Anyone had a miscarriage and want to get the whole experience off their chest... I do if anyone wants to hear it??

[wickedwitchofwestburymount]

I miscarried yesterday at 11 weeks, and it was honestly the most horrible experience that I have ever gone through.

Woke in the morning and was going for a scan in the afternoon and had to take a urine sample with me. So like you do I have a special jug that is just for this kind of thing so pee'd into. When I pulled the jug out there was also the fetus in there. Obviously I knew straight away what it was and was just screaming alot. Phoned the early pregnancy unit who said to go as soon as I was ready, and to take it with me. Went to the early pregnancy unit who I have to say that they were brilliant with me. But one thing that was really horrible is the amount of times you have to go over it with them. Every different person I saw had me go over it all again and when its just happened its horrible and the last thing you want to do isnt it?? I had a retained placenta so had to have that sorted. Came home and not moved from the sofa since.

Was just thinking that if maybe shared our storys we would know that there are others out there going through what we have gone through and it is the same for all of us. Well it would me anyway.

Thank you xx

That sounds like a lovely idea to me.

It is your baby ww, and always will be so you will always think of him/her like that. To me, as soon as someone is pregnant, it is a baby. That's just my thought. I know a lot of people don't think that. The tree sounds beautiful. And the lovely thing is, whenever you look at it, it will make you smile to think it reminds you of him/her; I know it will probably make you sad too. Hope you are feeling physically better today though suspect you may not. It takes time. xx

Hi WW

I miscarried last Monday. Missed miscarriage, had a D & C. it was our first child

I still feel really sad and almost in disbelief at the whole thing - was pregnant first month of proper trying, lost the baby at 10 weeks, the last few months feel a bit surreal.

I do feel a bit better every day though. I have heard now about so many people who this happen to - I never realised. After a lot of crying and grieving really, I am coming to think that the little one was only meant to be with us for a few weeks. I was lucky enough to be his mum and we loved him, and that will be enough for me to carry on.

I had a missed miscarriage over 10 years ago.
Started bleeding slightly at about eight weeks which I knew was quite common but went to A and E where I had a scan and was told that the baby had died 2 weeks previously. She asked me if I would like the scan picture but I said no some thing I always regretted.I had to go home and go back later in the day for a D and C. I remember how awful one of the nurses was and that the doctor who put me to sleep smelt of cigarettes.

I was ignored when I got back to the ward. I had to wait 3 hours for someone to give me some toast and some pain killers. They left a folder with information about miscarriage somewhere near but didn't tell me it was there.

DH was flying back from Russia at the time I miscarried and turned up just as I came out from the theatre. He was then told to leave as it was 10pm.

As I had come back late from the theatre I was not allowed home and had to spent the night in a gynae ward full of old ladiesI was kept awake all night with the racket of the nurses chatting and laughing in their station round the corner. The old dears were similarly ignored even when they needed to go to the loo. One had wet the bed the following morning and the nurse was just horrid to her.

I was so traumatised by the whole experience I point blank refused to go back there to have dd2.

Hi WW what a horrible experience for you, I cant even begin to imagine how you must have felt

Just wanted to send some love to you. xx

that sounds horrible, i am so sorry for your loss. but do not give up hope, you will have plenty of more chances in the future and this is not the end. good luck with everything and don't give up trying!Also dont blame yourself, it could have been anything.

ww You sound like you are really going through it and I really feel for you. I had a mmc last october at 10 weeks and had a couple of early ones either side of that. Everyone is different but I hope you get something from MN to help you.

I read something recently that said when you are pg you refer to 'the baby' when you talk about the future and then suddenly when you mc you start using medical terms and talking about cells and stuff. You are so right it was a baby to you so it's OK to think of it that way.

The tree/tatoo thing sounds like a great idea - I am parnoid I would kill a tree so am thinking of doing something creative that could go on the wall, maybe even in a nursery (if we ever bloody get that far!)

I didn't really deal with the emotional side and ended up having 3 mths off work when I finally got some help so please please take all the time you need. You will have good days and bad days. Be kind to yourself and it does get better.

Really sorry to hear the sad messages.

I had a miscarriage at 13.5 weeks. Was told at the scan that the baby had died 24 hrs previously. Had to be induced a week later and give birth. We were really looked after in the hospital and we felt calm but since then have found the grieving v difficult.

The comments here are helping because other people understand. I like talking about what has happened but am feeling like friends and colleagues don't understand.

I think the only thing that will help is time. Am frightened of feeling like this for years.

I am lucky to have a 4 year old daughter. Feel so sorry that she won't know her brother (we are sure it was a boy because of what was wrong with him). Feel guilty being so upset when other people have suffered miscarriage without having another child.

this was our last chance - the pregnancy was through IVF and we can't face any more fertility treatment.

Love to you all.

i had a miscarrige today, and i am in total shock and am devestaded.
i did 4 home tests all positve over the weekend. today had a major bleed (like flooded my jeans) and went to a&e. they have said i wasnt pregnant cos thier urine test was negative. in the hospital passed a large tissue type lump (texture of raw meat i would say is closest to describing it) so the doctor said i must have miscarried, and have taken bloods and they will be giving me a scan later in the week.
i am in total limbo, i dont know what is going on, why wouldnt i have been pregnant? i had all the sypmtons and the tests. ive got 2 kids already i know when i am pregnant. so why didnt it come up?
the whole thing is killing me, i cant stop crying

It's 12 years since my miscarriage but am still filling up reading your stories. It was a huge shock because all the way through my first pregnancy, I kind of expected to miscarry but didn't and had a beautiful DS, then it happened during my 2nd pregnancy, just when I was more relaxed about it all.
Just incase this helps any of you, let me tell you what the consultant told me at the time. He told me to think about sowing a packet of seeds in the garden. Same soil, same weather, same care, same everything. Some seeds will grow, some won't. That is nature. And babies are no different. It was nothing I did, it's just the way it is. This might not help you, but it helped me so just incase anyone finds it useful. Heartfelt sympathy to you all, but honestly, time does heal. Take care xxx

I got pregnant four months after the (traumatic) birth of my twins. The month I stopped breastfeeding in fact. A complete shock as the twins were magic IVF babies and were it not for a bone-grinding sense of tiredness and the fact that my bra didn't fit I never would have taken the test.

I felt ill from the offset and bled from the offset. As I'd had placenta praevia in my twin pregnancy and recurrant bleeds I assumed that I was just prone to bleeding in pregnancy. Plus I was still anaemic following blood loss during birth (all in all, I'm amazed I got pregnant).

At around 6 1/2 weeks I went to have a bikini wax at my local beauty salon and started to bleed on the bed, which was rather embarrassing and traumatic. I'd put the period pain ache down to 'stretching pains' and being knackered with four month old twins, but the flood of blood on the bed gave it away. The therapist was very upset (as was I) and I took myself off to my local hospital where they sent me up to the EPAU unit. They scanned me and took some blood but couldn't see very much so told me to come back in three days for another scan and blood test. In that time I bled further. The next scan showed a tiny sac but the blood tests weren't good. They were lovely and very kind as, as much as it was disastrous timing, I was in love with the baby already and felt strangely attached to it. Probably because deep down I knew I was going to lose it.

They offered me a D&C but because I'd had a traumatic caesarean under GA i couldn't bear another GA or a stay in hospital so I opted to let nature take its course. Of course, nature is brutal so the next two weeks were horrendous and over an EAster weekend at my in laws house I bled torrents of blood and clots (enormous, dropping like coins from me into the loo). Just when I thought I must have passed the embryo, I wiped myself and the baby came out. Not a baby, but not just a blood clot either - no recognisable form, but definitely 'there'. So I sat there for ages, crying over this bit of loo roll whilst my in laws and their family chatted downstairs and in the end, because I didn't know what else to do, I flushed my poor little baby down the loo. What made it worse was on Easter Sunday the clots and bleeding got much heavier and I went to a local hospital with my mother in law and met a horrid doctor. He was clearly pssed off to be working Easter Sunday and didn't make eye contact, talked coldly about the 'pregnancy' rather than the baby and wiped at me with a piece of table paper with obvious distaste. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and had I not been so distressed by it all I'd have loved to lecture the heartless piece of sht on patient care.

It was only a very tiny baby and not a 'real' baby yet, but that didn't matter to me. It felt real to me and although the timing was dreadful and I've no idea how we'd have coped, I loved it. I felt I let my baby down and that it did its best to stay with me and my body let it down. Awful. Good to get it down and good to read other's messages. They are heartbreaking and I really feel for you all.

K

I am so sad to hear all your stories! I had a miscarriage about 5 weeks ago. I was officially 7 weeks but I think it was a little less. I had a week when I was still bleeding and I was just numb, planted on my sofa. Then I had to work intensively for two weeks and the focus helped me. Now I find myself crying and emotionally crashing almost every day. I have two friends who have accidently got pregnant. One now has a beautiful 3 month old and one is now 20 weeks. I feel insanely jealous! I am not usually like this but I actually get angry that their mistakes have worked out so well! My husband and I met in our teens, married 2 years ago in our mid twenties, own a flat and are in the process of buying a house. We were ready! We'd planned our lives, always been careful! And I 'm bored of family and friends giving me the 'it will all be ok' line. Everyone seems to think I should be ok but I'm not. I feel so lonely. My brilliant husband, who was amazing during the miscarriage finds it hard to understand why I am still upset. He is also out working every evening and I am just so alone and I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I know I don't want to hear what they are going to say! I feel lost!

Oh gosh how awful for you.

I started to miscarry during my hen do In Dublin but most of the hens didn't know I was pregnant and I knew I was getting searing cramps but didn't know why. After a week in agony, I was finally referred to EPU where we were told there was no heartbeat. We were given the choice of D and C or nature taking its course, but as we were getting married in 2 weeks I didn't want to ruin my white dress. :(

The wedding and honeymoon really helped take my mind off it all. I got pregnant with DS 3 months later. Then when DS was 18 months I conceived, turned up at the 12 week scan feeling confident and again there was no heartbeat. I had DD just over a year later.

DH and I dealt differently with each one. I found the first one harder, he the second.

Hi ladies. Can i just say reading your posts has made me cry and cry and cry. Especially the ones about late miscarriage. Must be so much harder to bear. I had an mc at the beginning of August 2010, just getting over it now - physically anyway.

I too am clinging to ttc, and finding that bfp. Ladies, i am so sorry for all your losses, and heartache. You truly are all an inspiration :)

Hi I miscarried 2 wks ago tomorrow. I was 11 wks and we found out at the scan that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. I've already posted about how on earth people cope so will try not to go on

I'm so sorry for everyone who's been through a similar situation - its just awful isn't it ? I'm still crying over the slightest little thing and I'm not sleeping at all, which is ironic at the very least as its all I want to do, just hide and sleep for a very long time.
What I can say is that my dh has been fantastic as have some of my friends and I just hope everyone else having to cope with this has support too. Take care everyone x

I am so sad to be reading all these stories, and so proud of everyone being so strong and letting others know what they've been through.
It is such a horrific, painful and sad thing that so many women experience but never get to talk about because it is such a taboo. But we have to talk about it, most of us are in shock, even years later and need to unburden ourselves of all the awful parts of the miscarriage process.
I would really urge anyone who's strugglng to have counselling. I had it for a year after my first m/c and had my 4th m/c a week ago and I honestly don't think I would still be here If it wasn't for my counsellor.
We have to keep telling our stories, to reassure others, to keep our heads from exploding and to encourage other women to keep talking about it too.

xxx

so sorry to hear of this.

I had an ectopic (which initally presented as a miscarriage) in April which went on for a long time and eventually had to be medically managed.

As I was only at around 5 weeks, it was traumatic, but I didnt' identify it as 'losing a baby' but losing a potential baby.

However, I realise now I'm actually carrying an awful lot of sadness and grief that I haven't dealt with.

I am sad that my 'baby' couldn't get down my tube, and didn't ever have a chance to grow. It clearly wanted to 'hang on' because I bled for almost six weeks and it was still trying to grow. For all I know if it had been able to get down the tube, I'd now be entering my sixth month of pregnancy :(

I think I could use some conselling but I don't know where to go.

Hairytriangle - I'm so sorry to hear your story.You could try going to your GP and asking to see a counsellor, your surgery should have one or one that visits. You might have to wait for an appointment though. I can't recommend it enough. Its painful and you will cry more than ever but its so cathartic and your counsellor will have suggestions that will help you move on.

Good luck x

Thanks frida I've been thinking about doing that. It seems to have 'bitten me on the bum' again recently.

I have ordered a book today as well, a highly recommended one titled "A silent sorroy" which is about coming to terms with the grief of losing a pregnancy.

I miscarried last week and have felt that I needed to talk about exactly what happened, so this might be the best place. None of my best friends are trying to start a family yet so they can't understand. It was my second - my first was in June - and I was nearly 9 weeks. I had some dark brown discharge the previous weekend, so saw my GP and went to EPU for a scan last Tuesday. We saw the pregnancy sac and the little kidney bean-baby with a strong heartbeat. I was so relieved but at the same time couldn't quite believe it. The bleeding stopped too - but then came back last Thursday (2 days after scan) with sudden agonizing cramps, that had me doubled up on the sofa. I knew it was happening. Ran to the bathroom and felt it coming out. I saw it, the sac with the embryo that was going to be my baby. It was about half the size of my fist, dark red-black, like a solid jelly thing. It should have been horrible but all I could think of was that I wanted to save it or rescue it somehow, I know that doesn't make any sense but I felt that I could have looked after it, it gave me a real physical pain in my heart to think about it.

I went for a scan the next day, the nurse confirmed it was a miscarriage. I am still having some bleeding and pain, 5 days later, but it is easing. I feel like I've been pregnant for most of this summer but have nothing to show for it and now I'm back at square one. It's so hard. The 'trying' is hard, the waiting to test is hard, and then when it is positive, the physical side of pregnancy, the nausea and exhaustion, is hard. I can't believe I have to do it all again. But I will - as soon as I can.

It has really helped me reading the stories on here. I know from all the statistics how common it is but sometimes that feels hard to believe. Thank you.