Miscarriage today and no one to talk to

[Fingerscrossed24]

Hi . I am currently having a miscarriage at 5.5 weeks . I thought it was coming as I’d been to the epau last Thursday with bad pain in one side . They scanned me and saw nothing at all but I had a tiny bit of hope as it may have been too early to see anything. But they did my bloods and was very low. It only went up by 40 in two days so I knew it was bad news . I had a tiny bit of blood yesterday that has got worse and worse . Today more tests and confirmed miscarriage but probably not ectopic which is good. Weird but yesterday all my pregnancy symptoms just disappeared so I just knew this was going to be the outcome. Now bleeding quite heavy and quite painful cramps .
Nobody knows about any of this and Ive just been sitting here for hours crying . In shock , feeling guilty and can’t believe the grief already . I only found out I was pregnant 2.5 weeks ago and it’s over already . It felt so nice being pregnant I just loved that feeling it was so special. Thankyou for reading I just needed to write it all out as I have no one to tell. Any advice how to get through this will be very welcome as this is just devastating.

I'm so sorry you are going through this loss. Is there a reason nobody knows ?
Sending lots of hugs.

Oh love, I’m sorry.

Do you have painkillers?
My advice is stay home, near your loo, plenty of sanitary pads, shower and your bed/sofa.

Is there anyone that can be with you?

Yes I didn’t want to tell anyone because of my age I knew there would be a high risk of miscarriage and decided to wait until 16 weeks if I could before announcing anything . This will probably be my last try at having another baby as I wouldn’t want to be any older this was my cut off age . So I can’t even console in thinking I’ll try again. I just wasn’t prepared for this level of grief especially so soon

It’s such a crushing loss of hope. It’s terribly hard and so sad. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this OP. There’s no quick fix other than lean into the tears and your support system. It doesn’t have to be anything more than tiny! If you’ve got one handhold, that’s plenty. You just need peace, quiet, support, tenderness.

Is your partner supportive?
Do you have a supportive mum or sibling, a friend you can just talk to?

It’s a bereavement and you’ll struggle with the world around you for a bit. But time does heal. And you will very likely find the courage to try again… but there’s no rush. That’s for later on. Just recover, heal, lots of self love and self care. And you’ll find a way of honouring your little one in the right way for you. Just give yourself lots of room to sit with what you’re feeling and trust that you’ll soon find peace again. ❤️

Yes taking paracetamol with an electric blanket on me. Suprised at how painful it is considering there
was nothing to even see on the scan

I was hoping you had an electric blanket! ❤️
And reading your update… I had MCs later on too (39/40) and I completely understand how you’re feeling. It does land harder when we’re a bit older.

Thankyou so much . Yes it’s really helping with the cramps. You’re right about the loss of hope it is totally crushing . I feel so much for women having to go through this 😔

I am very sorry for your loss.
Be kind to yourself and grieve for as long as you want and in any way you want, nobody gets to tell you you are wrong or should be over it EVER.
It will always hurt, some times more than others but it will get easier

Thanks for the replies . I was just looking at my other thread on here when I got my positive pregnancy tests 😔 I ended up doing sooo many tests and they were all getting stronger till sat morning and it went fainter and my symptoms went . This is so crap I can’t believe this is happening

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a missed miscarriage and it was devastating. I went through the loss at home too. Please take care of yourself and ring 111 if you feel you are losing a lot of blood. I ended up very anaemic after mine. We have a nice spot in the garden under a tree to.remember them. X

So so sorry you’re going through this. I had a miscarriage in August. It’s truly awful but time really is a healer. It won’t feel like it now, the first few weeks you’ll have all of the emotions but it will be okay x

I’m so sorry to hear this for you OP.
I have today been for surgery after they found no heartbeat at a scan on Friday.
At 6 weeks there was a heartbeat, at 9 weeks it had gone.
No one else knew of the pregnancy either apart from my husband. Over the weekend I told a close friend at work, but it almost feels like so much information in one go that I find myself apologising for offloading it all.
Is there anyone you can talk to? I am also ‘older’, 40, would have been 41 for the due date. But I don’t believe that has anything to do with the outcome, this also happened to me in my early 30’s.
Really hope you’re okay. Please feel free to message

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Be kind to yourself, look after yourself and if your partner is supportive then speak to them and hold one another.

Thanks all for the messages it’s really helping me . Every time I sleep and wake up and realise what’s happened it’s bloody awful. Not to mention the pain has really ramped up. @Alexandra84 How are you feeling after your surgery? Sorry that your going through this seeing the heartbeat then gone at the next scan I can’t imagine how that must feel .

So sorry for your loss. It's the shitest group to belong too!! I'm not sure if it's something you've heard of. But Baby loss awareness week is the 9th -15th October. The 15th at 7pm world wide candles are lit all over the world in remembrance of the little ones we've lost. The first 3 years I just lit mine at home at 7pm but the last 2 years my town has started doing an actual service and now I go to that instead. Mine does a little keepsake and a tea light candle that everyone lights. Then they're out in a row and those who want to can go up and say their Baby's names and another person reads them all out. Then we all go inside for a cuppa and chat. There's also a remembrance tree and some ribbons we can add our Babies names to. It's really helped me after 5 losses. More so because no one judges early losses and I've had more than my fair share of those! 🙄

I’m okay thank you. Physically, things seem to be going okay. Terrible pains last night, but no painkillers needed today.
Trying to process it, and what this means for us as a family is harder.
My husband asked if I wanted to try again and I immediately said no. The anxiety and upset has been so much to deal with. But shutting the door on that chapter is something I can’t quite adjust to yet either.
Hope you are feeling better OP. There’s certainly no quick fix.

@Fingerscrossed24 just wanted to send you hugs and support 💔
I read your post on the conception board, and now this.. 😔
I think I am going through the same, statted cramping and losing all symptoms, that in my case is cp. Also don't have anyone to talk to, due to age we didn't tell anyone.. It is really difficult 😞 Take care xx

Hi I wish I could delete that thread tbh it’s so painful to see. I threw all my pregnancy tests out this morning which was like my final way of saying It’s definitely all over . Been crying on and off all day and waves of immense grief .
So sorry to hear you might be going through the same . I really hope that it’s not and it’s just normal pregnancy cramps. Are you going the the epu to get checked out ? How far along are you now ?

@Fingerscrossed24 it is very early in my case, 15dpo, but had positive since 10dpo, incl digital. But all mine cp stop at around due date ot just a few days after. It is the loss of all sensitivity and increasing cramping since yesterday evening..usual scenario unfortunately. Crying all day too, as yesterday thought maybe this time will be different..
I am not in the UK and here they wait till past 6w for a scan. Also I did 3 IVF and they know it is egg quality due to age, they warned me if we continue naturally I will go through this 😔
Just need to come to terms and stop.

Wishing you a fast recovery ❤️‍🩹

your right think it’s going to take quite a while to recover from this mentally . My pain got very bad overnight so my partner got me some co codamol which is helping . Yes it’s definitely going to be hard saying that part of our lives is over . If it wasn’t for my age I might have tried once more but now I don’t think I could cope with the worry and stress it’s caused . Coping with another loss would be unbearable.
So sorry you are going through this to . I wish you all the best and hope you start to heal soon , physically and mentally. X

Thanks for your kind comments OP.
Can I enquire about those feeling they need to stop due to age, how old are you? If this isnt something you wish to share, I’m sorry for asking.
it’s just helps rationalise things in my mind. I keep seeing women with prams in the street, and need to tell myself that was me, about 10 years ago.
I wonder if I’m not facing the truth and just need someone to tell me ‘this is it’. DH allows me to take the lead on most things, but perhaps this is something I need him to do.

Sorry to hear you keep going through this. It’s just so heartbreaking. The joy of seeing that positive test to utter grief when it all ends. Yes I suppose we do get to point where we can’t put ourselves through this anymore . I am definitely going to consider counselling at some point when things have settled down .
hope this time you do get good news you deserve it x

I am two years older than you . I’ve been trying all year to get pregnant as in my mind 42 was my cut off age. As it took so long to get pregnant I would have been 43 when baby was due. It’s just age that I felt I could
still manage well and also be fair to the child . As in they wouldn’t have a really old parent . This is completely personal I don’t want to suggest anyone older than me a trying is to old as we all have different circumstances. Is your husband older than you or the same age ? Do you think he would like to try again ?
It’s just so hard knowing this was probably my last ever chance 😔

I’m so so sorry. It robs you of hope. It’s not your fault at all. I had a mmc at 12 weeks. I was inconsolable and phoned the miscarriage association, and howled down the phone. She was absolutely incredible and really helped me. Maybe not today, but they might be helpful for you. So sorry sweetheart x

Thank you for sharing.
My husband is 6 months older than me, he’s just turned 41.
I do feel that there is a gap for another child that won’t be filled, and I feel incredibly sad that as much as we obviously wanted a baby, I had a also imagined telling my children they would have a sibling, and that this was for them too.
I know of lots of people in their 40’s who have had children, but it does undoubtedly add to the worry. The last few weeks have been filled with anxiety, and that has been draining.
Again, I really hope you’ve found some support from a trusted person or two…I’ve only told one close friend, but it’s allowing me to offload and they are also stepping in at work to help shoulder stuff that really doesn’t matter.