I’m miscarrying now - confused and alone

[Allicit]

Hi, I’m sorry to post again but I’m so confused and alone. I had a private scan last week on Tuesday at 9+5 that showed a sac at only 7/8 weeks and a yolk sack with fetal pole only 1.3mm. Then EPU scanned on Thursday (10 weeks) and saw an empty sac. They have arranged a rescan for next Monday.

I have been spotting for over a week now since last Monday. Yesterday I had some cramping and heavier bleeding but I don’t think it was heavy heavy (I filled two normal always pads over the afternoon/evening) I put an ultra night pad on when went to bed and didn’t fill it. This morning it’s stopped again with some mild spotting and no really pain. Is this it finished? There were some teeny tiny clots when I wiped. I feel so confused. Will it come on again? Is it over? Will it never happen? I don’t know how much longer I can bear sitting on the sofa waiting for it to happen but I know I can’t be at work (patient facing role with children). I feel like i’m failing my little boy. He knows something is wrong, of course he does, he’s 2. I think he wants to feed a lot because he knows it but the aversion in getting is terrible. Im eating way too much crap and really aware of this. Im so lost and alone. How long will this go on for?

I feel like I’m failing as a parent to my little boy, failing at having another baby and now im failing at even having a miscarriage.

You are not failing at anything OP. You are not failing as a mother, if anything the fact your DS is in the front of your mind shows you as a good mum. You are not failing at having another baby/miscarriage. This is just something that unfortunately happens sometimes and it's heartbreaking but it is not in anyway your fault. I no you feel alone now but it does get better I promise. Sending a handhold OP. Here for you x

I’m miscarrying too so you’re not alone - know that there’s someone else out there right now feeling the way you do. I also have little ones to look after and feel guilty that I am so sad and unable to join in their games etc. It’s just so utterly crap, there’s no other way to describe it. I feel alone too, I haven’t told anyone im pregnant and have no one to talk to, just my own crazy thoughts going round my head. I really hope your scan on Monday shows things have cleared - in my experience once you know the physical process is over, you can start to heal. Being in limbo is an awful feeling, I’ve been there a few times before and it’s so difficult xx

I’m so sorry. Can you arrange someone to come and watch your little boy? I would phone the EPU and see if they can fit you in earlier, I’d explain that you’ve had some moderate bleeding but you’re not sure if it’s complete. I had a miscarriage at a similar term (with the baby stopping growing at the same stage) and, while I know it won’t be exactly the same, it was very clear to me when I’d ‘passed’ the sac (sorry if that’s too blunt).

You're not failing anyone. You sound like a lovely mum who is going through something very difficult. You will get through this.

Also going through miscarriage at the moment. Completely understand how you are feeling. I’ve had two scans now and confirmed as anembryonic pregnancy i.e. empty sac. I’ve had bleeding and cramping on and off but not fully miscarried yet. I had a miscarriage in Jan and knew when it was over (as per what PP said).

I’m currently what would have been 11 weeks pregnant. The midwife told me a natural miscarriage may happen between 9 and 12 weeks but I’ve opted to go in for medical management to move the process along. The midwife told me that this type of pregnancy can be more stubborn for some reason so can take a little longer. Would recommend phoning your EPU to see if they can see you earlier and letting them know about your bleeding and cramps if not already.

It’s so hard. Sending you lots of love

I’m sorry you’re going through this xxx

@CrazyMILonthecase I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. It’s a bloody awful club to be in. Can you tell someone what’s going on? I don’t think I’d be able to cope without my partner.

@Guineapiggiesmalls thank you - yes he’s at his grandads today and yesterday but it’s just us on Friday and my bleeding is getting heavier so I’m a bit worried. I did phone EPU but they won’t do anything before Monday/Tuesday unless I’m bleeding too heavily or too much pain. I feel pretty angry about this to be honest.

@Eastcoaster so sorry you’re going through this too. My bleeding is getting heavier but the cramping has eased off. I was desperate to make it to Tuesday to have surgical management as that’s what I wanted but looks like it won’t happen. And EPU won’t do anything. I feel so angry and let down. I don’t want to miscarry at home and they’re forcing me too because of their own policy. I feel so angry and hurt. Other women get the dignity of that choice but not me apparently. It’s awful.

I just wanted to share that whilst I don’t have any children I’m in a very similar situation to you regarding the MC. I was due my 12 week scan last Friday (today is Thursday) and started cramping and bleeding on the Tuesday and Wednesday. Ended up going into EPU to be told baby had died around 7 weeks, they told me to come back in a week (I go later today).

Over the last week I’ve had cramping and bleeding with some clots but nothing ‘big or significant’. It’s been the most awful week and I know it’s still not over. I’m really anxious I’m going to go in today to be told that I can’t be booked for surgery for another week but also unsure whether I should try medical management to speed up the process but worried that also won’t work. I’ve already waited a week and mentally I don’t k ow if I can take another. We were meant to be going on holiday on Tuesday and I’m heartbroken that we likely can’t go.

I totally agree with you…the waiting is horrendous. I feel like mentally I’m suffering because of all the ‘wait and see’ messages. I really feel for you, having limited choices is a really hard mental barrier to overcome, especially when you have a child to look after. Do you have another hospital you could contact?

Really hoping all goes as best as it can for you.

@Allicit Oh the whole thing sounds so frustrating for you. I think the fear and uncertainty of not knowing what will happen and when is pure torture. I’ve also been told to wait another week - they saw an extremely faint heartbeat today but the baby has reduced in size and I’m bleeding heavily so they’ve provisionally pencilled me in for surgical management next week following my next scan. Im not sure how I will get through the next week! Feels like the world is standing still. Can you call your EPAU and tell them the pain is getting worse - just so you can get seen? It’s awful you’re being made to do something at home that you really don’t want to do. X

Thank you for replies. I’m not glad anyone else is going through this but I am grateful for company/support on here.

@GeographyTeacher im really sorry to hear that. I’ll keep everything crossed for you that today goes as smoothly as possible and you can get what treatment you want/need. The waiting is absolutely the hardest part. Or so it seems so far. I did speak to EPU again and get my scan moved to Saturday and if surgery is needed that will be on Monday. She was very kind as I was quite upset. I’ve been waiting since Tuesday before last and just reached my limit I think. The EPU nurse seemed to think because the sack was so small (19.7mm) that I won’t be able to tell when it passes and that the miscarriage won’t be any more significant bleeding wise than a normal period which feels odd.

@CrazyMILonthecase im so sorry you’re having to wait so long. Seeing a heartbeat today must have all sorts of very complicated feelings with it so sending lots of love ❤️ I did speak to EPU and they moved my scan fo Saturday and surgery if needed to Monday. I don’t think she thinks it’s likely though. I was saying above that the nurse seems to think it will be like a normal period and I won’t necessarily know when I’ve passed the sac. I guess it’s more wait and see. You’re right it’s absolute torture. She said if I got really upset again later I could go in and get checked to see if my cervix is open or not but it won’t change the need for the scan on Saturday. I’m not sure it’s worth putting myself through it when it won’t change anything. It’s so hard isn’t it!

xx

@Allicit oh that’s good news (if you can call it that!?) that you’re going to be seen on sat and booked in for surgery on Monday if needed. I think having that at the back of your mind will help you feel more in control. How’s your bleeding now? Mine is so heavy, it just gushed right through my trousers. Slightly concerned it’s too much! The pain is bearable, like normal period pain at the moment so I’m thinking it’s going to get worse…☹️ It’s all just so crap!!!

@CrazyMILonthecase scan went well on Saturday thank you, despite being quite emotional. The staff were so lovely and kind. I ended up passing the sac on Friday night. It was a bit painful and distressing but we managed and my partner was amazing. Scan on sat said the sac had gone (I definitely felt it) and there was tissue remaining but that it would probably come out itself and that my lining was still very thick so there will be a fair bit of bleeding to come. She explained it all really well and we agreed no surgery on Monday. They think I’ve got an infection though so I’ve got a course of antibiotics, some strong painkillers for if I need them, a sick note for the week and a number I can call anytime if I need to. Then a scan booked for two weeks (that was my choice between that or a preg test at home in 3 weeks) so I can be sure everything is back to normal because I want to ttc again soon I think.

i passed the rest of the tissue last night which was unpleasant but not painful and did bleed through my trousers (was at a friends but went home sharpish before anyone noticed I think) but the bleeding has eased off again. Think it’s just gonna take some time but feeling a lot better emotionally although the hormonal crying does just come out of nowhere I’m a lot better in between!

How are you doing? Did you need treatment for the bleeding or was it manageable in the end? It’s such a saga isn’t it, feels like it drags on forever but I do feel like I have a light at the end of the tunnel now xx

@Allicit oh that’s so lovely the staff were so kind and explained everything so well to you. I’m sorry to hear you’ve got an infection, have you been feeling unwell or did they spot something at the hospital? It’s great you can avoid surgery, it sounds like your body is doing a really good job of taking care of everything itself. I can imagine now that the pregnancy has passed you feel like you can start recovering and looking forwards - the “limbo” bit is just bloody awful!!
ive been bleeding heavily - and right after my scan on Thursday it really stepped up. I ended up soaking through a pad every 20 minutes or so, had huge gushes that soaked through my pad, knickers and trousers and I passed huge liver like clots the size of my palm (sorry - grim I know!) I had a bit of pain but nothing unbearable like I’d read about and I also didn’t feel the sac pass? So I’m worried that I’ve still got that to come ☹️ I’m hoping I missed it in all the clots (probably passed at least 10 big clots) but I’ve got a scan on Wednesday so I’ll find out then. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 The baby only measured just over 6 weeks so I’m hoping it was almost too small to properly feel if that makes sense. I’ll be absolutely gutted if I have to still go in for surgery after all of this! Xx

@CrazyMILonthecase they spotted it at the hospital during my scan so gave me the antibiotics.

ah that sounds really scary for you! How are you feeling now? I would definitely have called EPU if my bleeding was that heavy- I think they said to call if it was soaking through a big pad in under an hour.

That does sound similar to my experience of passing the sac. Mine was small and it felt different to the bleeding I guess due to the size. So the bleeding just felt like bleeding but with the sac I felt it sort of fall out of me but it didn’t hurt (sorry also grim I know) the pain was the cramping and the worst of it for me was in my back and thighs (which was similar to when I gave birth) but it didn’t hurt for me passing the tissue if that makes sense? It felt the same when I passed the placenta the next day. She did say for me because the pregnancy was so early even though my body carried it on for weeks and weeks I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between that and the clots but the tissue was the only big clots I passed the rest were small but numerous. Honestly my bleeding as really tapered off so not sure when this lining is going to come out but I have horrendous pelvic pain today - it hurts to sit or go to the bathroom so wondering if that’s the infection. I tried the painkillers and honestly they didn’t impact the pain and made me feel absolutely out of it.

ill keep everything crossed for your scan tomorrow so let me know how it goes if you feel up to it xx

@Allicit Thanks for your well wishes. I had my scan this morning and they confirmed I’ve passed everything. Strangely I think I passed the sac on Monday morning - I was standing in the bathroom and felt something like a golf ball start to come out (sorry TMI!) I tried to look at it but there was so much blood I couldn’t get a proper look. It was apocalyptic for about 20 minutes! 😱 There wasn’t any pain at all, I felt more pain last week weirdly but I feel relieved it’s over and I’ve managed to avoid surgery. I’ve still got a bit of lining left so they told me to expect a bit more bleeding but hopefully no big clots. However, I have to admit I’m just left feeling empty now. I think I was so focused on the actual physical side of things I didn’t think about the fact I’ve lost a baby if that makes sense? Now I just feel so so sad. How are you feeling? I hope the pelvic pain is getting better xx

Hi ladies, firstly I’m sorry we’ve all had to come on here to comment and thank you for your valuable info.
i went for my first scan on Monday, expecting to be 10 weeks and was told the baby was measuring 6 and no heartbeat. I went to the Dr Tuesday who referred me to an epu which first appointment was Thursday , to be scanned. I decided on the Tuesday afternoon I couldn’t wait and went to A&e, I shouldn’t have bothered it was horrific and the person who was meant to be looking after me was about 8 months pregnant and couldn’t understand a word of English I left in tears it was just horrific.
I then waited all day Wednesday and went to my original booked appointment at another hospital on the Thursday who were amazing and couldn’t have been nicer. They said I was measuring 6 weeks and no heartbeat but had to wait a week and rescan to be sure. I knew it was bad news as I have an 8 yr old and being pregnant with her was so different I can’t explain it. I didn’t expect to naturally miscarry but on Thursday night some light brown spotting and blood, yesterday a little blood and today lots of small clots and blood when sitting on the toilet but not really on the pad. I have had mild period pain in lower abdomen and discomfort in my back but other than this just extremely tired, and I feel like doing nothing. Which my husband is being so un supportive and says I’m just being lazy as I’m not taking our 8 yr old out. Which clearly started a massive argument. He’s also whinging if I feel awful why am I having wine, just infuriating, not to mention obviously being sad about not having a baby to look forward to and the loss I feel. My question is , am I getting it easy with mild pain and not loads of blood and clots or is this the calm before the storm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’ve been out waking my dogs a few times and it seems to move things along but maybe that’s in my head. Thanks so much and big hugs to everyone. X

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I miscarried at about 10 weeks and at that point I had heavy cramping and lots of pieces coming out. my understanding is that the earlier you MC the lighter/easier it is.

Thank you so much Olika, hopefully I’m over the worst and it’s nowhere near as bad as some of the ladies I’ve read have had it, just sounds so awful some of the experiences I’ve read. Thank you for your kind words and I’m sorry you’ve have to experience this too. I had been prepared to have issues with tests, or even miscarry normally but being told my baby hadn’t made it and my body was pretending everything was fine just knocked me for 6. X

@Hollycharlie Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. It’s just so difficult. I’ve had a missed miscarriage in the past and it’s difficult to get your head around the fact your body carries on as normal despite the baby not making it. I had another miscarriage last week, although this one started naturally at home. I was meant to be 8 weeks, measuring just over 6 so not dissimilar in size to you. I too had read lots of horror stories about miscarrying naturally (I’ve opted for surgery in the past) but the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as I had expected and I didn’t take any pain relief despite stocking up on nurofen with codeine. The blood loss, however, was huge - I was soaking through a pad every 20 minutes or so and passing blood clots the size of my palm. I couldn’t leave the house for about 4/5 hours and was experiencing gushes that soaked through my trousers and all down my legs. After that time it turned into what I would describe as a heavy period. I’ve been scanned since and everything has passed, just a bit more lining to come out but no more tissue. My bleeding is now more like spotting and I’ve been told it can carry on for a couple of weeks. How’s your bleeding now? Have they agree to rescan you? X

@CrazyMILonthecase hey thanks for your reply. So sorry you’re going through this too. I was so shocked then upset as I just didn’t expect a no heartbeat at the scan and I don’t quite know how I feel now. So yesterday I think was the calm before the storm, this morning I woke with mild pain, decided to take my dogs out to see if it helped, by the time I got back it was severe and not dissimilar to actual labour. It lasted about 3 hours and every 10 mins going to the bathroom passing lots of clots and blood. The pain and clots eventually stopped about 3 hours in and I went to bed for a few hours. Woke up got showered and thought ok I feel ok let’s get on with things. But then terrible cramps again, no clots passing just normal period like bleeding but terribly sore tummy, but not as bad as before. Thankfully after some wine tonight and lots of pain relief I am starting to feel ok again. I just don’t know how I feel, as soon as I heard there was no heartbeat I was adamant I wanted to try again, and this was a surprise baby that I didn’t even know I wanted , but now after today I’m questioning what’s for the best. I’m 42 my daughters now 8, so times not on my side and I couldn’t go through what I did today. I’ve also bought a load of lovely baby stuff and every time I look at it I think my baby should have the chance to use it, but on the other hand I think just get rid and move on and be happy with my daughter which we love to the moon and back but she has been longing for a sibling for so long I was so excited to share the news with her and it’s so sad she won’t have the chance. Big hugs hope your coping ok xx

@Hollycharlie oh that definitely sounds more like my experience. Sounds like your body has done what it needed to do 🤞🏻
I totally get your indecision about what to do - it’s so tough isn’t it? I’m nearing 40 so time isn’t exactly on my side either. Like you I felt an urge to try again immediately but equally, I’m terrified of it happening again. Not sure I can go through that all over again. It was my second in a row (v early 5 week one month before) so I’m worried I’ll definitely have a third. I think we have to take it day by day, there’s no pressure right away. It’s still so fresh for both of us, we can allow ourselves a bit of breathing space. See how you feel about everything in a week or two when your hormones have settled xx

@CrazyMILonthecase thank you for your advice , it’s been so comforting. So sorry to hear it’s your second one now, it must be so disheartening. I just don’t feel I could cope it happening again. I’m really pretty health , so lots of exercise and eat well, but I think drinking got out of hand a bit on lockdown and I’m quite impartial to a few glasses of wine most nights of the week so maybe my remaining eggs what’s left of them have been through too much. But yes I agree give it a few weeks see how we feel then. Xx

Hi ladies. I'm so sorry for your loss and having to go through all these. I also miscarried naturally last week - just wondering if you have taken any time off work or how you are coping with work? My logical mind is saying I should get back to work immediately as it a good distraction but I somehow can't bring myself to show up for work. i just want to curl up in ball in this rainy weather.

@Hollycharlie Try not to be too hard on yourself - I’m sure your few glasses of wine won’t have changed the picture drastically. Unfortunately, I think for us it’s age. I spoke to a doctor about whether I should lose weight a few years ago (had gained a bit of weight over lockdown although nothing drastic) and she said it was much more to do with age than anything else. Basically something we have no control over! Which in a way makes it a bit harder I find ☹️ xx

@LilBlueberry oh I’m so sorry you've also miscarried. It’s such a horrible experience but hopefully you’re finding comfort knowing you’re not alone.
I work from home so I’ve always just returned to work within a few days - more as a distraction than anything else - but I definitely wouldn’t have felt that way if I worked in an office / shop etc where I had to deal with other people all day. Does your work know what’s going on? If you’re not feeling ready yet don’t put pressure on yourself. Can you get signed off by your GP for a week or so? X

@CrazyMILonthecase ❤️❤️❤️I guess what’s for you won’t go by you, I do strangely believe everything happens for a reason, and right now we don’t know what that reason is yet so hopefully we will find out when the time comes. Good luck with what’s next in store for us all. Xx