

Woke in the morning and was going for a scan in the afternoon and had to take a urine sample with me. So like you do I have a special jug that is just for this kind of thing so pee'd into. When I pulled the jug out there was also the fetus in there. Obviously I knew straight away what it was and was just screaming alot. Phoned the early pregnancy unit who said to go as soon as I was ready, and to take it with me. Went to the early pregnancy unit who I have to say that they were brilliant with me. But one thing that was really horrible is the amount of times you have to go over it with them. Every different person I saw had me go over it all again and when its just happened its horrible and the last thing you want to do isnt it?? I had a retained placenta so had to have that sorted. Came home and not moved from the sofa since.

Was just thinking that if maybe shared our storys we would know that there are others out there going through what we have gone through and it is the same for all of us. Well it would me anyway.

Thank you xx

really sorry. what a horrible experience.

I am so sorry wicked witch. I've had 2 miscarriages, the first completely unexpected the second, was a missed m/c found at the early scan.

My m/c's seriously messed with my head for a long time.

I just wanted to say, you will feel better (given time), take it easy, be kind to yourself.

So sorry to hear this I had a similar experience but was in hospital when I finally passed the foetus in the loo. I screamed and cried and found it really traumatic. The nurse was extremely sympathetic and kind which helped a little. Am crying as I type because this was 8 years ago and although (ime) you do move on, a little part of you always remembers.

I also had to have surgery (d&c) to remove bits that were left. I sobbed on the way to theatre and again a lovely (different) nurse was so kind and held my hand and comforted me.

Oh darling. So glad you started a thread. I have no useful experience but I have a friend who has suffered 3 m/c and was blown apart each time. Well done for the thread, long may it continue.

And stay on the couch until you feel you want to get off. Much love xxxx.

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and I share your heartache. I m/c at 11 weeks and cried until I ran out of tears. After spending about 10 hours in A&E, I was sent home and within a few hours, I experienced v painful contractions and then I knew my baby's short life had ended. That was 3 years ago and I still think about it almost every passing day.

It's no comfort to you to know that m/cs are common and I know someone has had 10 m/cs. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

xx

Thanks everyone!!

Aw JC155, how horrible for you too and like you I dont think a day will pass where I dont think about "it". I didnt feel any pain until after... well I dont think I did but I have been having back pain for a few days but when I went to the GP he gave me antibiotics for a kidney infection, but maybe that was my contractions eh??

xx

I'm really sorry to hear this ww. I hope that sharing your story is helpful to you. Just take your time, noone expects you to bounce back unscathed.
Much love, GG

You poor thing. That sounds bloody terrible.

I miscarried 11 days ago. I was 17 weeks pregnant (or so I thought) and had some bleeding. Went to EPU for a scan and they told me no heartbeat - it had stopped at 14.5 weeks.

My DH and I were absolutely gutted.

Went home, they told me to come back the next day to take a tablet that would kick off the evacuation process.

As it happens, the next morning I woke up at home with cramps - rushed to the loo and baby came out. Placenta didn't follow though, so I sat on the loo holding baby underneath me, as cord was still up inside. DH phoned hospital and they advised just stay there til placenta comes out, then bring it all in to hospital. Waited half hour having terrible pain then phoned ambulance.

Went to hospital, where they cut the cord and took baby away. I spent all day having contractions trying to deliver placenta. Ended up having D&C. Sent home that night. Was heartbreaking to walk out of the maternity ward empty-handed after a whole day having contractions.

It was so reminiscent of when we walked out with my DD (2.5). My DH and I were in pieces. We had to talk about the disposal of the baby's body, did we want to name it, did we want to see it, etc. I didn't realise they did all that at such an early(ish) stage. It sort of made it harder for us both, I think.

The first few days were terrible for me, wickedwitch. I cried buckets, felt so desolate and empty.

I aready feel much better though, and have resumed TTC. I still cry a little bit every day, but thinking about getting pg again has helped me focus on the future.

So sorry you have been through this as well. It is just so bloody terrible. Must have been even more of a shock for you s it was totally out of the blue (I am grateful that at least I already knew the situation before I actually miscarried the baby). Good luck for the future, and thanks for inviting me to post my experience. It does help to get it off my chest.

I really feel for you and am so sorry. It's really good that you are doing this as I felt when it happened to me nobody close to me really understood although of course they were very sympathetic. xxx

I really feel for you all who have gone through this. We had a miscarriage last year at 11 weeks. We went for the first scan and our little baby had no heart beat. It was so traumatic. We were so happy; we had just got pregnant again. Last March, I was was nearly 23 weeks pregnant and had just had our detail scan the week before. Everything was fine and we told our little girl (she had alreay guessed as I was fairly big). A few mornings later woke up with a little pain and extremely slight bleeding. Took our daughter to school and had to go to triage. The shock and devastation we felt was so emense when we were told I was in advanced labour and there was nothing to be done. Our darling boy was born 7 hours later. The most perfect beautiful little boy. We had him for about an hour and he even managed to curl his hand around our fingers. I still cannot get over the fact of losing him; we are trying for another baby but it is taking a long time. I miss him every single day and I see him now as he would be. He grows with me. I never had councelling but wish I had. I kept meaning to. My husband is great. Did anyone else go for councelling? Do you ever get over it? I don't think you can. They are part of you after all.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

Hunnie I was just coming on to ask about counselling.

We lost our son at nearly 17 weeks last Monday, it's our second 2nd trimester loss & although we have two living children I'm finding it very hard to cope with. It took an awful lot of bravery to try again after the last loss (a little girl) & I don't know if we can do it again. We'd desperately love a another child though ...

i lost a baby i didnt even know i was expecting in asda toilets its absolutely gutting i felt so dreadfully cold even my bones felt cold,hope you feel better soon i dont know what to say to help u (((wickedwitch)))

hunnie did you name your son?,what a terribly sad story.

Yes we did. I already knew we were having a boy; the same as I knew when we had a our little girl, she was going to be a girl. I think sometimes you just sense it. We named him Warwick. He was the absolute spitting image of his daddy. They took photos and hand and feet prints but we didn't want them; the midwife said to take them and see how we felt. We are so glad we did. I have now done a scrap book for Warwick, with all the little things. All the flower cards we kept and I took photos of the flowers etc. And we got him an outfit (he was only a 1lb) so it obviously swamped him, but it was a two piece and we kept the tee shirt bit. I have just finished it and it brings me so much comfort. I just cannot get over him leaving us. I always hope my mum is up there with him looking after him. I just want him back

i'm soooo sorry for your losses, i experienced a miscarrtiage at 8 weels but i was classed as a high risk due to prvious pregnancy and was getting weekly scans. first 2 scans showed strong heartbeat which was great as i had to go by myself

3rd time husband came with me and there was no heartbeat i must have have made so much noise from crying as whn i came out all the pregnant women in the waiting room were all white and crying poor things

i ended up getting a d&c as i couldn't cope with the fact that our dead child was still inside me.

the good news is we went on the have a bouncing stocky boy who is now 2 in august but somedays i find myself looking at him and thinking he shouldn't be here, not in a bad way but in a lucky way if that makes sense

oh, you poor love . It does get easier, but never ever leaves you completely. We planted some passionflowers in the garden for our lost babies (I had two mcs withing six months of each other) and it gives me comfort to see them thriving.

Take care of yourself, and take as much time as you need on the sofa {{{hugs}}}

I had started bleeding at just short of 11 weeks with my first mc so I called the EPU who said come in to see us the next day.

DH popped out to the shops that evening and when he was out I went to the loo. I felt something and think I passed what I can only imagine was the foetus into the loo. I couldn't bear to look though, but couldn't bear to flush the loo either, so I just sat there on the toilet floor, hugging the bowl and howling hysterically and willing DH to come home.

He was beside himself when he got home that I'd been in that state for 20 minutes (he'd met a friend and had stopped for a chat). He dealt with it all, but has never spoken about what was in the toilet bowl. I don't even know what he did, whether he flushed or not as he had made me go and lie down at taht point. We went to A&E but the bleeding I'd been having was slowing down; it was late and they couldn't do anything (no sonographers) other than tell me to keep my EPU appointment next morning.

When I had my scan at the EPU the next morning, there was a sac but it was empty

It was a really horrible experience and they sent me home to decide what I wanted to do about a ERPC, but I started bleeding heavily that night.

don't think I'll ever get over it.

It is so sad to hear these stories, but also comforting to talk to other people in the same situation. I find myself wanting to talk about Warwick a lot but don't want to "go on"; do you all know what I mean? I did have a good support network but because it was over a year ago, I don't really feel I can just keep on opening up when I feel I want to. Also so many people I know are pregnant just pregnant or have just had their babies. One of my best friends had her baby in February exactly a month to they day out other baby would have been due. She doesn't understand though really. I love her little girl but she does make silly comments like "do you want to get fat again" when I said she was lucky and we couldn't wait to get pregnant again. I wouldn't care if I put on 3 stone (which I did with our little girl) I looked like an oompa-loompa . I would love to look like that again. To those who have other children, they keep you smiling don't they when u feel down.

wickedwitch, i'm absolutely shocked by your experience -was there no warning sign at all? i have never heard of anything like this, just happening right out of the blue with no initial bleeding. that is just so awful, i can't imagine what you are going through.
i m/c a week ago today. i was only seven/eight weeks, but it was very upsetting and traumatic. i do feel a lot better now, and quite peaceful about it, but i can't begin to imagine how anyone can cope losing a baby at a later stage. Hunnie, my heart goes out to you. it sounds like you need to find someone else who has experienced something similar to talk to when you feel like it - meanwhile there's always us on mumsnet. did you ever get any answers from the doctors as to what went wrong?

No silvermum I had no warning signs at all, no bleeding or cramps or anything. I was in shock, I think that is what made me sick just after it happened. Am glad now that it didnt just go down the toilet or something like that... like poor LackaDAISYcal. I saw my baby as tiny as it was I could see the little arms and legs etc... and I know that it is still a foetus before so many weeks but to me it is still my baby and that helps me lots.

I am feeling very weak and sore today, think that is all to do with the retained placenta and the amount of blood that I lost because they did say something about needing a blood transfusion if they didnt get it sorted pretty soon.

I am so sad for everyone on here that has experienced a miscarriage. Although we all have different experiences of the actual event I think the one thing we all have in common is how we feel... I feel empty and pretty numb inside, I am also finding that my eyes have tears coming out of them but I have no energy to actually cry anymore.

Thoughts, hugs and best wishes to all you brave ladies out there!!

xx

wicked witch - you will feel sore for a while but it soon gets better . Like you, I had no warning, just out of the blue. With me also the shock took hold. But I am hoping that by coming on this site, like you say, having something in common even though it is grief, will make it easier for us all to talk and help each other with this grief. I did join a site when it first happened with Warwick, but I think it was too soon for me. Either way, I didn't really find any comfort in it. I feel differently here. x

wickedwitch, how are you feeling today? the thing that's really surprised me is the exhaustion. i don't know if it's physical, or psychological, but i just feel completely drained. i'm managing to function as normal-not much choice, with DS 11 months buzzing around!- but if i could sleep 14 hours every night i would..
am still haunted by your story..it's going to be hard for all of us, if we get pregnant again, not to live in fear of this happening a second (or more, for some people) time...

Hi silvermum I will def live in fear of it happening again if I fall pregnant, but have been reading some of the other posts on here over the last day or so and seeing how brave some of the ladies are after having several miscarriages it has certainly made me think about trying again sooner rather than later.

I am not feeling the exhaustion... yet. But I am also not sleeping, so may do in a few days.

Been to the doctors today for a sicknote for work and the doctor there was really nice. But as soon as he asked me how I was I broke down, and he asked if I was getting alot of support etc and if I had any discharge (god I hate that word), how do you know if you have a discharge if you are still bleeding?? Is it just me being thick or something??

Saw a couple on the bus today with the pushchair that I wanted and was saving up for, that set me back on what I thought was a really good day, but hey ho it will get better in time eh??

There is just loads and loads going round in my head and no-one to voice them too. I think boyf just wants to try and get back to normal and not really talking about it anymore, think the fact that it is Monday and back to work so he needs a bit of normal.

Sorry I am going on and on arnt I??

Love to all

xx

nooo, not going on. it's easier to share feelings on here than with DPs isn't it!
were you able/did you want to have any kind of ceremony (not the right word but not sure how else to express it) for your lost baby?
some posters on this site have planted trees/flowers in memory of their lost babies and things like that... i think that sounds a lovely idea and might help, but everyone deals differently....

We were thinking about the tree/flower thing... well will probably be a tree because I def would want something that didnt die in the winter. But also both me and boyf have tattoo's with both our childrens names, boyf mentioned giving the "baby" (I know its not a baby until whatever weeks but to me it was) a unisex name and having a tattoo. I dont think he would be thinking that way if we hadnt seen the "baby".

Big sigh

xx