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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

First loss at 39

33 replies

RememberZen · 16/02/2024 08:11

I finally met someone I want a child with, I just turned 39 two months ago. I fear I might have left it too late. We started trying and only after six weeks I was pregnant, it was a shock for both of us, our little miracle. I had an early scan at 6 weeks, there was a good, steady heartbeat. We were overjoyed. I was 8+5 on valentine's day, spotting started, bleeding started, cramps started, first came what looked like the sac or placenta, then within an hour or two of unbearable pain, I loss the fetus. I feel so empty today, in every way. We were looking forward to telling everyone the news in three weeks, but we didn't get there. My partner is devastated, he's gone to work to keep busy. I'm still bleeding today, but the pain has eased off. I can't help thinking this might not happen for me now, are there any positive stories from women here of first time mums at 39 and beyond who've had healthy babies? I need a beacon of hope right now, I never knew how much I wanted to be a mom until now, love to all of you who have been through this loss 🙏

OP posts:
positivethoughts1 · 16/02/2024 08:29

@RememberZen I'm so sorry you are going through this, I had a MC in July 21 and the emotional pain at this point was so heavy. I knew I would not feel better until I was pregnant again but gosh the mental journey to get there was so tough. I tried to focus on keeping healthy physically and mentally and really relied on my DP in this time.

I did get pregnant again in the October and that pregnancy resulted in a gorgeous little girl who is now 8 months old ❤️

I'm not 39, however and I'm going to say something I will probably get told is the wrong thing to say... but factually is correct and answers your question. You conceived, which means all the moving parts to get there are working. You have no evidence that for you, personally, that your age is going to be an issue. When you feel ready, try again. Sending you lots and lots of good luck x

Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 09:04

positivethoughts1 · 16/02/2024 08:29

@RememberZen I'm so sorry you are going through this, I had a MC in July 21 and the emotional pain at this point was so heavy. I knew I would not feel better until I was pregnant again but gosh the mental journey to get there was so tough. I tried to focus on keeping healthy physically and mentally and really relied on my DP in this time.

I did get pregnant again in the October and that pregnancy resulted in a gorgeous little girl who is now 8 months old ❤️

I'm not 39, however and I'm going to say something I will probably get told is the wrong thing to say... but factually is correct and answers your question. You conceived, which means all the moving parts to get there are working. You have no evidence that for you, personally, that your age is going to be an issue. When you feel ready, try again. Sending you lots and lots of good luck x

Thanks for your response, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've got a little bundle of joy! Thanks, I hope that is the case, I suppose I already know I beat the stats of getting pregnant so quickly the first time around, hopefully it happens as quick next time and we reach the finish line 🙏

OP posts:
OldTinHat · 16/02/2024 09:09

So sorry to hear this. It's an awful time.

I had DC1 aged 27 after a MC at 24. I made a fantastic group of friends through antenatal classes and baby groups - and I was the only one not in their early 40s! All our DC are mid 20s now.

Don't give up hope.

Cinai · 16/02/2024 09:17

You still have time! I had a miscarriage (#1) at 40 last year, I thought that’s it for me, but I got pregnant again 2 months later. Still early days for me for this pregnancy, but even if it doesn’t look like it right now, you will get through this and you absolutely can get pregnant again! It’s a good sign that you got pregnant quickly the first time. I think there’s also something about being more fertile after a miscarriage.

Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 09:39

OldTinHat · 16/02/2024 09:09

So sorry to hear this. It's an awful time.

I had DC1 aged 27 after a MC at 24. I made a fantastic group of friends through antenatal classes and baby groups - and I was the only one not in their early 40s! All our DC are mid 20s now.

Don't give up hope.

Thanks for your response, I'm sorry for your loss, it is a horrible time, I'd just started to kind of let myself feel safe about the pregnancy too, it was all going so well, until it wasn't. This gives me hope that I may still have time to become a mother, I'm more than ready now, thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 09:43

Cinai · 16/02/2024 09:17

You still have time! I had a miscarriage (#1) at 40 last year, I thought that’s it for me, but I got pregnant again 2 months later. Still early days for me for this pregnancy, but even if it doesn’t look like it right now, you will get through this and you absolutely can get pregnant again! It’s a good sign that you got pregnant quickly the first time. I think there’s also something about being more fertile after a miscarriage.

I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm glad you're giving it another go, I hope you go the distance this time around 🙏 thank you, I really appreciate the kind words, I need that positive thinking right now.

OP posts:
App13 · 16/02/2024 09:53

I'm so sorry for your loss, but please do have faith

I had a miscarriage in sept 20, being 40, fell pregnant January 21, dd born October 21 at just shy of my 42 birthday.

It was an easy pregnancy and uneventful. So there's every hope for you.
Lots of love ... you will get through this as I did.

Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 10:07

App13 · 16/02/2024 09:53

I'm so sorry for your loss, but please do have faith

I had a miscarriage in sept 20, being 40, fell pregnant January 21, dd born October 21 at just shy of my 42 birthday.

It was an easy pregnancy and uneventful. So there's every hope for you.
Lots of love ... you will get through this as I did.

Thanks for your kind words, I'm sorry for your loss, congratulations on becoming a mother, that's such positive news! May I ask if the two pregnancies felt the same in ways, or did you feel 'more' pregnant with your second? I just have concerns about maybe my hcg levels dropped this time or something, I haven't really had any help or advice from maternity, so I guess there's really no way to know why it didn't work out this time around, thanks for your help.

OP posts:
App13 · 16/02/2024 10:47

RememberZen · 16/02/2024 10:07

Thanks for your kind words, I'm sorry for your loss, congratulations on becoming a mother, that's such positive news! May I ask if the two pregnancies felt the same in ways, or did you feel 'more' pregnant with your second? I just have concerns about maybe my hcg levels dropped this time or something, I haven't really had any help or advice from maternity, so I guess there's really no way to know why it didn't work out this time around, thanks for your help.

Show quote history

With the first pregnancy I had the major symptoms of sore boobs.. etc and then what happened was on the day I started ro miscarry, I noticed none of my symptoms where present , so it seems the fetus passed away earlier and then was let go.

The second time I was scared out of my wits, I walked carefully, didn't eat certain things , didn't drive my manual car.

My symptoms were sore boobs and bloating which absolutely continued post 12 weeks.

I realised that there was a massive difference between the miscarried pregnancy and a safe one.

The latter pregnancy even though I was careful I didn't feel as much fragile as I did before. As the bump grew I got more confident that the baby wouldn't slip away like the last.

But the disappearance of symptoms wS a great tell tale that I didn't pick up until I was asked do I have any symptoms.

I was warned that if I tried again I would fall pregnant v quickly as hormones would be rich in my system.

I did fall pregnant again v quickly once my cycle normalised in full.

And they both were natural pregnancies .

Picoloangel · 16/02/2024 10:51

Didn’t want to read and run but forgive the short message!
I met DP when I was 40. First MMC when I was 41 and had 2 more but I turned out to have antiphospholipid syndrome for which I took aspirin. I became pregnant aged 44 with DD now 11. We are currrently en route to NY for a city break.

Wishing you all the luck in the world. Hopefully yours was a horrible piece of bad luck. So common for women to experience a miscarriage. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It’s a loss like no other.

SpringSparrow · 16/02/2024 10:58

One of my friends tried for 6 years and then had an ivf baby at 40 and then a second naturally at 43. Another had her first at 40 and her second at 44. I’ve met quite a few parents who had their children in their forties. I’m sorry for your loss.

Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 12:15

App13 · 16/02/2024 10:47

With the first pregnancy I had the major symptoms of sore boobs.. etc and then what happened was on the day I started ro miscarry, I noticed none of my symptoms where present , so it seems the fetus passed away earlier and then was let go.

The second time I was scared out of my wits, I walked carefully, didn't eat certain things , didn't drive my manual car.

My symptoms were sore boobs and bloating which absolutely continued post 12 weeks.

I realised that there was a massive difference between the miscarried pregnancy and a safe one.

The latter pregnancy even though I was careful I didn't feel as much fragile as I did before. As the bump grew I got more confident that the baby wouldn't slip away like the last.

But the disappearance of symptoms wS a great tell tale that I didn't pick up until I was asked do I have any symptoms.

I was warned that if I tried again I would fall pregnant v quickly as hormones would be rich in my system.

I did fall pregnant again v quickly once my cycle normalised in full.

And they both were natural pregnancies .

Show quote history

Thanks for that, much appreciated, looking back I should have noticed that my symptoms were easing off a bit, may have been able to prepare myself better, thanks again.

OP posts:
Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 12:17

Picoloangel · 16/02/2024 10:51

Didn’t want to read and run but forgive the short message!
I met DP when I was 40. First MMC when I was 41 and had 2 more but I turned out to have antiphospholipid syndrome for which I took aspirin. I became pregnant aged 44 with DD now 11. We are currrently en route to NY for a city break.

Wishing you all the luck in the world. Hopefully yours was a horrible piece of bad luck. So common for women to experience a miscarriage. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It’s a loss like no other.

No that's most helpful to me right now, thank you. That's wonderful! Enjoy your break, you are very blessed. Thank you so much 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 12:19

SpringSparrow · 16/02/2024 10:58

One of my friends tried for 6 years and then had an ivf baby at 40 and then a second naturally at 43. Another had her first at 40 and her second at 44. I’ve met quite a few parents who had their children in their forties. I’m sorry for your loss.

Thanks for taking the time and giving me hope, helping me pick myself up right now. Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Orlahoping · 16/02/2024 13:56

@RememberZen so sorry for your loss. I lost mine at the beginning of Feb at 12 weeks. First pregnancy for me too at a similar age (nearly 38). I relate to all of your worries!

We are starting to TTC again from this week as my bleeding has stopped. I think MCs are definitely more common from late 30s just because we have fewer chromosomally normal eggs, but still we should have lots of good ones left!

Wishing us both fast successes in our next pregnancies.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/02/2024 14:05

I am so sorry, it's not only the loss of your baby but all the dreams and hopes you had for his/her future.

Be positive - you became pregnant quickly there is no reason why you won't become pregnant again, your body has shown you that you can conceive.

Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 15:26

Orlahoping · 16/02/2024 13:56

@RememberZen so sorry for your loss. I lost mine at the beginning of Feb at 12 weeks. First pregnancy for me too at a similar age (nearly 38). I relate to all of your worries!

We are starting to TTC again from this week as my bleeding has stopped. I think MCs are definitely more common from late 30s just because we have fewer chromosomally normal eggs, but still we should have lots of good ones left!

Wishing us both fast successes in our next pregnancies.

I'm so sorry for your loss 🙏 thank you, I can only hope so, best of luck to both of us on our journeys.

OP posts:
Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 16:13

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/02/2024 14:05

I am so sorry, it's not only the loss of your baby but all the dreams and hopes you had for his/her future.

Be positive - you became pregnant quickly there is no reason why you won't become pregnant again, your body has shown you that you can conceive.

Thank you for your kind words, I'm hoping so, I'm hoping second time lucky, I really want this 🙏

OP posts:
HopeAndStrength · 16/02/2024 16:20

I'm sorry you've been through this experience, please treat yourself gently and dont rush your recovery.
To add a positive story following MC, I had a MC last year and have just had a baby 2 weeks ago. I am 38.

Original poster
RememberZen · 16/02/2024 17:24

HopeAndStrength · 16/02/2024 16:20

I'm sorry you've been through this experience, please treat yourself gently and dont rush your recovery.
To add a positive story following MC, I had a MC last year and have just had a baby 2 weeks ago. I am 38.

Thanks for your kind words, it hasn't been easy, but I'm moving forward best I can. I'm sorry for your loss, that's wonderful news, congratulations! I really hope I get there soon 🙏

OP posts:
ReetPetity · 17/02/2024 04:35

I had a miscarriage at 39 when trying for our second. We then went on to have a successful pregnancy when I was 40 — a bashy little boy. Wishing you all the best 💐

impossible · 17/02/2024 11:42

I had a missed abortion at 4 months followed by a D&C when I was 38. I was devastated. Eight months later I was pregnant again, naturally conceived, and dd was born when I was 40.

I conceived again when dd was 18 months, again naturally, and had a miscarriage at three months. I was pregnant again shortly afterwards and ds was born when dd was two and a half and I was 42.

Both pregnancies were fine and dcs are now in their twenties. I'm sorry you have been through this - I know how sad and confusing it is.

The consultant both times told me the pregnancy wasn't viable but that didn't mean the next one wouldn't be. Miscarriages are very common in the first few months. Take the pressure off yourself. I think you have every reason to be optimistic.

Original poster
RememberZen · 17/02/2024 15:08

ReetPetity · 17/02/2024 04:35

I had a miscarriage at 39 when trying for our second. We then went on to have a successful pregnancy when I was 40 — a bashy little boy. Wishing you all the best 💐

I'm sorry for your loss, that's wonderful news about your little boy! Thank you, that means a lot 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
RememberZen · 17/02/2024 15:17

impossible · 17/02/2024 11:42

I had a missed abortion at 4 months followed by a D&C when I was 38. I was devastated. Eight months later I was pregnant again, naturally conceived, and dd was born when I was 40.

I conceived again when dd was 18 months, again naturally, and had a miscarriage at three months. I was pregnant again shortly afterwards and ds was born when dd was two and a half and I was 42.

Both pregnancies were fine and dcs are now in their twenties. I'm sorry you have been through this - I know how sad and confusing it is.

The consultant both times told me the pregnancy wasn't viable but that didn't mean the next one wouldn't be. Miscarriages are very common in the first few months. Take the pressure off yourself. I think you have every reason to be optimistic.

I'm so sorry for your losses, it's devastating to go through that, I'm so glad you got two healthy children after all the painful parts in-between. Thank you, I appreciate your reassurance, it gives me hope that next time might be the one 🙏

OP posts:
Moier · 17/02/2024 15:41

So sorry for your loss.
I had first DD age 26.. beautiful lovely daughter..then loads of Gynecologist problems.. including miscarriage and Ectopic..
Had second DD age 34.
Such a loving kind caring daughter . I think to myself if l hadn't have had the losses l wouldn't have had her and l couldn't have wished for such a wonderful daughter..