Am I living in a horror movie? MC 14 weeks.

[04AM]

It's the first time I post here but I need to tell someone what happened because I can't believe it.

I had a miscarriage yesterday at 14+4 weeks. I woke up feeling very unwell and with painful cramps. One hour later I felt a pressure in my uterus and run to the toilet. Sorry, TMI!!! There was blood everywhere, it was like a diarrhea of blood and clots. I couldn't move from the toilet because the bleeding won't stop but the cramps were so painful I thought I was going to pass out. After a time,(I know now it was around 2 hours) the pain decreased and I managed to stand up and clean myself.

I called my partner (he was at work) and we went to hospital. I had an scan and was told I've lost my baby. My uterus was empty. I just couldn't comprehed what they were saying. The doctor didn't know why this happened, there was no clear reason, but he thinks I probably lost the baby a few days after the 12 week scan and didn't have symptoms until the last days. Now, I realise that I was quite unwell on Thursday and had very sharp cramps and those weren't just normal pregnancy symptoms.

How could I miscarriage so suddenly in a few hours? I never thought that was even possible to have a miscarriage like that at 14 weeks. I didn't even know I passed the baby because there was so much blood and clots. I feel terrible I didn't realise. I had my first scan at 12+1 weeks and everything was perfect!

I was told to go home and rest, there are not many tests they can do now and they don't know why this happened. I feel so angry and sad. I can't understand how this could happen. I got a million of questions and I don't have answers. I feel this is my fault because I didn't call EPU when I had the very sharp cramps on Thursday.

AIBU to feel no one understands how I feel? Even myself. For feeling so irrational? For feeling I don't know how I'm going to try for a baby in the future?

I’m so sorry for your loss. There will be others around soon to help sign post you to other support available to you while you go through the cycles of grief. Take care.

I am so, so sorry.

It’s a huge trauma. Have low expectations of yourself for a while, give yourself time to grieve. You need time, rest, and support.

There is a charity called Tommy’s which offers resources for parents who a grieving the loss of a pregnancy. It might be too soon for you but in time that could help.

It is NOT your fault - you didn’t cause this and couldn’t have prevented it.

I am truly so sorry for you ♥️

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. You must be in complete shock at the moment. I lost my baby unexpectedly at 18 weeks, although did manage to get to the hospital (just about) to deliver. The pregnancy was all fine, scans etc. Just slight brown spotting the day before. Please access all the support you can. I accessed counselling through my workplace, support from SANDS. Please take as long as you need off work, do not rush back. I got pregnant again fairly quickly and needed a lot of support during pregnancy. The midwives were great and referred me to a perinatal mental health service. Allow yourself time to grieve, rest and do what you need to heal your body and mind xxx

It’s not your fault and there is nothing that could have been done that would have affected the outcome had you gone to EPU on Thursday. You had a horribly physically traumatic experience and will be grieving the loss of your baby having been told everything was ok at 12 weeks. Be very gentle with yourself and take all the time you need to process. The miscarriage boards here are very supportive. 💐

Please remember two things are happening at the same time- you are experiencing a bereavement- emotional grief and loss of your baby and of the future wrapped up with that baby. You are also suffering massive hormonal shifts and physical symptoms associated with it.

So emotional and physical trauma. It’s entirely right that you feel awful and there’s no need to feel bad about that.

Honour your grief. Nurture your body. Don’t worry about the future just yet. One day at a time. 💐

I'm so sorry, OP. This has been a huge shock to both your body and your mind. Please take loads of time to let your body recover, and to start processing your emotions. Everyone reacts to miscarriage in different ways, and there's no right or wrong way to feel. But it is not your fault, and I'm sure there was nothing you could do to prevent it.

My miscarriage was a bit earlier than yours. After my next period I was ready to try again, and I got pregnant straight away. That's not uncommon. But others feel they need to take more time. You don't have to think about it just yet, so go easy on yourself.

I'm so sorry you have been through this, it must be such a shock, especially after you had a normal 12 week scan

I went through similar, many years ago but I was 12 weeks & hadn't had a scan. In my case the foetus was stuck in my cervix & the cramping & bleeding was horrific. I was about to have emergency surgery to remove it, when they managed to get it out with some implement...all very traumatic!

Be gentle with yourself, you will be in shock, grieving & wanting answers that nobody can give, as well as going through a physically draining experience.

As for not calling the EPU earlier, I very much doubt that anything could have been done to prevent the miscarriage even if you had.

When I became pregnant again, I was terrified it would happen again because I didn't know why it had happened the first time but I went on to have healthy twins.

There will be a lot of support groups out there & you will realise that your feelings are entirely normal.

I’m so sorry.

My mcs were all much earlier 7-8 weeks, but I do know that once the cramping starts there is nothing that can be done to prevent the miscarriage. My DM had a 3 month mc which was like yours - sudden loss, and she nearly passed out. Mine were very different - long and slow, not sudden at all.

In both cases we went on to have a full term baby. You might feel ready to try again very soon, or you might not. Go easy on yourself.

I'm so sorry, this is heartbreaking. Please be kind to yourself as it is nothing you have done 🤍 Thinking of you and my heart is with you xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been exactly where you are, it will be 19 years ago in 2 days.
It's a horrible time, grieving and worried sick about the future. It's especially difficult that it's happened close to Christmas which should be a happy time.
Take your time and make sure you take long enough off of work to recover mentally.
I was pregnant 3 months after this happened to me and I can't lie, my anxiety was through the roof. I was terrified to go to the toilet, I worried about every little thing but I got there. I now have 3 kids but it still hurts a little.
There is lots of support out there especially on forums dealing with miscarriage and then pregnancy after miscarriage with women just as terrified and confused as you are.

The sunshine will come back again x

Bless you OP. It’s not your fault. Not even a little bit.
Rest and grieve. You’ve been through a massive trauma. 🤍

Its not your fault.

I had a healthy pregnancy and baby. Then three miscarriages including a molar pregnancy. I stopped trying went to a professor of fertility and had every test available. There were no answers.

Words that stuck with me and helped from said female professor were "As hard as it is your body is doing the right thing and rejecting a pregnancy that isn't viable". That helped me tremendously.

I had a healthy baby next time I got pregnant.

Be kind to yourself. Its a very hard time.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't had this experience. Only been pregnant once but I cannot imagine how you feel and I just wanted to say that really. You will be going through the grieving process and make sure you give yourself time

So sorry OP. I have had two miscarriages but the one at 10 weeks was quite traumatic. I was bleeding so heavily that I was vomiting and had a fit. He almost thought he was going to have to call an ambulance. You are going to be in shock for quite a while. You might need some iron supplements as the blood loss will make you weak and vulnerable to lots of illnesses as I have found out. You might also get flashbacks. 🌹

I am so so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself, this was not your fault 💐

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you are doing ok? I think my experience has been similar to yours.
I had a mmc two months ago (8 wks)Found out at a scan at 10 weeks. Early hours day after scan started cramping quite badly, then a bit of bleeding. Around 1pm that day I passed the whole lot at once, like the entire contents of my womb came out. Pain stopped pretty much within an hour. Minimal bleeding for about a week.
It was shocking and not what I was expecting at all. I think I am quite lucky that it was physically quite easy and wasn’t drawn out. My guess is because the baby died two weeks earlier my body was well along in the process of rejecting the tissue. It seems to happen differently for all of us.

@04AM I'm so sorry you've had this loss and the shock. Nobody expects to lose a baby like this after a perfectly healthy 12 week scan. We're all told that it's "safe now".

I lost a little boy at 16 weeks last year, although from his size they said he's died at somepoint between 13-14 weeks. That miscarriage started with cramping and bleeding like yours, but I managed to get to hospital. I had all the testing on him, the placenta and me and no reason was found.

I was lucky enough to get pregnant again 3 months after that with a little girl. I took aspirin from the first scan at 7+5 weeks, but at a midwife apt at 15+5 they found no heartbeat and it had happened again. Perfect 12 week scan, heartbeat was heard by the consultant at 14+1 and all was well but she'd gone sometime in the days after. Extensive post mortem again and testing and again, no reason found.

I'm now pregnant again with a little boy, started aspirin and clexane at the first scan at 6weeks and fingers crossed, I'm now 22+1 and all is well. I've no idea why the miscarriages happened or why this one is ok but I'm just praying to get as far as I can.

I found the utter shock of the first one to be more jarring than the grief if I'm honest. We'd announced the pregnancy and told our children and it was heartbreaking to have the loss in view of our friends and family. I've not told most people about this pregnancy as a result, although it's obvious if you look at me but I guess people are respectful of our journey and understand why I just can't say that I'm pregnant.

It's absolutely not your fault, you can't go in with every cramp and twinge - even in a subsequent pregnancy. You will drive yourself mad. Just allow yourself time to grieve the baby you thought you were bringing home and cross all other bridges when you get there. You will do this, you have to. I'm not surprised you have a million questions, you won't get a million answers though as the truth is they don't know why some babies are lost and some aren't. It's absolutely shit but it genuinely is easier once you can make your brain understand that it's happened and you're just not pregnant anymore. Feel free to ask any questions you need to, and please know I'm so very sorry this happened but you're definitely not alone

💐 for all those who’ve shared this loss.

It’s not your fault, it’s never anyone’s fault: I had almost exactly the same happen to me but at 10-11 weeks. It all happened suddenly and was over in a couple of hours. I was so surprised as assumed it would go on a long time. That’s normal to feel all that. Give yourself a real rest. I had counselling afterwards which really helped

And honestly, medics can only do and know so much. Miscarriage is very under researched.

This sounds so traumatic and terribly sad ☹️ So sorry you’re going through this. It’s awful when it happens at any time, ever, but when it happens at an otherwise happy time of year for everyone else I can imagine it makes it sting so much more 😢 So sorry this has happened. Hope you can get through the next few weeks and possibly be able to get some answers

It’s awful. It’s natural to blame yourself. Take care x

What a traumatic time for you, and to happen in what seems like a short space of time. Sadly there is little research on miscarriage.

Thank you everyone for your comments and kind words. I'm sorry you had to go through this too.

I think I need to accept there are questions without answers and that's fine.

I'm still in shock. I never thought a miscarriage could be so fast, specially after the 12 weeks mark.

Thank you again for your kind words. It doesn't help.

Don’t blame yourself OP
even if you’d gone in on Thursday at this stage they wouldn’t have been able to save the baby.
Do you have a good support network?