4 miscarriages in 6 months, advuce and kindness needed

[Puddings2108]

Hi Everyone,

Long time lurker here, I think I have read every Mumsnet thread on recurrent miscarriage over the last year, and finally plucked up the courage to start my own thread. Apologiels for the long post, but here goes:

Started TTC our first in Dec 2022, got 1st positive pregnancy test in July 23, but was spotting from the off, actually thought i was going to start my period and only tested as I have severe acne and all of a sudden my skin cleared up (i eould learn in the next year that my acne clears up each time i am pregnant) My husband and i were so happy and totally oblivious to the fact that the spotting was getting worse, i miscarried at 6 weeks exactly. The miscarriage started when i was at work and just made it home and passed everything on the loo.

We were devastated but thought its just one of those things, we cried but picked ouraelves up and thought okay it can't happen again. I felt like i had a huge hole inside me and i just wanted to fill it up by getting pregnant again as soon as possible and we did again straight away in August 23. But it fid happen again, the embryo stopped growing just after 5.5 weeks and the spotting started and the EPU diagnosed a missed miacarriage. I opted for medical management and passed the sac late that night. I have never experienced such excrutiating pain.

At this point i was just in despair, what do we do, where do we go from here. The NHS wouldn't do anything till 3 miscarriages but did i really want to try again without having some help and support? So we spoke to a private consultant who thinks i may have PCOS(no cysts on ovaries, but hormonal imbalance) as i have always struggled with bad skin, slight more hair on face etc but i do have periods within 35 days and i do ovulate. She prescribed Inofolic Alpha, high dose folic acid, and from the next positive test progesterone from after ovulation and aspirin from BFP.

We didnt try till December 2023 and we got another positive, we startes the medication, and EPU booked me in for early scans from 6 weeks, this time we saw a heartbeat, we thought we were out of the wooda we were elated, we didnt take much notice that the growth seemed to be abit behind. We had another scan at 11 weeks in Jan 2024, i had started spotting abit by then, at the scan they couldn't see anything, the embryo had stopped growing, most likely straight after the 1st scan, and my body had started to absorb the embryo. It was another missed miscarriage, i opted for medical management again, this time it didnt work and there was products still retained. It took until the end of Feb 24. We saw the private consultant again and she prescribed us with Infolic Alpha and high dose folic acid again and from the next BFP, progesterone, aspirin, prednisolone, and clexane. As well as doxycycline.

We started TTC again from May 24, and it didn' happen, we didnt conceive straight away. We thought it must be the antibiotics, they must have worked. We didn't get a positive test until July 24, but that turned negative within 3 days, it was a chemical pregnancy. We have been trying for 4 months and it seems we have gone the other way, from conceive 3 times in 6 months to nothing now.

I have been referred to our local recurrent miscarriage clinic but the appointment has been cancelled twice, but we have the results of the initial tests and scans and they didn't reveal anything. We haven't had a chance to try the medication the private consultant has given as we haven't got pregnant since.

I just need some kind words and advice I guess, all this is killing me, on the outside i am smiling, carrying on with life but inside it is crushing me. My husband is amazing but he has eternal hope and would be happy just to wait and truly believes it will happen one day. But i can't see the wood for the trees, i just turned 35 and he is 42 so i feel like time isn't on our side either. What else can i try or do, i had started taking all the vits and supplements from 'It starts with the egg' from Jan 24. I also tried soy isoflavones in Aug 24, but they delayed my ovulation to CD28 and I am a late ovulator as it is, between CD21 and CD24, however since taking them my severe acne is clear and tht only happens if i am on birth control or pregnant.

Any advice or kind words please?

hello dear, im so sorry for your loss, can only imagine how hard this must been for you to deal with in such a condensed time. I myself have suffered from one miscariage and haven't been able to get pregnant again. it's so so hard and i have no word to ease your pain, all i keep saying is ' it will happen in god's timing'. wishing you all the best, and a good emtional recovery. just know you are not alone in this.

Hi HeartyPanda,

Thank you for your lovely and kind message, made me smile.

I am so sorry about your miscarriage, it is something that never leaves you but with time you learn to deal with it.

How long have you been TTC now? Yes, you are absolutely right, it will happen when the time is right and when God wills it and it will happen for both of us as I believe if you truly want something, then it will happen.

My husband is the only one in his family that doesn't have children, all his siblings have babies or children and everyday we have to watch them and it just tears me apart 😓

So sorry to hear of your losses, I can relate, also been TTC our first since December 2022, had 2 mc in that time, with the first taking months to resolve. It’s an incredibly heavy feeling and quite frankly exhausting. I don’t have any advice just wanted to say you’re not alone. I hope you have an appointment soon and receive some answers/support. Take care and I wish you all the best 💞

Hi OneDayHope,

Thank you for your uplifting message. I am so sorry about your miscarriages, my 3rd took over 6 weeks to resolve and it was like my whole life was in limbo do I can only imagine how you must have felt.

My appointment is on 26 Sept but I'm not holding my breath, its been cancelled twice and I think it will be a tick box exercise to be honest as i haven't got much help from the NHS so far.

I know what you mean when you say it is exhausting, after the 1st and even the 2nd i was frantic about finding a solution, something to cure me, i researched for hours about vitamins, supplements, lifestyle changes, private consultants but after the 4th, and now going the other way and not conceive for nearly 5 months i am just so exhausted.

But I know deep in my heart we will all get our rainbow babies, please feel free to message whenever you need, i know how much these threads help me.

I am so sorry to hear of your losses, I saw Raj Rai privately at the Lindo in Paddington who is an expert in recurrent miscarriage - I don't know how close you are to London but if you were able to accommodate the distance/expense I think you'd find it very reassuring to see him, he's very pragmatic and kind (and you could transfer back to the NHS for delivery etc). Best of luck and keep the faith!

Sorry to hear this, it is hard.

I was recently diagnosed as hypothyroid and I wonder if this was part of my miscarriage problem I think I had this a long time untested and untreated, so, I would recommend you make sure your TSH is optimal via a gp blood test

I did have a healthy baby amongst two losses before and one after at age 38/39/40

Hi the jollypostwoman,

Thank you for your message. Me and my husband have decided that we will go private in the new year year if we don't have any success TTC or if we have another miscarriage. We are financially okay, well i mean we were saving up to buy a house but will defer that as we think we won't feel happy in a new home without the family we have always wanted. I have heard of Raj Rai and Dr Shahata as well as Siobhan Quenby, but it is all so confusing! Can i ask why you chose Raj Rai and what kind of treatment did he recommend for you? We are London based so it is an option for us.

Hi WhichPage,

Thank you for your message. I actually suffer from Hypothyroidism, have had it for nearly 10 years and it is well managed and actually the times we have been pregnant we have been under an endocrinologist. But it does make me wonder if i have a immune problem..

We are fortunate enough to be relatively local, but having done a lot of research I opted to see someone within Lesley Regan's clinic. I can't recall how I actually ended up seeing him specifically as a bit more "low profile" but in retrospect it feels hugely fortunate as he monitored 3 successful pregnancies and is the absolute best.

I have heard a lot of success stories re. Raj Rai, was it terribly expensive?

hello dear,
We have been TTC for almost a year now since the MC.
It's funny that you mention that you are the only couple in your family without kids. we are in the same situation actually. Last week, my MIL told us that his brother was expecting again, can't describe the akwardness of the situation, she told us while looking at the floor, as it was a bad news or something. We didn't quite understand why she was the one telling us not them, this just made the situation worse,. We would have been really happy for them if they told us themself not sending someone else. All this to say, that i DO feel you when you watch your close family going on with their lives and you feel stuck at a phase of your life, wanting to move forward but being hold back.

Hello HeartyPanda,

Gosh that must have been awful, why would you send someone else to pass on the news, of course you would be happy for them and would have congratulated them if they told you themselves. Don't take it to heart, soon you will have your own good news to share, god willing.

Me and my husband have always wanted children, even when we were younger and single we have always dreamt of having a family, we have to listen to my sister in laws complain about how much hard work their children are etc and we are just sat there thinking we would give anything to have the privillage to be kept up all night by our baby.

Its been 8 months since the last miscarriage and we have been trying for 4 of those months which I know isn't a long time but I just have this fear of now not being abke to conceive on top of losing pregnancies...

Reading you just made me feel you will both be amazing parents 💞I have no doubt that our timing will come.

About the complains, I know right? you would give everything to have the chance to be given such precious gift. Lately, when this happens i just don’t comment, and try to leave the conversation as soon as possible.

I totally hear you about the fear, we all have them. what helped me is hearing that most of the women who has MC know at least they might conceive. maybe it's a stupid thing to think, but it gives me hope and keeps me going.

I think we feel that way because of the misconception of being told everyone can easily conceive. we were never told that a big number of women will have difficulties conceiving. i think we would have a different experience.

Sorry for your losses , I know how soul destroying recurrent miscarriage is .

I had 6 mc in between my first and second child .

The only thing I did privately was go to prof Brosens at Coventry where I had 2 womb biopsies which showed I had very low nk cells which correlates with poor implantation . I took sitagliptin for 3 months which is meant to increase stem sells in the womb . I then conceived for the 6th time and had another loss . Two weeks after I conceived again and the pregnancy was txtbook just like my sons before the miscarriages . I never had any of my losses tested so I had no concrete answers and I don't know if the treatment from Brosens made a difference. I took no additional meds not even progesterone x

@HeartyPanda thank you for that ❤️ our time will come, O truly believe that, even in my darkest hour, I didn't doubt that one day we will become parents.

Yes, i think it is best to leave these conversations as soon as possible isn't it. What strikes me the most is that they don't even cotton on the effect thwir words are having on us. My sisters who all have children are so conscious of this and they would never have those conversations around any woman going through what we are.

You are right, knowing we can and could conceive should give us hope.

Omg they never tell you about infertility and miscarriage do they! Its made out that even if u look at a man you will get pregnant!! Not that u have to wait for a specific time in the month which is literally 24 - 36 hours and if in the slim chance you do conceive then it might not even stick!!

Do you know now, I can't even comprehend how women get pregnant and don't have to worry about anything.

I'm currently waiting to ovulate, I am CD23 and still nothing, the late ovulation just adds to my misery, it just feels like I wait for everything! Wait for ovulation, wait in the TWW, then if I do fall pregnant then I just wait to miscarry 😥

Hi @Scorpion84 ,

Thank you for your message. I am so sorry about your losses, I have had 4 and cannot imagine the pain of losing 6. I am so happy that you got there though and had your rainbow baby.

How did you get an appointment with Prof. Brosen. We are waiting our NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic appointment on the 26th but I really have no hope, we have had a terrible experience with the NHS.

We have decided to gobprivate in the new year but just don't know where to go, I have read so much about Dr Regan, Dr Shehata, Dr Rai, Prof Brosen, Prof Quenby, how do you choose which one is the right one for you??

@Puddings2108 Why is it always the sister in law who is insensitive haha i wonder!
you made me laugh when you said ' if u look at a man you will get pregnant' so accurate and funny haha.

@Scorpion84 i'm so sorry dear for you loss, happy that you got got your happy ending and your rainbow baby. Can i ask how did you cope with reccurent MC? does it take from the exitement of finding out you have a BPP ? any advice for us still on the long journey?

@HeartyPanda haha I know! My eldest sister in law actually said to me that its okay if i can't have children, that her children are like mine. I don't think she was being malicious but it still hurt.

@Puddings2108 ukhh!! some people just don't know the right thing to say, i would never bring up a sensitive topic unless the person concerned wants to talk about it, or ask for advice and i would only listen and try to be there for them.

So sorry for what you are going through. I had 7 miscarriages (early) that I know about (!) before I had DS; then two more before I had DT. The cycle I conceived DT I tod DH we had to stop as I couldn’t take it any more. I had acupuncture the cycle I conceived DS and am convinced it made the difference (the NHS consultant I saw for the first time that cycle told me I would not be able to sustain a PG without help: I did, and I lost two more “with help.”) At the time I was friends with someone who suffered 11 miscarriages and we helped each other through. It was soul destroying. I don’t know how/why she didn’t give up. She now has a DD and is convinced it was because she completely gave up sugar and cleaned up her diet when TTC. I don’t think there is a single answer for anyone: there are several things you can try but no magic bullet. The thing you need to take most care of though is yourself: this is a really really hard road to walk and it’s ok to take breaks and/or stop if/when you need to. Sending you all the love and a hand hold.

@HeartyPanda exactly! All people need at that time is a hand hold, but my in laws are strange bless them 🤣

@BunsenBurnerBaby thankbyou for your message. So sorry to hear about all ypur losses, it is soul destroying but it gives us all hope to see that you made it out the other side.

I had acupuncture after the 3rd miscarriage as I also heard good things about it and then I added in reflexology, but then got frustrated at the lack of BFP's and also that it was getting really expensive so gave it up and kept that reflexology as i really enjoyed that and saw it as some real me time which i totally need right now.

I often think is it diet related, i dnt have a bad diet but it could be better too, we have made an improvement after each miscarriage to our diet and have been trying a number of vitamins and supplements but after nearly 8 months of no success, part of me just wants to give it all up and just let it be its just so exhausting, not to mention expensive.

All my losses have been around the 6 week mark and i am convinced i have low progesterone, but had a loss on cyclogest so don't know what to think anymore as i keep thinking it could be this or that, frantically trying to make sense of it all so then maybe i could find a way to treat it.

But as you said with miscarriage and it being so under researched there really is no single answer and some women don't even get answers do they..

@Puddings2108 i contacted the clinic directly and went from there . I think it was £350 for the biopsy and this was back in 2021.

i liked brosens he genuinely seems invested in finding out and trying to give answers . But in reality I still don't know why I had 6 losses and it still bothers me even though I made it to the other side if that makes sense .

I couldn't afford shehata.

@HeartyPanda i really don't know to be honest , it really took a toll on my mental health . Total cliche I know but when I conceived my daughter I think I had mentally given up on having another child. She's two now and I still can't believe sometimes she's here .

one thing I would say is don't put anything off like holidays etc when Ttc . We had not long booked our wedding when I conceived meaning we got married when my daughter was 3 months.

@Scorpion84 thank you si much for the advice.

Around £350 seems reasonable. We have decided to give ourselves till the new year to try naturally and if no news then will go private in the new year.

I just feel like it is never going to happen for us, seems like an unattainable dream.

Both myself and my husband love to go shopping and we see all these gorgeous baby clothes and we just look at them with such longing 😢

Sometimes I just can't believe I have had 4 miscarriages 💔

i feel you especially on the wait thing, it’s exhausting especially obsessing over every symptom i might get. How do you know you ovulate do u use ovulate kits? Do u confirm it with charting temperature ?

Hey HeartyPanda,

I use ovulation tests, when we 1st started TTC, we were 6 months in and no success so i ordered ovulation tests and was pregnant the 1st time we used them, each of the miscarriages were BFP based in ovulation tests so i know they work for me. Without them I just wouldn't know my fertile window as my ovulation can vary between CD22 to 30.

I literally lose my s**t in the TWW, i waste so much money on pregnancy tests!