Waiting to miscarry- what do I do with myself?

[Kate3150]

Should be around 11.5 weeks but had a scan this week and only measuring under 8.
I’ve got a hospital appointment this afternoon to scan again and I guess discuss next steps?
I’d prefer the surgery to get it over with. I’m too scared to leave the house instead something happens whilst I’m out, or am I overthinking this?
Please help rationalise my 100mph brain!!!! X

**incase something happens

Oh Sweetheart, I'm sorry you are having to go through this loss. It is okay that your brain is at 100mph. A miscarriage is such an emotional and physical shock...it is so hard to get your head around. When I went for my 12 week check I found out my baby had died so I had to have a D&C several days later. That was over 30 years ago and I still havent gotten over it...I've only gotten through it. You are going to be ok and you'll get through this, too. Do you have a partner or friend to be with you?
I wanted to let you know that someone on the west coast of the U.S. is thinking about you.

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss - I experienced similar a couple of years ago and it is heartbreaking.

I chose to wait for the miscarriage to occur naturally - and ended up waiting 2 weeks before it then started in the middle of the night! (On a Sunday, the night before I was expecting a call to book in for surgery cos I'd decided I'd had enough!) During those two weeks of waiting I stayed home and missed out on things "just in case" and I remember going out one time and getting a tiny spot of blood so racing home - only for it to be a false alarm. If I had to decide again I think I would go for having either surgery or the pessary to move things along - but it is completely up to you. Assuming it's the same as mine, if you do want to try waiting you can also change your mind at any point and just call up - on a weekday that is haha.

Not to scare you, but with mine, I thought by waiting I would have a gentler experience when it came to it - you know, because I wasn't taking pills to rush my body or anything. Turns out no, I wound up in A&E for 12 hours cos it got "stuck" and I ended up having a doctor help me AND taking the pills to get the last bit to come away! On the plus side I didn't experience any long term effects to any of the physical process - and at the risk of being triggering, I am now a Mum and I'm sat feeding my baby as I type this 😊

Much love to you OP and you do whatever option feels the best to you, it's your decision and all you can do is choose what feels right! I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible and you have loved ones around you to support you through it x

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I found out at my 12 week scan 2 weeks ago that my baby had no heartbeat and was measuring 8 weeks. I was the same, wanted it over with and I managed to get booked in for surgery two days later. Like you, I felt lost. It's absolutely devastating so I completely understand how you feel. I just keep thinking about the whole experience, and like the pp said, it will never leave me. The surgery was fine and I was under general anaesthetic. Definitely the best decision. I didn't leave the house for a total of about 10 days from finding out. I was just too sad. I'm getting there now two weeks on but picking baby's remains up tomorrow which I know will be sad but feel like I can start to move on properly after that and get back to work.
It really is the most heartbreaking thing to go through, I'm so sorry. Please remember you are not alone, sadly there's so many of us here that have gone through it. If you have any questions, let me know ❤️

@Sweetpea1532 thank you for sharing your story, it’s a horrible experience, sadly I’ve been through it before but doesn’t make it any easier.
I’ve been bleeding all week, so expecting something to happen but it’s just been like a light/moderate period with bits coming away (sorry for TMI)
At least I’ve got a hospital appointment this afternoon to discuss things. I’m just mentally drained already 😞

@jellyfish2 - I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through the same and so recently too.
I would bite their hand off there and then if they offered me the surgery today ( I know it won’t happen!)
I’m just fed up of waking up in the morning with this heaviness and I feel suffocated like it’s dictating my life, I want it all over with so I can carry on. I know I sound matter of fact but that’s just the point I’ve got to after bleeding all week and feeling like s*.
Do you know if they only do surgery Mon-Fri? I’m scared I’ll be made to wait til next week.

@Kate3150 it's a horrible feeling. They need to do a pre op too so unfortunately I think you'll be next week. I'm sure it's only Monday to Friday. I found out on the Tuesday and initially the nurse thought it would be the following week but I let her know my preference early enough that she got me in for the Thursday. I hope you aren't waiting long. You could really push for tomorrow and ask if there was any way they could squeeze you in as you'll really be struggling over the weekend?

@Kate3150 I'm so sorry for your loss sweet. I have had 3 MC and have let each one happen in its own time. Prepped myself with maternity pads (ironic) and just kept myself busy. I fully relate when you said it's a heaviness. It feels all consuming at the moment but I can assure you it does get a bit easier. Once you get your BFN (you will never be so happy to see a negative test in your life) it helps. Don't get me wrong it never goes away and you also go through a new set of emotions surrounding pregnancy but the total despair you feel ATM does start to subside.
The choice as to whether you have surgery is obviously all yours, I opted for natural each time as I didn't want to concern my brain with being in hospital I bloody hate them. It wasn't that bad tbh but had I had the added complication of retained products it might have changed my mind.
Look after yourself OP sending you hugs 🤗💐

I’ve had one pass on its own, and three surgical. Definitely prefer the surgical. It was over very quickly, minimal bleeding after and felt fine by the afternoon. The first one was the worst as I wasn’t expecting the labour type pains and I was in quite a lot of pain and spent most of the time sitting on the loo. If I’m ever unfortunate to have another I would definitely do surgical again.

Good luck, it’s such a horrible time.

@nearly8 - I’m just scared of the process at home. I’ve been through it before and know what to expect but it was such a shock last time the thought of doing it again fills me with dread. Even though I did do it and it was fine, im frightend something will go wrong.

@Kate3150 funny you say that as I'm that apprehensive about the surgery 🤣🤣 I just really hate hospitals and avoid them at all costs if I can. I suppose my reasoning is that if I have a problem at home I can go to hospital but it doesn't work the other way round.
Thinking of you, hope it goes ok. Let us know how you get on 💐💐

@Kate3150 How did it go sweet. Hope you're ok 💐💐

@nearly8 - I had a really good appointment and have got surgery booked in for next week.
Im nervous incase it happens at home before then but also trying to mentally prepare myself.
Ive done it before at home but a long time ago.
Any advice to help calm me a bit? X

@Kate3150 well I keep myself busy. I didn't stop working and I do have children so I just didn't give myself headspace to focus on it too much. If you have got extra time on your hands then maybe binge watch something that can make you laugh, eat food that makes you smile, pamper yourself however you like and just take it easy my darling. Maybe a day out somewhere with DH or a good friend? Glad the appointment was good. Fingers crossed 🤞 everything goes well. Take care 💐💐

Hi @Kate3150 i am so sorry this has happened to you. I’ve been through it myself so I know some of what you are going through. I got the same news at 11 weeks after having a normal scan at 10 weeks. I started spotting soon after I got the horrible news and like you I was terrified something would happen. I had to wait two weeks for surgery and continued spotting until the surgery but it didn’t progress to anything. I stayed off work for those weeks and tried to keep busy and distract myself by going out and about with my husband , we went for walks and out for lunch etc. looking back it was surreal but I got through it. Surgery was very straightforward. Try and distract yourself and if you become concerned ring the hospital for advice. My hospital told me to ring them any time if I was worried and I could come in . Do you have that option?

@Helengreggregson - I’m sorry you have been through the same.
Thank you for reaching out to me.
I’m scared to move about too much incase I get things moving before the surgery, does that sound mad?
I would love to go out as being cooped up in the house is really not me at all but I’m so frightened.
ive had a miscarriage before and I was confined to the toilet most of the night.
That’s exactly right, it’s all so surreal and I can’t believe it’s all happening x

@Helengreggregson - they said if the bleeding gets bad go to A&E

It doesn’t sound mad at all I know what you mean. I did go out because I couldn’t stand being at home, I was so scared it would be bad if something happened cos I was quite far along but nothing did happen. I remember sitting in a restaurant thinking gosh you never really know what is going on in someone’s life.

@Kate3150 how are you today Hun? 😘

@Helengreggregson sorry to hear about your loss. Hope it's not too rough for you. Take care of yourself 💐💐You're right. You never know what somebody's going through.

@nearly8 thanks for your message my mmc was over a year ago now and thankfully I am doing ok. It was a dreadful experience but it does get much easier with time I think
@Kate3150 thinking of you and hope you are doing ok

Thank you everyone for your support, all has gone well today.
I am just recovering at home 💜

@Kate3150 I'm glad you are doing okay, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss(es).
I have a appt at EPU on weds after a Pvt scan at 8.5 weeks on sat showed no hb and no growth from 6.5 :( it's my first pg (was). Been trying for 2 years and had one round of IVF but this was natural. Am devastated it was my "only chance" as I'm nearly 37. I'd really like surgical management (under GA), is this what you had? I think medical management sounds so scary and horrific and can take a long time, I think surgical would be better, and if GA did they try to convince you to stay awake? I just want to be knocked out and get it over with 😫

@californiacooper - oh my love, sending you big hugs, it’s such a shitty time.

Yes, I had the surgery until GA and to be honest I couldn’t fault it. I know everyone’s experience will be different, but I didn’t need any painkillers and I stoppped a wearing pad today as my bleeding has nearly stopped which feels so nice after a week of heavy bleeding.

Any more questions, please ask away xx

***under GA

@Kate3150 thank you so much for your reply, I'm def going to ask for the surgery under GA option, did they try to convince you for medical management? How far along were you? I read a thread that said they tried to encourage MM for under 12 weeks, but I really don't want that option.
How long do you think you will need off work? I'm hoping that if it's not too bad I can just take the day and wear pads after (is it really painful and crampy?)
So sorry for all the questions, I just have no idea what to expect :(