Struggling after miscarriage

[Figtree11]

Hi everyone,
I had a MMC 2 months ago, when I was 10 weeks pregnant.
The weeks after were just awful, and I do feel in a better place now than what I did. But a day doesn’t pass when I don’t think about it.

Some days I can think about it without getting upset, but other days, like today, I really struggle. I end up thinking how many weeks I would have been now if I hadn’t lost the baby. And just get stuck in this negative headspace.

Not really sure what I’m looking for, just to know I’m not alone I guess, and hope that things do get better/easier.

So sorry to hear of your loss, sending lots of hugs. I've only recently had a mmc , found out at 12 week scan two weeks ago. You are absolutely not alone, we will get through this 💪 take each day as it comes and draw on all the support available

Sending love and hugs and healing thoughts.

This is in my city..

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAwbitBhDIARIsABfFYILYTFXUteohO6-oGyWB8o00xFEfzI8acMNgK1fzP1oWYfCb1p8KYY4aAvczEALw_wcB

Thanks so much for your reply @Sunnydays12340987 I’m really sorry to hear about your MMC. It can feel a really lonely time, but unfortunately seems way too common. Look after yourself

@Moier thank you x

Sorry for your loss. I have had multiple miscarriages, each one was hard at the time but what did help was my gynaecologist explaining that either there was something wrong with the embryo or that my hormones just weren’t right for the pregnancy, that cycle, to progress.
Unfortunately, because we find out so early nowadays we are bonded to our babies before they have had time to establish the pregnancy.

A friend of mine lost her second baby at 4days old. She struggled with bereavement but then after her third child was born, realised that if her second child had survived she would never have met her third child who was a delight. She was then able to move on from her loss.

I often look at my DS, who was a total surprise after we had given up trying, and think about all the babies we lost. We would never have met him had things worked out with any of his potential sisters or brothers. I can now look back without sadness because of the beautiful child/son we eventually had.
I’m a very scientific person who is super sceptical, but I do firmly believe that some things happen for a reason.

Around 1 in 4 pregnancies fail very early, probably that figure is conservative. It’s truly a miracle that any of us make it to birth, and it’s very unlikely that this statistic will change. Not because medical science isn’t advancing but because the problems may well start at conception.
Recurrent miscarriage is associated with some known disorders and can be helped with hormone supplements but it’s difficult to identify these pregnancies. So treatment can be in vain and leave women feeling even more of a failure.
Hopefully you will be successful soon.
I buy a plant every year for my garden on Mother’s Day, my mum died the year I had my first miscarriage. It was my way of celebrating Mother’s Day for both my DM and for my lost babies. Some plants were just for the summer some are still in my garden and are a beautiful but very personal reminder of DM. No one knows their significance but me.

Thank you @Angrymum22 for taking the time to message. I have always wanted to think that everything happens for a reason, so I like the explanation you give of how you and your friend feel about the children you have had after loss.
I will try and keep reminding myself of this.
Thanks again

I also had a MMC a few weeks ago and it was very hard, you are definitely not alone. I had a couple before my daughter was born too and I feel like they were both 'her' in spirit if you see what I mean...she just needed the right vessel to progress. So I've tried to find comfort in thinking that this baby was not lost, it just wasn't quite right this time and its spirit is just waiting for the right body to come into this world. Everyone has different experiences but maybe that can give you some comfort. It can be a long road but you'll get there x

I had one last year too. I still feel a little bitter that the NHS waits till around 12 weeks for a first scan. To find out ar over twelve weeks that one has been carrying a dead embryo for more than six weeks is just too much to bear. I saw a thread on here about a week before I found out about mine with a post that was trying to comfort someone worried about their 12 week scan, saying a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks is really rare. They were, it seems to me, badly misinformed. I realise the NHS does not have the funding or resources to scan all women earlier and more regularly but it really sickens me to think about it to be honest. Fortunately, I will be able to afford private scans next time so I will know earlier if things are going wrong which, of course I will be fully expecting them to!

Life is such a xxxxxx sometimes!

@Winnipeggy thats a nice way of thinking about it, thank you. I feel desperate to conceive again, but only just got my period back last week. Feeling worried about the future, but know I need to hold onto hope that it will happen.
Im sorry that you have just recently gone through this again x

@Longbarn5 im sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It seems to be so common unfortunately. And I agree 12 weeks seems a long wait for a scan. Only positive is that the NHS were brilliant for me through the process of my MMC, and hopefully if I manage to get pregnant again they said I can have an early scan

Yes, it funny really in a sad way. When I first found out I was pregnant I was just under 4 weeks and I completely accepted that things could go wrong. I would obviously have been upset but I knew that miscarriage was common, particularly that early. As the pregnancy went on, I increased in symptoms and started to get a little larger, I had no reason to think there was any problem at all. If I had known that there was such a thing as a missed miscarriage I would have got scanned earlier. I certainly wouldn't have waited to see the dating scan. Everyone has heard of miscarriage and the physical and mental challenges they bring but I never thought to look up the phrase missed miscarriage because I had never heard it.
Education needed on this I think,

You're not alone. I just found out today that I've miscarried for a second time after trying for 3 years. There's no pain like it, and I feel like I can't go on. All those promises and the feeling of a little baby in my arms - gone. The worst part is, I felt so well. I am thinking of you all and I am sorry for your losses.

I have lost two children and have two kids now. I know the absolute pain of loss but it does fade, especially with living children who take up your brain space.

When it all first happened I made sure I talked to people about it. You feel isolated after a loss but you soon realise how common it is and you’re not alone. Thinking about it logically nature is pretty imperfect, why should growing a baby be any different? Things do go wrong sadly. But like me in years to come (I lost our first sixteen years ago) you’ll have come to terms with it. I conceived my eldest literally six weeks after losing our first, I really wanted and needed to have another baby, and how have a strapping 15yo, so if you want to go for it quickly it all can work out.

@Mermaidinmymind i am so so sorry to hear this. I can only just imagine how you are feeling after going through this for a second time. Sending you all my love. I hope you’ve got some real life support, and can reach out for help & support x

@bozzabollix thanks for your message, I’m trying to hold onto hope that one day it will work out. I definitely agree that the more you talk about it the better. It weirdly seemed like such a taboo topic, but now I’ve lived through it, it feels natural to be honest & open about it with people

Oh ladies, so sorry for all your losses. Let's pray, literally I think, for better things to come xxx

I struggled for months after a MC last year. If you are in a financial position to do so, I would really recommend counselling (I expect the NHS wait would be very long). Even a few sessions made a massive difference for me. I have a few friends who've had MC as well and I found talking to them really helped. Don't feel you have to rush to try again, we waited a few months.

I also had a MMC at 10 weeks and it was a huge shock and I hadn’t mentally prepared for it at all, naively went into the pregnancy with very little knowledge about miscarriage and assumed I was too young for it to happen to me. I cried for days, the grief was so raw I remember it so well. I then went on to have my rainbow baby straight away, 2 years later another miscarriage then my second child. The sadness and feelings of loss lessen a lot over time but of course will always be buried there somewhere and if someone else talks to me about their own loss or if I see a certain flower in the garden it brings emotions back very quickly. As previous posters have said I wouldn’t have my beautiful girls now without the experiences I went through but it does change your whole pregnancy journey and you will most likely be anxious next time. The strong feeling to have another baby quickly was there for me too, both times and once your baby arrives you just feel so so grateful.

(it also helped for me to talk about it and the more you do, the more you realise how many people have also been affected by baby loss and understand how you are feeling and will give you so much support). Also, I’m not necessarily sure it was best for me to get pregnant straight away afterwards, I was still processing the loss and perhaps I should have taken a few months before trying again, that would have given time for my body to recover and hormones to settle too.

It is very hard to know whether to wait or not I think. When I look back to my MMC I realise that a lot of time has passed between the date of my last period before that pregnancy and the time when it was all over and I had an after miscarriage negative HCG, that bitter/sweet moment! I cant imagine waiting to start again and things going exactly the ame way. If I fall pregnant relatively soon, which of course I may or may not, then I will feel that at least there is hope again until and unless things go wrong. It's different for everyone of course and I have had some issues found on some blood tests which make me less hopeful but I just feel I need to keep going af tge moment

Thank you everyone for all your messages. I really do appreciate it. As much as I hate that there are so many people in the same position as me, it helps to hear from others and know I’m not alone in how I am feeling. And also hearing stories of hope & how to deal with this grief.

I have had a few days of feeling ok this week, and then today felt a little more down, letting my mind run away with me worrying about whether I will be able to get pregnant again, will it take ages, and then worrying about it all going wrong again.

Trying to hold onto the more positive thoughts that it will all work out ok some day, but it’s tricky.

Sending hugs to anyone else struggling

I’m back to update my own thread. I did get pregnant again, after all that worry. I did find pregnancy after loss hard, but was trying to be positive. Unfortunately I then went for my 12 week scan yesterday where they said there was no heartbeat. I’ve now been sat in hospital for over 8 hours waiting for surgical management & doesn’t look like it will happen today.

I don’t know how to get through this. How do I carry on with normal life now that I’ve lost 2 babies in 5 months? I am so worried about never having a baby. And I just don’t know how to move forward. I feel stuck in this black hole of despair

I’m so so sorry to hear this you must be devastated, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I’m not sure if this helps but I wanted to share that I have friends that have had multiple consecutive losses and have gone on to have successful pregnancies. It was a long, hard, traumatic journey for them, and this isn’t to lessen what you are feeling now of course but to give some reassurance of lots
of positive outcomes in the end. I would also make sure you get the right help you need in terms of testing to check if there are any reasons for this (a cause of reoccurring miscarriage can be your body producing an autoimmune response which can be medicated / progesterone can be taken) Of course it might not be this but I would be asking for what help is available to you or if you need to get on waiting lists etc

Thank you @Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon its always good to hear good outcomes, and I’ve been googling similar. But it’s so hard to imagine that it will work out ok for me when it feels such bad odds to have had 2 now, with no children at all.
The EPU have given me a leaflet about how I can get referred to Tommys at Coventry hospital as I’m in the midlands. So I need to contact the GP to get them to refer me.
I had a small bleed at 7wks, but no cause found & baby had a heartbeat. I was then prescribed progesterone. But obviously didn’t help me 😔

Oh my God, I'm so, so sorry to hear this news Figtree11. How awful! I cant imagine how you are feeling with this happening again.
There absolutely has to be a reason for your losses and I very much hope it can be found.
Not sure if you have had any tests but, if not, worth making sure you are not deficient in vitamin D, you dont have a blood clotting issue and you dont have any odd antibodies like anti nuclear antibodies. If you can get these checked then that will because start and you can go from there. I am betting that some reason will be found and dealt with.
Have you tried low dose aspirin. It thins the blood somewhat if you do have slightly thick blood, clotting issues may well require extra medication but the aspirin will help. It is also anti inflammatory so will help with any inflamation that might be occurring.
Personally, I dont tollerate aspirin very well so I take a high dose of Omega 3 which has some of these affects (not a good idea to take O3 and aspirin since they both thin the blood to a certain extent).
I am very hopeful for you that a cause will be found and dealt with.
I have not fallen pregnant again since my MMC in the Autumn and am getting a bit despondent to be honest but I was told by the sonographer that "it wont happen next time". I didnt fully believe her then and i still dont bec

@Figtree11 I think we were both on the miscarriage support thread in Jan, I am so sorry 💔 I remember my two miscarriages were within 3 months of each other (October and January) and it's utterly heartbreaking.

Tommy's can hopefully help you find a way forward. My recovery went really smooth after my MMC in Jan, I really hope the same happens for you xx