Medical misscarriage at 16 weeks - a very much wanted baby :(

[erin13398]

Hi everyone,

After screening, further blood tests and a diganostic test, our baby has been diagnosed with disabilities and other issues that after speaking with midwives, consultants, doctors and our families have come to terms with the fact we cannot continue with this pregnancy! Please note this is our first and very much wanted baby and we are utterly heartbroken this has happened to us! 😥

We met with a doctor yesterday who guided us to the medical misscarriage route. I took the first pill while with them yesterday and am due to be in hospital tomorrow morning 9am to continue the process where everything else will happen while there.

I am absolutely petrified and so so scared for the pain i’m going to feel.

I think all I’m looking for is a little bit advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation or had a medical termination at the same sort of stage week wise as me.

I am a real worrier and my anxiety is through the roof!! 😫

@erin13398 I'm so so sorry to read this. I unfortunately had to go through similar last year but at 25 weeks. We had a beautiful little girl that sadly was so very poorly. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have but just wanted you to know that I'll be thinking of you and you're not alone. Sending you a big hug xxx

Im so sorry to hear this. My DD had to go through this process just over 2 months ago. I understood it was quite painful - so ask for pain relief.

It will be a bit like labour except not so long so if you get strong contraction pains try and breathe out during the contraction which does help.

take maternity sanitary protection with you and maybe some disposable period/incontinence pants. Wear something comfortable and cool.

the nursing staff were very good and you may have the option of seeing the baby afterwards if you want to.

they may also offer you photos and foot/hand prints and a memory box. My DD declined this at the time but changed her mind a week later and they were still able to do this. She had a funeral a few weeks later which is all taken care of by the local funeral home - so no costs.

so you may want to think of the above. But everyone will do things differently -— there is no right or wrong way to do this. My DD didnt think she would do any of those things so perhaps tell the hospital that you dont know what you want to do and keep your options open for a few weeks if possible.

its a horrible situation to be in so be kind to yourself and allow yourself to do what you need to do to come to terms with it.

i wish you all the best for tomorrow 💐💐

@Vic231 Thank you SO much for your reply! Our baby is a little girl too! My heart is completely shattered but we’re doing this for her. Having not experienced pregnancy or labour before I’m just in an absolute whirlwind or emotions! I’m so so scared for the pain, even though I’ve been told what pain relief will be there for me. It just all feels so surreal :( I’ve been told pain is probably between normal misscarriage and full term birth. Will be like very strong period pains and the cramps will ease baby out without me needing to push! What is recovery etc like too? I’ve been told depending what time it all happens tomorrow I could be home at night, or Saturday morning depending on if it doesn’t happen until later evening. I’m so scared :( xxx

Oh OP I’m so sorry.

in my experience it was painful, it was my first pregnancy too so I didn’t know what to expect. I just remember the cramps getting closer and closer together and then gradually slowing down again afterwards. I passed everything on the toilet so I didn’t have the trauma of seeing anything. It took about 4 hours I think.

@erin13398 oh I know exactly how you are feeling, our daughter was our first baby too and it was literally a nightmare. It will feel like that for some time, it still feels that way for me now but the feelings aren't quite so raw.

I'm aware that I don't want anything I say to scare you, and everyone's experiences are so so different, mine too as I was further along but I was surprised by the pain. I took all the pain relief available to me but found the gas and air most helpful. I also had to push and my waters suddenly broke about 30 minutes before she was born (again this is probably due to how big she was). I was in labour for 17 hours in the end but it went by so fast, I think the pain relief and the surreal ness of it all helped there. Don't put yourself through anything you don't need to, make sure you ask for pain relief and advocate for yourself.

As the poster above says, it's also up to you what you want to do when she is born, but I would recommend having everything done (photos, prints etc) You don't have to look at it straight away but at least you have it. I also have to be honest that I loved meeting her and wouldn't change any of it, but it was meeting her that hit me the hardest. Just take it slowly and don't let anyone rush you. We ended up staying for 2 nights with our daughter in the hospital, although we were very fortunate that they had a dedicated suite for families who sadly have to go through this.

In terms of recovery, I was up and about straight after her birth. I did feel very weird at one point and had to have fluids but other than that the bleeding was just heavy and in my case lasted for 2 weeks. I did also end up with retained product which was very painful but with some pain relief it passed with my next period xxx

@bilbodog Thank you so much for your response. It is totally appreciative hearing your story. I think reading about others that have experienced this is really helpful with coming to terms with knowing i’m not the only one :( I will take everything you have said on board ready for the process tomorrow - thank you! I really hope things happen quickly and all goes as well as can be under the cirumstance. And fingers crossed for some better luck in the future! 🤞🏼 x

@RougeFraise Thank you so much for your message. Hearing others real situations is definitely helping to prepare me for whats to come. I know it won’t be a nice experience but I need to keep telling myself the pain i’ll feel over a fee hours is nothing compared to the pain my baby girl would feel through her life if she had been here! I’m doing this for her. 💗

@Vic231 I absolutely appreciate your comments, thank you! Knowing it’s not just me having to go through this definitely helps put it into perspective. We discussed seeing her etc and after the doctors actually recommending this, we will absolutely take what they can give us to keep her with us. 💗 As for recovery, thats good to hear. I was worried i’d be bed bound for a while or something. I’ve read and been told about the bleeding afterwards which is to be expected but we’ll get through it! xxx

I’m so sorry. My baby died at 16 weeks (found out at a routine scan) but it’ll be a similar process.

On pain, they made it very clear that there were lots of options and I should take whatever I needed. I had oral morphine and then when it got too much I had a morphine drip thing where I could press the button when I needed a top up. I didn’t actually need it that much and it completely took away the pain.

It’s a very individual thing, but I looked at and cuddled my baby several times. It felt totally natural even though I wasn’t sure what I wanted beforehand. Do whatever feels right at the time.

one thing that wasn’t expecting so much was that it can be difficult for the placenta to come out after. I had to have it manually removed and came close to having surgery. But again, they were so kind and told me that if it was too painful they would stop at any point.

I hope it goes as well as such an awful thing can.

@MizzMarple I’m so so sorrry to read this! And I hope you are as well as can be after such an experience! I totally appreciate your honesty here, it helps me understand what could come my way. It’s such a devastating thing you don’t think about one bit when you first find out your pregnant, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! If you don’t mind me asking, what was the sort of timescale it happened for you? Thank you again, so much for your response 💗

I can’t remember exactly but a few hours for him to be born. They had to give me lower doses of the drug because I’ve had 2 c sections. It felt like it went quite quickly though. The placenta then didn’t come out so that was another few hours, but I slept some of that and had some food etc.

I hope you don’t mind me saying, but I know it feels overwhelmingly awful now and of course you never get over it, but it does get better. It happened in August and I’m in a completely different place than I was then. Try to be as kind to yourself as you can be.

@MizzMarple Thank you! 💗 Truely, thank you so much for speaking me through this. I appreciate the comment about it getting better, although a hard one to and never will fully get over. I’ll be sure to pop on here to update how i’ve gotten on when I feel up to it! Would love to share a story for any future Mumma’s in our situation x

I had the same situation a few years ago.my daughter was 22 weeks when I had her.

It's a horrible horrible time, but the midwives were so unbelievably kind, they really want to help you get through it, which you will.

Thinking of you OP x

@FrillyGoatFluff Oh i’m so sorry to read that! I totally appreciate your response, thank you very much. I’m really nervous but it’s all for the right reasons, i’m trying to think by this time tomorrow hopefully all will be done and it’ll be time for processing and grieving. x

@erin13398 thinking of you today 🤍

@erin13398
hope all goes well today - thinking of you 💐

Hi everyone, thank you for your messages this morning. It is so kind of you to think of me, I appreciate the support.

I was in hospital this morning for 9am. Got the 3 dissolving tablets for under my tongue at 9:30am and the cramping started by 9:50am. I had paracetamol and sat on toilet for a wee while where I was then so sick you would never believe! An anti-sickness jag and further stronger painkillers later, contraction like (i assume) pains were strong! When the pain relief kicked in I was back on the bed and managed a sandwich for lunch. At 12:30pm I was given a further 2 tablets for under my tongue, again by 12:40pm the pains were intense! I got a morphine injection and by 1:00pm on the dot baby girl was here! Placenta followed half an hour later. I am so proud of myself to have gone through such a hard thing! I think I talked myself into it being so much worse with regards to pain that I surprised myself!

I want to thank you all for your comments yesterday because they absolutely helped talk me around and through my experience! ❤️

Now on to the processing and grieving, but we will get there! 💗

Hi Erin, I am sorry I didn’t see this yesterday as I had a very similar experience to you. We had a very high NT at the 12 week scan, and I had a tfmr at 14 weeks. It was Edwards Syndrome.

You actually remind me very much of me, a similar attitude to it all. Don’t get me wrong, I cried a lot, but I found a lot of inner strength and was as pragmatic as possible.

I am glad it went ok for you today. My delivery was very similar, about 4-5 hours after the medication. I had a really upset stomach and then was so sick too, then spiked a temperature so was treated with Iv antibiotics for sepsis as a precaution. To be honest the temp was the worst bit and I was quite scared when they said sepsis.

How did your delivery go? I had some intense pains for the last half an hour, and just had no idea how far away from or near to delivery I was. The midwife was just suggesting morphine when I felt a bit of a ‘bubble’, which was probably the baby dropping down, because within a minute or two, I felt it slide out. Weirdly I kind of describe it as a goldfish slipping out.

Did you decide to see your bubba? We did, after I stopped feeling sick. It was only very briefly, the baby had her little hand up sort of supporting her head. My husband wasn’t sure if he wanted to look but he did it for me. She was too tiny for little footprints but that would have been nice I think, on reflection.

I stayed in hospital for another 24 hours after delivery, and recovered well other than quite a few big clots. Day 4 I felt really uncomfortable all day, and eventually a big clot passed when I went for a wee at 11pm. I phoned triage the next morning but they weren’t concerned. That happened once more and then that was pretty much the end of it.

I was really anxious for my period to return, I turned 39 and was scared it wouldn’t. 5 weeks to the day, it came back, and now I’ve had another 28 days later so I’m fairly relieved. We tried that cycle but it didn’t work this time. Just pray it happens for us. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

If you have any questions, just let me know. Have you joined the ARC forum? It is excellent, it’s private so it feels very safe x

Thinking of you and hope you get some sleep tonight. I was very upset for a week or two but the worst passed then and I am so much better. Losing our very much wanted first baby is never far from my thoughts, I think of it for hours every day, but it is getting easier xx

So grateful that you put an update and for everyone sharing their experiences. I'm in tomorrow morning for my medical management after baby passed away at almost 16 weeks. I am very unsure about seeing baby, with the things they have said during scans I am worried that it will be more haunting than comforting. Baby has expected Edwards syndrome but also hydrops with noticeable swelling and I've accidentally seen a few images from medical journals that do enter my mind from time to time. I'm not worried about the pain or anything else and weirdly feel kind of glad that it's going to be over soon and baby won't suffer any longer. Sending love to you all.

@MrsScotland Oh wow, I absolutely agree our experiences have been so similar!! I was the exact same re the feeling of the baby passing! It just came over me out of nowhere, a bubbling feeling just as you said, a wee bit pressure then she was here. Had no urge to push or anything, my body just done it all for me! I felt absolutely no pain during the passing, it was more the cramping on lead up and had no pain at all almost instantly afterward.

We did see her yeah, they took photos of her first and did manage to get her little feet and hand prints. We chose to look at the photos before we decided what to do about actually seeing her. And i’m glad we did, it was comforting! She also had her tiny little hand up as if she was waving.

At around 2pm the midwife said she was happy with everything and we were free to leave as and when we wanted to. We chose to stay for a while and had some time to ourselves before seeing our baby. We got home around 7:30pm tonight. I’m glad you’ve mentioned the clots, as I did wonder if any more would possibly come away so I’ll now be prepared just im case - thank you!

Periods returning was something I forgot to ask about but have read on numerous threads on here to expect one around 4-6 weeks after. I’m 25, doctors are really shocked with how unlucky we have been this time around. We just got married in September too then found out I was pregnant on returning from our Honeymoon! It’s been a whirlwind of a few months thats for sure. I feel I have been left a little scared for the future, I think just terrified something will happen again but fingers crossed our time will come too! Praying for us 🙏🏽

The ARC forum - we got a bunch of leaflets etc and this one rings a bell. Will definitely be joining!

Thank you so very much! The whole experience has definitely proven that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was, but I can absolutely relate with the emotions I’m feeling and will always hold. Although can truly believe things will get easier.

Sending you lots of love! xx

Hi Lucy

sorry to hear you are going through this too. One of the things I did was ask the midwife if she would look at the baby first, and see if she thought it was wise for me to look. I’m sure they would do that for you if you want.

She wrapped the baby in a little tiny knitted wrap, with a ribbon to tie in the middle. I didn’t pull this down, just had a look at the head really. My baby had a cystic hygroma, but it wasn’t too bad to look at, I could just see her neck was bulging slightly.

We didn’t take any photos, I kind of wish we had but equally I don’t know if it would do me any favours to keep looking.

We had a Limited post mortem, to confirm the NIPT high risk for Edwards was correct. Our wee baby also had some of her organs outside her tummy too, it’s common with chromosomal problems. We also found out it was a girl, we didnt look at 14 weeks as it can’t be difficult to tell.

If there’s anything else you want to chat about just let me know. I’d also recommend the ARC forum to you too. I hope tomorrow goes ok for you x

Aww @LucyBaby2 I’m so glad my thread has reached you in time for your journey tomorrow. Seeing the baby is absolutely, completely personal choice and no judgement will be made what so ever. You have to do what you feel is right for you in the moment. Think of yourself, always! I was the same with regards to thinking about getting it done quickly. We literally had the phonecall on Wednesday lunchtime, went in to the hospital later afternoon that day to speak with the consultants and doctors and took the first tablet there and then. I was worried with being that wee bit further on it would be traumatic and feel almost un-natural, but I must say my day was actually as relaxed as could be and I felt well looked after. And I know you said your not worrying about the pain, but there will be plenty pain relief available for you and take what you need - it does make that bit difference! I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. Please let me know how you get on, even via private message if you feel more comfortable doing so that way. Take care! xx

Erin, Lucy, how are you both today?

@MrsScotland Hello, thanks for checking in! Physcially i’m totally back to rights, no pain/cramps, no soreness at all! Wouldni know i’d been through that yesterday, just bleeding like a heavy period but managed to get out a nice half hour walk with husband and our puppy around tea time. Mentally, i’m all over the place. Wee bursts of tears every now and again which I’m letting happen, it can only be natural! We’ll get there and all fingers crossed for a happy and healthy 2nd pregnancy when the time is right! x

@MrsScotland Hi.
I'm doing well thank you. Yesterday was tough but mostly because my toddler was really poorly and I just didn't want to leave him. I got to the hospital for 8, as they advised, but sadly didn't get seen until half 1 which was incredibly frustrating. Things progressed quickly though and by 5pm I had delivered baby and placenta. I felt very left to it but that's how I wanted it. I haven't felt any pains since being home and am bleeding just lightly so I am anticipating clots because the blood loss just doesn't seem much at all. I did see baby for a split second due to how I delivered and it wasn't haunting like I imagined. I opted to leave it at that and my partner agreed too.

Thank you so much for all your posts, I've seen them on all stages of this process and it has really helped me. I am totally fine emotionally and I think that's because I've had 4 weeks of preparing for the worst. I do wonder if I will get a hormone crash though, I definitely did with my first baby, I cried every day for a week after giving birth which is not like me at all, my partner calls me a robot usually! Anyway, thank you again and I sincerely hope that things work out very, very soon!

@erin13398 You are indeed so strong! I wouldn't have handled it so well at just 25. It's awful to experience at any age, of course, but seems extra cruel for your first pregnancy and so young. However, plenty of time to keep trying which is comforting! Thank you for your support and updating as quickly as you did, it definitely helped me prepare. I wish you good health and happiness going forward.