Gift for Brother and SIL after miscarriage?

[Conversationalcheddar]

My brother has just confided in me that SIL is in the middle of a miscarriage. I’m close with DB and get on well with SIL when we see each other but we’re not close. I wanted to send them something to say I’m thinking of them. If you’ve been in their position, what would you appreciate?

No gift.

a card.

Send some flowers and say nothing. Wait for her to broach it.

When my best friend had a miscarriage, I sent her a care package, with a card saying thinking of you, and then gave her some space but checked in regularly too.

I wouldn't send a gift. I'd have particularly hated watching flowers die. Much better to be there, listen if they want to talk etc. At most I'd send a card.

Delivery of a cream tea in a few days, something which can’t be kept as a reminder. Not that they’ll forget but, they won’t want to be reminded on sight of something in their home. If they want something like that, they’ll get it themselves. .

We got given what I now think of as dead-baby flowers. Wouldn't suggest that.

I wouldn't give them anything to watch or use, as that's just a reminder. Perhaps some prepared food, to make things easier.

Takeaway voucher sent to your brother's email - I wouldn't have anything sent to the house. You won't know how she's feeling / how that'll land. No pressure on an e-voucher and everyone loves comfort food.

This sounds cruel but no gift. Don't make it about you. Make some food if you can and deliver. Something they just need to warm up. Just so they know you are there.

Don’t. I would have hated it. I got some flowers and cards and I was really pissed off. I didn’t need visual reminders in my home. Check in on them, ask them how they’re doing, make the effort to see them. Cards and gifts, although very well intentioned, are about the giver, sorry.

Every so often there is a similar thread - I really don't understand why people think a gift is appropriate in this situation.

Nothing other than a message if you must. I got that many flowers during my miscarriages that I couldn't have flowers in the house for years as the smell took me right back to that time.
Honestly gifts aren't appropriate. I would say what she needs is acceptance without question or judgement of whatever she feels e.g not seeing anyone, not seeing pregnant women/babies etc.

Thanks all. They go out for meals often so I’ll send over a gift voucher for their favourite place to DB email address so he can treat her when they feel up to it.

I’m going to go against the grain here but my mum gave me a house plant when I had a miscarriage and I thought it was lovely, gave me something to care about and nurture. I can see I’m very much in the minority though so it sounds as if food vouchers might be best.
my eldest dd bought me a bottle of wine and that actually made me smile just a little bit. Maybe I’m odd?!

Just a thoughtful message is surely enough.

So the overwhelming majority say - please don’t. Just a card. And you say “I’ll go with the restaurant voucher”

sport of thing you’d send someone as a celebratory gift.

Going against the grain too but I really appreciated the flowers and cards we got after our miscarriage

I wouldn’t have wanted anything at all. Did she even want you to know?

Good question

She didn’t tell you. She is the number 1 priority in this scenario

I think it'd be really awkward to use that voucher tbh - I would have been sitting in the restaurant thinking of the miscarriage. I do think it's clear you're trying to be thoughtful with the intent, but the impact is really hard to gauge.

Unclear and I did wonder. My brother is a discreet person so I’m sure would not have told me unless they wanted me to know.

Agreed.

I would find a restaurant voucher extremely crass in these circumstances sorry

Thinking of you card, nothing else at the moment but potentially consider a plant for the garden, bulbs or something else long lasting in the future

I know you mean well but do you really think you would enjoy a meal to celebrate having a miscarriage. Enough people on here have told you do nothing. Listen to their advice

Don't go for a restaurant voucher.