No heartbeat at 12 week scan

[RiotC]

Had my 12 week scan today. No heartbeat. Going in for surgical management on Thursday. Just think maybe I want other people's experiences. I had no symptoms, they said he stopped growing at 11 weeks 2 days which is exactly a week ago. I've had no bleeding. Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid. Sorry rambling. Not sure what I want. Not sure whether to go to work on Monday or what to do.

I’m so sorry to hear this OP. I haven’t experienced this myself but I’m sure there will be plenty of others that can advise. I would take time off work if you need to. Look after yourself x

No experience OP but just wanted to say im so very sorry for your loss. Just see how you feel Monday. Sending you lots of support x

I've just gone/going through something very similar to this OP. I'm so sorry for what your experiencing.

I was due my 12 week scan today today, had some slight bleeding on Friday last week and ended up going for a private scan on Saturday due to worrying, they found no growth since about 7 weeks and no heartbeat. Absolutely devastated, managed to get into the hospital system and had surgical management booked for today but ended up completing my miscarriage hours before I was due in the hospital. It is such an awful experience but I hope you get support from the hospital and whatever you do will be the right choice for you.

I haven't been to work all week but my manager has allowed me to 'work from home' at my own pace, depending on your work and what you have told them probably influences whether you go, also how you feel in yourself. I spent the first few days crying everytime I spoke with someone.

Here if you want to chat xx

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I remember the shock and the pain as if it were yesterday. I still can't quite believe that my baby's heart stopped beating at 7 weeks and I didn't know anything was wrong until 12 weeks. How can that happen?

I hope you are surrounded by people who care and smothered with love. Take your time to heal and do whatever you need to; work or don't work. You'll know what's best for you.

I have a memory box for my baby. A soft toy, blanket, scan pics etc and it helped me grieve. I also wrote a notebook which helped me express how I was feeling when I just couldn't speak the words out loud.

Sending you my very best wishes and a lot of hugs. You'll always remember your baby but you will heal from this xx

Sorry that this has happened to you @RiotC.💐 It happened to me too. Sending you a virtual hand hold.

I found I was physically and emotionally wrung out.

I hope you can give yourself a bit of time and no pressure on yourself to make decisions about work right now.
💐

So sorry this is happening for you. This happened to me last year. Scan at 14 weeks but baby had stopped growing at 9, had no idea as I’d had bad sickness.

I had surgical management under local anaesthetic. I self certified for a few days off work and then the doctor who did the procedure signed me off for 3 weeks afterwards.

I’d personally suggest to take a few days off work until the procedure, I found the wait really hard. And then some time afterwards too.

I found out at 12 week scan that had stopped growing at around 9 weeks. For me (and this is very personal, but just sharing) i found going to work (other than on the day with surgical management under a general anesthetic ) generally was better - more distraction than sitting at home thinking about it. Also saw a lovely friend who had also been through various miscarriages.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking.

Sorry to hear this OP. I have been through exactly the same and found out at 12 week scan, it's really very sad.

I also had surgical management. The staff were incredibly kind and it was the best way of managing things under the circumstances.

I am so sorry this happened. My heart goes out to you.
For me, I felt better after the surgical management, although I still needed some days off work and, of course, time to cry and grieve. The most distressing period for me was waiting for the surgical management, as I still had all the symptoms (awful sickness, particularly) but knew that it was no longer because there was a baby there. Everyone was very kind when I went into hospital.
Thinking of you.

Yeah it's tough, I'm trying to hold it together for my 5 year old, but at the moment we are just taking turns parenting and running out of the room crying. There's just so much to think about. I would have had this one a week before my 40th, it just seems late and hard to try again to maybe go through this again. But also I know I need to process and think about this all at a later time.

Work have been great and told me to stay off. I'm going to take the advice I think. It's really helping me reading your responses. Thank you.

Weird thing was, when we went in for the scan today we were so happy, and the nurse was called Ash, which was the name we wanted. Just feels like a different world now.

Ah you poor thing. Happened to me. Baby had had also stopped growing at 11 weeks. I insisted on surgical management as I was scared of the natural process. It was very straightforward, barely bled and my cycle went back to normal straightaway. I got pregnant next cycle and baby was fine. Felt like I’d been pregnant forever and it was a bit rough symptom wise but got a lovely dd at the end of it. As above the worst but was waiting for the surgical management. I got this weird stabbing pain behind my belly button and kept thinking the bleeding was going to start but it never did. Sending hugs

So sorry you're going through this, I have been through this too.

Know that it was nothing you did wrong and really focus on looking after yourself over the next few weeks. Take it 1 day at a time.

I found the Miscarriage Association website very helpful when I was going through this. There are lots of stories on there from others.

So sorry for your loss, have had 3 miscarriages, 2 completed as medical and one surgical. The surgical one was the easiest to manage as we didnt have the trauma of loosing the blood/tissue/pregnancy etc.

I would recommend getting someone to have your DC for the day/night if possible, you can have some rest and a good cry that way.

Take time and care for each other, remember DP in this, my DP found it very hard as everyone was immediately around me, and he felt very isolated.

Sending hugs x

This happened to me, albeit 14 years ago....scan showed baby had stopped at approx 10 weeks. was going to also have surgical removal, but I ended up passing it at home. It was my first pregnancy so unaware of what contractions felt like, but my body did what it needed, but it was very distressing. I was checked out a couple of days later to ensure nothing was retained, thankfully not.

Just to hear in mind that that may happen given you've a few days before your surgery.

I went into have 2 healthy dcs after that, the 2nd a couple of weeks after my 40th! Good luck and hope the next wee while isn't too upsetting. Look after yourself

I had a week off work

So sorry OP

Thanks everyone. I barely slept and am no sitting in the spare room gathering my energy for everyone waking up. I think I will stay off work at the beginning of the week. I'm a teacher, I can't imagine having the emotional resilience to deal with Year 9 boys this week!

Hello @RiotC how are you feeling this morning?

I too went through this, two around the same age as your baby, one early around 6 weeks. I opted to naturally pass my babies in the comfort of my own home. My body contracted for the later two losses, I find it ironic that my body didn't know they died a few weeks earlier and tried to carry on' so to speak, but once my body/mind registered the losses, it knew what to do. Each blood loss lasted different amounts of time after, with various consistency/problems.

Words can't describe the traumatic experience of pregnancy loss, lose yourselves in each other, you will get through this. Is there a reproductive trauma support team near where you are? Sending you lots of loving support, you both are not alone

Aww bless you. Stay off work for as long as you need. I took 4 weeks off with one, 6 weeks with another loss, due to the consistent blood loss afterwards and the grief from a double loss. My work was very supportive. Some find work helps, however my job was working with children/babies.

Just to add (if it's not too triggering) I am currently breastfeeding my rainbow baby, I too am an older mum :)

So sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me in 2020 during lockdown: twin babies stopped developing at around 7 weeks but no signs anything was wrong until scan at 12.5 weeks.

I was booked in for surgical management but miscarried naturally beforehand.

Be kind to yourself. As I was teaching from home remotely, I just plastered on a brave face and carried on, which felt like the right thing to do at the time but, with hindsight, really wasn’t.

I’m so sorry OP. I had this too. No symptoms that anything was wrong so it was a total shock. I had surgical management and the hospital signed me off for a fortnight afterwards. I did need the time - not physically, but mentally, so I would definitely make sure you take time.

If it helps, I conceived again very quickly and my baby was fine after a perfectly normal pregnancy. It is sadly very common and it’s only when you talk to other women that you see how many have had a missed miscarriage. I light a candle for my little bean each year on what would have been his due date - I prefer that to the day I lost him, which feels too raw. You’ll find a way of remembering him and whatever you do will be right for you. Take care.

@RiotC im so sorry lovely! I’ve also been through this recently. I opted for surgical management but unfortunately my case didn’t go as planned as I had a scan a week later due to pain and it wasn’t complete so I will have to naturally miscarry the remaining tissue (currently 5 days after my scan) and still nothing but I’m experiencing some stomach pain so maybe it’s close? Please don’t let this put you off though! I’m glad I went for the surgical route as I was under general anaesthetic and didn’t remember anything, I also experienced very minor pain and bleeding. Even with my complications should this happen again next time (fingers crossed not) then I’ll do exactly the same again x

Massive love send your way . I just had the same happen 2 weeks ago . I had the pills to help a day after the scan , I miscarried that same day . It was not easy but okish . The worst part fir me has been the grieve . I came on holiday abroad 2 days after with our 3 kids and I had to pretend all was ok for a week now . It’s been hard , very hard